This is a long one because things happen. I'm really excited, and I hope you like this update. More things will start to happen now, too. So in short: there's a lot happening.
Please review it rocks my world x
And so I fall in love just a little,
oh a little bit every day with someone new.
-Hozier, "Someone New."
Tonks yawned and pulled the blanket up tighter around her chin, trying to stay as comfortable as she could. The TV flickered in front of her, reruns of an old British sitcom flashing across the screen. Tonks blinked languidly, her brain muddled from sleep. She rubbed her tender belly slowly, feeling the hard just of her baby's foot against her side.
Doctor Gemma had been sure that Tonks wouldn't make her due date, which was normal for first time mothers, apparently. However, she had been wrong; Tonks was now 3 days late, and there were no signs that the baby was coming anytime soon.
She had walked laps around the house, trying to ease the slight discomfort she felt whenever she was immobile for too long. Charlie had visited nearly every day of the past week, bringing chocolate and ice cream and movies about dragons that Tonks could only roll her eyes at. She appreciated the company, happy to have her mind distracted from the nerves that threatened to engulf her.
The baby kicked out sharply as the sounds of the fake sitcom laughter filled the room. Tonks rubbed the sore spot absently, feeling too tired and heavy to care. Today was Andromeda's birthday, and her parents had expected the baby to be born by now; Tonks had had to force her mother to use her voucher at the spa today. Ted had assured her that they would be fine, and Tonks had simply rolled her eyes. She could tell that the baby wouldn't come today.
Her phone vibrated against her arm, a text from Charlie asking if he should bring popcorn along with the ice cream, but the thought of popcorn made Tonks want to vomit. She hadn't had that urge for months now, and the intensity of it left her momentarily breathless. She sent back "NO", all caps so that he would know she wasn't joking, and then sighed heavily as she felt the beginning of a Braxton Hick.
Something about this one felt different. Tonks hissed as the usual discomfort that she had grown used to intensified into actual pain. She shifted on the couch, knowing from experience that changing positions usually eased the ache, but the pain remained. She grit her teeth and tried to breathe as evenly as possible until it passed nearly 30 seconds later.
Tonks yawned and burrowed deeper into the nest she had created, shaking off her worry. It was probably just another practise contraction, and if it wasn't then she figured that she should get some sleep whilst she still could. Sighing, she closed her eyes.
The baby will come when she's ready, Tonks reminded herself. You have nothing to worry about.
Kicking his shoes off on the front mat, Ted Tonks struggled to hold onto his handful off mail and simultaneously close the door behind him. Once safely inside, he flicked through the mail as he shuffled down the hall towards the kitchen. The sink was still filled with dishes from breakfast, and if the crumbs all over the bench were anything to go by, Tonks had recently raided the biscuit jar.
Ted sighed in exasperation; it seemed that no matter how old his daughter was, she couldn't clean up after herself. A quick glance at the clock showed him that it was long past lunch, which usually meant that Charlie would be visiting, but Ted couldn't hear any voices coming from the lounge.
'Dora?' he called out. He made his way towards the lounge, scrubbing a hand over his face tiredly. 'Can you clean up after yourself please?'
Ted paused in the doorway, eyes going wide as he took in the form of his daughter. Tonks was bent over, one hand holding the wall for support and the other pressing down on her stomach. He could hear her panting, and without thinking he made his way quickly over to her side.
'Dad?' she asked, not raising her head as she felt his hand rest on her shoulder. She took a shuddering breath and rubbed her stomach. 'Daddy – '
'What's wrong?' Ted asked, trying to clear his mind of the fog that suddenly clouded his thoughts. He helped his daughter straighten up and then led her back towards the couch to sit, his heart racing.
'Dad' Tonks said, gripping his arm tightly as tears streamed down her face. She didn't feel well, she was in pain, and she was so, so scared, but the sight of her father helped calm her slightly. She took a gulping breath and tried to stem the tears. 'I – I think I'm in labour. I think – I don't know, I'm so scared and I just don't know…'
'It's okay' Ted whispered, immediately trying to comfort her even though he was internally screaming. He didn't know what to do. 'Okay. Take some deep breaths. Tell me what's happening.'
Tonks took a moment to just breathe, knowing that she needed to calm down. 'This morning after mum left, I started to feel funny. And then I had a contraction and it really hurt, and then I fell asleep but it wasn't a very good sleep because I was having more contractions. Now they're twenty minutes apart and I was scared so I tried to find you but I couldn't even walk properly and I can't do this, dad. I don't want to do this.'
'Oh Dora' Ted said, wrapping an arm around her and drawing her close to his side. 'You should have called for me. Your mum left five hours ago and you've been in here on your own?'
Tonks nodded glumly, wiping her nose on her sleeve. 'I thought it was fake. I ended up telling Charlie not to come. Moving didn't feel good and I thought it would go away.'
'It's okay' Ted repeated for what felt like the thousandth time. 'Mum will be home soon, okay, and I'll call your doctor to find out… We'll need to ask when she wants you to go to hospital...'
At the mention of the hospital Tonks started crying all over again, feeling her anxiety return in full force. Everything was finally happening, after months and months of waiting, but she no longer wanted it to. The reality of having to look after a real, living baby was starting to dawn on her, and she couldn't help but question if she had made the right decision.
'Dora, shhh' Ted tried to calm her, rubbing slow circles on her back. 'It's okay, honey. I know it hurts.' He felt his own eyes begin to water as he realised there was nothing he could do to ease his daughter's pain.
They hunkered down on the couch together, Tonks too scared to let her father leave her side for water, waiting for Andromeda to come. Ted told stories to fill the silence, letting Tonks squeeze his hand as tightly as she wanted when another contraction overtook her small frame.
It felt like hours later when Ted finally heard the sound of the door closing softly over Tonks' panting breaths. There was the slight jingle of keys signifying Andromeda's arrival home; she never made any more noise than she necessarily had to, and had began moving even more silently now that their daughter was constantly napping. Ted sighed in relief. His wife would know exactly what to do.
He made to stand but Tonks held tight to him, her voice a soft whimper. 'Don't leave me.'
Ted knew that there was no point in trying to explain to Tonks that he was only going into the hallway; she was far too emotional to be thinking reasonably, so he settled back against her side and gripped her hand.
'Dromeda?' he called out, and could imagine the frustrated eye roll that Andromeda would give herself in the hall mirror. 'Dro, we're in the lounge.'
'Why are you shouting at me, Edward?' he heard her say, and then under her breath, 'If Nymphadora is asleep I swear to God.'
Andromeda paused in the doorway much like Ted had, her features soft and shiny after her morning at the spa. Tonks reached out for her and she didn't hesitate as she crossed the room and knelt in front of her daughter.
'Dora, you're being awfully brave' she said softly, smoothing back Tonks' hair before turning slightly to Ted. 'How far apart are the contractions?'
Ted still felt like he was in a fog, but his wife's presence instantly made him feel more comfortable. Of course she would know exactly what was happening. 'Twenty minutes? I haven't had a chance to call the doctor, she didn't want me to leave…'
Andromeda gently pried Tonks' fingers off of Ted's arm and pulled her up to stand. 'Edward, ring Gemma and let her know that we will leave for the hospital within the hour. Nymphadora, how does a shower sound?'
Tonks nodded and let herself be led into the bathroom, where Andromeda made quick work of turning the shower on and adjusting the temperature. Tonks didn't think twice about getting undressed in front of her mother; her back was aching, and she was past the point of caring about anything else. Andromeda helped her into the shower where she bent over and rested her forehead against the wall.
The hot water on her back was instantly relieving. She groaned as another contraction began, but it didn't feel as uncomfortable as the others. Andromeda rubbed circles on her back and simultaneously called out orders to Ted through the bathroom door. 'Hospital bags. They are in the bedroom. There should be – no, Edward, leave it behind. Triple check the car seat. The camera is in the kitchen. No, she doesn't need it. Just leave the dishes, Edward. No I don't care about that!'
Tonks felt something between her legs and watched as a slightly gelatinous substance fell to the floor. 'Oh' she squeaked, but didn't have too much time to dwell on it as another contraction began.
'It's okay, Dora' Andromeda said softly. 'That happens with every pregnancy. It just means that your cervix has opened. How long was that?'
'Not long enough' Tonks grit through clenched teeth. She felt the water stop against her back and whined at the sudden chill.
Andromeda helped her out, wrapped her in a towel and hurried her into her bedroom. Tonks sat on her bed, breathing deeply through the tight pinching as Andromeda rummaged around for the nightie that Tonks was going to wear for the birth.
Together they managed to get her dressed before the next contraction came, tugging leggings over the nightie so that it looked like a shirt. Andromeda pulled Tonks' wet hair back and began to braid it out of her face. 'Thank you for my birthday present' she murmured softly, pressing a kiss to the back of Tonks' head. 'The spa was lovely.'
'I'm glad' Tonks murmured, momentarily leaning back into her mother. 'I'm really scared, mum.'
'I think you're very brave' Andromeda told her. 'It's okay to be scared. I know that you will be fine, Nymphadora. Your father and I will be there with you every step of the way.'
Tonks was grateful for her parents but the reality that she was having this baby without Remus finally set in. He was not going to be at the hospital with her. He was not going to hold their daughter and kiss her and love her. For the first time since she had made her decision, Tonks almost regretted it.
Except she knew that it had been his choice to leave. He had never tried to contact her; he had gone so far as to ask Sirius to deny her the right to even contact him. She wanted to hate him for it, for leaving her behind and breaking her apart, but she just couldn't. She still loved him, as crazy as it was considering her situation, and she didn't know if she would ever really stop. It was too hard to think about letting him go.
'Okay' Andromeda said and stood up from the bed. 'Everything's ready to go. We need to get you some water and something to eat.'
'Sounds good' Tonks murmured and accepted Andromeda's offered arm. In the kitchen Andromeda sought out a few snacks to take in the car whilst Tonks continued to walk laps around the table. She felt a lot calmer after her impromptu shower, although she supposed that part of it had to do with the fact that she knew she couldn't stop the baby from coming. She just couldn't believe that it was today of all days.
'Don't people usually go to the hospital sooner than this?' Tonks asked.
'Gemma didn't think you would need to be seen early,' Andromeda explained. 'If something was wrong, I would have taken you an hour ago.'
The next contraction lasted longer then the others. Andromeda picked up some last minute things to throw into her handbag; a phone charger, a packet of lollies and Tonks' spare keys to the house. Taking one last glance around herself, Andromeda collected her things and helped Tonks out the front door.
'Dad will drive' Andromeda said as they made their way towards the car. 'He has your things. Your phone will be on the front seat if you want to let anyone know what's happening.'
'Thank you' Tonks said sincerely. She picked her phone up off the seat and hauled herself in, resting a hand briefly on her stomach once she was seated. Soon the baby would be born, and she wouldn't feel her move or keep her safely tucked away.
'Ready to go?' Ted asked from the driver's side, glancing back at Andromeda in the back. Once he was sure that everyone was buckled in he pulled out of the driveway and headed towards the hospital.
Tonks checked her phone to try and distract herself from the pain. She sent a quick text message to Charlie, Sirius and Lena, considering them the most important people in her life besides her parents. She received a reply from Sirius almost immediately and assured him, several times, that he didn't need to come to the hospital now and that she would let him know as soon as he could visit.
Lena sent her a good luck message shortly later, right as Tonks was breathing hard through a contraction. Ted and Andromeda were speaking to each other but Tonks didn't bother to pay them any attention. She groaned from the pain and was vaguely aware of the car speeding up.
Her phone buzzed with a call from Charlie but she couldn't find the energy to answer it. She guzzled half a bottle of water, ignoring her shaking hand, and sent him a simple thumbs up over text. He replied with a love heart emoji and a promise to be there as soon as she needed.
They pulled up at the hospital and Andromeda made quick work of helping Tonks out so that Ted could park the car. Tonks watched him drive away and wished that she could get back in the car with him; she hated hospitals and really didn't want to walk inside.
Doctor Gemma was waiting for them at reception with a wheelchair and a smile. 'Ready to have a baby?' she chirped, and Tonks scowled as she sat down.
'Yes because everything hurts' she told Gemma as she wheeled her patient towards the elevator. 'And I want it to stop so I can go to sleep.'
Gemma laughed and braced herself against the wall as the elevator lurched up. 'Okay, Tonks. I'll see what I can do.'
Tonks let her head loll back and hugged her arms around her huge stomach. A part of her was seriously going to miss the large bulge of her belly, but she was also looking forward to having control over her body once more. She was especially excited to sleep on her stomach again, knowing that she always slept best in that position.
They arrived on the maternity floor and Tonks tried not to look around her, scared that she would see something she shouldn't. Andromeda and Gemma kept the conversation going between them but Tonks payed them no attention, preoccupied with yet another contraction.
The room that Gemma took them to was about as pleasant as hospital rooms could be. Tonks took the few steps between the wheelchair and the bed without any assistance but allowed Andromeda to help her out of her leggings. Gemma fluttered around them prepping things for the delivery and smiled over at Tonks once she was comfortable on the bed.
'How long have you been experiencing the contractions?' Gemma asked as she pulled on some gloves.
'Since about 9:30 this morning' Tonks answered softly. 'I felt sick but now I'm okay.'
'So about six hours now' Gemma mused, bending Tonks' legs so that she could begin a quick examination. 'That's pretty normal. How far apart are they?'
'5 minutes' Tonks sighed. She felt pressure, panted, and then it was over. Gemma was watching her critically. 'I feel kinda like someone's sitting on me. But they're really heavy. It feels like more than fifty people, actually. And they just ate.'
'Well, you might feel a little more pressure here' Gemma said as she checked Tonks' dilation. '8cm hon. The contractions will come quicker now and they'll probably hurt more. This is the transition stage and bub may start to descend down into your pelvis. I'm going to listen to the heartbeat, get a few things sorted and then leave you for a little while.'
Tonks nodded and reached for Andromeda's hand as the older woman took a seat beside the bed. 'You've done so well, honey' she said softly. 'No epidural or medication. You're a lot stronger than I was.'
Tonks tried to smile but couldn't quite manage it. She watched through watery eyes as Gemma listened to the heartbeat through a small machine. She gave Tonks a thumbs up, explained how to work the nurse call button and promised that she would be back within half an hour.
Ted slipped through the door as she left, dropped the hospital bags out of the way and took a seat on the other side of the bed. 'Hey there Dora. How are you feeling?'
Tonks could only grunt as she tried to distract herself from the pain. She counted backwards from one hundred, sang the lyrics to several Weird Sisters' songs in her head, and even tried to solve basic maths problems, all to no avail. She stared at the roof and cried, trying to let her pain out with her tears.
She didn't realise she was shaking until Andromeda started rubbing her arm. She wasn't sure how long it had been, but her father was reading one of her punk magazines and her mum was using her free hand to double check the hospital bag. Tonks shifted slightly, trying to ease her discomfort, and glanced at the clock on the wall. It had been over an hour, but she couldn't remember Gemma coming back in or if she had even been awake for the whole time.
'Okay?' Andromeda asked, glancing at her daughter. Tonks nodded, feeling sleepy, and then suddenly felt something wet against her leg.
'Um' Tonks managed, and then gasped as she began to experience an overwhelming urge to push. 'Mum I need to push.'
Andromeda all but threw the hospital bag, pressing the call button to bring Gemma back. 'Short breaths honey, you can't do anything right now,' she said.
Ted looked up from his magazine, face pale, as Gemma and another woman rushed in. 'Everything okay?'
'There's something wet' Tonks said, struggling to find the words she needed. 'I need to push. Right now.'
'Hold on' Gemma soothed. She looked up at Tonks from her examination and smiled brightly. 'You've progressed really quickly. That wet feeling was your water breaking. It's baby time, honey; you're at 10cm dilation.'
'Okay' Tonks said, trying to calm herself. Gemma was suddenly all business, readying herself and the other midwife for the delivery.
'This is Noelle, she's going to be helping deliver your baby' Gemma explained. 'This is Tonks. It's her first pregnancy.'
'Congrats love' Noelle said, beaming. She glanced at Ted and waggled her eyebrows. 'You gonna stay?'
Ted opened his mouth and then closed it again, unsure if he was welcome to stay or if he even really wanted to, for that matter. But one look at his daughter's face and he knew that he couldn't leave her. She needed as much support as she could get.
'He stays' Andromeda supplied when no one immediately answered. Gemma nodded and turned her attention back to Tonks, who was concentrating on not pushing as Noelle helped her bend her legs.
'Okay, next contraction I want you to push through your butt' Gemma instructed, taking up her position between Tonks' legs. Andromeda gripped her daughter's hand as tightly as she could and gave her a reassuring smile. 'You're gonna hold it for 10 seconds. As soon as it's over you need to breathe, okay?'
Tonks nodded, and before she had any time to really think about what was happening a contraction began and she started to push instinctively.
'Good job' Noelle coached as Gemma counted up to ten. Once it was over Tonks leant back in the pillows, panting. She didn't like the sensation of pushing at all, but she also couldn't believe that things were progressing so quickly. She felt like she was in a dream.
'Push!' Gemma called out. The ten seconds felt like ten years. Tonks didn't feel like she was actually achieving anything, but Gemma seemed to think that she was and that was all that mattered. A part of her sensed that her dad was keeping his eyes trained solely on her face and it almost made her want to laugh.
'Another one now' Gemma said, and Noelle shifted Tonks' leg slightly. Breathing as slowly as possible, Tonks pulled herself up onto her elbows.
'I need to sit up.'
Gemma and Noelle wasted no time in helping Tonks into a more upright position. She sighed as some of the pressure was taken off her lower back, finding it a lot easier to balance when seated. She felt the next contraction begin but instead of pushing instantly she tried to relax slightly and let her body take over; she figured it would know what to do, at least slightly.
'We almost have a head' Gemma murmured after several more pushes and minutes, glancing up at Tonks. 'Do you want to feel?'
Tonks' initial reaction was one of repulse. She hadn't thought about touching or grabbing any part of the baby as it came out, but her curiosity got the better of her and before she could fully talk herself out of it she was reaching down between her legs. Her hand recoiled at the feel of the soft, wet skull of her baby, and she crinkled her nose. At least she could tick that one off the bucket list.
'Slow it down just a little now, Tonks' Gemma advised, and demonstrated a helpful breathing technique.
'You're doing so well honey' Andromeda said, smoothing back Tonks' hair. 'Not long now. I know you can do it, Nymphadora.'
The pain that Tonks felt was so intense that she thought she wouldn't make it. Tears escaped her closed eyes as she continued the breathing technique, trying to ignore the overwhelming urge she had to push. Gemma was still saying to go slow, but she wasn't sure how much longer she would last.
Noelle handed something to Tonks that she couldn't quite see and then she heard a strange noise, almost like squelching mud. 'A good push now, Tonks' Noelle coached, and without hesitating she did exactly as she was told.
There was a strange sensation, words that Tonks couldn't quite comprehend, the feeling of emptiness – and then before she fully understood what was happening, a screaming, pink, wet thing was held up and placed onto her chest.
The baby. Her daughter, who was small and moving and unhappy, if the sounds she was making were anything to go by. Noelle was rubbing a towel over her skin and then wrapping another one around her, encouraging Tonks to unbutton the top of her nightie for skin-to-skin contact.
The baby felt warm against her bare chest, and before she could stop it she was crying, her arms wrapping around the tiny little being that she had just given birth to. Gemma clamped and cut the umbilical cord, murmuring things to Noelle. Tonks hardly felt the next set of contractions and barely registered the delivery of the placenta; her baby was staring at her and suddenly nothing else mattered in the world.
'I'm so proud of you, Dora' Ted was saying, and he had tears in his eyes, too. 'Congratulations, honey. I can't believe it. I'm a grandfather!'
Tonks turned to her mother, wondering if she had seen it all, if this was really happening. Andromeda's usually stoic face was covered in tear tracks; she leant down close to see the baby and whispered in Tonks' ear, 'Thank you for this, honey.'
'Look' Tonks said softly, watching the baby blink, her tiny face screwed up. 'Look. Look at this.'
'We're looking, Dora' Ted said softly. 'Wow. A baby.'
'A beautiful little girl' Gemma declared, beaming. 'Noelle is going to weigh and measure her, okay? Then we'll bring her straight back, I promise.'
Tonks begrudgingly let Noelle take the baby from her, straining to see where they were going. The baby started screaming again as Noelle placed her on the scales.
'Only a slight tear' Tonks heard Gemma say, and refocused her attention on her own body. 'How are you feeling?'
'Tender' Tonks sighed, and gingerly laid back against the pillows again. 'Kinda like my whole body is covered in bruises.'
'That sounds about right.' Gemma glanced over her shoulder to check on Noelle. 'How is our newcomer?'
'7 pounds, 2 ounces and 40 cm long.' Noelle came back over to the bed with the baby swaddled in a pink blanket. 'Scored 8 out of 10 on the Apgar scale in the first minute and 9 at five minutes. Time of arrival, 4:53 pm. Vitamin K administered in the left foot.'
Tonks couldn't help the huge smile that spread across her face as her baby was placed back in her arms. The baby had almost a full head of soft, brown hair, and big blue eyes that Tonks knew were typical of all newborns. She was vaguely aware that Andromeda was taking photos, and that her father had left to give her some privacy whilst she was cleaned up, but none of it mattered anymore.
The baby began to root around on Tonks' chest, and she glanced up, suddenly very, very unsure about what she was supposed to do. Noelle noticed her confusion and came over to the bed, showing Tonks how to help the baby latch on to feed. She flinched at the initial feeling but soon managed to relax, watching her daughter intently.
'You might like a shower later, a chance to change and hopefully rest. Your baby will stay in the room with you unless you specify that you would like her moved to the nursery,' Gemma explained. 'We will check up on you every hour or so, especially to monitor feeding and her first bowel movement, but you can always call if you need anything.'
'I don't want her moved' Tonks said instantly, pulling her nightie back up as the baby finished feeding. She rubbed her back and was surprised at how quickly she burped.
Andromeda made grabby hands, an act that Tonks had thought she would never see coming from her mother. Carefully she passed her daughter on and watched the small smile that graced her mother's lips.
'Do we have a name yet?' Gemma asked, interrupting the moment. She waved the baby's name card through the air and produced a pen with a flourish.
Surprisingly, Tonks did have a name picked out, though she hadn't told anyone at all. She had felt overwhelmed at having to undertake such a huge decision on her own, but had finally decided on one that she really loved. She told Gemma, corrected the spelling, and watched as she slipped it into the holder on the baby's plastic cot.
'We'll leave you for a little while now,' Gemma said softly once she was sure that they had covered everything. 'Feel free to put her to bed and move around yourself. If you want to sleep go ahead; you're going to need. Call me if you need anything.' She touched Tonks' arm gently before she left. 'Congratulations.'
Noelle waved goodbye and the door closed softly behind them. Tonks took a deep breath and almost pinched herself; already she could feel the difference in her body, and even if she hadn't been able to the proof was currently cradled in her mother's arms. She had had a baby.
Holy fuck she thought fleetingly, and then turned back to her new daughter.
'She's absolutely beautiful' Andromeda cooed, rocking the infant slightly. 'She looks just like you.'
'She has Remus' nose' Tonks murmured, stroking her pinky finger over the smooth skin of her daughter's face. 'It's a nice nose. I'm glad she doesn't have mine.'
Andromeda laughed and Tonks took a photo, wanting her father to return so that she could share this quiet moment with him too. The baby made a small noise, almost like a squeak, and then yawned and fell asleep.
Tonks was utterly in love. She didn't think that she had, or would ever, experience this same feeling of complete adoration. She wanted to stay in the hospital bed with her baby forever, and protect her from everything. She couldn't believe that she was a mother.
'Sorry about your birthday' Tonks said sheepishly, suddenly remembering that this wasn't just about her. Andromeda rolled her eyes.
'This is the greatest birthday present I've ever been given' she told Tonks. 'She is so beautiful.'
Tonks watched through heavy eyelids as Andromeda stood fluidly and took the baby to the cot, laying her down gently. She wheeled the cot closer to the bed so that Tonks could see in, and then leant down and pressed a kiss to the top of Tonks' head. 'I'll go get your father and something for you to eat. Have a rest. We'll be right back.'
Tonks nodded but didn't remove her eyes from the cot as Andromeda left. The world could have stopped turning and she wouldn't have flinched. It was just her and her tiny, perfect daughter, together.
She reached in and stroked her baby's cheek, smiling softly. This was it.
'Welcome to the universe, Matilda Foxx.'
