AUTHOR'S NOTE: Goodness gracious. My apologies for the terrible formatting for this chapter the first time I uploaded it. I promise that won't happen again.
Also, hello. Again. For the umpteenth time.
We're getting into the nitty gritty, folks. There won't be a whole lot of chapters after this.
But I shall try to make it a good finale.
DISCLAIMER: Samurai Jack and My Life as a Teenage Robot belong to Genndy Tartakovsky and Rob Renzetti respectively along with any other proprietors. I do not own names that are not obviously mine.
12
A gust of snow drifted between the three of them.
"I… I thought you knew." Sheldon swallowed. "I mean, we were there when they — I mean… is it possible Mrs. Wakeman could have programmed PTSD into your mental schemata? I mean, I don't know what purpose it would serve, but — "
Jenny's limbs went stiff.
"So, they're dead," she mumbled. "Is that what you've been trying to tell me?"
"Jenny, I'm sorry. I'm not being clear. I — "
The robot girl buried her head in her hands. She fell to her knees.
Sheldon knelt beside her. "Shh…" He held her shoulders. "Jenny, we're here. In the future. That means we can get back to the past before anything bad happens, and fix this. We just need to find more Chronocore, and fix up some pods. We can do this."
Jenny boiled, and Sheldon recoiled. The remaining snow steamed into the atmosphere.
"I swear…" she hissed. "I'll get Aku… And Vexus… and every last thing that gets in my way. They'll pay!"
The snow piled higher between the three of them. The clouds darkened.
Jack tucked his arms inside his sleeves. He squinted at the darkening sky. "We should get moving."
Sheldon nodded. "He's right, Jenny. Come on."
The robot girl's shoulders slowed. Her thermostat brought her core to sustainable warmth.
Without a word, she walked.
Sheldon and Jack followed, the cold numbing their fingertips.
-.-.-
Later in the night, the snow thickened, blinding the travelling trio. Finding a cave in the side of the mountain, they huddled inside and lit a small fire.
Jenny also provided heat with heat lamp arms, but kept staring at the flame.
Sheldon brushed a pebble back and forth with his fingertips.
Jack sat quietly, gazing at the thickening snowfall outside.
Sheldon paused, and glanced at the robot girl. "Jenny?"
She looked up, her mouth a straight line.
"When we get to the nearest repair shop, I need to see what kind of damage you've undergone in the pod."
Jenny blinked. "That's not necessary."
Sheldon cocked his head. "What do you mean?"
"You said it yourself. Just because they're dead in one version of the future doesn't mean they'll be dead in the next. If what you say is true and I saw Brad and Tuck and Mom all die before I left, then it doesn't matter what sort of memories I don't have access to. They're meaningless."
"But even so, you might have other damage. I bet you've noticed that it takes some time to get certain weapons loaded up. And Mrs. Wakeman told me she'd put a Chronocore detector in you."
"What is Chronocore?"
"See?" Sheldon swept the pebble away. "That's my point! You and Mrs. Wakeman discovered Chronocore. It revolutionized Tremorton's earthquake detection; it made earthquakes predictable. It provided clean energy. It made space travel a walk in the park."
Jenny rolled her eyes, returning her heat lamps to arms. "Then if Mom was so smart, why did she put me on a space pod instead of let me help save her, Brad, and Tuck, Sheldon?"
"Because I think she saw you were too important to risk, Jenny."
"Yeah, well, I'm not!" The robot girl slammed a fist into the cave ground, heating the rock and turning it into diamond. "I wish you and everybody else understood that! Why can't you just let me do what I was made to do?" Her fist twitched, steam rising from the rock. She and gathered her knees. "Why does everybody have to die… for me?"
Sheldon sighed. "Jenny… it's okay. When we find the Chronocore, we can get back home, and correct this."
"No, no — You see?" She stood. "That's what everybody's problem is. When I'm acting irrationally and emotionally, they want me to be a robot. And when I act rationally and logically, they want me to be human. Which is it, Sheldon?"
"Jenny, I just think we should — "
"Neither, right? It's neither! Because you don't get me, Mom doesn't get me, and I don't get me! I'm a broken-ass robot who failed to save Earth! I failed!"
Before Sheldon could respond, the robot girl stomped out of the cave, and stood in the snow.
Jack watched her, slid his arms further into his sleeves, and sighed through his nostrils.
Sheldon frowned, then shook his head. "She's going to drain her battery and freeze out there if she's out there too long."
"It is… for the best that she is alone," Jack said, staring at the snowfall. "We would upset her."
Sheldon looked up at the samurai and held his hands in front of the fire. "She's not herself. I can see it all over her face. I need to see what's going on in her head so I can fix her and get her out of this funk, and we can get back home, but… She's so stubborn sometimes."
"I disagree, Sheldon."
"Huh?"
"I have met many robots in my time here," said the samurai. "Some of them have made me question my own humanity, my reason to hold a sword. You are actually quite fortunate, Sheldon."
Sheldon blinked. "I mean… I guess so. I'm here to help Jenny, because Mrs. Wakeman had a spare pod. I could have been sent to a completely different planet."
"No. I mean that you are fortunate that Jenny is so open with you."
"Wait. What?"
"She said it herself. Her struggle. Her conflict. Her desire to be human, and to be a robot. Understandably, she still struggles with it."
"Understandably," Sheldon muttered. "But… I want to help her."
"Of course. It is clear you care for her deeply. But you must also learn that she is your friend, and that you do not control her."
"Well, yeah! I know that! She's… She's the only friend I've got. I don't see what you're getting at."
The samurai adjusted his sleeves. "Jenny-san must learn that her struggle is self-made."
" 'Self-made' how? She got her circuits scrambled in the pod somehow. That must have been what happened."
"You are not listening, Sheldon-san."
Sheldon swallowed.
"The struggle that Jenny-san is having is no struggle at all. She believes that she must make a choice between being a robot and being a human."
"What… choice would you make?"
Jack moved his eyes over the small fire to meet Sheldon's gaze and spoke quietly.
"There is no choice."
-.-.-
"There is no choice."
Jenny scoffed, lowering her auditory sensors. So much for eavesdropping. What the hell did that mean?
Of course there was a choice. There was on and off. Do or die. Zero or one.
There was always a choice, and of course she wanted to go back to the future and save everyone.
But how could she do it when she felt like a complete mess?
The robot girl… The robot… The girl…
I thought I solved this already. I thought Jack told me about the balance I needed to find. When I took out Vinny and those other dudes.
And I found that balance in myself.
But was that a lie?
I thought that's what Jack was trying to teach me. Balance in all things. In the way of the warrior. In life. Because when you're unbalanced, you do crazy stuff.
And now I'm unbalanced again, and I'm very, very tempted to just leave them both and do crazy, irrational stuff.
That makes me human.
But I'm not human.
And I'm not entirely robotic anymore.
But what does that make my sisters? Just because they don't see the light of day as often as me, that makes me better than them? They're just as human as me.
I was made by human hands. I'm human.
But I'm also…
"Rrrggh!" Jenny let her back fall to the cave wall. Why? Why couldn't she get past this?
There is no choice… There is no choice…
Wait.
There is no choice.
As in…
There's no need to decide?
I…
I don't have to choose.
I…
I am.
I am what I am.
I'm XJ9.
I'm Jenny.
I'm Jenny Wakeman.
I'm a robot.
I'm human…ish.
I'm… I'm a teenage…
No.
I'm not a teenage girl. Not anymore.
Jenny clenched, and unclenched her fist.
"I'm a robot woman."
