"What love made us do"
Chapter 12
Derek kisses Addison that morning, waking her up.
"Sorry, I woke you up." Derek said, asking for her forgiveness.
"Shh, kiss me again and I forgive you." Addison chuckled still sleepy.
Derek kissed her. "I love you." He muttered on her ear.
"I love you more." She said, kissing him deeply. The light of the little bit of sun coming through the curtains.
"I'm much more better now at least." Callie explains Addison.
"Well I'm very happy to hear that. Hey, did you know that Arizona Robbins is a lesbian? I didn't have idea. I think it's very brave that she's not afraid to say it." Addison gives Callie her opinion over lunch.
"Oh... ohhh. I did hear something." Callie tries to act surprised. Addison drinks her water. "You are in a good mood."
"I had morning sex. But then I got sick."
Earlier that morning...
"Wait." Addison says, breaking a passionate kiss both were enjoying.
"What's up?" Derek looks worried at her pale face.
"Remember me not to order Asian food in the middle of the night." Addison says quickly, stepping up from the bed and running into the bathroom.
Derek looks worried at the bathroom, he sees his wife's red hair, and hears her throw up. He stands up from the bed and goes inside of the bathroom as fast as he can to check her. He holds her hair.
Back to reality...
"I see." Callie laughed at her honesty.
"Anyways, I'm so pissed Rutherford has been sick lately. I really wanted to have a check up." Addison says, giving a bite of her sandwich.
"I'm sorry to hear that, maybe another doctor?"
"Nah... I trust her. I guess I will just have to wait until she's finally back." Addison says.
"I think so." Callie laughs a little.
"You know what's weird?"
"What?"
"I ate a banana for breakfast, breakfast."
"Wow, that's totally wild, I guess?" Callie laughs.
"You don't get it, I don't like breakfast."
"Okay?"
"Plus I threw up, but I was starving still."
"Sorry Addison, I gotta go. I wish I could keep discussing your 'breakfast issues'. This badass ortho goddess has a surgery" Callie smiles.
"See you." Addison says goodbye to Callie. Arizona Robbins goes to find a spot next to Addison after few minutes Calliope is totally gone.
"What were you two talking about?" Arizona says, sitting down.
"Not much. Why?" Addison asks, sighing.
"Doesn't really matter, just wondering. Hey, i heard about Derek's surgery. You must be proud, he took that tumor out of that girl's brain in seven exact minutes." Arizona says in excitement.
"Yeah, he's the best, you know." Addison says with a smile. She loves her husband and she's proud of his talent.
"I have a sick kid with cardio problems... it's sad." Arizona thinks about it for a while.
"I'm so stressed." Addison says out loud. "Sorry, that was... that was rude."
"No, it's okay. I'm stressed too. To be honest right now I would like to be home eating ice cream and watching Marley and me." Arizona jokes.
"Great, now I really would like to do that." Addison laughs.
"What? Sad movie and ice cream?" Arizona chuckles.
"Yeah, it's a perfect plan." Addison says, moving her hair away from her face.
"It's depressing." Arizona looks up to Addison.
"It's fun." Addison chuckles.
"Have you heard of Rutherford lately? There's a patient that's been looking for her the whole day. Apparently she's a popular one." Arizona shares gossip with Addison.
"She has the chicken pox, or at least she's recovering from it. I'm not quite sure. I mean, dealing with a disease by yourself isn't that easy." Addison informs Arizona.
"Yeah, I think so. Must be hard not to have a partner. But what am I saying, I'm single as a Pringle!" Arizona laughs slightly.
"Who's her patient? Maybe I can help her."
"Someone called Dina Ross, I think."
"Where do you think I can find her? I have free time until four."
"She's a young one, like seventeen I think."
"She's a lucky one, a world class surgeon will attend her." Addison winks at Arizona. "Are you gonna eat that brownie?"
Addison enters the consult room checking her new patient's chart, happy to help someone while she doesn't have anything to do. Mother and daughter both seem bored, and the skinny blonde teenager seems much more worried than anyone inside of the room. Addison gives both a tiny smile, practically trying to tell Dina, the teenager, to not feel worried or stressed about anything, it was a sign to say that she was a good OB/GYN and she was in good and talented hands.
"Hello, you must be Dina, right? I'm doctor Montgomery-Shepherd. Doctor Rutherford is sick, sadly, so i'm covering her today." Addison explains.
"Yeah... What's wrong with Kelly?" The teenager asks. She used her name, they must know each other since years ago.
"She's recovering from chicken pox. You two know Kelly from the past, or...? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked" Addison laughs a little, leaving the chart on the table next to the bed. "It's not my place to ask."
"I'm Nadine, Dina's mom. Yeah, well, Kelly was one of my bests friends before she moved from New York, my daughter and I used to hang out with her a lot, before she left her home and decided on being the most amazing OB/GYN she could be" Nadine laughs a little, remembering the old times with her dear friend. "So sad to know she's sick."
"Yes, I am sad too! She's my OB too, so I'm kind of damaged because of her absence" Addison jokes, making both blonde women grin a little. "I might be pregnant and I still can't check up!" Addison jokes, she knew she wasn't pregnant. She was in a good mood and her patients seemed to be too low energy. "Anyway, what brings you here, Dina?"
"If you are, congrats" The mother laughs a little "The issue is her birth control, she doesn't manage her periods, she doesn't remember the dates, she ignores it completely." The mother answers for the daughter, Addison moves her eyes from looking at the weak teenager to her naive and annoying mother.
"Okay... We can work on that. Nadine, do you mind waiting outside? Nothing personal, I just prefer to work on this with Dina... so I can concentrate on her version of the story of her body, could you please leave us both alone?" Addison asks kindly, if Nadine gets mad that would be stupid, Addison was being way too kind and gentle to be hated by her, specially when she's a world class neonatal surgeon that's taking the time to treat her daughter.
"But, why?" The mother asks, looking confused.
"Mom, go starbucks... buy some muffins for Kevin and Jeremy, for their birthday party, I will be fine here with Doctor Montgomery. I promise." The teenager tells her mother, almost begging her to leave her alone.
"Oh, okay. I will be quick. Thank you doctor Montgomery - Shepherd." The mother said, Addison gave her a nod, inviting her to leave the room. Nadine was gone, now Addison and Dina were alone finally.
"Helicopter mom?" Addison jokes, sitting on the feet of the bed next to her patient.
"Yeah. She worries too much it gets creepy."
"I understand you. Kind of, actually. My mother was a much more 'have good grades and don't have sex with strangers' mom." Addison joked, she was trying to light up the mood in the room. "So, Dina, tell me what's up? How old are you?"
"Sixteen, almost seventeen."
"You're a grow up!" Addison laughs, Dina smiles a little and then the smile fades away. "Why are you here, Dina?"
"What my mom said, I don't have a good control birth... I- I'm scared i might be pregnant." The teenager confesses, rubbing her own arm on self disappointment.
"When was the last time you had sex and when was the last time you had your period?" Addison asks, listening. She's serious now.
"I had my period at the start of the last month and I had sex at the very start of this month, the first friday to be exact. The thing is that my period should have come days before i had sex" The skinny blonde girl says.
"Okay, and did you have sex earlier than your last time?"
"Some days after my period ended" She says in a terrified voice.
"What did you tell your mom?"
"Do you need to know that so you can add it to my chart?"
"No, it is something i should know so I don't screw your relationship with your mother." Addison gives her a supportive smile.
"I told her that I'm still a virgin, I had to swear for my grandmother." Dina chuckles a little "I told her i missed my period and I didn't know what was going on."
"Any nauseas? Tender breasts?"
"Not at all."
"Okay... let's check you up." Addison says seriously, standing up from the bed, letting the girl get comfortable, the poor girl is obviously shaking, and Addison can't help but think how hard must be for teenagers this young to have kids.
Dina was comfortable on the bed, Addison without wanting to punched her chest herself, trying to open a box of new latex gloves. They really had some kind of plastic smell she disgusted at this moment, first time in her whole life that she complained about the smell of latex gloves. "Ouch" she murmured, she couldn't rub her boobs in front of a patient, obviously, so she tried to evade the pain for a little while and then managed to start with the procedure. Addison smiled at the teenager. Dina seemed confused, worried, stressed. "Don't you worry, you are not pregnant." Dina nods and smiles.
"Then what is it?" Dina asked, wiping the gel out of her low belly.
"Sometimes when you are a teenager and you have an active sex life or you are into a lot of stress over when is your period coming, or school matters, and others... our body 'blocks', do you get what i'm saying?" Addison smiles at her patient turning off the ultra sound machine.
"Oh, okay. I was so lost." Dina says, with a sight of relieved.
"Believe me or not I also get lost and I'm an OB." Addison laughs. "I spend so much time on surgeries or at the hospital working that I forget about checking myself up much more often." Addison smiles at the girl, she's happy Dina seems much more relaxed by now.
"That must be crazy. I realize easily." Dina shares, pulling her shirt down as it used to be earlier.
"Me too, but sometimes my schedule gets so crazy that all I can think about is going home and taking a long nap."
"And sex with your husband, right?" Dina laughs, Addison laughs and nods. "You're married right? I mean... the Shepherd last name..."
"Yeah, yeah... I am, happily married." Addison smiles thinking about her charming husband. There's a silence. "Well, I'll go give back your chart, be patient, your period will come eventually. Mark the dates on some application on your phone, or a calendar..." Addison stops talking, has she ever touched a calendar in the last few months? Not even once? She looks worried, even pale.
"Doctor Montgomery, are you okay?" Dina asks.
"Yeah, I am... sorry. I was just... thinking." Addison says. "If you need anything don't hesitate on coming back, maybe the next time Kelly will be around." Addison takes her stinky latex gloves off.
"If I ever come back, I think I will ask for you. You are nice, I like you." The blondie smiles at her.
"Sounds good to me." Addison answers filled by joy. "See you soon, Dina. Take care, okay?"
"I will."
"Promise?" Addison asks, offering her hand to the teenager.
"Promise." Dina shacked her hand and kissed her cheek, Addison left the room.
Addison didn't know for sure what she was about to do. She did, but she was not quite sure what was going on in her mind. She was an OB/GYN, stealing a pregnancy test from a hospital couldn't be that difficult, it wasn't weird to see her with a pregnancy test on her hand, after all she had to tell women everyday that they were expecting babies, she had to carry those in her hands eventually.
But now it was so weird. She was about to finally borrow some tests when her husband spotted her at the nurses station in the middle of the pregnancy section of the hospital, where she worked. It wasn't that weird to see him there, it was the same hospital, his wife was there 24/7.
"Hey." Addison greets him, kissing his lips.
"Hi. How are you?" Derek asks her. She smiles.
"I'm fine. What about you?" Addison asks, she can't stop smiling at him, why is he so wonderful!?
"I'm good, came by to check on you, and also, I'm afraid you'll have to go home alone, I'm super sorry. I just realized I can't move surgeries for tomorrow I thought I could but I'll be home at nine, I promise." Derek says, holding her hands. Eyes on them, nurses, interns, doctors...
"Oh, okay. It's okay. I'll see you home."
"Maybe we can order Something healthier so you don't throw up?"
"I'd love that." I also threw up this morning, another symptom.
"Good. See you then." He smiles at her.
"See you." She kisses him goodbye and watches him go. What was I doing? She concentrates again and takes five pregnancy tests. Probably just a false alarm she keeps telling herself. She takes a bottle of water from the nurse station and walks away quickly, looking around in case someone is staring at her.
No one.
She gets inside of the first bathroom she sees. She locks the door and takes a deep breath. "Okay... okay... Addison, chill." She tells herself, closing her eyes, resting her back agains the door, terrified.
Yes, she is terrified. She's shaking even. What if I'm pregnant... am I going to be a good mom? She's insecure about this whole mess.
She's been waiting for this to happen to her and she doesn't know how to react about it. She imagined this being much more casual.
The drinks from the bottle. She hates herself because of drinking a little bit of wine last night over dinner with Derek. But she didn't know. She didn't realize. Now she does know. Now she does realize.
She sits in there. She just does. "Two lines. Two lines. Two lines." She whispers herself.
I am so crazy, why the hell am I talking to myself?! This must be just a false alarm and I'm freaking out, I mean we have been trying but I never thought I would feel this nervous.
She waits. She checks the hour. Two minutes have passed.
Be patient.
She checks the first test, no lines. She planned on trying them all if it was necessary.
"Oh my God." Addison says. One of the tests starts to show a little line, she looks away and holds tears on her eyes. Not the moment to be emotional, Addison! She tells herself. She sits on the floor for a minute, taking deep breaths. Four minutes have passed, she's surprised she's survived them. She's been thinking how to tell Derek, just say it in the middle of a conversation? Bring it up as something casual? Make it obvious?
She checks the time and hesitates on standing up and checking the test. She stands up, looking away; she adjusts her black skirt and red hair. She takes a deep breath and turns away.
Positive.
Positive.
Positive.
It's positive!
Two lines.
Two.
Not one, two.
I am pregnant.
Addison dials a familiar number on her phone while enjoying a warm bubble bath back home after hours of finding out about those exciting news.
"Nae?" Addison asks.
"Addie, Hi!" Naomi says surprised.
"Hi. What's up? What are you doing?" Addison asks, she needs to know her friend is available to talk before saying anything.
"Not much... I'm kind of busy actually." Naomi says sincerely. Addison rolls her eyes. Wow, I'm moody too.
"Doing what?" Addison asks, decided to bother her.
"Nothing." Naomi replies simply.
"Tell me."
"Addison"
"Can I know?" Addison does a sad tone.
"It doesn't matter." Naomi laughs, knowing Addison is acting that tone in an exaggerated way.
"Can you tell your best friend what are you doing?" Addison insists. Naomi is the one rolling her eyes now. She rests on the chair of her office.
"Manipulative hoe." Naomi says.
"I am the manipulative hoe? You are the flirty whore then." Addison laughs, playing with the bubbles around her left hand, while she puts her phone on speaker mode, leaving it near to the bath, on a table.
"No, that's you also." Naomi says.
"Of course not." Addison snaps.
"Yeah, you totally are." Naomi laughs.
"I'm so not a flirty whore." Addison says.
"You so are"
"No." Addison laughs at their silly conversation.
"I'm shopping online." Naomi sighs and tells the truth.
"I knew it!" Addison giggles softly.
"Anyway, Addie, what's going on?" Naomi asks, getting serious.
"What are you trying to say?" Addison somehow tries to evade the theme. She can't even believe it still, her smile hasn't fade away.
"We haven't talked in a couple of weeks. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." Addison says calmly.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Why are you calling?" Naomi asks now, she knows something is going on, Addison called for reasons, she wasn't that much of a sentimental person to anyone specially, she could be open with Derek and sometimes with her friends, but it was something even unreal on her. Weird. Rare.
Addison doesn't know how to respond.
"Addison!" Naomi tried to make her wake up.
"Yes?"
"What's going on?" She starts to sound worried, Addison feels sorry for making her bestie feel bad.
"I promised I would call." Addison says, trying to make Naomi reflect about their last call.
"I don't get you." Naomi answers sincerely. Addison rolls her eyes and smirks.
"Naomi, I called."
"You did..." Naomi takes a time to think.
After a long silence, "Nae, are you there?" Addison asks, feeling stupid, maybe she had to go.
"Yeah. But I don't understand anything." Naomi laughs. Addison laughs with her.
"You don't really know? Any ideas?"
"None."
"I'm... you know." Addison says. She doesn't want to say it out loud. Something tells her that once she says it, everything changes.
"No way!" Naomi gets it now.
"I swear."
"Did you tell Derek?" Naomi asks excited as hell.
"Haven't had an opportunity, i found out a couple of hours ago."
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I'm so surprised I can barely walk without thinking I am carrying a human being." Addison gets cheesy and sentimental easily now.
"I hear water moving, copying Pretty Woman scenes?" Naomi laughs.
"Actually, yes!" Addison laughs with her best friend. She really would like her to be there, not in the bath with her, but, in Seattle, she misses hanging out with her, coffee with her, gossip, movies, having a shoulder besides Derek.
A woman in her life.
"I miss you Nae." Addison says, after minutes of them laughing at the pretty woman joke.
"Me too Addie, I'll go visit you soon, I will not forgive myself if I don't meet my little niece or nephew."
"Naomi, it's a fetus still, remember?" Addison laughs and at the same time tries not to tear up at her words.
"Yes, but it is a human being, that will be with us all in nine months." Naomi says, sounding a little sarcastic. "When are you telling Derek?"
"I don't know. I'm... it's delicate. Something... delicate." She evades the fact she aborted Mark's child and stays strong.
After her bath, Addison got into some pajamas and had a great idea. She knew how to say it. She just knew it. She was nervous and she wanted it to be perfect, she wanted to make something special, but the gift of a kid was already something special so it didn't really matter anymore.
"Hey!" Derek enters the apartment, noisy, as always. "I'm home."
Addison gets out of the master bedroom and stares at him, she smiles. You will be an amazing father. She should just say it. She's wearing one of Derek's sweaters and panties as her pajamas. She's crossing her arms over her chest.
"Hi." She almost whispers.
"What's going on?" He asks, taking his coat off. Leaving his coat on the closet next to the enter of the apartment. He starts to worry. She's so calm. Seems like she's melancholy, but happy. He stares at his legs for a moment, but deletes the idea of sex instantly, she's quiet and she looks tired.
"Derek..." She can't talk. She can't say it. She really wants to, she's almost shaking. But she's not breaking apart, she's smiling still, staring at him. Her arms still crossed.
"Addison, what's up? What is it?" Derek walks over her, tries to hug her or just hold her, but she won't accept a hug, she's sore and she doesn't know if she should tell him now. Should I?
"I..." She tries to talk, she looks away. She's emotional. He kisses her cheek.
"Addison... are you okay?" He's worrying. Deeply. He knows she's somehow being affected by something.
"I'm sorry." She says simply, letting him hug her now. "I know I said clean slate, but I think about it." The thoughts were on her mind, she felt guilty because of changing the theme this way, but maybe it's time to vent again.
I'll wait. An appointment. I'll calm down. Take my time. And then we tell Derek. Yes. We tell Derek. She tells herself, walking inside of her room, quietly, she sits on the bed. He sits next to her, wrapping an arm across her back, caressing her arm.
"I made something awful. I broke your heart and I also broke mine at the same time. I betrayed you. Karma kicked my ass after that, we know that." Addison laughs a little but keeps her hote serious. Derek is not stopping her.
Addison takes a deep breath. "I feel awful. I made you hate me. I always wonder what would have happened if I never felt loved by Mark Sloan."
"What are you saying?"
"You weren't there. That's what I mean. He lied and told me he loved me. He convinced me with the time, you weren't home, my husband wasn't there. You stopped loving me and he started loving me. I was alone and confused."
"Addison..."
"No, please don't Addison me. I blamed you for what happened to our marriage, Derek. That was me. I was the one who cheated. And to be honest I'm terrified I will ever commit another mistake and I will drown." Derek caresses her neck.
"I'm afraid of losing everything I have, because I still love you. I love you. I- I want you. I feel so horrible. I can't help but still think and remember about the night you threw me out of our house. I remember laying on the stairs the whole night, crying, with my wet hair. I used to blame you because of that pain, but it was all me. It was karma being a bitch." Addison was venting. This was something she wanted to talk about, too. Maybe it was a way she didn't know she was using for ignoring telling him the pregnancy news.
"It was my fault also."
"No, it was mine. All the time." She leans and rests her head on his shoulder.
"Addison..."
"Seriously, I slept with Mark. I touched him. He touched me. I feel dirty. Dirty still. My soul is heavy. My heart pounds." Addison says, a tear runs down her cheek. "I'm telling you this because I understand your pain, it also got me pain."
"Addie. Clean slate. Everything is okay. Now we are okay. Karma can't bring us down this time. What love can make us do is much more powerful that some superstition." Derek says, stroking her hair.
"Clean slate? I- I really want a clean slate. But I'm so afraid i will screw this up again." Addison closes her eyes and sniffs.
"What love made us do, remember? This is what love made us do, we ended up crazy in love at the end of the war, didn't we?" Derek says smiling.
"Derek I love your metaphors." She laughs a little.
"We will be fine." Derek assures her, rubbing her arm still.
"What love made us do... I like that." She says, her voice sounds highly much more cheerful.
"Me too." He says, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"Kelly?!" Addison smiles as soon as she sees the blonde woman inside of her office, working on some paperwork. The blonde woman looks up with a light smile at Addison, who's on the door of the office, thrilled to see her back.
"Addison! Hi." She says, standing up from her chair, approaching to the redhead to hug her as a much more proper greet.
"It's been a while without you around, all okay?" Addison asks, concerned about her OB/GYN... well, her friend.
"Yeah well, chicken pox is contagious, I did wrong on babysitting my neighbor's kids." Kelly laughs, resting a hand on her hip, gracefully. Addison enters the room.
"I love how positive you are!" Addison cheers her up a little bit more. Rutherford nods and smiles.
"How are you?" Kelly asks, giving Addison a cheeky smile. Addison couldn't help but grin at the way she was always so positive, strong and reckless... also slutty, but she was always standing tall, after all she's been through.
"I'm good. I- I heard you were back and i decided to come here to prove it myself. It's true. You are finally back." Addison says, letting her hands rest on the pockets of her white 'doctor' robe.
"Good to know someone missed me." Kelly giggles a little, moving her head slightly, so her hair can go to the back of her ear automatically.
"Yeah. About that, I need you..." Addison seems worried, excited and confused; Kelly can tell.
"A consult?" Kelly asks in concern, resting her hands on her pockets just as Addison was doing.
"Something like it." Addison grins a little, looks away and scratches her nose a bit, maybe just an anxiety nervous tick.
"'Like it?'" Kelly asks, referring to Addison answer. "Like it." Okay, it was clear. Still blurry...
"Yeah, it's - it's for me." Addison smiles.
"Oh. You need a check up?"
"No, I need an ultrasound actually." Now everything was clear inside of the blonde woman's head.
"Oh my God. When did you find out?!" Kelly asks in excitement, happily, joyful.
"A couple days ago." Addison smiles. Kelly takes her hands out of her pockets and hugs her redhead friend.
"Super happy for you!" She said in content.
After two more hugs, Kelly congratulating her again, a little laugh and a smile, both went into an exam room. Addison was nervous and she felt guilty for not telling Derek about this whole mess. What mess?!? This is a miracle!! She was happy but, she didn't know how to act. It was new. It was happiness. She really wanted this with Derek, she knew she wanted this the first moment she knew Addison and Derek were meant to be. And are meant to be. Everything can turn beautifully perfect... and then her vision starts to get blurry...
Derek's hand falls on Addison's cheek without wanting to that morning, she wakes up.
"Oh dear God." It was all a dream. I'm not pregnant. I'm not sore. It was a dream.
"What?" Derek says sleepily, waking up little by little, barely opening his eyes, seeing how Addison was catching her breath and was touching her breasts. "What the hell are you doing?"
"My boobs don't hurt." Addison says serious. Derek can't help but laughs against his pillow.
"What are you trying to say?" He says, chuckling.
"I had a crazy dream." Addison says, smiling. Why is this a relief?
"You did?" Derek caresses her arm.
"It was insane." Addison takes a deep breath.
"What was it about?"
"It was- it was weird. I don't know, I just... it felt so real." Addison says, getting much more comfortable so she can look directly at Derek.
"I was also having a dream." Derek says, getting comfortable, too. Placing a hand on his wife's hip, resting his head on his own arm, looking up to her.
"Yeah? What was it about?" Addison grins.
"I don't remember anymore. You woke me up, acting terrified." Derek laughs.
"Shut up!" Addison hits his hand on her hip, playfully.
"Auch." He says dramatically.
"I'm sorry I woke you up, sleeping beauty. I was also having a dream but your hand fell on my face, so you woke me up, it wasn't me who woke you up, it was you after all."
"You're blaming me?" He asks; caressing her back, with a smile.
"I am." She smiles back.
"You are?"
"Yes." Addison nods.
