Diary Wars


Names in ( ) indicate whose diary follows. Chapters are arranged in chronological order, datewise.

(Remus)

April 25, 1973, Fifth Year

Something's up with Sirius. He seems... jumpy. Every time we have potions he sits as far away from Caramelina's table as possible, where she and Severus are sitting looking away from each other pointedly even as I write this. I hope I haven't caused this new rift between them, and yet that seems to be the inevitable- I seem to be the cause of all of Caramelina's problems lately. She seems sickly lately, and I wonder why...

I wonder why Severus won't say he loves me, won't call me Remus. I wish he would. We've been so close... but i'll give him his time. He's just so unused to this type of relationship I think, so unused to being on such a level with another person... it's flattering, really, to think that he trusts me that much. But I don't know if he trusts me enough for what I have come to want recently. I'm watching him now when i'm supposed to be brewing my potion, and he looks so... vulnerable. Nobody but I could sense it, but to me, he looks sad and tired and beautiful despite the bruises and the concealing curtain of hair. I wonder how vulnerable, how beautiful he'd look if I were to... no. I won't. Not yet. Not until he asks first. I want to make sure he's comfortable with it before taking that step. He's so easily hurt that I can't take a risk on it. For the first time in my life, I have something to protect. I'm so used to being sheltered and protected myself, and it feels good to no longer be the meek Remus Lupin, but rather someone who can care for another, keep them safe. It feels good.

Slughorn will get mad at me if I don't finish my potion. I have to go.