Note: Heyy All. Please don't hate me for this chapter. =] Please keep reviewing! You are all so sweet and I love hearing from you guys! I didn't end this chapter with a cliffhanger because I knew i may not be able to update for a little while. Alot of people wanted to know what happened so I didn't want to disappoint you. =] thanks for reading! =] - Raechel
Chapter Twelve: Nightmare
There were people around her. They were all dead. There had to be at least Four or Five.
…
When I found Lissa, which didn't take long at all seeming as I was running as fast as my legs could take me, she was outside the church. There were Five Moroi lying on the ground around her. They were dead. They didn't have any physical injuries that I could see, but their eyes were all open. It was awful. They all looked so scared. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Lissa was in the middle of them all, it was as if they had formed a circle around her. She was on her knees with her face in her hands. I didn't have to feel her through the bond to know that she was crying. I walked over to her, sat down and wrapped my arms around her. I didn't know what else to do. She collapsed into my arms, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Liss, shh. It's okay. You're okay. I'm here now. I won't let anything happen to you." I was so glad Liss was okay. I should have been there to protect her. I let my feelings for Dimitri get in the way of my protecting Lissa. I should have never let that happen.
"Rose. You don't understand. I was the one that killed them all." Liss whispered through her tears. I must have heard her wrong. Or maybe I was just imagining things. Maybe Liss was imagining things. I knew she would never hurt anyone without good reason. Through the bond I looked deep into her subconscious, trying to see what she had been doing before she contacted me for help. I saw Lissa walking out of the church, and then nothing. It all went black after that. The next thing I know, I wake up exactly where Liss is sitting now. She doesn't remember what happened.
"Liss, do you even remember what happened?" I didn't want to upset her but I needed to know the truth.
"No, I don't. But When I woke up, I saw them. They were all dead. It had to be me. There was no one else around. Rose, I have a really bad feeling. I think I did it. I think the spirit made me do it." Liss was rambling. She was almost in hysterics. She didn't want to believe it as much as I didn't, but there was a part of her that knew she had.
Several guardians had shown up by then. Dimitri had gone to get help, so lucky for me, Liss and I were alone when she told me she had killed all of the Moroi. Before the guardians came up to Lissa to ask her questions, I whispered in her ear.
"Liss, don't tell them anything. Just say you don't remember what happened because that is the truth. I will get to the bottom of this okay? Please just trust me." I was afraid of what they would do to Lissa if she confessed to murdering these Five Moroi. I wasn't willing to take that risk. Lissa had been taken to the clinic to be looked at. Physically they said she was 100% but they couldn't feel Lissa's emotions. She was so unstable at that moment. I wanted to stay with her and comfort her but I was told to let her rest.
I hadn't even realised Dimitri had been around since after I left the clinic. He was waiting outside the room Lissa was in. He looked so sad. I could tell he felt just as guilty as I had about what happened to those Moroi, and to Lissa. If we had only been thinking about Lissa and not each other, we might have been able to save them all. When Dimitri saw me coming, he allowed himself a small smile.
"Roza, how is the Princess?" He was so concerned.
"Lissa is... Well, she is an emotional wreck. She needs time to cope. But I don't think that will do much help. Dimitri, I'm worried about her. Really worried about her. Can we talk alone?" I knew I could trust Dimitri with this.
When Dimitri and I were alone, I told him about the things Lissa had said to me when I found her and the other Moroi. I told him about how when I had looked into her mind, there was just blackness around the time the Moroi were killed. He listened intently to what I had to say. He could see how worried I was and how scared I was that Lissa had really killed them all. Yet again, I was on the borderline of hysterics when Dimitri wrapped his arms around me. I immediately pushed him away. He didn't understand at all what I was feeling.
"Roza? What's wrong?" I was so close to breaking point, but I needed him to hear this.
"Dimitri, don't you understand? The reason Lissa was even in that situation is because I completely neglected her feelings. I was blocking her out so I could spend time with you! Lissa was in serious danger, maybe from herself or from something else, but I was so caught up with my feelings for you that I couldn't protect my best friend! How can I do something like that? I don't get the privilege of being able to live my own life, date who I want to date, do what I want to do because I have sworn to protect them! I should not have been so selfish. This thing between us... It's finished. I need to focus on Lissa now." It was breaking my heart to say those words to him. He was so hurt. His face crumpled up into nothing but a mask of pain. I had broken his heart, after all. But he knew why I had done it. I wanted so much to just turn around and yell 'GOTCHA!' But I kept walking away, without looking back, from the man I loved. Every step I took away from him, the more my heart broke.
You're doing the right thing Rose. I kept telling myself. Over and over again. I was crying. Tears streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them and to be honest, I didn't want to. I needed to go through this. I made sure to put my walls up so Liss couldn't feel what I was feeling, but I still made sure I could feel her at all times. This was how my life was to be. Protecting Lissa. Following her wherever she went, no matter what. After all... They come first.
As I walked away from Dimitri and towards Lissa, I knew I was walking towards how the rest of my life would be. Turning my back on my feelings and the things I want, to make sure Lissa always got what she wanted. It was my worst nightmare. Only this time, it was real.
