Lovely Readers!!!!!!

I was actually patient enough to give my Beta some work, and it's a good damn thing I did. You woulda thought I was hittin the pipe based on how many typos and missing words were in this junk. In fact, my beta asked me if I was stoned multiple times... BIG UPS TO KRISSTAR!

This one's a long one folks! I'm starting to get a little... confused with myself. See, I'm very scatter brained and don't have too many coherant thoughts (just ask my beta) and I'm starting to get filler mixed up with non-filler. What I think is filler is turning out not to be... ssssooo I'm just gonna stop labeling any of it.

I also feel the need to address something important: I've discovered a few young'ins reading my story and adding it to their faves list. While I'm extremely flattered that they like the story, they should NOT be reading it. Sure, my story's got humor and all that but it's not intended for people who can't legally buy porn. So if that's you, please stop... I'll write something special and equally funny for my younger "fans" soon and I promise, it'll still be fun and it won't be patronizing at all.

Let's do this: I don't own Twilight but I do own a piece of crap car on blocks in my back yard.

11. DIDN'T THINK HE HAD IT IN HIM

When I made it up to my room I locked the door so I could get changed and comfortable without being bothered. I even put the "Get The Fuck Away" door knob hanger in place that Alice had gotten me for Christmas when we moved into the house.

I decided the first order of business was a shower. I had taken one at the hotel, but lets be real, I just had to wash the stink of Emmett's room off of me before Edward came over. Once clean and un-mud-feet-and-ass smelling, I changed into to a pair of grey sweat pants that I had cut off at the knee and white camisole tank top.

Alice came bouncing into the bathroom as I brushed my wet hair. "Hey there pretty lady!"

"I'm still mad at you." My eyes never left the mirror

"Even though you got lucky?" She winked.

I sighed. "I only got half way, no not even half way… we only got to second base Alice!" Maybe that is half way?

"Seriously?!"

I turned to her and smacked her in the arm with my hair brush. "No, we went all the way and it was amazing and I just feel like making you guess."

Alice rubbed her arm where my brush hit her and mumbled something about 'this is gonna take more than I thought' before slamming her door. I decided to go ahead and let Edward know he could come over via text.

I'm ready when you are. – B

It took him almost no time to reply.

Ok. I'll be there shortly. – E

Do you need directions? – B

Another fast reply.

No, I think everyone knows where the Kappa Delta house is. – E

I assumed Edward lived close to the house because it only took him about fifteen minutes to get there. I was in the kitchen making myself a snack when the door bell rang. I wasn't expecting him to be there quite that fast, so I let Leah answer. That right there was a big mistake.

I peeked my head around the corner to see Leah letting Edward in as she scanned him up and down. It's not like she didn't have a reason too. His grey t shirt hugged his chest and arms, perfectly showcasing his lean and toned muscles. His slim cut jeans did wonderful things for his ass. He had that black beanie on again and a pair of beat up black old school Nike shoes. I suppressed a laugh when I saw that the shoes were missing their laces. Who the hell wears shoes without laces? Nerdy Boy does… that's who.

I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was missing. I stopped my Edward ogling and opened my ears only to hear Leah coming on a bit too strongly. Poor Nerdy Boy was probably seconds away from peeing himself.

"You know Edward," she drew his name out trying to sound sexy. She didn't succeed. "I could use some help with anatomy. Are you available for… private sessions?" She traced along his chest with her index finger.

I saw Edward's Adams Apple bob with fear and had to step out from my hiding place in the kitchen to save him.

"Leah, the only person Edward's doing anything privately with is me. Are we clear?"

I had been slicing cucumbers for my snack with a large prep knife, and when I crossed my arms over my chest and the knife stuck up from the crook of my elbow. It made my threat look extra menacing. Perfect.

Leah sneered at me and Edward's shoulders relaxed as a lazy grin appeared on his face. Knife still in hand, I crossed the floor and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Hey Sugah. Did ya' miss me?"

I'm not sure where Edward's confidence came from, but I loved it.

"You know I did." He leaned down and kissed me deeply. I ignored the low whistle I heard from the stairs as well as the few giggles I heard from the den.

"Let me just grab the rest of my snack and I'll finish making it upstairs."

"Sure."

As I was walking out of the kitchen with my bowl of partially cut cucumber and my bottle of Italian dressing, our front door opened and Chelsea came in.

"Ooooh. Who's this?" She asked quirking her eye brow while sauntering towards him. What is it with these women?! Is there a big dry spell in the house I'm not aware of?!

I pointed my knife at her in place of my finger. "You. Back off my boyfriend. Now." I placed the knife carefully between my teeth to free my hand and grabbed Edward by the arm. "Come on stud." I muttered around the knife.

Edward leaned in to whisper "So I've been upgraded to boyfriend now, huh?"

He took the knife from my mouth so I could answer "For all intents and purposes, sure. But don't go alerting the parentals just yet." He chuckled. "It's more to keep the predators, also known as my room mates, at bay. The jury's still out on making it official."

Once in my room I finished cutting my cucumber and put the knife in the bathroom sink. Alice would understand if she saw it. I was laying belly down on my unmade bed enjoying my snack, thinking Edward was checking my progress on my Calculus assignment when I felt two fingers tracing along the large, blue swan tattoo between my shoulder blades.

"I noticed it at the social but wasn't sure if you'd want me to touch it. I like it a lot."

"Thanks. Emmett has one too, only his a little more masculine and it's on his left calf."

"What made you get them?"

"Our mom remarried…" I turned to look at him and shrugged my shoulders.

"So was it a rebellion thing? Do you not like the guy?"

"I guess it sort of was a rebellion thing. But we like New… er… Phil, just fine."

"So then…"

I sighed "Our mom is the type that will change everything about her for a man. I love her to death, don't get me wrong, but I almost wonder if I even know who she really is. When she married Phil she wanted us to take his last name. We just couldn't. Sure, Swan isn't some deep rooted last name with exciting history, but it's ours."

"I like how the neck makes an 's'."

"Thanks. I was sort of going for a play on the name and the image and all."

"Wait, did you design this?" His eye brows shot up like he couldn't believe it.

"Well yeah." I snorted. "Could you honestly see me picking some random cartoon off a wall? That's so drunk-in-Cancun-on-Spring-Break-ish."

Nerdy Boy laughed. "Yeah, I see your point."

I had to smile to myself thinking about how easy this conversation seemed to be going for Edward. We hadn't had an incredible amount of conversations, but he seemed less nervous around me. The conversation briefly turned to my home work and he said I hadn't really improved much since our first session a few days ago.

"Well of course not. I was sort of distracted." I rolled my eyes.

"Why were you distracted?" It was the first time I had heard Nerdy Boy speak in such a strong tone.

He was always so quiet and reserved and… honestly, everything but strong. I really didn't think he had it in him. I scrutinized his face and I realized what had been missing earlier.

"Where are your glasses?"

"At home."

"Is something wrong with them? I didn't hurt them when I threw them, did I? I'll get you a new pair if I did; just let me know your prescription." I was a little nervous. I wasn't sure if my mother would appreciate me using my credit card to buy my sort of boyfriend a new pair of glasses all because I ruined his last pair thanks to my raging hormones.

He chuckled. "No, they're fine. I have contacts in."

"Um… well if you have contacts, why even bother with glasses?"

"Because I like them. I didn't start wearing contacts until college. Sometimes I get headaches and being able to just take my glasses off is nice. Besides, taking care of contacts is a pain in the ass."

Looking at Edward without glasses and seeing him being hounded by the ladies in my sorority made me realize something.

He wasn't Nerdy Boy.

Yes, in all true aspects of the word, he was a nerd. Genius level smart, outdated clothes, thick glasses, a virgin at twenty three. But I was slowly discovering he was more than those things.

"You're not Nerdy Boy." I muttered.

"Uh… I'm sorry… what, now?" He scratched his head up under his beanie.

"You're not Nerdy Boy."

"I'm not really sure what that means, but… sure, okay."

I flipped over to my back and reached over, grabbing two fistfuls of his t shirt. I yanked hard to drag him to me. His feet stumbled a bit and I heard him grunt once, but eventually I had him how I wanted him. Laying on top of me. He had a palm on the mattress on either side of me and I wrapped my arms around his neck with my hands in his hair. I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him hard. I was sure he would object but I had to have him. I yanked the offending beanie off his head and tossed it aside to gain better access to that crazy ass mop of redness he called hair. I felt one of his hands come off the mattress and inch closer to my hip.

His hand hesitated and I could tell that even though our conversation showed an improvement in his confidence, it wasn't so improved that he could touch me without being nervous. I decided he needed a little help.

I guided his hand to my hip and helped him rub up and down my thigh a little bit, hoping he'd get the idea. He did. Smart guys fucking rock! I felt him grow hard against my pelvis in all of five seconds. I shifted a bit so that I could rub my upper leg against his hard on and he groaned in appreciation. I made to sit up so I could take my tank top off, but Eddie Boy wouldn't let me move.

"Eddie Baby, let me up so I can take my shirt off."

He growled. He fucking growled! "No. I want to do it."

"Well then by all means." I felt his hands slowly skim up my ribs, barely grazing the sides of breasts. He ran his hands back down, and when he came back up again he brought the bottom hem of my shirt with him. I hadn't been wearing a bra, simply relying on the built in bra of the shirt that offered no real support, so when it came off I was exposed. The air was cold around my now naked torso and my nipples perked right up.

Edward hissed before lowering his head to my chest. He kissed all around my breast when he finally made it to my nipple I gasped. I didn't know he had it in him! The previous night he was so gentle and soft, he had sucked, pulled and licked, but nothing too vigorous. Today he was something else. His teeth nipped at me and I cannot even begin to describe how good it felt. I started tugging at the back of his shirt, needing it to be off, but I wasn't getting any help from him.

"Eddie Baby, get this off. Now." He sat up and was straddling my lap. He reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head before chucking it God knows where in my cluster fuck of a bedroom. I reached up to his shoulders and lightly drug my nails down his torso. He groaned loudly before leaning down and attacking my lips with his own again.

His tongue teased at my lower lip, tracing the edge. I parted my lips and our tongues were doing the fucking cha-cha. I reached between us to unfasten his jeans, but my hand collided with his. In my rush to get my hands on his dick, I didn't notice his hand moving towards my kitty. I laughed into his mouth and reached again, this time with nothing in my way. I got his pants down as far as I could with my hands before using my feet to get them the rest of the way down, but I got stuck on his shoes.

"Shoes. Off. Now." He kicked his shoes off and got his feet the rest of the way out of his pants. I wasted no time grabbing hold of his Johnson and started stroking and tickling.

Edward reached his hands into my pants with the same fervor that I had reached into his and immediately plunged two fingers inside of me.

"Oh fuck!" I groaned out.

"What? What's wrong?"

I reached up and pulled at my hair in frustration. I understood how new he was at all of this, but damn if the boy wasn't pissing me off!

"Damn it kid! Nothing's wrong! You've got to stop… stopping like that!"

"Shit, sorry." He continued his actions, and I continued mine.

I pulled and tugged at his length, relishing in the width of it. I still hadn't seen it full on and I needed to. I pushed him to the side of me and half way hovered over him so that I could reach, and see, his man parts. Damn! I swear to God and all that's holy I don't know what I had done to deserve a penis that grand. I groaned and let my head roll onto his chest, stopping my movements.

"Bella, are you okay?" He whispered.

"God yes. I hope you're ready to fuck soon, because your dick is too good to look at and not have in me." Oh Jesus fuck, please tell me those words did not just come out of my mouth!

I'd always been a tad brazen and made sure I got what I needed, but saying that to my sweet, virginal Eddie Boy was just too much. I sat and waited a few moments, sure he was going to shoot straight up and take off, but nothing happened. I chanced a glace up at his face and he looked frustrated. Not just sexually, but in general.

His jaw was taut and he was pinching the bridge of his nose using the thumb and index finger of his right hand, his left still crossed over his torso resting on my hip.

"Edward, I'm… sorry. I know this is hard for you…" I was still panting and trying desperately to sound sincere. He said nothing. "Edward?" Still nothing.

I pushed off the bed and found my shirt. I pulled it on, and in a moment of insecurity I put on one of Emmett's old Forks High Football hooded sweatshirts. I cleared my dirty laundry from the small desk chair that I never used and sat in it for what I think was the first time in the two years I'd had the thing. I wasn't sure if it was the barely padded chair or the tension in the room, or maybe even a combination of both, but I couldn't help but feel stiff and rigid.

I could only stand the quiet for fifteen more seconds. "Edward, I'm going to go downstairs and let you have some privacy. Okay?"

Edward mumbled something that I couldn't hear. "I'm sorry Edward, I didn't hear you."

"I said I'm afraid." He yelled. "Are you happy now?" He threw his arms wide before letting them drop on the bed. His eyes had taken on such an angry look that I wasn't sure I could stare into them for too long.

For the first time in my life I was thankful to hear Emmett pounding on my door. I opened the door just enough to stick my head out.

"Bee, is everything okay in there?" Idiot. He didn't even try to whisper.

"Yes. Go away." I tried to shut the door in his face, but that didn't work out as well as I had planned. I heard some shuffling behind me and I was praying that Edward wasn't trying to leave without talking about this.

"No Bella. I heard yelling. Is he trying to hurt you?" I couldn't tell Edward was behind me so when I heard the snort I jumped a little and the door became wider. I chanced a glance back at Edward, and thanked the great Lord that he at least had pants on. We'd never have sex if my brother caught him in his underwear. Eddie Boy looked a little tense with his arms crossed, glaring at my brother.

"No I'm not hurting her. I'm not some douchey bang it 'n' leave it kinda guy. I… look I plan on being around for a while." Edward sighed and dropped his arms. "Fuck it… never mind…"

Just as Edward started to grab his shoes to put them on, I slammed the door on Emmett's face, locked it, and jumped the poor boy. I grabbed his face between both hands and we toppled onto the bed with me on top of him. I kissed him furiously before sitting back and looking at the shock on his face.

"That was fucking hot." I said. He pulled away and I groaned. Cue Bella's most sexually frustrating moment EVER.

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