She pulled the thread tightly through the length of ribbon Fleur had found out for her. She had almost finished stitching in the message to Snape now. Ana had checked and re-checked each and every stitch, desperate to ensure that the message came through uncorrupted.
It was a peaceful evening. They had been at Shell Cottage for two days and those days had been full ones. Ana had lent her expertise to the warding of the cottage, adding a few spells no one else had heard of to the mix of pre-existing protective measures. Sirius and Bill were in charge of fetching supplies; covertly and with much disguising of their features, courtesy of Ana and Fleur (who was surprisingly adept at charms). When they had left the cottage earlier in the day they had been entirely unrecognisable. Fleur was pottering around, enjoying the role of being a wife Ana thought idly, baking, cooking, cleaning to a certain extent…she seemed content in her life with Bill despite the war which was rushing all around them. Ana wondered what it felt like to be content in that way. It was something she could only describe feeling in any form when she was with Sirius in their quiet moments together. Then she felt perhaps she might be truly happy one day.
The only dark cloud over the relatively cheerful life at Shell Cottage had come in the form of an announcement in the Daily Prophet. Snape was to be made Headmaster of Hogwarts. Bill and Fleur had been appalled; attendance had become mandatory in the days Sirius and Ana had spent in Malfoy Manor, and that meant Ginny would have to go. Other details, written in fine print, stated certain Professors were joining the staff along with Snape's elevation. Although the paper didn't state it all were known Death Eaters.
"No, Draco – like this…" Fleur scurried over and showed Draco how to correctly stir a stew, something Ana could not understand as from where she was sitting Fleur and Draco's stirring methods had been identical. However the boy simply nodded and followed Fleur's instruction, earning an approving noise from the Frenchwoman as reward.
Draco Malfoy. He was…settling. She supposed that was the right word. He was settling into his new life, a life away from his parents and with the people he had always been taught to hate. Bill was trying, Fleur was trying too hard and Sirius…Sirius was keeping his distance which under the circumstances was all Ana could ask. She saw Draco look over and give her a furtive glance which she returned with a small smile and a nod of encouragement. He nodded seriously in return and reaffixed his attention to the stew.
He still had moments in which his true demeanour came through. Moments where she'd catch him looking around him with flared nostrils and an expression of thinly veiled contempt. She'd catch him often looking at Sirius with a dark expression or eying Bill with blatant distrust. Old habits were hard to break, she reassured herself, and he'd get better. He'd adjust. He had to.
"Honey I'm home!" called Sirius as he swung the door open with a thunk and trampled into the room with several none descript brown canvas bags which were visibly showing signs of strain. Bill came in after him, similarly weighed down, though with much less noise.
"Was everything alright?" Ana asked, rising and taking a couple of bags from Sirius to lay out on the table and begin divesting of contents.
"You and Fleur are brilliant – no one suspected a thing." Sirius announced, giving the young Mrs Weasley a rakish wink which caused her to look away with a flush. Bill raised an eyebrow at Ana at the exchange and she promptly smacked the would be lothario around the back of the head.
"Did you get everything?" she continued as though nothing had happened, ignoring Sirius' words of protest and Draco's thinly veiled grin at seeing his distant cousin abused.
"Without a hitch," Bill offered, giving his wife a peck on the cheek after she had readjusting his features to normal before adding, "We sent word to Mom and Dad about you and Sirius too. Remus had left a message at the safe house. He's coming over as soon as he can."
Ana nodded; shifting through various potions ingredients and separating the things needed for a Veritaserum potion as she listened. It took time to brew so she wanted to make as quick as start as possible. She stopped at Sirius' plea and gave him his own face back before he began recounting everything that had happened, all in all nothing even remotely worrying, as he helped her put together the things which needed grouping.
A sudden ringing in her ears, loud and painful, caused her to stagger back and tense, putting a hand up to her head.
"Ana?" Sirius exclaimed, immediately at her side, "What is it?"
She muttered a few words under her breath and instantly the ringing stopped.
"Ana?" Sirius tried again when she didn't respond.
"My wards," she murmured.
Understanding, and anger, dawned in Sirius' eyes. She understood both emotions; she had explained about her precautionary measures on Grimmauld Place – a dormant ward which could be activated if the Secret Keeper were ever killed. It was a layby of her other time; she had activated the ward before Bill and Fleur's wedding. Its purpose was simple – if anyone entered Grimmauld Place, anyone at all, she would know about it. She had, in all honesty, forgotten all about it with the hell of Malfoy Manor to contend with…however now the ringing in her ears, cut off by her mutterings, caused the realisation to come flooding back. There was only one person who would possibly have entered Grimmauld Place…
"Snape?" Sirius breathed the question so quietly she could barely make out the name.
"Sirius I need your wand." she murmured, grasping his upper arm tightly in her urgency.
He met her eyes and she saw there, just for a moment, a sense of doubt. Then, wordlessly, he drew the wand which was not his own from within his robes and handed it to her wordlessly.
"Ana? Sirius? What..?"
"I'll send word within five minutes. I'm sure everything will be fine." she said lightly, her heart clenching and unclenching painfully as she kept up the act.
He nodded, once, a terse action which belayed worry and fear and a dozen other emotions. She released his arm and stepped back, only for him to follow her action and grab her hand, squeezing so tightly she wondered whether the bones creaking were in her imagination or not.
"Be careful…" he breathed, his grip tightening.
"I will," she replied, giving him a gentle smile as she backed away, only moving for the door when he released her hand. She was outside in a moment and only had time to hear Bill ask,
"What the hell is going on?"
…before she Disapparated.
Teetering on the doorstep of Grimmauld Place she wondered for a very brief moment whether what she was doing was the right thing. The thought, the slight doubt at the edge of her mind, was gone as soon as it had come. The completed ribbon, still shoved deep in the pocket of her dress, felt heavy as she turned the doorknob and entered.
She had known at some time they might lose Grimmauld Place. So when she'd added a protective ward, dormant until the time in which it would be needed and easily invoked, it had been nothing but a precaution. She couldn't have known then that it would be the surest way to find her father. In reality things couldn't have worked out better. This was the surest way to ensure she wouldn't put him in danger whilst contacting him. It was, as she had explained to Sirius on the night on the beach, her best hope.
Provided of course he hadn't turned up with a square dozen Death Eaters in tow courtesy of the Dark Lord. Because if that was the case she was pretty sure it was going to be problematic.
The dark, empty hallway reminded her of the time she had escaped from Azkaban and fought for her life in the street. There was the same kind of emptiness surrounding her. On impulse, perhaps with the memories of that time so strong they were all but overwhelming, she whispered into the darkness,
"I'm home."
A sudden bright light appeared on her left and she winced as she raised her wand; ready to attack if needs be.
"There is no need for that," a cool, deep and very familiar voice intoned from somewhere beyond the light, "If I intended to kill you then you would already be dead."
She lowered her wand and watched the light fade into a non- blinding intensity; revealing Severus Snape behind it. He looked the same in many ways, same clothing, same expression, same straggling black hair…yet there were dark circles under his eyes and a hollowness beneath his cheekbones which hadn't been there before. There were lines and furrows gracing his face and the skin they were embedded in was even paler and more sallow than ever.
"You look tired," she murmured gently as she looked him over.
"You do not look idyllic." was his stoic response. The various curse wounds which still adorned her body were in force and she knew many were, despite Fleur's care and attention, still angry on her skin.
"Thank you," she answered with a soft smile.
For a long while he was silent, simply pinning her with that dark stare which had always been the downfall of many. Ana simply allowed him his peace – Severus Snape never did anything without good reason and he would break the silence when…
"You were my daughter."
Straight to the point then, she thought ruefully, why am I surprised?
"In another life, yes." she answered honestly.
More silence ensued and this time Ana felt that it was her turn to break it.
"When did you find out?"
Another pause followed as he continued to scrutinise. Finally, almost begrudgingly, he answered in his usual measured tone,
"It was the night I killed Dumbledore."
She nodded.
"I was told you too had died," he added suddenly, "Bellatrix Lestrange took great pleasure in informing anyone who would listen that she had killed a Squib."
Ana smiled and answered,
"I'm tricky like that – takes more than death to kill me."
"You were then foolish enough to be captured and taken to Malfoy Manor…" he added.
"Yes, though as you can see that situation was just…temporary."
"Indeed," he responded, "The Dark Lord was displeased when he heard and Bellatrix was said to be furious at loss of Black…and then of you."
She took note of the pause and tilted her head slightly in question.
"I take it you don't approve of Sirius escaping before I did? Or perhaps it's him leaving me behind? I assure you it was part of a plan…my plan at that."
He said nothing and she assumed it was because either he had no more wish to talk on the subject or else he did not care. Either way she wished he would just say something. All the silence was getting to be oppressive and making her edgy. Deciding perhaps a topic change was needed she worried her lip with her teeth for a moment before asking finally,
"So what now?"
He raised a brow and she let out a heaving sigh of exasperation.
"Look I'm risking a lot to come here – I didn't know you wouldn't turn me over to a bunch of waiting Death Eaters. I took a chance on you. So I'm going to send a Patronus to let Sirius know I'm alright. If you want to talk then follow. Otherwise you might as well leave."
With that she swept past him into the kitchen without a second glance.
She swept into the room, comforting in its familiarity and pulled out her wand. Muttering the necessary spell she smiled as her eagle spouted from her wand tip; a majestic silver creature soaring a full circle of the room before coming to a stop before her.
"I'm alright," she said evenly to the bird, "Everything here is alright. I just need to finish up some things and then I'll be back – as soon as possible. Please don't worry. I'll see you soon. I promise."
She nodded to her bird once she was done and watched it soar off, passing through the ceiling as if it didn't exist and vanishing from sight. A glance to her side saw Snape standing in the doorway, his expression pensive, as he watched her.
"You inform Black of your every move?" he asked scathingly.
Ah, she thought, snarking. That I can handle. That I'm used to.
"Only the ones I think might interest him; such as meeting the man who killed Dumbledore in an abandoned house, alone and with only my stolen wand as defence. He tends to think of my putting myself in danger rather…well. He doesn't like it very much."
"You seem to put much stock in him. Which leads me to ask an inevitable question…how much does Black know?" Snape asked, taking a step closer.
She hesitated and it was enough to see fire enter the man's eyes. Obviously the idea of his childhood enemy knowing all of his deepest and darkest secrets didn't exactly strike him with positive feeling.
"He knows everything – because I trust him and this cannot be done with me alone. I need someone to help; I need someone to lean on. You might not but I do. I need him."
Snape let out a snap of laughter, cruel and cold, and replied sneeringly,
"You are in love with him? With Sirius Black - the great galumphing hound? How…amusing."
"That's one way of putting it." she retorted evenly.
"You know nothing of him, girl, not in this world…he is a dangerous fool – the worst kind. His antics have led to people being put in mortal danger and if you think he can feel anything for anyone other than himself then you are sorely mistaken. He is a coward; hiding behind the deeds of others. He is nothing."
She met Snape's outburst with silence and he once again took up his staring vigil; which was beginning to grate on her.
"He was stupid at school," she conceded finally, "I know that, you told me all about it the first chance you got and reminded me as often as you could thereafter. You were stupid too. You were in love, the thing you speak of so scathingly. You were in love with Lily Potter and you couldn't stand that she didn't love you back so you hurt everyone around you…"
His wand was pointed at her so quickly she barely registered the movement. However despite the cold, hard fury in his face and the steadiness of his wand arm she continued onwards, almost unable to stop herself from speaking the words,
"You never saw it, did you? You were there and you never saw but I can see, even now, even years after it's all done and there's nothing to change it…don't you know she could have loved you? She would have loved you but you fell into the Dark Arts, into Death Eaters arms and you choked the feeling from her. You suffocated any chance there was of her feeling for you…" she stopped to release a shaky laugh part fear and part genuine amusement as she eyed his wand, "If you're going to kill me, father, best get on with it."
The lines around his mouth tightened and his lips all but disappeared as he seemed to be consumed with a sort of latent rage which burned in the dark coals of his eyes.
"I am not your father." he finally spat.
"No," she agreed softly, simply, "You're not.
Terrible, dense silence as Snape's jaw clenched so hard she expected the muscles to burst straight out of his skin at any moment. His eyes were more flinty and cold than she had ever seen them and there was a terrible intent there, a decision being made…
"I always wondered what I'd done. How I'd failed you," she said, hardly knowing what she was saying or why she was saying it, "Why I wasn't…right. That's the word. I wasn't right. It took me years to work it out. You see it all comes down to the eyes…"
Snape made an involuntary sound, a sound which was deep and guttural, but she ploughed on nevertheless; cruelly continuing because she couldn't bear to stop.
"When they talked about Harry Potter it was always the same thing. He was the mirror image of his father; an exact replica in every way…except for those eyes. They were her eyes. Lily's eyes. So when you looked at me you couldn't stand it because there was nothing of Lily Potter in me. Even my name had been a failure…one too many L's – a brutality of my mother I was told; a piece of spite. Look at me. Right now really look at me. Who do you see when you look at me, at my eyes?"
His face was so pale and pinched, the shadows from the fire casting terrible shadows across his features, that for a moment she thought he would kill her. His jaw was clenching and unclenching and his grip on his wand was so tight his knuckles had turned white.
"They're yours," she whispered finally, ignoring a tear sliding down her cheek and allowing her outburst to come to its end, "Your eyes. That's why you couldn't love me the way you thought you should. Because every time you'd look at me you'd see yourself staring back. You can see it now. Have done for a long time I think…you just didn't want to admit it."
She pulled together her courage and took a tentative step forward. His wand raised a fraction at the movement but she took another step regardless, keeping her movements slow and careful until his wand tip was all but pressed against her collarbone and she was staring so deep into his eyes she thought she might just get lost there.
"But you didn't fail me," she breathed, her voice thick as she forced herself not to cry, not to appear weak at this – the moment which, more than any, she needed to appear strong, "You never failed me. You weren't the perfect father. You didn't dote and fawn and grant my every wish. But you fought for me your entire life, every moment, and you saved me so many times. I know you'll never forgive yourself for not saving her but…you saved me. In another life; you were there."
He stared at her for a full minute…or perhaps it was five – or hours, maybe hours, she couldn't tell through her blurred vision as she tried to breathe deeply and blink away tears. She wouldn't face him like a tearful ninny. She'd face him as she'd always been; an equal.
When he slowly lowered his wand she couldn't stop the sigh of relief from escaping her. He didn't change in any visible way – he was still pale and angry looking. His shadowed face still looked like something from a terrifying Grimm's fairy tale illustration. Yet when he spoke it was in a way which she remembered from the old days – before. There wasn't tenderness or kindness, he wasn't particularly gentle or soft, but his words held a tone she knew was a concession.
"I will communicate with you through a specific owl. It will know where to find me. Do not attempt to use any creature other than the owl I send. Do not contact me unless I ask for a reply. If it is life or death use a Patronus. It will find me…" he stopped for a moment from his monotone recitation, a tiny moment's hesitation before he finished, "…be wary of Black."
She smiled, a slightly watery but genuine smile, and answered assuredly,
"Don't worry. He breaks my heart and I break something of his he'll sorely miss."
A tiny twitch, almost invisible, at the corner of his mouth caused her heart to lurch. It's gone in an instant but she saw it, the moment's laughter which he had pushed down somewhere deep inside, and it heartened her. Her father had always found her amusing. He'd never admitted it in so many words but she knew it to be true. He only ever laughed when he was with her.
"I must go." he murmured.
"Yes, of course," she replied, hesitating herself as she waited to see if he would say anything more. He didn't so she added gently, "Be careful. Please be careful."
He merely nodded, turned and then suddenly the kitchen was empty. She was alone with the clunk of the front door closing and she found herself smiling to herself, tears welling up again at the thought of that almost smile and the way he had warned her from Sirius. After a few moments she stepped back towards the fire, lighting it with a flick of her wand and muttering a handy little spell she'd learned from a refugee of a time long gone by. Throwing a handful of Floo powder into the flames and stepping inside she called,
"Shell Cottage!"
After a moment's dizzying whirling she was spewed out of the fire, her face smutty with soot and her head spinning.
"Ana!" exclaimed Sirius.
She looked up to see him bounding over, rather like his canine counterpart, coming to a stop before her and placing his hands on her elbows so he can inspect her.
"I'm alright," she answered before he could ask, "I'm fine."
"What happened?" he asked, "Was he alone? Did he listen? How did you use the Floo? I thought we were disconnected; are…?"
She looked over her shoulder to see the room was empty. Noticing her divided attention Sirius filled her in with a brief,
"They've gone for a walk. The boy's been indoors since he got here. Figured a bit of a supervised excursion couldn't be bad for him so made a suggestion..."
Ana smiled fondly at him; she was glad he was trying with the boy. Perhaps all he needed was a positive male role model to…
"Ana?" Sirius asked, obviously amused at her distractedness, "Snape? Grimmauld Place? What happened?"
"Oh we talked, then he almost killed me, then we talked some more…" she answered blithely, "Pretty average sort of family reunion all things considered. What did you tell Bill and Fleur…?"
"He did WHAT?" Sirius roared, causing her to jump as his voice increased several notches, "Bloody slimy git I'll bloody kill him if he hurt a hair on your…"
"Sirius. Sirius? Sirius!" she exclaimed, finally getting him to stop in his tirade and pay attention to her words, "Don't you think I can hold my own by now? We talked it out. I'm fine. I'm not saying we're going to any Father Daughter barbeques anytime soon but…we're alright. I'm alright. He told me all the specifics and it looks like he's on board. Oh and the Floo's fine; completely disconnected from the network. I just worked a bit of old magic I picked up back in the day."
Sirius let out a breath and put a hand to her face, running a thumb over her cheekbone.
"You're covered in soot," he murmured, brushing away as he spoke, "Look, Ana…I'm sorry. About threatening to kill Snape…I just worry about you. With Harry gone Merlin knows where and everyone else I care about out of reach or dead…sometimes it feels like you're the only one I've got left. So I'm going to worry about you."
"I think I can live with that," she whispered, leaning forward and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. "Live being the operative word – I think you'd be very cross with me if I died again..."
"You can bet on that." he agreed, his tone light although the look in his eyes serious. She smiled, trying to offer her strength to his.
"Plus you're not sorry for threatening to kill Snape. You'd do it again in a heartbeat."
Just as Sirius leant forward to kiss her again the door to the cottage opened and standing there were Bill, Fleur and Draco – all looking fairly windswept.
"Oh Ana, you're back!" Bill exclaimed, unwrapping his scarf from round his neck and smoothing down his hair, "How was the cat?"
Cat? She looked at Sirius with a raised eyebrow. He winked at her and offered a nonchalant shrug. Left without any point of reference but obviously expected to answer she threw out the only platitude she could think of.
"Oh fine. You know; catlike."
Sirius snorted with barely contained laughter. She stamped on his foot. Hard.
