Chapter 12
"Awkward Conversations"

Tsubaki almost didn't want to hear the door open. She clenched her fist against her chest and wished she could make her heart stop beating so fast. Mizuki was on a mission, so she had nothing to worry about. He wouldn't find out she'd even come.

She was perfectly safe.

She clenched her pretty eyes shut and said a quick little prayer that he wouldn't find out. It was stupid of her to do something that she knew would provoke his anger.

'This is wrong, Tsubaki!' A little voice pleaded inside her head. 'Mizuki wants you now, and he's doing better again. This is just going to ruin things!'

Swayed by her own thinking, she turned away from the door. Iruka-san wasn't home anyway. It was his fault they wouldn't be speaking – not because she'd chickened out.

She forced herself to knock once more. The waiting was killing her. In addition to the nerves, her stomach had been unsettled all morning. The stress couldn't be good for the baby. He still wasn't answering! Not only did he sleep with a soon-to-be-married man, but he also neglected to keep his appointments. Tsubaki's full lips formed a frown. She turned to leave, feeling quite irritated with Iruka, herself, and the world in general.

"Tsubaki-san!" Iruka's voice called out, breaking into her thoughts. She turned, jumping a bit in surprise at the way he'd shouted her name. Did he want the whole neighborhood to hear that she was there? She forced a polite smile on her face and bowed quickly, mentally begging him to invite her inside before someone spotted her.

She was so flustered and out-of-sorts that she didn't realize Iruka wasn't wearing a shirt until he invited her inside. She blushed and averted her eyes. He was attractive and slender. No wonder gay men liked him. She blushed even deeper thinking about such things and tried to focus.

"Sorry, I was in the shower. Just give me a second to change. Please, take a seat," Iruka said. He waved in the general direction of the couch. She sat primly, observing the apartment with critical eyes. It was much nicer than Mizuki's home. Kakashi-san must be fairly high ranked. Surely Iruka-san didn't make enough money working as a janitor for such a nice place. Mizuki had hinted that he was promiscuous, so perhaps he was a whore? It felt strange thinking that such a person might live in Konoha. The fact that he slept with men was unsettling enough.

Nervously, she smoothed invisible wrinkles out of her hunter-green skirt. She'd put a great deal of effort into her appearance today. She wanted to look beautiful in front of Iruka. A very large part of her still felt jealousy towards him, and she wanted to show him that she was competition – attractive in a way that he couldn't be. It was stupid, even she knew, but it reassured her on some level.

Iruka-san returned dressed in tank top and some sweat pants that didn't quite fit him. Was he wearing Kakashi-san's pants? The idea of the two men together was bizarre to her, and despite the situation, she was immensely curious about how things worked between them. Did they act like a normal couple, or did they act as if they were just friends?

"Would you like something to drink, Tsubaki-san?" Iruka asked politely. He looked happy that she had come. Tsubaki wished she could be anywhere else.

"No, thank you. I'm fine."

"Oh, okay then. Something to eat?"

"I'm fine," she replied, perhaps a bit more sharply than she should have. She couldn't help it. They were not friends and she hadn't come for tea. What the man said to her could possibly change her life. Didn't he realize that? She snuck a glance at him to catch an uncomfortable look in his eyes. Slowly, he walked towards the couch, rubbing anxiously at the back of his neck.

"I guess there's no use pretending this is just a social get together," he remarked quietly. He sat on the opposite end of the couch hunched over, elbows resting on his knees. He propped his chin up on his hands.

"If you're just going to tell me that Mizuki-san is a bad person, you're wasting your time. Quite frankly, I don't care what he's done in the past. I'm sorry…terribly sorry…for the woman you told me about, but my relationship with Mizuki is different. Why else would he propose to me?" she said in a rush, unable to speak directly to Iruka. The brunette man glanced at her slowly, as if evaluating her – more specifically, he was looking at her hand.

He closed his eyes tightly.

"Mizuki gave you that ring?" he asked quietly. She looked down on it, her face softening instantly. Lovingly, she twisted the simple, golden band on her finger.

"Yes," she answered, matching his tone. Iruka stood and took a frame down off the wall.

"This is a picture of my parents. They died along with Mizuki's family during the demon attack." He passed her the picture frame. A bit confused, Tsubaki stared at the pretty woman with shoulder length brown hair and tanned skin.

"She's very pretty. You have her coloring," Tsubaki said absently.

"Thank you. I always thought she was gorgeous. It's ironic that you mention her coloring. My father said it was the reason he bought her a gold ring instead of a silver one. The gold looked prettier against her skin, you see." The remark immediately drew her eyes to the band Iruka mentioned. The picture was close enough that it could be seen clearly.

"It looks like mine!" Tsubaki said in surprise. Iruka had become very tense beside her. He snatched the picture away and clenched it tightly.

"That's because it is hers. I gave it to Mizuki – back when he promised me that we would always be together. It has the word 'faith' engraved on the inside, doesn't it?" Iruka asked, his voice thick with emotion. Tsubaki bit her lip and felt tears well up in her eyes. Heartlessly, Iruka continued speaking. "I could be nice and say maybe you reminded him of me, but more likely he probably just re-discovered it among his things and decided to recycle it rather than buy a new one." Tsubaki sat very still, unsure how to respond to the raw anger in Iruka's tone. Forcibly, the other man returned the picture to the wall and then stood staring at it, his fists clenched.

"I…I don't know what to say," Tsubaki said helplessly, the tears finally slipping down her cheeks. She pulled the ring off her finger. "If it was your mother's…you should have it."

"I don't want it. It's tainted now." His words were hard as steel. After a tense silence, he relaxed his hands and turned to face her again. She was surprised to see how upset he looked. He returned to the couch, only this time he sat much closer to her. He grabbed her hands, and the wedding ring fell onto the couch between them. Iruka stared at her intensely. "Don't you see, Tsubaki? He may have come to a new place and done well for himself, but he didn't leave his old ways behind."

Iruka let go of her hands and picked up the ring. Tsubaki realized it looked much better against his skin than it did against her own. Her heart felt like it was breaking.

"I'm not going to tell you Mizuki is a bad person, because I'm not one to judge. I've done some pretty terrible things in my life, too. The difference is that Mizuki never learns. Mizuki will always hurt others, and he will always be a liar and a manipulator. That's who he is, and you can't change that. You're arrogant if you think you can. People have to want to change – you can't do it for them. And Mizuki doesn't want to change. If you want to stay with him, you have to accept that this pain you feel right now won't ever go away." Iruka clenched the ring in his palm and looked at her with such sorrow in his eyes that she couldn't look away.

"I have to take the good with the bad," she finally said. "I don't want to give up on him." Iruka nodded, and handed her the ring. Hesitantly, she took it.

"I know…I remember…how sometimes it almost felt good to hurt so much. Like…the love felt more real because I was suffering for it. But now someone else will suffer, too. Your baby won't understand why Mizuki acts the way he does. When you chose this for your life, you're choosing it for your baby, too."

"I…I know that," she said in a voice that did not sound like her own. Iruka sighed resignedly beside her.

"Then I guess there's nothing else to say."

Tsubaki stood slowly and began to walk towards the door. As she passed the end table, she gently set the ring down. Iruka looked up in question.

"Do whatever you want with it. I won't be needing it anymore."

Iruka smiled in relief, but she did not feel like she could return it. At the moment, she wondered if she'd ever smile again.

"What…what are you going to do next?" Iruka asked. Tsubaki shrugged delicately.

"I feel like I know why she did it now. I didn't understand before – about how someone could end their own life."

"Please, Tsubaki, don't talk like that," Iruka said. He came to stand behind her, and then he embraced her from behind. She began to sob.

"I love him," she said uselessly. "I love him more than life itself." She turned in Iruka's arms and let him hold her as she broke down. Iruka guided her to the couch and sat down with her. She probably would have cried for hours, but the front door burst open and a blonde tornado came whirling into the living room. Tsubaki looked up startled, her eyes widening in surprise. Iruka made no apologies for the interruption.

"This is my son, Tsubaki. Naruto, this is my friend, Tsubaki-san."

"Hi! Why are you crying? Did someone hurt you?" Naruto asked innocently, coming closer and peering at her with big blue eyes. He leaned over to study her tear-streaked face. Then he stood confidently, pointing a finger at her dramatically. "'Cause my dad will protect you! He's really brave. Once, these really scary thieves stopped us, and they said they were going to take all our money! But my dad told them off, even though they were bigger than he was. I was really scared, but I tried to act tough like he did!" Naruto told the story with big hand gestures and a solemn expression.

Tsubaki didn't know what to say, so she wiped at her eyes.

"What happened after he told them off?" she asked blankly.

"They decided they were gonna kill us," Naruto deadpanned. Tsubaki blinked. "It was a good thing that Kakashi showed up to save us. So actually, if it was thieves that made you cry, you might be better off asking Kakashi for help."

"Gee, thanks Naruto," Iruka said dryly, standing up and ruffling his son's hair playfully. Tsubaki smiled a bit without even realizing it. Naruto flashed her a toothy grin.

"That's better. No more tears! You're really pretty when you smile – almost as pretty as Sakura-chan! That's the girl I'm gonna marry one day, but only if I get around to it. I might be too busy doing boy stuff." Naruto scratched idly at his chin, as if considering what the future might hold for him. Without really thinking, Tsubaki reached for the ring on the end table. She surprised the young boy by taking his hand and placing the ring in his palm.

"Well, if you ever get around to marrying Sakura-chan someday, and you really, really love her, give her this. Listen, Naruto, because this is very important. This ring is magic if you give it to someone you really love. From then on, every time she looks at it, she'll remember how pretty your blue eyes looked when you gave it to her."

"That's all?" Naruto asked with a pout. Tsubaki nodded.

"Sometimes that's all it takes," she replied with a sad smile. Although it was obvious Naruto didn't understand the double meaning in her words, he took the ring and held it tightly, as if it were a special treasure.

"Okay…thanks lady!"

"No, Naruto-chan, thank you…for making me smile. I was worried for a second that I'd forgotten how! Did you know that I'm going to have a baby soon? Hopefully he'll be just as handsome as you are," Tsubaki said, gently touching Naruto's cheek as she stood. Naruto looked like he was debating with himself, but then he pulled an abused slip of paper out of his pocket. It was dirty, and a corner was missing. He held it out to her like it was sacred. Tsubaki took it and tilted her head as she read it.

"A meal ticket at the Ramen stand?" she asked. Naruto nodded, a sweet smile on his whiskered face.

"It's my last one, but you take it for your baby. If he eats ramen, he'll get really strong and handsome. I eat ramen every day, so that's how I know!"

Tsubaki laughed, really laughed, and Iruka caught her eyes over Naruto's head. As her smile faded, she placed a hand against her stomach. So this was also something Iruka had wanted her to see – the amazing power that children have to heal the jaded hearts of the adults around them.

She held the ramen ticket in front of her belly.

"See that, Baby? Naruto-kun gave you some ramen. Would you like some now?"

"Woah! You keep your baby in there?" Naruto asked, so amazed that he forgot his manners and poked at her stomach gently.

"Naruto!" Iruka scolded. The little blonde boy looked up at him in protest.

"But, dad, she ate her baby!" Naruto almost wailed. Tsubaki chuckled and held up her hands in protest.

"It's not like that, Naruto-kun! My baby is just really small now, and he'll stay inside of me until he's big enough to come out. The world can be dangerous, you know, especially if you're very tiny. My baby's only this big right now," Tsubaki said as she held her fingers a few inches apart. Naruto's eyes were as big as saucers. Then his expression returned to normal as if he had figured something out in his head.

"I guess I understand now. Nobody protected me in a belly. I got left in a dark place. I bet it's warmer in your belly, though," Naruto said matter-of-factually. He reached for his dad's hand and held it tightly. He smiled up at her. "But it's okay. If I'd been in a belly, then my dad wouldn't have found me! I was still pretty little. Dad, was I bigger than this much?" Naruto asked, holding his fingers like Tsubaki had done. The two adults grinned at each other.

"You were a little bigger than that, Naruto-kun," Iruka said, a slight blush still on his cheeks. Tsubaki pitied the man for the discussion he'd have to give Naruto fairly soon about where babies came from. She looked again fondly at the ticket in her hand.

"This is for three bowls. Why don't the two of you come with me and have an early lunch?" Tsubaki invited. She knew that when the cheerful little boy was gone, she wouldn't feel nearly so confident about her decision. Perhaps sensing she wasn't quite ready to be alone yet, Iruka nodded.

"That sounds good. Do you want to, Naruto?" Iruka asked. Much to Iruka's surprise, Naruto didn't immediately reply.

"Can Sasuke-kun come, too, Dad? He's sad 'cause his nanny took him to see stones today. Ramen might make him feel better!"

"Stones?" Iruka asked uncomprehendingly. Tsubaki, however, caught on.

"I think he means the graveyard. Konoha uses large stones as markers." Iruka's face became troubled.

"Is Sasuke still where the stones are?" he asked Naruto. The blonde boy nodded.

"We were playing outside this morning, and his nanny came – the one that makes us food – and she said he had forgotten what day it was. We went back to his place and he had to put on nice clothes, and then we went to the stones. She told me to go home. I hid behind a tree and after a long time, she left. I asked Sasuke to come play, but he was crying. He told me to go away." Iruka nodded in understanding. He looked up at Tsubaki, who had a sympathetic expression on her pretty face.

"Do you think you could take Naruto on to the ramen stand? I'll meet you there in just a few minutes. I need to go check on Sasuke-kun."

"That's fine," Tsubaki said. She reached out for Naruto's hand, and he happily took hers.

"Hold on just one moment. Let me get some money from my room. Naruto has a big appetite," Iruka explained. He went into the bedroom and stopped when he saw Kakashi reclined on the bed reading. He was fully dressed. "I thought you were going out," Iruka said. Kakashi glanced up at him.

"I decided to stay so I'd be here if you needed me. Everything alright?" Kakashi swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He left his book on the bedside table and closed the distance between himself and Iruka. When he reached him, he slipped a finger into the waistband of Iruka's sweatpants and pulled him against his chest. Iruka gave him a smile and kissed his chin.

"It went fine with Tsubaki, but Sasuke-kun is at the graveyard by himself. I want to go check on him. It must be the anniversary of his parents' deaths. Tsubaki is going to take Naruto to the ramen stand. Will you tag along with them?"

"Sure," Kakashi replied. He tugged his mask down and kissed Iruka's soft lips. When they parted he said, "I'm proud of you for talking to Tsubaki. I know it was hard on you."

"Yeah, it was. But it's over now. I feel a lot better about everything."

"Will you talk about it with me later tonight?" Kakashi asked gently, stroking Iruka's cheek with his thumb. Iruka averted his eyes.

"I will eventually. Just…give me a little time, okay?"

"I can do that. Go check on Sasuke-kun. The graveyard isn't too far from your old place. Just follow the road that runs alongside the apartment complex until the buildings thin out. You'll pass a small forest and a training ground on your left, and then you'll get to the graveyard."

"Okay, thanks. I'll meet up with you later." Kakashi nodded and the two of them left the bedroom, their hands lightly clasped.

"Oh, hello Kakashi-san," Tsubaki said, bowing slightly in greeting. Kakashi nodded in reply.

"Hello, Tsubaki-san. I'd like to come with you and Naruto, if that's alright."

"Of course. The more the merrier," Tsubaki said. The group left the apartment and headed in different directions.

Iruka walked quickly, growing more and more irritated with the woman who'd left Sasuke all alone in a graveyard. He started to jog, ignoring the odd looks he got. After a few minutes of travel, he slowed to a walk as he left the small forest behind and saw the graveyard for the first time. His parents were buried there somewhere, but as a boy he had not wanted to see their graves. He'd always avoided the place, but he had to admit that it was not as horrible and frightening as he'd imagined as a child. There was a water fountain that attracted pretty little birds, and flowers had grown around many of the stones. It was easy enough to find Sasuke. He sat clutching his knees to his chest, sitting in front of two, nearly identical stones. He wore an outfit that had been starched too much. The black collar stood up stiffly against his pale neck. As Iruka drew nearer, he could see tear stains on his face.

"Sasuke-kun?" Iruka asked gently. Sasuke didn't look at him. It was a bright, sunny day, and the darkly clad, little boy looked sadly out of place amongst the pretty flowers and the wispy clouds.

"Go away," he mumbled into his knees. Iruka sighed.

"My parents are buried here, too. I've never come to visit them, though. I bet your parents are happy to see you."

The little boy didn't reply. Iruka sat beside him, ignoring the hot glare he received. They were both quiet for a long time and then Sasuke spoke. His voice was angry, and more tears spilled down his cheeks.

"My parents aren't here. They're dead, and they aren't ever coming back. I HATE my brother! I'm going to kill him for what he did!" Sasuke rubbed furiously at the fresh tears in his eyes.

Iruka knew the moment had come, and he wrapped his arms around Sasuke and hauled him into his lap. Sasuke didn't fight him. He was just a tired, frightened little boy.

"Sasuke-kun, your brother was sick. I know what he did hurt you, but there are some people who don't feel in the same way you and I do. They don't understand what it is to love someone, or to care about a friend. They don't understand that love is where strength comes from. It won't do you any good to stay mad at your brother, Sasuke-kun. His heart was sick, and he couldn't understand that what he did was wrong. Your parents would want to see you grow up to be healthy and happy. That's what you can do to make them proud. That's something that would make me very proud of you, too."

Sasuke stayed very quiet in his arms, his face hidden in his shirt.

"My brother told me to kill him. He didn't act like he was sick," Sasuke said, sniffling a bit. Iruka leaned down to catch Sasuke's eye.

"There are different ways a person can be sick, Sasuke-kun. Coughing and having a fever is one kind of sick, but you can also be sick here," Iruka lightly touched Sasuke's chest, "in your heart. When your heart is sick, you hurt other people and don't feel sad or guilty. You don't feel anything at all. It's a very sad thing when a person is sick like that."

"My brother used to love me," Sasuke said pitifully, almost choking on the words. Iruka hugged him tightly, rocking the boy gently as he grieved.

"He did before he got sick. That's how you should remember your brother, Sasuke-kun. Remember the good times and know that even though someone is dead, a part of them is still with us in our hearts. Your parents are with you, but if you let your heart fill up with too much hatred, you'll push them out."

"I can't hear them," Sasuke replied, clutching at his own heart almost desperately.

"Close your eyes, Sasuke-kun," Iruka said gently. "I want you to picture your mother. What does she look like?"

"She…she's tall and pretty. She has a white apron that smells good," Sasuke whispered.

"Does she like to cook?"

"Uh-huh," Sasuke replied, nodding his head. Iruka smiled.

"Did you ever watch her while she cooked good food?" he asked. Sasuke nodded again. "What did you talk about?"

"We…we talked about my school a lot. She told me she loved me."

"Can you remember how her voice sounded?" Sasuke nodded again, but this time it was not so sure.

"I think so," he said.

"You see? She's right there. All you have to do is close your eyes and think about her. Do you have a picture of your parents?" Again, Sasuke nodded, suddenly very quiet, his eyes still shut tightly.

"Then you never have to worry about forgetting what she looks like. You'll always have that picture, and your memory of her will always be in your heart. Do you feel a little better now?"

"A little bit," Sasuke said, slowly opening up his eyes to peer up at him. Iruka gave him a reassuring smile.

"You still have people that love you, Sasuke. I love you, and so does Naruto." Sasuke looked so vulnerable and small in his arms. Iruka wished he could take away the boy's pain. Feeling his own voice becoming a bit rough with emotion, he continued speaking. "Naruto was worried about you. He wants you to come eat ramen with us. Will you come?"

Weakly, Sasuke nodded his head. Hand in hand, the two of them left the graveyard.

As they walked down the dirt road through the forest, Sasuke looked up at him.

"Naruto was sick. Is his heart going to get sick, too?" Iruka thought of the demon and couldn't immediately answer. It felt as if his throat had closed up. He managed to shake his head weakly. He swallowed thickly and forced himself not to worry about the fox demon.

"When…when was Naruto sick, Sasuke?"

"When he was at my house. He threw up and pulled his hair out. Kakashi-san came and took him to the hospital," Sasuke informed. Iruka expertly hid his glare. Kakashi had some explaining to do later. The only thing that checked his anger was the fact that he knew Naruto was perfectly fine at the moment.

"Thank you for telling me, Sasuke. You don't have to worry about Naruto-kun getting a sick heart. He cares too much about you and me." Even as Iruka said the words, a part of him wondered if the day would come when the demon overpowered the boy. He closed his eyes and an image of his own mother sprang to mind.

'Have faith, sweetheart. Always have faith.'

The memory of her words restored a bit of his strength. Everything would work out fine. He had faith in the strength of Naruto's heart to overcome.


A/N: Sorry I got this up late, guys. I'll post another chapter tonight to make up for it.