It was near sun rises when I first woke up, sleep had done little to take the stress off my mind, and nightmares had made things even worse.
I sighed and threw on a shirt, and headed down to the cafeteria to grab some breakfast or at least coffee.
I grabbed my coffee from the in building Snarlbucks and sat by the window watching the passing storm roll through.
The sound of a chair scrapping the floor across from me broke me from my thoughts, I looked up, it was Muzzleton.
"Couldn't sleep?" He orange eyes glowed in the dimly lit room.
"I did more tossing and turning then sleeping, how about you?"
"Same, it seems like every time I close my eyes to sleep, the ghost of the past are waiting." I nodded, understanding where he was coming from.
"You know how you asked me if I missed my old life? Well that made me think, in someways I do. I was working on my time, I had no rules. No god, no masters and no tie downs or responsibilities." I said sighing.
"I get the feeling, it's was living free, and having thrills. But also it was hell, it was dangerous. I can't tell you how many times I had a deal go bad and ended up looking down a barrel of a gun or nearly dying."
"You have a point, I remember one day a deal went bad, I watched a close friend of mine, get gunned down over a few ounces of catnip." I said quietly, I took a sip of coffee.
"My boyfriend at the time, Jericho, was kidnapped and chopped up and sent to me in pieces by a rival." I raised my eyebrows
"Forgive me but you loved to pieces don't you?" Muzzleton chuckled,
"That I did, he was the only person I had ever gotten close to before meeting skye and Savage. Sometimes I want to go back to that lifestyle so I don't have to worry about getting someone killed."
"See that's part of what makes this life so hard, being responsible for the lives of others, but not just any mammals, mammals you actually let in and care about, mammals you're afraid to lose."
I whispered looking out the window.
"You really care for that little bunny don't you?"
"In more ways than I probably should. Getting close to someone and trusting them with your secrets is one thing but letting them in and become part of your life much less be your life, is terrifying and thrilling all at the same time. With hopps, it started out as forced companionship and now it's almost something different than friendship. It's hard to grasp on what I feel."
"How does he feel about it?" I knew who muzzleton was referring to, the beast.
"He sees her as some mammal to
Protect and as a a ah well-"
"Mate?"
I sighed and nodded.
"Yeah, a mate. But I'm too afraid to drag Judy down to my level than I already have. I want to keep her safe, I mean because of me she was ripped from her stable big city cop life, and now got her mixed up in this… the life of an agent and drugs. If I had only just…" I put my head down on my arms, and let out a sigh,
"Knock it off."
I lifted my head up, and tilted my head, genuinely confused.
"What?"
"The self pity bullshit. Moping around and beating yourself up isn't going to help, it's too late to get out of this. Now is the time to do something to prevent her from getting hurt. Be there for her, beside she's a tough bunny, you know this."
I stared at him, he was right.
"You know what you're right, I can't change the past but I can make the future better. And yeah she's a tough bunny, she's brave and scary when she needs to be and kinda Cute."
I chuckled at the last part, till I heard a thump thump of a foot behind me.
"Don't call me cute Wilde!"
I gulped and slowly turned around, a shut eating grin on my face. I chuckled weakly and waved at her. Behind me Muzzleton was losing his composure laughing.
"Morning Hopps. What lovely weather we're having aren't we?" She huffed and rolled her lavender colored eyes and hopped up in the seat next to me.
"I'll let it go...this time." She grumbled, pretending to be irritated.
"Thank you Carrots, you're so kind." I chuckled scratching the spot in between her ears.
"You're welcome now, if you really want to make it up to me, you can grab me a coffee." She said smirking, I sighed and rolled my eyes as I got up.
"The things we do for love." I muttered to myself as I walked towards the Snarlbucks.
After getting her coffee, I ordered a breakfast fish taco from the cafeteria and got Hopps a bagel with carrot spread, and Timothy grass seeds on top.
"Aww nick, you do care. Maybe there is a heart under all that fur." Hoops said in a soft sarcastic tone, batting her eyelashes.
I chuckled, she knew me too well.
"How dare you suggest such things." I said jokingly as I took a bite of my food.
"Well since 3 of the 5 of us are up, i'll go get the 2 lovebirds up." Muzzleton said quietly excusing himself from the moment.
For a few moment there was near silence aside from our quiet chewing and Carrot's cheery humming as she ate, for a moment it felt normal, well as close to normal as we could get for being us.
"So Nick, I have to ask, are you ready for this?" Hoops asked quietly
"Mmm, fwor whut?" I said in mid bite.
"To be on the right side of the law." She said teasingly.
I pretended to ponder tapping my chin
"I don't know sounds kinda difficult. I mean really earning an honest living, obeying all laws and not just skirting around them...it sounds complicated." I said in an almost serious but still casual tone, shrugging my shoulders for emphasis.
"For you maybe." She teased poking my side.
I chuckled leaning back in my chair, and without even thinking about it I casually threw an arm around the back of her chair and rested my paw on her shoulder.
"Well well well, getting close with your breakfast there Wilde?" I turned my head behind me, savage had a knowing smirk on his face.
"I think it's cute." Sighed skye, sitting down next to hoops and across from her partner.
I blushed and looked for a distraction.
"So how's hungry? They have a really good fish wrap.."
Luckily everyone took the hint and started ordering breakfast, I knew I wasn't going to live this down but it was worth it, she was worth it.
