Chapter 11

He watched her, watched her every movement. Felt like a creep the entire time, why shouldn't he, he was a creep for watching her like this. He had grown up in shitty places, he had seen plenty of creeps in his life, so he knew what a creep was. And he was a creep, right now, right here, he was watching Beth Greene with the perverted obsession reserved for creeps. It was just the way she moved, all purpose and grace. Strength and power. She was wearing some poor excuses of short shorts, a top and bare feet. That was it, didn't leave much to his imagination. And his imagination was doing some pretty bad, creep things. He wanted to walk away and leave her and Michelle to themselves. But for some reasons his feet kept ignoring him, they just stayed rooted there in the shadows. Her left foot planted in the dry soil as her right swung around aiming a strong kick at Michelle solar plexus. It almost looked like she would hit but last second Michelle grabbed Beth's foot and in a move that seem unreal she swung Beth around in the air. His protector instincts kicked in as Beth hit the dirt face down. Michelle straddled her from behind and grabbed her arms, forcing Beth to surrender. Beth's face pulled together with pain as Michelle twisted her arm around, she looked pissed off as she admitted defeat. Michelle had no sooner let go of her arm then Beth pushed off, twisted around and had Michelle pinned to the ground. But Michelle didn't seem to mind, she didn't do much fighting to get Beth off her. Daryl knew with more certainty than ever that he should be moving, being here was so wrong on so many levels. He couldn't hear any of what the girl were saying but he knew it was private, not for him, not for his ears nor eyes. Just then, as he had finally decided to force his legs into obedience she looked up. She didn't search for him, didn't look through the shadows as if she was looking for something she might have heard or felt. No, she looked up and looked him straight in the eyes. And then she smiled, as sexy fucking 'know I got you smile'. And he could no more move as she got up and moved towards him, then he could when he was perving on her like a creep. But now he felt more like the pray then the perpetrator. She walked up to him, still with a little smile on her sweet face.

'I want to get out of dodge for a while. Want to take me hunting? Give me a ride… on your bike?' she left just enough of a moments breath between ride and bike to make his dirty mind do dirty things all over again. He looked down on the ground and wondered if the heat in his face was actually him blushing. What the heck, since when did Beth Greene make Daryl Dixon blush? He looked up at her for a second and nodded with a grunt of assent.

'I'll get my stuff and change my clothes, see you at the front gate.' She said as she walked away. He still watched her as she walked away and when she was no longer to be seen he meet the eyes of Michelle. Never had he known someone hated him with more certainty. But like he said, he had grown up in some bad places, her hating him was something he could deal with.

As Beth walked away from Daryl her heart was pounding with such excitement she wasn't sure what to do with herself. She had never been that forward with anyone, never flirted quite like that before. And it had felt so good to see him respond to her, to know he was at her mercy. She had known he was watching she and Michelle practice fight the whole time, and she had loved it. His eyes on her had burned like fire and made everything feel sharper. It had probably caused her to loose, focusing on something outside of the fight was deadly. But right now adrenaline and excitement was running wild through her veins in a way that made her think of many things, but death wasn't one of them.

She meet him out at the gate, dressed for hunting with her compounding bow over her shoulder. He was already ready to go, straddling the bike as he sat there waiting for her. It almost made her stop and stare, he looked so damn sexy, all biceps and bad boy hair. She took a deep breath and tried to appear casual while her heart was doing summer saults in her chest. Sliding down behind him she put her arms around his waist after adjusting her bow behind her.

'Im ready.' She declared when she had found a comfortable position.

'You are going to have to hold on harder than that girl, or you will end up on the road.' He said before kicking the bike off and ending all attempts of conversation. The wind in her eyes was sharper then she had anticipated so she put her head down to rest between his shoulder blades. Resting her face against those angel wings, smelling that smell of leather, forest, sweat and smoke that was so uniquely Daryl. The memory of that very smell had reminded her of what safety felt like on too many nights, nights when safety had been truly nothing but a memory. Now she reminded herself of how truly blessed she was to be here to smell that smell again, to wrap her arms around his waist and feel his chest rise under her hands. She had a second chance at life, a life that could involve him and her. He reeved the engine a bit more and the bike shot forward under them, causing her to grip a hold harder, feeling a jolt of joy at life.

He tried not to enjoy it too much. The feeling of her arms clutching around him harder every time the bike shot forward, but God he enjoyed it! The feeling of her thighs pressed up against him and her head against his back, it made the day seem like the most beautiful day ever and never had he felt more alive than at this very moment. The sun was shining through the trees about, making the world a canvas of dark and light. Dark and light, him and her.

He wanted to keep on driving forever, just the two of them and the road. But when he came to a good hunting ground he pulled in on a small side road and pulled over.

'I am taking the lead' she said with real confidence. He remembered how he had started teaching her to shot and hunt, and how she would taunt him with these little statements of false bravado. About not needing him anymore, about being better at this than him. Now he watched her move with silent grace through the forest, watched her pick up trails and follow them with practiced skill. He still just followed her without a word as she spotted a rabbit, pulled her bow and shot a perfect arrow straight through the animal. She had enormous skill and he could appreciate better than anyone the kind of practise that she had to put in to get there. The words left his lips before he had time to think them through and he straight away knew they were the wrong ones.

'I'm sorry you had to change.' She stopped still and didn't say anything for a moment that felt like an eternity. The sunny day suddenly turned to ice.

'What do you mean?' she knew in her heart that he didn't mean anything bad, but the words still upset her. Upset her more then was warranted probably, but she had gone through so much to be here, change hadn't been free but she didn't regret it. She too was made for this world now. 'Are you sorry I am not the sweet little girl anymore? Are you sorry I don't need anyone to take care of me anymore?'

'No..'

'What do you mean then?' She turned to face him with her anger.

'Saying you didn't want me to change is the same as saying you didn't want me to live!' she yelled at him. 'I am here BECAUSE I changed. I'm sorry if I no longer fit your fairy tale version of me! But I am alive, I made it!' She turned to stalk away from him, but he grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her around to face him once again. She wasn't the only one who was angry now.

'Really? Fucking fairy tales? You think I was ever the guy to dream of fairy tales? You think I am not happy you are alive? I believed you dead… I thought…" He was just as angry as she was by now, he wanted to hurt her, hurt her like she hurt him. Hurt her like he had hurt when she was gone. And he wanted her to stop being angry so he could fold her in his arms and protect her forever. But none of those were real options. He didn't actually want to hurt her, he just desperately wanted to break through the pig headed anger of hers. But he also knew he never could, nor really wanted to, hold her away from the world. He wanted an equal, and he was starting to realise that that was what she was now. He just didn't know how to deal with that. Didn't know how to deal with her, deal with them and all of his emotions. There were just so many uncertainties between them, an ocean of unspoken truths.

'I don't know, why else would you say that? You knew how much I wanted to change, you knew more than anyone! And you don't even appreciate that I have made it!' she raised her hands to push him away and he grabbed her hands, pulling him flush to him.

'What the fuck are you on about? Of course I fucking do, you think I'm stupid? Think I can't see how you fight, how you hold yourself, how you hunt? I just wish…' I wish I could have protected you, I wish you didn't end up in that house where they did god knows what to you, he thought in his head. But he didn't say it, no matter how angry he was with her he didn't have it in his heart to tell her he had found her things in that burned down house. He wouldn't force any confessions out of her, and he wasn't sure he was ready to hear them either. 'I wish it could have been different is all' he finished weakly, voice almost breaking under the emotional strain. She didn't say anything, just stared back at him with her big blue eyes that seemed to still hold both anger and hurt. And something else, something that almost broke him.

He suddenly became aware of her body pressed against his as he held her hands down straight against his sides. Her chest rising quick, her wrists that felt so small and fragile in his hands, her nipples hard trough her shirt. He wanted to throw her to the ground and run his hands all over her strong body. But instead he let go of her and walked away. He grabbed his bow and headed back to the bike. The return ride to Alexandria felt like the opposite of the ride there. He didn't tease her with the speed and she didn't rest her head on his back. Instead she sat stiff behind him, even though it made the ride more uncomfortable for both of them. But when they came back to Alexandria none of them stormed off. Instead they sat in silence on the bike, both waiting for the other to make the first move. Beth didn't want to be the first to speak, but she had a feeling Daryl could sit there in silence forever, and she didn't want to walk off and leave things like this between them either. Life was too short to waste it on arguments and misunderstandings. She took a deep breath and started speaking before she had too much time to think about what she was actually going to say.

'It wasn't your fault, that I was taken, it wasn't your fault.' She felt him stiffen up in front of her and for a second she worried that she had just made it all worse. But then he deflated instead.

'Yeah it was, was my fault.' He still didn't' look at her as he spoke. 'So many things I should have done different... Should have taken my bow, should have checked the door, could have sent you upstairs to hide and not out alone in the night when you could hardly walk. It was my fault Beth.' His voice held conviction but no heat, as if the sheer weight of his belief had already crushed him. Her heart broke for him, for the pain she so clearly heard there.

'We never bear sole responsibility for anything Daryl. I should have checked better where I was going, I ran out into the night without looking ahead properly, I walked straight into danger.' Slowly and carefully she laid her hands on his shoulders and her head on his back again.

'You know, it was hard to change. But I don't miss who I was, I like who I am now, like her better.' She felt his hand come up and slowly wrap around her hands. His head touching hers as he leaned it back. They had a long way to go but they were at least walking in the right direction. They sat like that in silence for a long time. Just enjoying the quiet companionship, resting in the presence of the other.

Eventually Beth got of the bike and Daryl asked her if she needed any help skinning that rabbit, to which she laughingly replied that she could probably take him in a rabbit skinning competition any day. He watch her starting to walk away when he spoke, just loud enough for her to hear.

'You are good you know. With that bow. Hunting, tracking. Real good.' She half turned her head to look at him as she replied, 'I know', and smiled that smile that make his stomach twist and put all the hurt to rest at the same time.

Michelle sat on the veranda cleaning her gun and watching Beth and Daryl. It itched in her fingers not to put ammo into the gun, lift it and shot him. Coming here had been a mistake. Beth had always been straight with her, what they had had been built on friendship, mutual attraction and a need for closeness. But it had never been love. At least not from Beth's part. Michelle has always know this but her heart had continued to hope against hope. When Beth's family had turned out to be alive and well after so long she had decided to come along. Because she couldn't' face letting Beth just walk out of her life, but also because she hoped that Beth would come here and realise that Michelle was really the one. That even though Beth had spoken about Daryl for the last 3 years in a way that only the deaf could misunderstand, she would see him and realise it had all just been a fantasy. That what she and Michelle had was real and true. Well, her plan had failed, and instead she had a first parquet seat to watch her lover slowly fall in love with someone else. And it sucked, it sucked and it hurt.

A slender woman with short silver hair came up the stairs onto the veranda and sat down in the seat next to Michelle. Together they watched as Beth and Daryl spoke quietly to one another, still half hugging on the bike.

'I am Carol.' The woman offered after a while.

'I'm Michelle, I came with Beth from our camp.' Carol just nodded as if she knew their whole story, which she probably did. She seemed like the quiet but observant type.

'It hurts, to be the one not chosen.' She suddenly looked at Michelle with her eyes of steel. 'And we are the ones not chosen. At least not in this love story.' She let go of Michelle and turned her gaze on Daryl and Beth once again. 'I used to hope he would come around. I hoped for years. I mean, it was always supposed to be him and me. Then we get separated and after a short time alone with her he had changed so much. Suddenly he had grown into the man I had tried so hard to make him into. I tried to hate her for it. Like she stole him away from me. But truth is she didn't. She just did something I never could. And so he does for her. Whatever you have done and meant for her, it is over. Let her go to be with him. You are the only one who will hurt otherwise.' With that the woman got up and left, just as abruptly as she had come. Michelle couldn't help to hate her a little bit too. Hate her because she knew Carol was right. She had to leave, because staying to watch this drama unfold would kill her.