So Ed goes hunting for wild signatures, encounters Roy, John Smith shows his face, more Horribleness ensues and Joss Whedon is a genius. Bonus points for whoever reviews with The Ballad of Serenity or references to any of his shows.
Chapter Soundtrack: Caring Hands – Felicia Day – from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (as sung by Edwarda Elric)
[In Caring Hands, I made a typo and put sing instead of sign. I left it there on purpose for the shits and giggles and had her correct herself.]
A Man's Gotta Do – Neil Patrick Harris, Nathan Fillion and Felicia Day – from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (as sung by Roy Mustang as Dr. Horrible [NPH], John Smith as Captain Hammer [NF], and Edwarda Elric as Penny [FD])
My Eyes – Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day – from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (as sung by Roy Mustang reprising his role as Dr. Horrible and Edwarda Elric reprising as Penny.)
For future reference, all italics outside quotation marks are thought. All italics inside them are songs. There is one exception to the rule but that will be explained in the chapter it's in.
Saturday morning, Roy got a phone call. It was from Maes asking him to get Gracia some strawberries as all three of the Hughes' were busy. Even if she wasn't busy, Elicia couldn't have gone by herself. So he went. When he got to the marketplace, Ed was there. "Hi, Mustang!" she shouted.
"How's the signature hunting going?" he called back.
She made a face and went back to the task at hand. "Only have to sing, uh, sign your name, don't even have to read it. Would you help? No? How about you? It's to dedicate this great building to become a care clinic and shelter for stray and rescued animals so they can buy rocket packs and go to the moon and become florists. You can help prevent overpopulation! Have your pet spayed or neutered! Only you can prevent forest fires! Nobody's really listening, are they?"
Roy was. "That's just a symptom. You're treating a symptom and the disease rages on. The fish rots from the head, so they say, but my thinking is why not cut off the head."
"Of overpopulation…"
"It's not a perfect metaphor. I'm talking about an overhaul of the system and putting the power in… my hands."
"I'm all for that! But what about those poor animals?"
"The country's a mess and I just need to rule it. I'll think of something. I need to get these strawberries to Maes. See you around, fellow… state alchemist."
"Yeah, if we can't stick together, who can? I'll see you at work."
"Yeah, I'll…" She was gone. "Why did I have to run into her here? Maybe I should just…" He shook his head. "Don't plan the plan if you can't follow through." He walked away. "All that matters' taking matters into your own hands. Soon I'll control everything; my wish is your command." He came across Ed again. A car was speeding towards her. "Fullmetal!" he shouted. "Look out!"
Suddenly John was there. "Stand back, everyone, nothing here to see, just imminent danger and in the middle of it me. Yes, Captain Hammer's here, hair blowing in the breeze. The day needs my saving expertise." Roy rolled his eyes as Ed was thrown into a pile of garbage and the idiot kept singing. "Seems destiny ends me saving you, the only doom that's looming is you loving me to death, so I'll give you a sec to catch your breath."
The car came to a halt as Roy ran towards Ed. "Is she okay?"
"General Mustang!" said John. "I should have known you'd be lurking nearby."
"What do you want, Sm…"
"It's curtains for you, Mustang, lacy, gently wafting curtains."
"What?"
Ed got up and scrambled towards them. "Thank you, Hammer man; I don't think I can explain how important it was that you stopped the van. I would splattered, I'd be crushed under debris. Thank you, sir, for saving me."
Roy was forgotten by both as they sang a duet. "Are you kidding?" he asked. "Stop looking at her like that." He turned to Ed. "Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage?" He gripped the strawberries tighter and turned to leave in frustration. "Whatever." He stormed off. "Crap."
Maes answered his knock. "Thanks Roy," then he frowned at the stormy look on his best friend's face. "What's the matter?"
"Smith," was the muttered reply as Maes took the strawberries, freeing him to walk off.
"I'll pay you back Monday then!" Maes yelled after him.
If he was heard, there was no acknowledgement. "Any dolt with half a brain can see that humankind has gone insane to the point where I don't know if I'll upset the status quo if I throw poison in the water main. Listen close to everybody's heart and hear that breaking sound. Hopes and dreams are shattering apart and crashing to the ground." Roy turned to see John helping Ed carry cats inside a building. "I cannot believe my eyes, how the world's filled with filth and lies and it's plain to see…" He trailed off for a second "… inside of me is on the rise." He backed away and left.
Ed smiled as she put a cat down on a cat bed. "Look around, we're living with the lost and found, just when you feel you've almost drowned, you find yourself on solid ground and you believe there's good in everybody's heart, keep it safe and sound, with hope you can do your part to turn a life around." She went to feed a dog as Jean came in wearing a false beard and leading a cow. "I cannot believe my eyes," she continued. "Is the world finally growing wise? 'Cause it seems to me some kind of harmony is on the rise."
Ed's volunteer time over, she left with John. Roy followed them. Kain had joined Jean and they followed him. They went into a park. Ed and John sat on a bench. Roy hid behind a large rock. Jean got in some bushes a little further back and Kain sat on the see saw. He almost panicked as his end fell and Riza walked by with Black Hayate. She stopped to watch the strange scene unfold. Roy and Ed began to sing at the same time. The only audible parts were the ones that were the same. "… Everybody's heart … sound… part … 'round. I cannot believe my eyes. How the world's… it's plain to see… inside of me is on the rise."
All but Riza ducked out of sight as Ed got up. "I've gotta go. I have something to do tonight." As she left, she called back. "I know you're there, Mustang!"
Roy emerged from his hiding place as Riza headed for Jean. "Take that ridiculous false beard off, Havok," she said.
"Man," said Jean. "How did you know it was me?" Then he jumped as Roy grabbed his arm and hauled both him and Kain off to a bridge overlooking the lake. John and Riza followed as Roy took his anger out on them by tossing them into the lake. John came up behind him and pushed him in as well.
Jean broke the surface first. Kain sputtered up. "Where's General Mustang?" he asked, fishing out his glasses.
Roy came up behind them. "Great," he said. "I refuse to be nice anymore to such a crappy officer."
Jean was about to say something when John shrieked. Riza had grabbed him by the arm. "Look out below!" she shouted before throwing him in. The other three swam away as fast as they could. He flew past their heads and landed face first over three feet away. "I win!" she shouted again. "Anybody want to protest?"
"No," called out four very wet and miserable men.
