You will never understand I know you won't, you have skeletons, maybe one day you could show you like me how I like you by not hiding away like you always do. I shall not tell you who I am; you need to find that out for yourself
Ok I am going to skip to Easter...
Remus and I were starting to get closer; we spent a lot more time with each other than we ever had before, I spend more time with him than James, and I spent about the same amount with Sirius.
One night we were on the squashy armchair in front of the fire, I was snuggled up to Remus as it had suddenly gone quite cold. Remus was reading a book, with one hand turning the pages, the other, was around me. I felt somebody's eyes on me, I looked around but saw nobody looking at me, sure there were people in the common room, it was only about eight thirty; so nobody had gone to bed yet.
I looked around again thinking nothing of it; it was my mind playing tricks on me. So I just went back to how I was; watching the flickering flames licking at the air. I felt the sensation again, someone was watching me, I was sure of it. I looked around again, but no-one was watching me, or looked like they had been beforehand. I looked back around thinking, I must have been going mad; nobody was watching me.
"What's the matter Louise?" Remus looked at me, concern shining in his green/amber eyes,
"Nothing, I just thought... nothing" I shook my head, nobody was watching me
"You can tell me anything"
"I know, it's nothing Remus, honest" he nodded rubbing my back in small circles I relaxed into him just as I heard heavy feet going up, or down stairs, I did not bother looking around, I knew I would not see anybody now, I had left it too late.
Gradually students trickled to bed, tomorrow, most of those students were going home, I knew of four people staying at school that was in Gryffindor, Remus, Sirius, James, and me. Only about three others were staying, one was in Slitherin, the other two in Hufflepuff.
The common room was nearly empty, I was yawning, so I bid good night to Remus giving him a kiss on the cheek then went up to my dorm. I opened my hangings got my pyjamas and got changed, I got into bed to feel paper at my feet, I went under the covers and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, on it said
'you shall never understand my feelings for you, you are my angel, my stars, you light up my day with your smile, yet, you seem to love another, you probably do not even notice I am there while you, are with him, you are there and I am happy, you are not, you leave me cold with need to see your pretty face; to warm my cold heart. You shall never know who I am, yet, I want you to know who I am so badly, I know you can never know.'
I put the letter in my trunk, who on earth was this guy? If he liked me so much why did he religiously stay in the shadows, and not tell me it was him, why? I thought of who ever this guy was all night, I barely slept, I just thought of who could have given me the letter.
I awoke to the sunrise; I stretched and got out of bed. I put a straightening charm on my hair (yes I had finely learnt a useful spell) then I went down the dormitory stairs to the common room, it was deserted which was not surprising really, it was like really early. I went back up to my dorm, got changed into some comfy clothes, then went outside; I needed a run.
I ran around the lake twice then looked up at what I knew to be the boy's dorm (Sirius, Remus and James that is) I saw somebody at the window; I could not make out who it was though. I ignored whoever it was and carried on jogging. I did a few more laps of the lake then stopped stretched out then walked back into the castle feeling a lot more refreshed.
I stopped at the great hall to grab a piece of toast, no one was in which I was happy about, so I decided to sit down and eat in the hall for ones.
In the common room I was just about to go up the girl dormitory stairs, taking off my top as I went, when out of the corner of my eye I saw black hair, however, when I looked around, there was nobody there. My mind was playing tricks on me again.
I went up my dorm stairs, had a shower and got changed into a shirt tie, and black skinny jeans. I put a pair of fingerless gloves on and a leather wristband with chains on it (a Christmas present from Remus). I put the necklace on that I had got from the unknown sender as well.
I sat on my bed drawing my hangings as the other girls started to wake up, they hated me, it was obvious, Lily seemed to like me but I think that was because I was friends with Remus and she was quite close to Remus. I read the letter that I had got the day before; I kept reading it until the girls had left the dormitory. By this time it was nine o'clock and most people were to be going home in about half an hour, so I just stayed in the common room while everyone else was down in the great hall.
I was bored after a while so I decided to go up to the boys' dormitory, I did not knock because I never did; it was just something I did not do. At first I did not see anybody there, but then I noticed the dorm was messier than normal... almost like somebody had gone on a rage and taken their anger out on the room.
I looked around hearing a sniff, there, looking down with his head in his hands, only in his boxers "Sirius, what the hell?" I went over to him quickly a bit worried about any damage he had done to himself. He looked up at me; tears had streaked down his face. "Oh my god, Sirius, what happened?"
"I... I don't... Louise" I sat next to Sirius, and wrapped my arms around him hugging him tightly, I rocked him gently, I had never been soothed when I was younger, so I was not quite sure if this was the right thing to do, but, I suppose I could try it.
It hurt a lot to see Sirius in such a state, it hurt so much, I almost burst into tears, but knew it would not help Sirius. I stroked his hair whispering comforting words. I made him look up at me; I stared into his grey eyes wiping a few tears off his cheeks "Everything is going to be ok"
"You don't know that... you don't know, what, how I... you don't know"
"Then tell me"
"I can't... you wouldn't understand" he sounded scared; he was acting like a little boy that had just been caught taking a biscuit without asking.
"Try me"
"Louise..." I looked at him, as if to say he had to tell me "Ok, well... I like this girl, but, I think, she doesn't like me, I've loved her for ages, and she doesn't seem to notice me, she doesn't even seem to care" I noticed him, I was there for him
"Have you told her you like her?" I was feeling a bit jealous, Sirius loved a girl, and it definantly was not me, I tried not to show it though, I was there for Sirius, my feelings did not matter
"No, it'd ruin everything, she likes someone else anyway, and she doesn't want me"
"How do you know?"
"I just, I just do" he had stopped crying by now, he put on a pair of jeans and he took my hand and lead me down to the common room; I was a little confused at first but thought nothing of it, this was Sirius, I could trust him we sat down on one of the squashy armchairs, I sat on his lap, pleased I could finely be in his arms ones again.
I curled up into his chest, I had not smelt Sirius in a while, it felt good, I had smelt chocolate and books for a while, which was Remus, but not the chocolate, mint and some other things that Sirius smelt of, I wondered if he tastes as sweet as he smelt... shut up Louise, you are not fantasising about Sirius in that way.
I felt Sirius kiss the top of my head; I relaxed more into him and steadily fell asleep, he was playing with my hair when I slipped out of knowledge of the present of what was happening.
I dreamt that I was awake, Sirius next to me in bed, he was asleep, I was watching his figure sleeping when he awoke and we stared at each other. He kissed my forehead, told me he loved me and would never let me go. I buried myself into his chest smiling; knowing he meant those words and I was to be happy with him forever.
I woke up; still Sirius was stroking my hair. I do not think I had been asleep for long; he was still in the same position I think he would have moved a bit if I had been asleep for a while. I sat up, Sirius looked a bit dazed and not quite with it, oh well, it was just Sirius.
He smiled at me ones he realised I was awake, I got off him to stretch out, it was rather uncomfortable curled up that small. Nobody was in the common room which surprised me I would have expected the other boys to be here. I then remembered they were going to study in the library today. "Siri, I'm going to go to the library, see Remus and James, do you want to come with me?"
"Why do you want to go and see them?" Sirius looked almost hurt that I wanted to spend time with them and not him, of course I wanted to spend time with him, I just, felt I should really catch up a bit, I had fallen behind a bit on a few of my subjects.
"Please, Louise, stay here, I never see you anymore; you're always with him" he spoke of Remus like he was a bad taste in his mouth. "Sirius, what is wrong with you and Remus? I know I don't spend as much time with you, I just, I like to be with Remus, he's nice company"
"And I'm not I'm guessing, look I'm ok with you spending time with him, it's just the amount of time, I liked it when we spent a lot of time together, now, we don't"
"Siri..."
"Louise, I love you! Don't you get it, I love you! I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I sent you those things on Valentine's day, this..." he touched the necklace around my neck "I sent you that, that note yesterday, I wrote that for you, you will never get it Louise, it is you I love and always have loved!" I stood there, shocked, this was why Sirius had been so off with me, this is why he seemed hurt when he was around me; he thought I did not love him, I could not believe it "But of course, you love Remus, you will never love me"
"Siri... I... I don't..."
"Love me, I know!" then he ran out of the common room, leaving me, open mouthed, shocked, not sure of what to do.
"I do love you Sirius; I have always loved you..." I said this to an empty room, falling to my knees sobbing.
