Warnings: Sexual situations and language
Chapter Twelve: Better Than The Rain
Song: Tell Me by He is We
Dean stood in front of the decrepit door of the Shurley's home, frozen in place. He was going to do this. He wasn't going to back down. He was going to turn away and run back to his house and pretend like nothing ever happened and-
"Dean-o! Long time no see" Dean turned back around to see Gabriel standing in the doorway. Shit. He forced a sly smile and gave and awkward half wave.
"Hey, Gabe. Didn't know you were home." Gabriel raised a brow and looked up at Dean. Yes, he had to look up at him. Dean, who had not yet finished growing, had at least three inches on the college student who stood at a whopping five foot eight. His golden hair had grown out more, now almost reaching his shoulders and his eyes, oh those amber eyes of his, still had that same old trickster gleam in them.
"Been home for 'bout a week now." Dean nodded his head in acknowledgment and held his stance a safe ten paces away from the front door. Gabriel stared at him. "So are you just gonna stand there all day or are you gonna come in?" A flush spread over Dean's face like a wildfire as a calloused hand rubbed the back of his neck.
"I'm uh…. I'm actually just lookin' for Cas."
"Ah!" And there was the flamboyant, theatrical Gabriel that Dean had grown up with. "Well," he said, flailing his arms and taking a few steps forward. "Cassie isn't here right now, but come in anyway. Let's catch up. Chit-chat for a while before he gets home from his date." His date. Date. Dean's heart sank into his stomach. Here he was, ready to pour his heart out, or whatever the Dean Winchester equivalent to pouring your heart out is, to his best friend who was out on a date.
"Come on, don't just stand there. It's rude!" And with that, Gabriel was pulling him into the house by the arm. He let go of Dean once they were in the living room but kept skipping until he was in the kitchen.
"Dean-o! You wanna beer?" He didn't hear Dean's answer due to the fact that he was already shoulders deep in the fridge, but he brought one out for him anyway. Dean took the green bottle and lifted it to his lips, sipping the alcohol as if it were a liquid drag. Gabriel twisted a kitchen chair around and straddled it, never taking his eyes off of Dean.
The Shurley house had started to fall apart once Gabriel went off to college, but Castiel did his best to keep it together. The walls would need a new coat of paint at some point before they left for Kansas University. A new roof in a year or two. When Anna died, Cain stopped caring about certain things, the house being one of them.
Dean sat down across from Gabriel and took another swig of his beer as Gabriel continued to watch him.
"So, Gabe…."
"Hmmmmmm?" the older boy dragged out, punctuating the noise with a lip smack.
"How was college this year?"
"Really, Dean? You show up at my door looking for my little bro and you ask me about college?" Dean shrugged his shoulders. Gabriel made a scoffing sound and leaned back on the chair, holding onto the top of its back as if he were on a mechanical bull. "Ugh, fine. I'll answer your boring question, but!" a wolfish grin found its way to his face. "Then you have to answer any question I ask you."
"Fair enough."
"College was fine. Passed my classes, dated a girl named Kali for a while before she cheated on me with some preppy boy from wine country. Still have a year or two before I'm finally outta there. Now…what to ask you…." He scratched at his protruding chin and crunched up various regions of his face.
"Don't hurt yourself," mocked Dean.
"Don't sass your elders. But fine. I know what I want to ask you now." Gabriel suddenly became solemn, his elbows resting on the table as if they were hugging the chair's back, his chin resting on his fists. "What's going on between you and Cassie?"
A cold sweat broke out over Dean's body. Shit.
"It's all just a big misunderstanding. That's actually why I'm here. Why? What do you know?"
"I know that most of what happens to him he keeps to himself. That he's not one for communicating on a personal level when it comes to his love life. But I also know that this family has more queers in it than San Francisco, so when he came home from prom and suddenly he's straight and you two aren't spending every waking moment together…well…."
Dean hung his head and furrowed his brows. Maybe if he left now, Castiel wouldn't have to know he was ever there.
The front door clicked open and the far too familiar sound of converse sneakers squeaking against the floor bombarded his eardrums. It was too late. Cas was back from his date.
"Gabe? You home?" Castiel's husky voice, the voice that haunted Dean every night in his sleep, the voice that he wished he would always hear, every moment of every day suddenly made him want to curl up under the table and hide. The voice that once turned him on and made his pants too tight was now an even bigger trigger than it had ben before.
"In here, Cassie! You hear from Dad today?" Dean knew Castiel's routine. It would be a minute or two before he entered the kitchen. First, he would kick his shoes off onto the plastic tray by the door. Then he would go upstairs to drop any personal effects he had on his bed or his desk, toe his socks off, and come back down the stairs.
"Yeah, he said the company wants him to stay in New York for another week." Dean stood up to leave, knowing that he would be able to sneak out the kitchen door when Cas went upstairs, but he never heard the steps creek. "Hello, Dean."
Green eyes looked up to meet blue. Dammit, Dean, say something! Anything! Clearly the Winchester boy's mind was working against the rest of his body. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. There was Castiel, standing in front of him and looking just as hurt on the outside as Dean was on the inside. His untamable bed head sticking out in every direction, his band tee that- Wait, thought Dean. Is that my Zep tee he borrowed months ago? I was looking for that. Dammit that looks good on him. Dean blinked a few times to escape his sudden increased libido. He licked his lips and eyes the raven-haired boy up and down a few times.
"Hey, Cas…." Neither of them noticed Gabriel and his entertained expression watching them like a classic black and white movie.
"Cassie!" he chimed. "How was your date?"
"It wasn't a date, Gabe." Although he was speaking to his brother, his eyes never left Dean's, which seemed to brighten at his words.
"Then what was it?" Dean couldn't hold the words back. He had to know what was actually going on.
"One of the kids from Crowley's class was applying for a job. Needed help filling out some papers and asked if I could help. It was just helping him fill out some paperwork…." And just like that, as if Gabriel could sense the tension between them, whether it was sexual or not, he announced that he had to leave and sprinted out the door. Dean and Castiel stood in silence- Dean gripping onto the chair causing his knuckles to turn white and Castiel in the doorframe, his hands shoved into his pockets.
"Cas…."
"Dean, why are you here?"
"Because I love you." The words hit Castiel just as quickly as they escaped Dean's mouth: all at once and yet, at the same time, lingering into eternity so that each syllable, so that each letter could crash against his pale skin like a burst of cold water.
"What?" Castiel's shoulders fell as those beautiful blues widened with contracted pupils. His hands fell out of his pockets, arms hanging limp at his sides.
"I'm here because I love you and I hate how you've been acting lately. How you've been treating me. What's going on, Cas? Tell me now and tell me the truth, and if you don't, then tell me to leave because I can't keep pining over you." Castiel's eyes closed a little, his pupils returning to their normal size. "Don't you dare look away from me, Cas. I know that somewhere inside of you, you feel the same way."
"How? How do you know that, Dean?" Castiel's eyes were starting to squint together acting like floodgates that were on the verge of cracking and letting the water they held back plummet to the lower levels below. Dean didn't break eye contact as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out the picture of them from prom.
"I remember exactly when this was taken. I pulled you off to the side and for that short amount of time, no one else was with us. I see the way you look at me. It's the same way I look at you, and this picture right here is proof of that. Don't lie to me, Cas. Just tell me what's going on…."
"Come on," he said as he held out his hand to his best friend. "It's easier I show you." Dean let himself be led up the stairs and into Castiel's bedroom, the door clicking shut behind them. "Sit down." Dean sat on the bed and folded his hands between his knees. Even with the air conditioning blowing it still felt like it was one hundred degrees in Cas' room. He pulled at the collar of his olive Henley, unsure of what to expect as Castiel stood in front of him.***
Stand in the mirror and try to imagine forever.
"When my mom died, my dad kind of lost it. He went mad. All he ever knew from that point on was anger and hatred."
What does it look like facing my greatest endeavor?
"A few years later, when Gabe came out as Bi, he fucking lost it. He left Gabe alone, but…he wanted to make sure that I would stick to the 'straight and narrow', I guess is the best way to put it."
Suddenly closing my eyes, hands up for the very first time; I'm closing my eyes….
"Dammit, Dean." Castiel looked at the corner where the wall met the floor, too afraid and ashamed to look at Dean. His heart was racing and he was on the verge of tears. "Dammit, so much of my life has been jaded by closed minded people."
Tell me, "Don't give up!"
"And I love you too, so much. I always have."
Tell me, "There's someone out there!"
"But after what my dad did to me, I just don't know if I can ever accept who I am or act on my feelings. Not until I get away from him."
"Cas, what did he do to you?"
Give me a pure love.
Castiel gathered all of the courage he could find within him and looked at Dean. He lifted his shirt and pulled it over his head. Dean all but fell to the floor, unsure of what to say or do.
"Once a week until I blacked out. He said he would beat the gay out of me before it got a chance to come out on it's own."
Give me a forever that we both can share.
Castiel clamped his eyes shut and dropped his head again, his hands and arms coming up to cover his torso. One moment he was standing in the cold, and the next moment he was wrapped in warm arms, a nose nuzzling his neck and another's tears streaming down onto his shoulder.
Show me it's okay. Show me it's all right...
He wrapped his arms around Dean, tightening the hug.
"Fuck, Cas, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry…."
"It's not your fault, Dean. The only person to blame is him."
"God, Cas, I'm such an idiot."
"No, you're not. You didn't know. You had no way of knowing."
…that I'm far from crazy for living by faith and not by sight.
"I love you, Dean. I love you and for the first time in my life I'm not afraid to say it. I love you."
Oh…..
Both of them were crying now, their tears mixing with quiet laughter and broken smiles. Dean leaned down to rest his forehead on Castiel's.
Will he be proud of all the thing's I've done and my mistakes?
"Dean."
"Yeah, Cas?"
Things that I regret, wishing that I could forget my…. My heart breaks.
"Five years ago on your birthday, you said you wanted to try something with me. And then you kissed me and I got you off. Do you remember?" Dean chuckled.
"Of course I remember. Our first kiss, and in a way, kinda our first time. Why?" Bloodshot eyes looked up in a predatory glare as a hand played along the back of Dean's neck along his hairline, the other squeezing his waist ever so slightly.
"Because I would very much like to try that again, only properly this time."
Suddenly closing my eyes, hands up for the very first time.
If Dean's eyes were to grow any wider, they would fall out of his frantically shaking head.
"Okay."
I'm closing my eyes….
Castiel pulled him into a deep and passionate kiss, chapped lips crashing against smooth lips like waves sent by the storm beat the beach sand: Salty and wet and violent and perfectly beautiful in every way imaginable.
Tell me, "Don't give up!" Tell me, "There's someone out there!" Give me a pure love, give me a forever that we both can share. Show me it's okay. Show me it's all right that I'm living by faith and not by sight.
Fingers sifted through cropped hair as tongues taunted lips, prying them open with a beg and a moan, investigating the unknown territory and dancing together. Dean let Castiel lead him back to the bed, to be pushed down onto the plaid sheets. Dean was more than happy to give in to the older boy on top of him. Dean lifted his back allowing Castiel to pull his shirt off, and without a second to spare, skin was pressed against skin. The warmth of the other's tingling flesh sent shocks of ecstasy to their crotches. Dean could feel Castiel growing on top of him as he ground their bulges together, the denim creating a barrier between the full connection that they had been longing for for so long.
Eyes can only see so far. Tired of wishing on all these stars, so I close my eyes and pray, but nothing comes to mind so I let my heart say:
Castiel got off of Dean and stood in front of the bed again, unbuttoning his jeans and letting them fall to the ground only to reveal more scars and burns and bruises. He watched Dean push himself back so that his head was on the pillows. Dean bit his lip as he watched Castiel strip down, thumbs tugging at his boxers before removing those as well, a fully erect cock springing out.
"Take them off, Dean. I want to watch you." Castiel was stroking his member, his intense stare on Dean as he kicked his flip-flops off before shoving his pant and boxers down in one go. The garments were tossed off the bed, landing on the floor with a slight "thunk" thanks to Dean's phone, wallet, and keys.
Soon, Castiel was back on top of Dean, their members rubbing together and sweet drops of pre-cum pooling at their tips.
Show me it's okay. Show me it's all right, that I'm far from crazy for living by faith and not by sight.
Castiel kissed Dean over and over again, moving from his lips to his jaw to his neck. Every peck and every suck and bite earned him a moan. He thought that he would hate having hands on him. The only hands that he could remember ever being on him were his fathers, and that was only out of hatred. But Dean…. When Dean put his hands on him, when he ran his knuckles along his spine or over a raised scar, it was as if he were erasing every bad memory and mark.
Their lips were close- almost touching. They could feel the warm breath they shared hit their faces as they panted slowly.
"You're so beautiful, Cas." Another kiss, this one more chaste than the others.
"I love you, Dean."
"Cas…. I want you."
"Dean?" He pulled his face away a little to take in all of the tanned skin and flushed cheeks in front of him.
"If you want to…. If you're comfortable with it…. Castiel I want you inside of me." Those words sent Castiel's dick into a twitching frenzy. He couldn't find the words to say, so he nodded and reached into his bedside table for a bottle of lube.
Tell me, "Don't give up!" Tell me, "There's someone out there!" Give me a pure love, give me a forever that we both can share.
"I don't have any protection."
"That's okay." Dean pulled him down into a sloppier kiss. "I'm clean. It's…I mean I've never…."
"Me neither."
Holy shit.
Show me it's okay. Show me it's all right that I'm far from crazy for living by faith and not by sight.
The pop of the bottle's lid made Dean jump slightly. He could hear the slicking sound of lube being rubbed between fingers to warm it up.
"Dean, just relax. Can you relax for me?"
"Anything for you…." And he meant it. He closed his eyes and braced himself, his legs spread open and his thick eight inches flush against his abdomen, showing off his perky pink hole. Castiel brought a finger to it and circled the tight ring of muscle a few times before starting to press in. He stopped when he was one knuckle deep to ask Dean if he was okay, but he didn't get the chance. Dean was fucking himself on Cas' finger, forcing it to go in deeper to which Castiel happily obliged.
Tell me, "Don't give up!" Tell me, "There's someone out there!" Give me a pure love, give me a forever that we both can share.
Once he had one finger fully inside of Dean's ass, he pulled it out halfway and pushed it back in, turning it as he added a second finger. Dean winced and moaned, ringers gripping the sheets as Castiel started to scissor him open.
"Shhh. It's okay, Dean. I've got you. Roll over for me." Dean did not hesitate. He flipped over so that his ass was fully exposed to Castiel who took a pillow and placed it under him, raising him for easier access and comfort. He penetrated Dean with a third finger while his other hand began to rub the small of his back, trying to relax him. Castiel bent his fingers and hit Dean's prostate, causing him to let out a small scream of pleasurable pain.
"Cas. Cas, I'm ready. I need you inside of me." Dean's begging made Castiel's throbbing cock pulse. He pulled his fingers out and looked at Dean, a quivering mess of testosterone and sweat. It had to be the most beautiful thing Castiel had ever seen.
Show me it's okay. Show me it's all right, that I'm far from crazy for living by faith and not by sight.
The noise that escaped Dean's lips when Castiel's fingers left him was divine. The sound of the lube bottle being opened again echoed through the room along with the sweet sound of Castiel readying himself for Dean's tender, virgin ass. With a hand on either side of Dean's hips, Castiel lined himself up so that his tip was pressed against the ring of muscle. His forehead rested under the nape of Dean's neck.
"I love you so much, Dean…." He kissed the small space between Dean's shoulder blades and slowly shoved his penis into the small space before him.
The sensation was overwhelming. Dean was tight and wet and moving against every thrust from Castiel in the most amazing way. When Castiel would pull out any amount, Dean would shove back, trying to fuck himself on Cas' cock. Castiel lifted Dean so that they were on their kneed, back pressed against chest and arms wrapped around each other as he pounded up into him.
Give me a love, give me a love, give me a pure love.
A warm sensation grew inside of Castiel as Dean tightened around him, his fist working his ignored hard on. Castiel cupped a hand over Dean's and helped him pump, their sweat sticking them together as their screams and moans bounced off the walls, mixing with the intoxicating stench of sex.
"Cas. Cas! Right there, oh God don't- don't stop." With every thrust, Castiel his Dean's prostate, sending the younger boy into a frenzy. "Fuck, Cas. Oh, fuck, I'm gonna- I'm gonna…."
"Come for me, Dean." Dean's thick spunk shot out of his slit and drenched their hands as his head fell back on Castiel's shoulder, his mouth open wide from orgasm and his hole clenching around the seven inches that were being shoved into him until the man behind him was balls deep in his ass. "So good, Dean. So tight. So perfect. I love you. I love you so fucking much."
Give me a love, give me a love….
Castiel lost his timing, his thrusts becoming uneven until he stilled inside of Dean, flesh against flesh, balls against ass, hot cum filling Dean to the brim, leaking out as Castiel held him tight and kissed his shoulder repeatedly.
He pulled out as his member started to become flaccid and both boys collapsed on the bed. Neither of them said a word. Dean had turned so that he was on his back with Castiel's head on his chest. They stayed like that in the silence and comfort of each other as Dean traced every mark on his lover's back, making them all disappear in Castiel's mind. Castiel nuzzled into Dean's chest as he ran his nails over one of his pectorals. Dean was the one who broke the silence.
"Things are gonna get better now, right, Cas?"
"…Yes, Dean. I believe they will."
A pure love.
