Disclaimer: BBC Merlin is not in my possession. I only own my plethora of OCs
Warnings: Just T-rated violence and some adult themes. Nothing graphic though! Just suggestive as per the rating guidelines. If enough people think I should move it to M, I will, but I don't think it'll be a problem.
Thanks so much to Emachinescat, LinzPhantom, Zagreb-girl, ForIHaveOvercomeTheWorld, TheMadSister, Kitty O, Hiding in the Shadow, DragonflyonBreak, Baelfire, Laughy-Taffy the Grape, Lynabelle, Arisprite, Dirl15, sarajm, whiterae, godsdaughter77, ShiverMeFunzies, MamzelleHermy, TeganL74, .Icecream, Rocky181, and where the wind blows for reviewing!
And everyone for reading, favouriting, and alerting :D
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Ragnell's mouth gaped open like a fish, bringing a smile to Merlin's lips. He let the wisps of flames twirl to white flower petals and watched them drift away on the breeze.
"You are Emrys?" She breathed.
Merlin smirked at Lancelot and then leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "You seem surprised."
Ragnell stared at him for a moment before slumping down. "You cannot blame me," she said distractedly and then smiled at him. "It is an honour to meet you my lord." Ragnell bowed her head to Merlin's revulsion.
"Oh don't do that!" Merlin practically whined, "Please." A grunt from Gwaine had them all looking toward where the knights were sleeping. Merlin noted that Ragnell's eyes lingered on the sleeping knight before looking back at Merlin.
"You are a legend. A sign of hope to our people!" She said sternly. Her deep eyes flashed and Merlin swallowed despite himself. For someone so small, she certainly was intimidating. But then her face fell and she pressed her pink lips together. "On behalf of my people, I thank you for coming."
Lancelot leaned forward and placed a protective hand on Merlin's shoulder. "Is there a way for Merlin to survive this?" His eyes and tone were desperate.
"The prophecy says that you must give up your life to defeat the curse," she replied slowly, "but also that you will need the once and future king in your time of darkness." Ragnell gripped her braid agitatedly. "I never had talent for interpreting prophecies, but the very nature of the curse does not give much hope."
Merlin nodded and offered her a smile. "Well if I can save Camelot, I will do it at any price."
Ragnell extended her hand and gripped Merlin's arm. "There is always hope, especially for one such as you."
"We'll have to see," Merlin replied.
Silence blossomed before Ragnell stood up. "I suggest you get some sleep while you can, Emrys."
Merlin stood up as well. "Oh, I would appreciate it if you did not tell the other druids about me. I don't want Arthur getting suspicious. He doesn't know."
"You have my word. Though Prince Arthur seems to suspect something already."
Merlin nodded and bid goodnight to Lancelot and Ragnell. The knight watched the two climb into their bedrolls and couldn't resist smiling when he caught the druid glancing at Gwaine as she passed by. Both magic users had a difficult time falling asleep. Lancelot played Ragnell's words over in his head, like a mantra to steel him in the days to come. The only thing he could do was have hope that Merlin would survive.
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The wide doors of the stables slowly creaked open, letting in a chilled breeze which sent strands of sweet smelling hay fluttering across the stone floor. Sleeping horses jolted awake, eying the doorway for a threat but soothed for the fact that a friendly figure lounged against one of the stalls. The paint horse in said stall came to rest his head by the man's arm. There was no light source in the room but moonlight, filtering in from the windows and catching on the man's chainmail as he lifted his arm to pat the horse's head. With a final groan, the door opened far enough for a figure to squeeze through. A horse whinnied in greeting upon recognizing the newcomer who eased the door closed, a process made harder by his broken arm, and when it snapped shut, the hiss of a lantern had the shorter man freezing.
Warm light swelled throughout the room, pushing the cool shadows of night away. "Going somewhere Eadric?" Cadmon held a lantern in his hand, addressing the surprised knight casually.
A scowl instantly painted Eadric's face. "You aren't here to join me are you?" He asked gruffly and without hope. His loud voice echoed through the silent room. When Cadmon shook his head, Eadric dropped his saddle bags and they collided with the ground. "How did you know?"
The old knight smiled. "You were staring at the stables all day. It did not take a genius to figure out what you were planning." Another whinny from Cloverblade prompted Eadric to drag his feet towards his horse. The short grey was housed in the stall across and to the side of Spots, which comforted Eadric somewhat- it was far enough away from Cadmon.
"They could use an extra man," Eadric insisted with a resolute frown on his face.
"Which is why you will be setting out at first light with a contingent of knights," Cadmon replied with smile.
The shorter knight blinked his hazel eyes, absently patting his horse's snout when he gave an impatient snort. "I will? Even if it is against Arthur's expressed orders?"
Cadmon nodded. His green eyes gleamed like warm steel against the frail light of the lantern. "Arthur entrusted me with the safety of Camelot. And they are one in the same are they not? Every man counts."
Eadric emitted a brusque laugh. "Well, well, I'd never thought I'd see the day where you defied orders."
A ghost of a smile flitted across Cadmon's lips. "That is because you my friend have not been alive long enough." He led the way out of the stables and into the wide street where sounds of crickets could be heard. Eadric followed and walked silently beside the older knight as they made their way up the road and toward the castle which towered up toward the night sky on the other side of the wall. They passed many ambling guards on their short walk and made it into the courtyard just as a soft hooting of an owl carried to them on the ends of a gust of wind.
"Be ready by dawn tomorrow. You will be in charge. And Eadric, you are not to personally engage in battle unless you must."
"Can't make any promises," he grinned but furrowed his brow at the clear un-amusement in Cadmon's expression.
"Just come home safely. I have lost too many friends to lose another to pure stupidity."
Eadric used his good arm to clap Cadmon on the shoulder. "I have no intention of dying, my friend."
"No one ever does, Eadric."
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A light breeze whispered through the dark sky and down through the trees of the forest, and the sharp breath of coming winter clung to the brisk air even as the sun began to slowly wake. Fading stars stared down at the sad mists creeping through the shadowy woods. Eighteen blanketed figures lay on the ground of a small clearing- all were sleeping except a figure lying still in his bed roll and a dark skinned knight guarding the area. Arthur stared at the dark sky with shadowed eyes. He had not slept since he had heard the dreaded words come out of Merlin's mouth last night. He wanted to throttle him- scream and punch and do something. But he feigned sleep as Merlin walked past him to get to his own spot. And he remained awake even after Gwaine relieved Lancelot and the knight's suspicion made the air heavy. Arthur did not know if Gwaine had also heard, and he did not rise up to find out. His thoughts were drowning him. Everything Merlin said the previous day- his odd answers and demeanour. All the times that Merlin surely would have told him his secret; that he wasn't just a sorcerer, but the most powerful one that would ever live. The wind bit at the damp trails running down Arthur's face- where overwhelmed tears had forced their way out of the corners of his eyes. He didn't even know why he was surprised- he had been denying the possibility for quite a while now. But...
Merlin lied to him. And Arthur did not know what to think. Magic was evil. Pure evil. Wasn't it? So many sorcerers had tried to hurt him- had hurt his friends. Morgana's face swam behind his eyes and Driscoll flitted unbidden through his mind and a little voice at the back of his head called him a hypocrite, making him pause. His own secret from Merlin flashed in his head, and uncomfortable memories paraded behind his eyes- Merlin hanging unmoving from a ceiling, Merlin struggling to take just a simple breath, Merlin unconscious for days after they saved him, Merlin reliving torture in his nightmares, Merlin looking at him for strength when Lorcan attacked. Merlin had endured a nightmare rather than betray Camelot. And still carried the scars. He was the least evil person Arthur knew, so surely not all magic was evil? The druids seemed benevolent after all. And how could he discount Merlin's honourable vow last night?
The hollow chasm in Arthur's chest did not abate as he tentatively decided that Merlin was not evil. Was still his friend. Or had he ever been? Immediately Arthur was disgusted with himself and to seemingly add to the fire, a strangled gasp split the silence of the campsite. The prince listened as Merlin floundered up, breathing heavily. But instead of becoming calmer with the passing seconds, the dragonlord's breaths became more haggard. Arthur opened his eyes as Merlin struggled up and stumbled to the forest. Most of Arthur was worried but the smallest part had a thought that Emrys was up to no good.
The prince silently prised himself out of his bedroll, and stealthily followed Merlin toward the thickening trees. With a glance he halted Elyan in his tracks as he made to follow Merlin and picked up his pace. His eyes were hard as he walked further but then searched alarmed for where the sound of retching was coming from. It was still too dark to see much as dawn was an hour away but he was able to make out the huddled figure not far from him. Arthur hurried forward and found Merlin doubled over and heaving uncontrollably. He gasped when he seen that Merlin was trembling violently while trying to wheeze in fresh air and his skin was bone white, standing out unnervingly in the darkness. "Merlin!" Arthur's voice called and his legs ran toward his deceiving friend. The prince placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder but was shocked when the warlock cried out and cringed away. With a gust of wind, leaves were propelled off the ground and Arthur made the connection to Merlin who fell on his side and huddled into a shuddering ball.
"I'm in the forest, I'm in the forest," he repeated wildly. Arthur just stared at him, frozen in the wake of the strengthening wind. Merlin was using magic and did not even look like he was aware of it. How could Arthur have fooled himself? Only when Merlin dug his nails into his scalp did Arthur move forward. He wrestled Merlin's arms to their side and hauled him to a sitting position. Merlin's utterances changed to denying Arthur's presence, but the prince knew it was either Driscoll or Cenred that Merlin was seeing and trying frantically to get away from.
Arthur's calm assurances did not seem to be helping and only when the prince was turning desperate, did Merlin slump against him. Arthur supported Merlin's weight until his breathing calmed down and then called the dragonlord's name.
"Please don't leave again," was Merlin's quiet reply. A raw pang hit Arthur as he realized his friend was half asleep. This was not the first time the prince had heard those words. So Arthur snapped his fingers in front of Merlin's face and was rewarded when he jerked upward. The servant did not lean away from Arthur, though, instead letting the prince take his weight but brought one hand to cup his forehead.
"Are you alright?" Arthur asked for need of something to say.
Merlin's response was to jerk away and vomit the rest of the food out of his stomach. His shaking got worse again, and fuelled Arthur's anger. "A flashback?" He asked blankly and patted Merlin's back. Arthur closed his eyes when Merlin nodded and then gagged again.
"Not so bad," he muttered and held his stomach.
"Don't lie to me Merlin," Arthur said sharply, "you haven't reacted this bad in weeks."
Merlin shrugged. "No really, he wasn't... He was just telling me what he would do to me." Merlin shivered and couldn't hold back a dry retch. "Torture instruments, curses. It was that horse you know, Pellias' one. He found it in Engerd. I stared at the back of its head as he explained. I thought I was going to be sick but I was too scared to. I was so scared. That's why I don't like it, stupid really but..."
"You never told me that," Arthur said softly, preventing Merlin from rambling.
"There are so many things I want to tell you," Merlin said quietly, earning a heavy stare from Arthur. "But just can't." Merlin clearly still wasn't quite awake and Arthur took advantage of it.
"Why not?"
"Scared," Merlin said after a pause.
"Of what?" Arthur pressed, not letting impatience touch his tone.
"That you'll hate me," Merlin responded dully, his head bobbing. "And I can't. I can't ruin Albion. Our friendship. Too scared."
As Merlin rambled some more, Arthur thought if he was a girl, his heart might break. A sigh escaped his lips. "Oh Merlin, you're such an idiot," he couldn't help but smile. This was still Merlin, and having magic did not change the fact that he was so utterly stupid. "How could you think that? After everything? I could never hate you." And because this was getting far too emotional for Arthur's liking, he gave Merlin's shoulders a shake to wake him up fully.
The warlock gasped in surprise and blinked owlishly at him. "Arthur! I- Was I dreaming?" Merlin asked and looked around. He then twisted his lips upon tasting and smelling the vomit. The prince grabbed his water flask which he forgot to take off last night and gave it to Merlin who rinsed his mouth out greedily. After Merlin was done, Arthur pulled him up and directed him deeper into the forest. Not far, but far enough to be rid of the smell. "The camp is that way," Merlin pointed through the dark forest.
"Thank you Merlin," Arthur replied and sat himself on the ground. "We need to talk."
Merlin immediately frowned and could not hide a shudder. "I'd rather not."
"Just trust me. And you may want to sit down."
Unsurprisingly Merlin remained standing and Arthur thought with a bit of satisfaction that it would serve him right. Arthur had no intention of beating around the bush and he speared Merlin with a serious gaze as he spoke. "I know you are Emrys. I heard you last night."
The prince watched as Merlin's mouth dropped open and his knees quivered. Merlin sank to the ground and Arthur was vindictively pleased to see how shaken he looked. "Surprising no?" Arthur said lightly.
"Arthur," Merlin said aghast, "I-" He snapped his mouth shut as the prince held up his hand.
"I know that you are a sorcerer," Arthur said slowly, saying the words out loud for the first time. "And Merlin, you lied to me."
"I'm sorry," Merlin whispered, "I'm so sorry." Moisture was gaining in his blue eyes and Arthur did not care to see it. Not because he was being cold, but because Merlin was the strongest man he knew, and to see him with tears in his eyes was like a hard kick in the gut. Even if he was an utter girl.
"I know why you did it Merlin, you just told me." This had Merlin pause, he clearly did not remember the conversation from minutes ago. "And I don't hate you. I understand the need to keep secrets," Arthur said calmly.
Merlin stared at him and looked like he just couldn't understand. "You're taking this...better than I imagined," he said in a nasally voice.
Arthur looked to the side in consideration. "You brought me back into focus," he admitted still not looking at Merlin, "I was angry. And- and hurt. I still am. But then I heard you waking up." It was Merlin's turn to avert his eyes from Arthur's. "And I realized, that you are my friend, Merlin. The greatest friend I have ever known. Having magic doesn't change that. I think I've known for a while now anyway."
Tears overflowed from Merlin's eyes and his lips were stretching into a buckling grin. He gave a sobbing laugh and Arthur had just met his over bright eyes before Merlin launched himself at him. "Oof!" Arthur rocked back as Merlin embraced him in a tight hug. It was a good thing that the prince was as strong as he was or else he would have been knocked on his back, and the situation would have gotten extremely awkward. Arthur's mind blanked as blubbering laughs filled the air, echoing through the trees. He couldn't help but give a chuckle of his own and pat Merlin's back. If his own eyes were rather bright, he would never admit it.
The warlock then extended his arms and Arthur was greeted with the sight of happy tears streaming down Merlin's face, pouring from his dark lashes."Arthur, thank you! You have no- no idea how much this means to me. I've waited s-so long. I've wanted to tell you for ages!"
"I know, you girl," Arthur rolled his eyes in an attempt to dry them. Merlin was rubbing off on him it seemed. "I remember all those times you were going to tell me something important but never did." The servant still couldn't seem to regain his composure and was grinning like a complete idiot and taking hitching gasps as he tried to contain his emotions.
"So you forgive me?" Merlin breathed and Arthur errantly thought his cheeks must be hurting from grinning so much.
"Well I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't," the words were out of Arthur's mouth before he could take them back. But luckily Merlin only heard what he wanted to hear and that was, 'yes'. "Alright now Merlin," Arthur groaned as the warlock engulfed him in another hug. "Before the sun comes up."
Merlin released him and gave him another sunny grin. He ran a sleeve across his eyes and sniffed. "You've made everything so much easier now. But harder too," Merlin gave him a sad smile and waited for Arthur's response.
"What do you mean?" Arthur asked, genuinely confused.
"I am Emrys," Merlin said slowly. Like Arthur could forget. "The only one who can get rid of the curse."
Oh.
No. "No!" Arthur growled. "There must be another way." He jumped up on his knees and looked urgently at Merlin. "There has to be!" His heart started thundering in his chest and he berated himself for not thinking about it before. He shoved down feelings of guilt and shame, and gripped Merlin's shoulders as if he could keep the warlock safe.
"I don't know if there is," he said slowly, and then slower, "I have to give up my life."
"No you don't," Arthur said swiftly.
Merlin smiled one of his smiles. "I will gladly do it. To save Albion."
The prince shook his head. "Not now, not now. Merlin we have so much to live for. Not now!"
Merlin ducked his head. "It's the way it has to be."
"I will not lead you to your death!" Arthur bellowed, and his voice cracked. There was a slight shake to his hands and his eyes were glistening with anguished tears. "I can't," he whispered, "I can't."
Merlin swallowed back guilt and spoke quietly. "You don't have to come," he uttered without thinking and then was immediately terrified of the prospect of dying without Arthur there.
Arthur thought furiously and then froze. "The druids! They said you needed me. Right? I'll be with you Merlin, so- so, you don't have to give up your life! Or..." Arthur paused and his eyes were like blue steel. "You can give your life up all you want Merlin, I won't let it be taken!" He gave a manic laugh. "As long as I'm with you, you are going to be fine!"
Merlin smiled and hope started blooming in his eyes. "...Maybe you're right."
"Of course I'm right!" Arthur declared and sent a punch to the warlock's arm. "Because I refuse to be wrong."
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Gwaine looked up from saddling his horse as Merlin and Arthur made their way through the trees. Russet coloured eyes stared at Merlin, marking something different about his friend. The dragonlord seemed like a great weight was lifted of his shoulders- his stride was lighter and his eyes less guarded. Arthur too had a new determination about him. Gwaine frowned and marched up to them, making his way past some druids, suddenly impatient to get some answers. Why did Arthur get to know things and he didn't?
"Gwaine, what is it?" Merlin asked immediately.
The knight opened his mouth but faltered upon seeing the brightness in Merlin's eyes. Arthur was an immediate target of a glare. "What did you two talk about? Are you alright? Elyan said something was wrong. And I need some answers. But what did Arthur do?"
"Why do you assume I did something?" Arthur asked, affronted.
"It's nothing Gwaine. Just a nightmare," Merlin told him with a disarming smile.
Gwaine gritted his jaw and could not keep the hurt out of his eyes. "Don't you trust me Merlin?"
The warlock looked mortified. "Of course I do, but nothing-"
"Excuse me Arthur, Merlin and I need to have a chat," Gwaine narrowed his eyes at the prince.
"Is this about you overhearing the conversation last night?" Arthur asked which froze both Gwaine and Merlin in their tracks.
"I didn't hear them no," Gwaine frowned, "but I seen you talking, Merlin. And witnessed a certain something."
Merlin looked like he was holding his breath and Gwaine adopted an expression like a wounded puppy, though he tried to hide it. "You don't trust me then. Alright." He lowered his gaze but had not the strength to turn away. The knight did not see Merlin and Arthur exchange glances before the prince left to converse with the waking druids.
"Do you mean the magic?" Merlin whispered and Gwaine's head shot up because Arthur was still in hearing distance. He turned his head to look at Arthur who nodded at him.
A grin then plastered itself to Gwaine's lips and he turned to the warlock, suddenly realizing what was different about him. "Arthur knows too then?"
"You aren't surprised?" Merlin gaped at him. Arthur seemed mollified that Merlin was caught off guard at Gwaine's knowledge and smoothly recovered from his stumble.
"Nah, it wasn't hard to figure out," Gwaine grinned and looked proudly at Merlin. "Thanks for telling me Merlin."
"You are one of the people I count on the most," Merlin told him, "I trust you with my life."
"And mine with you my friend. But your little display with the fire wasn't what I was talking about. Ragnell bowed to you. I can't help but wonder about that."
Merlin bit his lip. "If I tell you, you must not tell anyone. Lancelot knows though, and so does Arthur and Ragnell."
Gwaine nodded. "You're going to tell me that you are Emrys," he said hollowly.
Merlin breathed a laugh through his nose. "You certainly are good at guessing."
"No, you just believe everything at face value and think others do the same," Gwaine sighed. "Why am I not surprised?"
"I think you would be the only one," Merlin stated.
"So what's the plan?" Gwaine frowned seriously. "Because only over my dead body will you be dying at Isgard."
"Don't say that," Merlin snapped.
"Well it's true," Gwaine seethed and gripped Merlin's shoulders. The warlock was caught off guard by how serious the knight was. "You're not going to die," he spoke like it wouldn't happen because he said it was so.
"I'll try not to," Merlin smirked somewhat falsely, "just for you."
Gwaine nodded in a pleased manner and released the warlock. "Good"
Arthur's voice then echoed through the clearing, calling everyone to where he and Ragnell were standing. The tension that had been obvious when they were talking previous times was no longer there and both looked more at ease with the other. Gwaine looked at Merlin before sauntering over, making sure to plant himself directly opposite Ragnell. The knight ignored the nudge Merlin gave him in favour of plastering an absurdly attentive expression on his face.
Beside him, Gerrick let out a snicker that was quickly covered up. The knights all gathered on Arthur's side while the druids on Ragnell's. "Alright," the prince said to them all, "Ragnell and I have been discussing our course of action and all of you need to be aware." Arthur was glancing at every face as he spoke. "We will likely reach the Vale of Isgard by nightfall tomorrow. Which means that we are going to be more vulnerable in an ambush." He turned to the druids to address them. "Now, Ragnell told me that when all of you have done that enchantment business, only one of you will be unable to perform magic. Because they are the vessel... or something."
The druids glanced at each other and some sent disapproving looks toward the youngest of them. Ragnell raised her eyebrow imperiously, giving a reminder of who exactly was in charge. "I need to know who are willing to intervene should we be overwhelmed by an ambush." Arthur stated and stared at the druids.
"Helping you now could be considered blasphemy by many young prince," an old man named Jaril told him in a weathered voice. Many druids looked like they agreed and Arthur sighed.
"Look, I understand the risks you all are taking. And I am grateful to each of you," the prince said with kind steel in his voice. "But we are Albion's one and only hope. If we do not complete our quest, it is not only the nineteen of us that will perish, but thousands more! I am not asking you to use your magic to harm our foes...merely to aid us in any way you see fit."
Ragnell nodded and took her turn to speak. "As I said before, I will do what I can to aid you," she took a small breath to say more but was cut off by Jaril.
"You know not what you say Ragnell, you are young yet."
"But still capable of more than you are," she said acidly. Gwaine ducked his head to hide his grin, causing Merlin to do the same. Ragnell took a calming breath through her nose and crossed her arms, and none were surprised when she reached for her braid. "This is a time of change. No one is asking you to attack anyone Jaril, but doing nothing when we can prevent an ally's death is akin to murder is it not?"
"As is allowing an enemy to come to harm by helping an ally," he said unhappily. His brown eyes shined resentfully at the young woman.
"Then you merely need to help with the enchantment," she said simply and turned to the rest. "Who answers Prince Arthur's call?" Her umber eyed stare was heavy.
A moment of hesitation passed before Kiara stepped forward. And then Nevin, a man slightly older than Ragnell followed. Everyone else stayed where they were and most of them looked repentant. But Jaril and another were clearly not happy.
"Thank you," both Arthur and Ragnell said and the druid woman continued. "Do not feel guilty," she told some of the druids, "not all are fighters. Especially amongst our people."
An intake of breath from Kiara had all looking at her. "You are resolute this morning Prince Arthur. And more understanding of our ways." She waited for an answer.
Arthur nodded and thought for a moment. Merlin did not like the look of his glance toward him. "Yes," he said, "this morning is brighter. Questions have been answered and I now know who Emrys is."
The knights gaped at him with the exception of Gwaine. Lancelot's eyes widened comically and he gawked at Merlin who was biting his lip. "Emrys?" Leon asked. "And you are certain he will come?"
Arthur's smile made Merlin want to run to the hills. "He will. In fact he is standing right here with us." Those who were shocked looked around with gasps of surprise. Aldwin though, brought a dreading stare to Merlin and Lancelot had a smile growing on his face.
Arthur flicked his eyes to Gwaine who obliged his unspoken order. He gave Merlin a sly push so the servant stumbled into the center. He didn't quite manage to make it look graceful. Merlin's face reddened and Leon, Aldwin, Gerrick, and Arthur were hit with the memory of when the prince announced Merlin as a dragonlord. The warlock cleared his throat and straightened his back, walking stiffly beside Arthur and making sure to throw him a glare.
As everyone stared, Merlin's flush spread to his ears and down his neck. "Ta da!" Gwaine broke the silence loudly. Arthur laughed and nudged Merlin's shoulder which made the knights relax. A grin spread on Ragnell's lips and Gwaine would have found himself thankful that the dark cloak of pre dawn masked his goofy grin had he noticed it.
Leon gaped at Merlin and gave an incredulous laugh. "I don't believe it."
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So what did everyone think of my reveal? I'm anxious to hear what you guys have to say.
Jaril is pronounced Yaril by the way.
Did anyone catch my Iron Maiden reference? Well besides the obvious title of the story, I said that Merlin wanted to run to the hills. Heh heh heh
Thank you for reading, and please remember to review!
Also, does no one like Ragnell?
*Next time- Chapter 13: Where There is Hope*
