A/N: It's been a while, but we're back! I've been working on my art once again, and thanks to a better sleep schedule, I'm feeling much more energetic!

Randy: Good, I really hated how much time you were wasting oversleeping.

A/N: Says the narcoleptic.

Randy: OI!

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece or any of the characters that reside in the world, only any additional character exploration or new characters I create for this fic.


"Talking"

"Thinking"

"Attack Name or Technique"

"Author's Notes"


Chapter 12: The Uphill Battle at the Slope


"Whoa, so you actually fought and beat Buggy the Clown?!" Usopp asked in astonishment.

I nodded back to him. "Truth be told, Buggy's a massive pushover," I stated. "His Devil Fruit has an amazing amount of potential, but I doubt he'll ever really train it."

"Train a Devil Fruit?" Usopp echoed. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that there are no weak Devil Fruits, only uncreative Devil Fruit Users," I continued. "Let's take Buggy's fruit for example. The Chop-Chop Fruit basically lets him be immune to cutting attacks of any kind, and he can make his body parts float and move without touching them. What can you think of doing with that?"

Usopp paused, humming in thought. "Well, if I were him, I'd be using that to get some serious height for sniping while keeping my other parts hidden," he suggested.

"And that's a great idea, using your powers to gain an advantage based on what you can do without trying," I agreed. "But the real trick is him being able to be hit by blunt attacks normally. If he could, say… learn to separate on reflex, he'd be able to dodge blunt attacks as well."

"What do you mean by that?" Usopp asked.

"Well, you could train yourself to move your body on reflex based on where you're hit," I said, gesturing to my arm. "Say I punched this spot. If he trained himself on reflex to move exactly the area I hit in time with the punch, I'd overextend my punch and he'd have me in a vulnerable spot."

"Ah, I see now," Usopp realized. "Because he can move his body freely, he has an easy escape route for incoming attacks, and if he trained, he'd be able to do it for ones he can't see!"

"Exactly," I grinned as the sun began to peek over the horizon. "Looks like it's time."

"We'll see if the Black Cat Pirates appear at this shore or the North shore," Usopp said as we picked ourselves up and waited. "…they're not here."

"Well, looks like my hunch was right," I said, looking where the sun was rising. "We better head for the north shore to meet up with Nami and Zoro."

"Right!" Usopp said as he started running. "It'll take us about three minutes to get there!"

"I'll meet you there, it shouldn't take me that long!" I added, dashing off ahead of Usopp.

-X-

"So, Randy was right, they did come to this shore," Zoro mused as the Black Cat Pirates came ashore.

"Well, good thing he did think of this, or else they'd have taken my treasure before they came up the slope," Nami stated, having carefully hidden her stash away from the shore and away from their boats.

"C-Captain, we've got company!" one of the pirates said as Jango looked up the slope.

"Those brats from earlier…" Jango mused. "How'd they know we'd be here? Did that Usopp kid tell them?"

"So, are you going to come or what?" Zoro asked as he unsheathed one of his black-sheathed katanas.

"Grr… Kuro's going to kill us if we don't get pillaging, so we don't have much choice," Jango grumbled. "Alright men, charge!" The Black Cat pirates roared in a bloodthirsty fervor as they ran up the cliff, weapons brandished in preparation. However, they didn't even get close as many of them were knocked back off their feet. "What?! …it's you."

"Usopp?" Nami asked as the long-nosed young adult was left panting for breath, his excitement and fear getting his adrenaline going.

"Where's Randy?" Zoro asked.

"Well, he said he'd meet me here, but he should have gotten here first!" Usopp said, wiping some sweat off his goggles. "He ran off ahead of me!"

-X-

Hanging off one of the trees in the forest, Randy was awkwardly snoring away as he clung just barely to the branches that surrounded him.

"Dammit Luffy, why'd you knock me out this time?!" Randy demanded.

"You're going the wrong way!" Luffy nagged. "North is the coldest direction, and you're going somewhere warm!"

"Luffy, the whole island is warming up because of the sun!" Randy groaned. "And that's not how you tell North inside OR outside the Grand Line!"

"Oh yeah, then how do you?" Luffy asked to clarify. "You can't use a compass in the Grand Line, cause of the mystery islands."

"The sun rises in the East, and sets in the West," I recited from many memories of the Boy Scouts and general learning. "So, if the sun rises in the East, and I go a 90-degree angle from it to the left, that means I'm going North, right?"

"No, that would mean you're going South, and that's still the wrong direction," Luffy said in a twisted moment of clarity and stupidity.

"Now you're getting left and right confused?!" Randy snapped.

-X-

"Well, whatever, Zoro's still here to fight for us," Nami said. "Go get 'em, Zoro!"

"You two are going to help too," Zoro scolded. "Don't just lump all the work on me."

"Did… did she just call him Zoro?" one of the Black Cat Pirates asked. "As in, Roronoa Zoro, the Pirate Hunter?!"

"Captain, we can't beat Zoro!" another whined, "He's a demon!"

"Okay, would you rather fight the demon you don't know, or the one you do?" Jango asked, causing all the Pirates to flinch. "It's either fight him, or deal with an unhappy Captain Kuro."

"Well… when you put it like that…" the pirate returned.

"Well, you and Nami can fight them up close," Usopp reasoned. "I'll stay back here and cover you two."

"Why me?!" Nami whined. "How can I help out? I'm not a strong fighter, I'm just a cute girl!"

"Oh yeah? Well, just because I'm a guy doesn't mean that I'm stronger than you!" Usopp countered. "Besides, I'm scared silly! Just look at my legs!" His legs were rattling again, partly from fear and partly from him trying to get out of it. "I can't even move!"

"That's a lie!" Nami snapped. "You and I both know that!"

"At this rate, we'll only have to deal with the swordsman," Jango muttered as the Black Cats and Zoro all pulled a sweat-drop-take.

"Wait, we only have to deal with the swordsman!" one of the pirates realized from Jango's statement. "That means we can just rush him and smash the other two! Then we'll be home free!" The pirates girded their loins and roared once more. "Let's get 'em, boys!" Their confidence shakily restored, the Black Cat Pirates charged back up the hill.

"Idiots, we have the high ground," Zoro muttered. "They won't stand a chance."

"We have to stop them!" Nami said. "If they get past Zoro, we're goners!"

"You act like they can," Zoro huffed as he dashed down, quickly cutting down some of the pirates and knocking them back down the hill.

"Good job, Zoro!" Usopp cheered. However, the next wave used their comrades to vault over Zoro and charged back up the hill past him.

"Dammit!" Zoro said as he had to deal with another wave coming at him and the resurgence of the first wave.

"Zoro!" Nami shrieked. "Come help us!"

"Wait, I've got some caltrops in here!" Usopp said, digging into his satchel. "That'll stop them from getting up here!"

"Why didn't you say so earlier!?" Nami reprobated. "Give them here!" The two quickly grabbed handfuls of the caltrops and threw them down the hill.

"Go to hell!" the two cowards yelled in joy as the Black Cats stepped on the caltrops, freezing their charge as they had to avoid the caltrops and pull the ones out they stepped on.

"And now, to push them back!" Usopp said, grabbing some of his ammo. "Eat this! Lead Star!" Usopp unloaded the metal balls into the various parts of the Black Cats, aiming for feet, knees, foreheads, anywhere that could stun or trip. "Yes! It's working!"

"Great work, Usopp!" Nami said, patting him on the shoulder. "Keep up the good work! I'll just take a break for a minute!"

"Hey, the fight's not over yet!" Usopp snapped at her with shark-like teeth.

"AAH!" Nami shrieked.

"What now?" Usopp asked as he turned around.

"There's caltrops behind us too!" Nami pointed out, a wide path of them blocking her escape route.

"You idiot! You threw those ones!" Usopp rebuked as he turned back to Zoro. "Oh crap, Zoro can't get back up to us because of the caltrops!"

"Way to notice it now, genius," Zoro chided as he cut down another pirate.

"Usopp, look out!" Nami warned as a stone hammer wielder leaped up behind him and smashed the back of Usopp's head, leaving his blood to flow free.

"Idiot, did you think that you two could stop us?" the hammer-wielder mocked as his comrades walked slowly up the cliff. "Let's go! Captain Kuro's waiting for us!" They started back up the cliff, sure Nami wouldn't stop them, until the hammer-wielder stopped. "Huh?" Usopp was still on the ground, but he grabbed tight on the pirate's leg. "Hey, let go!" He slammed his hammer a few more times on Usopp, but Usopp's grip stayed iron-strong.

"I… will never… let you go…" Usopp groaned as he struggled to stand with each progressive hit. "I won't let you go… because I want my village to still think I'm a liar!" He managed to push himself off the ground, his face dripping with his own blood. "And that this village will be as peaceful as ever!"

"Usopp…" Nami said under her breath.

"He's a good man," Zoro said as he finished pushing back the Black Cat Pirates he dealt with. "Now to get back up the hill!"

"I'll shut you up, you brat!" a sword-wielding pirate chortled as he charged to stab Usopp. Nami quickly drove her staff into the pirate's skull, knocking him to the ground.

"Damn bitch!" another said, swinging his own cutlass at her. Nami blocked, but the sheer force of his swing knocked her into the cliff-side.

"Ow…" Nami whimpered as Zoro tried to knock the caltrops away.

"Nami…" Usopp mumbled as he collapsed again. "You…"

"Might as well kill these two," the hammer-wielder reasoned, drawing his own sword.

"You idiots! Just go attack the village before Zoro can get to you!" Jango castigated. "If you mess up the plan, Captain Kuro will kill us all! Get the first wave through and I'll deal with Zoro!'

"R-right Captain Jango!" the pirates agreed as they charged up the cliff in a panic. "To the village!"

"No… get back here… you bastards!" Usopp begged as he got to his knees. "Stop!" He grabbed onto the sash of one of the pirates. "Don't attack the village!"

"Get off, you pest!" the pirate grunted as he kicked Usopp back down the cliff. "Chaaaaarge!"

"Please… I'm begging you!" Usopp pleaded to the heavens. "Don't kill the villagers!" As if heaven itself answered, Usopp was stunned as he saw the pirates fly high into the air. Tears welled up in his eyes as he saw the answer to his plea. "Thank… thank God…"

"Took you long enough," Nami grumbled as she braced herself with her staff.

"About time," Zoro chuckled as he leaned his blade on his shoulder, looking at the pirates that had been knocked clean past him back to the shore.

"C-Captain Jango… this guy…" one of the pirates whimpered. "He's a bigger monster than Zoro!"

"Okay, now I'm pissed, and I'm going to vent all over their ugly mugs," Randy rumbled as he cracked his knuckles.

"That kid… shouldn't he be dead?" Jango asked in confusion.

"Randy, did you fall asleep or something?" Zoro asked as he made his way past the caltrops.

"Unfortunately," Randy huffed as he stepped up to Usopp.

"Holy crap…" Usopp gaped as he looked at Randy. "I didn't think you were that strong…"

"Usopp, I survived falling head-first off a cliff," Randy reminded. "This is just a warm-up for me."

"If you're done warming up, maybe you should take over," Nami said, standing herself up.

"I wouldn't mind doing that," Randy replied as he walked over to Nami, and checked her over. "You're not banged up too bad, right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Nami said, taking some calming breaths.

"Do you mind if I borrow your bo-staff?" Randy asked.

"I… sure, I guess," Nami said. "You know how to use one?"

"I've been using one since I was a kid," Randy laughed as he gently took Nami's staff, giving it a tentative spin. "Not bad, well balanced, solid wood choice. I kinda miss my pipe though. Maybe I'll pick up something in the next town."

"C-Captain Jango…" the pirates groaned as they stood up. "We can't do it. That Zoro guy cut us apart…"

"We don't have it in us to handle that new kid!" another argued.

"You idiots are so soft," Jango commented as the pirates collected themselves. "I guess since they're so strong, I'll just have to make you stronger." He pulled out his pendulum again. "Now, look at my ring. After I say 'One, Two, Jango', your wounds will heal, and you'll become monstrously strong!"

"What's he doing?" Usopp asked.

"He's a hypnotist, remember?" Nami reiterated. "He's trying to make them think they're stronger! But it's so absurd!"

"No, the human mind is a strange thing," Randy clarified. "They're desperate enough to believe anything right now, and hypnosis only works if you let it."

"One… Two… JANGO!" Jango roared as the Black Cat Pirates roared in return, throwing their arms up as their eyes glassed over in rage.

"N-no way! They were barely able to stand just a second ago!" Nami gasped. One of the pirates who was unarmed slammed his fist into the side of the cliff, cracking it all the way to the top and breaking off the cliff's corner.

"He crushed the wall with his bare hand!" Zoro stated. "How did they gain so much power?"

"Th-they really were hypnotized!" Nami shrieked.

"If one guy can crush a wall like that…" Usopp panicked, "Then imagine what the lot of them can do!"

"Now go, and kill those pests!" Jango ordered as the Black Cats charged up the cliff.

"Nami, take Usopp and get up the slope!" Zoro ordered. "We'll take care of this."

"No telling me twice!" Nami said as she slung Usopp's arm over her shoulder and helped him limp away.

"You ready for this, Randy?" Zoro asked, Nami and Usopp taking cover on top of the cliffside.

"Zoro, you stand back for a bit," Randy said as he took a deep breath and exhaled. "I'll be fine."

"Are you crazy?" Zoro asked as he tied his bandana on.

"Sometimes… crazy works," Randy replied as he dashed forward towards the Black Cats.

"One man against an army of monsters?" Jango laughed. "You're either brave, or stupid." The Black Cats charged up the slope, Randy only spinning his borrowed weapon like it was a helicopter rotor as he dashed down the slope.

"I'm going to blow you all away!" Randy roared as he kicked himself into a tornado-like spin. "Hard Air… Rising Dragon!" Randy swung with all his might, throwing the air current upwards and taking the Black Cat Pirates with it. "And…" Randy continued his movement, striking the pole's tip into the ground and launching himself into the air like a pole-vaulter. "Hard Air… GATTLING GUN!" Randy launched a rapid-fire series of air-punches, slamming the Black Cats back into the ground like falling rocks.

"Did… did he just punch them with the air?!" Jango asked in astonishment. "How did he do that?!"

"What's the matter?" Randy heckled, landing gracefully just in time to catch the borrowed staff from falling. "You can't beat one man with an army of monsters?"

"Holy… Randy is a monster too!" Usopp gaped. "Did he get hypnotized along with them?"

"Only an idiot would have fallen for that," Zoro commented. "Still, surprising us with combat prowess seems to be the norm now."

"C-Captain Jango…" the pirates groaned as Randy calmly walked back up the cliff. "He's… too strong…"

"What a monster…" Jango grumbled.

Randy smiled as he handed Nami her staff back. "Here you are, and no worse for the wear," Randy proudly stated.

"Th-thanks," Nami said, still somewhat stunned. "But what are you gonna do now? What's stopping him from just hypnotizing them again?"

"Oh, I've got an idea," Randy smirked as he dashed back towards the Black Cats. "Come here, ya blighters!"

"CAPTAIN JANGO!" the pirates shrieked as they ran back towards their ship, tears flowing like running water.

"Yeah, go Randy!" Nami cheered as Randy dashed around the pirates, causing them to trip and fall as he ran for their ship.

"What's he doing now?!" Jango queried shakily as Randy flashed a rather bloodthirsty-looking grin.

"There is no escape," Randy chortled in a gravely tone. "I will hunt you down to the ends of the earth… I am your god of death!" The Black Cats shrieked like scared kittens, trying their best to hide behind each other as Randy's hands ripped into the stone and cracked a boulder out. "Now… TO DUST YOU SHALL RETURN!"

"When I say 'One, Two, Jango', you'll fall asleep!" Jango yelped as he whipped out his pendulum, Randy winding back with the boulder. "One, Two, Jango!" Randy hurled the stone at the pirates, slamming it into them.

"…well, I missed one," Randy said as he noticed Jango had fallen asleep for a moment, the thud of the stone waking him up.

"Th… This kid… he ruined the whole plan!" Jango said in pants-wetting fear. "If Kuro sees this… he'll kill us all!"

"Well, that's my work done for now," Randy said, walking calmly back up the cliff once more.

"Man, you didn't leave anything for me," Zoro chuckled. "Mind if I take the next fight myself?"

"Alright, I'll hold you to it, Zoro," Randy replied, smirking a bit as he clapped his First Mate on the shoulder. "But if it's Kuro, I'll take care of him."

"Fair deal, Captain," Zoro agreed as Randy got back up to where Usopp and Nami were waiting up on the cliff by the forest's edge. "I'm gonna take a power nap." Randy plopped down next to Nami and laid back. "I haven't slept a wink."

"You passed out on your way over here," Nami scolded as she gave him a light rap on the head with her staff. "You should be fine."

"Okay, I just want to take a break, but can you blame me?" Randy asked. "Being an intimidating monster takes a lot of work."

"You're scary when you want to be…" Usopp said plainly.

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?" Randy asked. Nami looked a bit pensive, as if calling back some unpleasant memories.

"Buchi, what was with all the noise?" a voice called out from the ship.

"I think it came from the shore," a second voice added.

"Th-that voice! It's the Nyaban Brothers!" the Black Cats realized.

"That's right… the ship's guards…" Jango said, feeling a bit calmer. "We still have those two…"

"Sounds like they've got some reserves," Zoro said, tapping his blade on his shoulder. "Good, I could use some more practice."

"You fools… you're all going to die," the Black Cats chuckled.

"Come on down, Nyanban Brothers!" Jango ordered.


A/N: Sorry to cut it here, but I think the Nyanban Brothers are better suited for their own fight. But we'll get to the reviews!

To JJsanoguel98:

Randy: I mean, that was such a good idea, and DBZA is awesome regardless.

A/N: When you think about it, I needed a way to keep Luffy entertained in Randy's mindscape, otherwise he'd be constantly complaining about his boredom.

Luffy: Shishishi! I want to fight that Goku guy!

Randy & A/N: NOT NOW!

To gamelover41592:

A/N: Thanks! I needed to show how differently Randy will be handling things, as many have been pointing out. It's part of the reason I'm getting stuck for the next chapter. I'm still not the best at choreographing long fights. Thankfully I have a writer friend who can do that better than I can.

Randy: Heh, guess you've got your own crew too.

To Mrbooeyx1:

A/N: As for hinting on his Devil Fruit, I've dropped a few hints here and there, but I'll try to be a bit less subtle in the future.

Randy: Don't spoil it for them though, cause that's half the fun here.

A/N: But I promise you this, I'll be revealing his Devil Fruit before we leave for the Grand Line.

To crash Barecode:

Randy: Thanks for the support. We'll do our best to keep you glued to your screen.

A/N: As for other One Piece fics I'd personally recommend, another Self-Insert that's handling itself well for now is Ripples in the Pond by TheRealEvanSG, which kinda has some stuff from his previous works. For new character inserts, if you don't mind the slightly more gruesome descriptions due to the outside material they've drawn from, I'd highly suggest Spiraling Shark by The Fifth Rider of Armageddon, This Never Ending Dream by Laradhel, Black Thunder Of The Straw Hats by Vergil Leonidas, and One Piece: Monster of the Straw Hat Pirates by KP360. They've all done a good job at either adding a single character or adding an alternate party. And last but not least, some Time Travel fics I watch are Second Wind by The-Lost-Samurai and New Game Plus by DuncanIdaho2014.

Randy: All good choices.

To AngelFaux:

Randy: Yeah, your review showed up, sometimes it just takes a while to show up publicly.

A/N: Regardless, I'm glad I can keep you in suspense, and hopefully show that sometimes a Devil Fruit User with a less combat applicable power might not need to always use it.

To Lauri3n:

A/N: Yes, I am. Mostly because if Randy is going to be the Captain of the Straw Hat Pirates, he'd feel far too guilty about keeping this a secret to not tell them. While Luffy didn't feel the need to spill the beans on his own past, which he doesn't need to unless it becomes relevant, this is another matter entirely. It's a matter of trust, and how would you react if your best friend told you that they were actually spying on you for the entirety of your life before you met them and they knew you like the back of their hand, right down to all your embarrassing secrets?

Randy: I'd probably flip and accuse them of just using me or something.

A/N: Exactly. But we'll address that in the future.

To Vergil Leonidas:

Randy: Hey! Thanks for giving us a look, and for the reviews!

A/N: Yes, I'll agree at first, I didn't really deviate much from the canon, and was practically just slapping a Randy Skin on the Luffy Avatar. But thanks to feedback from you guys, I've been trying to deviate more from what Luffy does to more what I'd have Randy do in that scenario.

Randy: And I... guess I'm glad you find Luffy causing me narcolepsy funny like all the others.

A/N: Don't give me that, it's comedy gold and you know it. And glad to hear you liked the Street Fighter drop!

Randy: Hey, ask me if you can have some punch.

A/N: ...can I have some punch?

Randy: SURE-YOU-CAN! *launches into a Shoryuken and launches A/N into the ceiling*

Luffy: That wasn't nice.

Randy: He'll get over it. But that's all for now! Thanks for your viewership, and please rate, review, and fav and follow if you haven't already! Next time our gracious author will be over his concussion.

A/N: I... am going to get you... for that.