Living in the Spring Time
They're only just rolling onto their backs in the bed when the first stirrings of their children sound from the other room. Rick had her against the door, his hand over her mouth to trap the keening sounds that wanted out. Then he carried her to their bed and laid her down. He took his time for their second round, his hot mouth skimming her sensitised skin until she was shivering and whimpering and frantic for him.
"Put a shirt on," he grunts at her.
Her body is loose and lovely with pleasure and she wants to stay right here with him, feeling the sweat dry on her back and letting her muscles stop trembling. It's not going to happen, not anymore. Kate groans and heaves herself out of bed. Now that she's up, she might as well get properly dressed. Her dress from this morning is still damp, so she pulls on jean shorts and a tank top, cards her hands through her hair. It doesn't do much to tame it, but from the bed Castle whistles at her.
"Get up," she huffs at him. Hands on her hips, she turns away from the mirror to narrow her eyes at her husband. "You're not lazing there while I deal with them. Up."
"Alright, alright, I'm going."
He gets out of the bed and Kate tilts her head to watch him, her lips pressed together to keep the appreciative hum inside. It doesn't quite work. Once he's got clothes on, Rick steps in close and splays his huge hands at her waist, dipping his head to catch her mouth.
"Remember that time you were worried we'd get boring?"
"I was young and naïve," she laughs, shaking her head. Kate lays her palms flat at Rick's chest and lifts her eyes to his, brazen in the face of the shyness blooming in her belly. "Didn't know what marriage to you would be like."
Joy unfurls across his face like the vibrant tails of a kite in the wind. He leans in to touch his happy mouth to hers and then he pulls away again to see her. "And what is it like, Mrs Castle?"
"More than I dared to dream." It comes out more sincerely than she meant it to, all of the teasing stripped back so that it's just her, and him, and the truth of their hearts.
"The time of our lives," he says back, and then he kisses her again.
Right as his tongue darts out to seek entrance at the seam of her lips, their bedroom door pops open. They break apart to see the kids jostling in the doorway. The boys are on either side of Lily, holding tight to her hands. Sleep has made the three of them rumpled and adorable. Reece's hair sticks up in spikes all over his head and Jake's is flat and plastered to his forehead.
"Hey guys." Kate sits on the end of the bed and the three of them clamber up onto the mattress and cling to her. "Good naps?"
"Yes Mama," Jake says. He's wriggled his way into her arms and he lays his weary head against her chest. "Reece did wake me up."
The boy in question is standing up on the bed and reaching for his father, two little hands grasping Castle's shoulders to haul him in close. When he hears his name he freezes and sheepishness makes his face all scrunchy.
"Did you wake your brother?" Kate asks. Reece gives her a small nod and Rick scoops him up and carries him upside down around the room. He tells their son it's punishment, but Kate's not sure he can even hear his father's words over his own screaming laughter.
Lily is cross-legged on the bed behind Kate and her small fingers wind through Kate's hair, twisting pieces into braids. It feels nice, and Kate rolls her head on her neck and hums. The boys are getting restless and Rick takes them outside to run around.
"Hey, Lilypad." Kate turns to face her daughter. Sleep has made Lily's hair stick flat to her head on one side and Kate reaches out to ruffle it. "What do you want to do this afternoon? Any plans?"
"I was gonna read."
"That sounds wonderful. But I was thinking. There are loads of blackberry bushes in the woods. Grandma and I used to pick them and then bake them into a pie, back when I was about your age. If you want to, we could go see if we can find some."
Her daughter's face has come alight and she sits up on her knees and bounces. "That sounds so good, Mom. Can we please?"
"Sure."
"Can it be just us and the boys can stay here?"
Amusement wriggles at the corners of Kate's mouth and she lifts one shoulder in a half shrug. "Well, let's check and make sure Daddy doesn't mind, okay?"
"Okay Mom." Lily climbs out of bed and disappears out of the room in search of her father.
For a moment, Kate has to stay where she is. Loss is a living beast in the cavern of her chest and she breathes slowly through it. Her mother will never meet her grandchildren, wasn't there to soothe Kate's panic when she was rocking a colicky newborn at two in the morning. Johanna is gone, and Kate's children will never know their grandmother.
She must get more tangled in the threads of grief than she realises, because Rick appears back in the bedroom. He sits on the end of the bed beside her and wraps an arm around her shoulders. Warm lips land at her temple and he hums, rocking her just a tiny bit.
"Lily asked me if it's okay if you two have girl time. Mentioned something about Grandma. And when you didn't come out, I. . ."
"I'm okay." Kate lets her hand settle at his thigh and she squeezes. "Really. Just miss her. But I'm happy."
When she pulls back to look at him pride has transformed his face. He's smiling at her, so full of tenderness, and he reaches out to smooth his thumb along her bottom lip. "I know you are, honey. Want me to distract them for a bit longer, give you a minute?"
"No, I'm good. What was your answer?"
"Of course it's okay. Have your girl time."
"Thank you."
She captures his face in her palms and leans in, kissing him slow so that he feels in it the depth of her gratitude. His tongue darts out to touch her bottom lip and she hums, sliding her fingers into his hair. Want unfurls like a lazy creature in her stomach and she has to force herself to break apart from him.
"I love you," he tells her. His face is so earnest that she smiles and cups his cheeks in her palms. "Ready to face the hooligans?"
"I think I'm leaving you with the hooligans, babe. Going into the woods with mini me."
He grumbles something she doesn't quite catch and he gets to his feet. Taking both of her hands, he pulls her up as well. For a moment, his enormous arms wrap around her and squeeze so tight that she comes right off the ground. He's always been careful not to make her feel like she's not allowed to be sad, has never tried to force her out of her grief. Just being with him is enough, means she's able to replace what's been lost with gratitude for all she has now.
Out in the living room, Lily has her rain boots on and Cosmo's leash in her grip. She's waiting by the front door, impatience stitched across her pale face and the dog hopping from foot to foot. Kate laughs and stoops to kiss her daughter's forehead, promising to hurry. She gets a little bit waylaid by the boys clamouring for her attention, but Castle holds them off and she's able to get her own shoes on.
"We won't be too long," Kate tells Rick. He kisses her goodbye, leans over to kiss the dark crown of their daughter's head as well. The twins are at the back door, their little bodies pressed up against the glass in their yearning to be let outside. Castle hurries to deal with them and Kate and Lily slip out the front door with the dog.
"Are they all everywhere, Mom?"
"Pretty much, from what I remember. It's been a long time since I've gone blackberry picking in these woods."
"Do we need a basket?"
That stops Kate short. They're at the tree line now, and she turns back to face the cabin. "Yes. We need something to put them in when we collect them. You and Cosmo wait here. I'll be right back."
She hurries back to the house and heads for the kitchen, starts rummaging in the cabinets for something to use to collect the blackberries. The little wicker basket that she and her mother used to use is still here, at the back of one of the cupboards.
For a moment, it stops her completely. Kate bows her head and breathes slowly, feels the twenty five years since her mother's death closing over her head. The kitchen windows are open, and she can hear her husband and her twin sons playing together on the grass. Castle's voice is deep, the boys twin showers of joy over the top of that low bass note.
Her daughter is waiting.
Kate lifts her head and swipes her fingers over her cheeks, relieved when they come away dry. She used to think that solving her mother's case was the way to honour Johanna's memory, and it did help, but she's older now. Wiser, too. She understands that the best way to make her mother proud is to live fiercely and live well.
"Did you find one?" Lily asks when Kate rejoins her. She holds the basket up to show her daughter and Lily grins wide, reaching to take it from Kate. "Is this the one you and Grandma had?"
"It is. Grandpa must have saved it just in case I had a little girl of my own one day."
Lily's chest puffs up with pride, as it always does when Kate talks about her little girl. It's adorable, but she scampers off down the pathway before Kate can wrap her up in a hug and squeeze tight. Excitement is propelling her forwards even as she tries to be methodical in her search for the berries. It means she runs a few steps and then comes to a halt and peers into the undergrowth, her body thrumming with energy.
Kate has Cosmo's leash and the dog trots along happily at her side, Lily a few paces in front of them. It takes a while before they come across any bushes, but when they do appear there are suddenly hundreds, all of them teeming with life.
Lily picks the fruits and places them carefully in the basket. She's not chatty, never really has been. While she works she's quiet and thoughtful, inspecting each berry and only selecting the very best to go in their basket. Kate helps, showing each one to her daughter to get permission before she adds it to their haul.
As they work, Kate asks her a few questions about school and her friendship groups. Concern still lingers after their conversation last night about Lily being excluded from playing hair shop. Their daughter has her father's enormous heart and his generosity, but she still hasn't worked out how to charm people the way Rick does. It makes Beckett worry that the other children will take advantage, manipulate her even. Rick does his best to persuade her that Lily has the same Beckett courage as her mother and grandmother, that there's no need to be worried. Even so, Kate would rather hear it from her daughter.
"Have your friends started throwing sleepovers yet, Lilypad?"
"Some," she shrugs. Her hair is falling into her face and she tucks it behind her ears with both hands. "The popular girls have them."
Laying a hand at Lily's shoulder to make her pause, Kate crouches to catch her daughter's eyes. "Baby girl, if you'd like to have some friends sleep over at our house, just ask."
"Maybe."
"You know what you should do?" She gets another shrug from Lily. "Ask Alexis about the sleepovers she had when she was your age. Daddy was so great at thinking of fun activities for her and her friends to do. I think he made decorations, too."
Lily lifts her eyes to Kate's and she scrunches her face up, her little nose all wrinkled. "Daddy always does so much."
"It's just because he cares. But don't worry, I won't let him get carried away and embarrass you."
"Thanks, Mom."
Lily throws her arms around Kate's neck and squeezes tight. Her face is hidden against her mother's shoulder, and her sleek hair smells like apple shampoo. Right at the crown of her head, she still smells the way she did as a newborn when Kate would hold her for hours at a time, astonished that she made it, astonished that she had a daughter with Rick Castle.
The curve of Lily's skull fits neatly against Kate's palm and she holds her little girl close. She wants so badly for their daughter to bring people over, to spend time with her friends. She tries not to hover, to give her children space to flex their muscles, but it's so much harder than she anticipated. Lily deserves the same freedom to figure things out as Kate received from her own parents. Even if that means motorcycles and navel rings once she hits her teenage years, Kate is determined not to stifle her children.
When she lets Lily go they carry on in relative silence, but the air is thick with Lily's contemplation. Once their basket is full, they head back towards the cabin. Cosmo has eaten some berries straight from the bushes and the white fur around his mouth is stained purple. It makes Lily erupt with giggles every time she catches sight of the dog and she has to stop and bend double with laughter a few times on the walk back to the house.
When they finally make it home, Castle is in the kitchen making preparations for dinner and the boys are on the couch playing trucks. The sun is beginning to creep towards the earth and at the end of their walk Lily complained about it getting colder, showed Kate the eruption of gooseflesh along her arms. Kate sends her to find a sweater and she puts the berries in a strainer and runs some water over them.
"Wow," Rick says. He comes to stand beside her and he wraps an arm low around her waist, leaning in to kiss her temple. "You guys did great. Do we just eat them fresh like that?"
"We can do." Kate lifts one shoulder in a shrug. She shuts off the stream from the faucet and leaves the berries in the sink to dry. "Mom and I always made blackberry pie whenever we got a good picking. I thought maybe we could do that, but I'm not sure we've got all the ingredients."
Her husband smiles, sweet man, and he kisses her lips. It's fast, but so good, and she lets her body cant towards his. "We can run back to the store and pick up what we need. I don't mind, honey. Whatever makes you happy."
They don't need to decide right this second, so Kate leaves the berries where they are and comes to inspect the food he's preparing for dinner.
"It's just a casserole thing, but it needs to cook for as long as possible so I thought I'd just get it going now."
"Can I help?"
"I'm pretty much done, actually. Can you open the oven door for me?"
Once he's got the casserole dish in the oven, they clean the kitchen. Together they make quick work of it. Lily comes back wearing her favourite green sweater, the sleeves pulled down over her hands, and she hops up to sit at one of the barstools and watch them.
Rick asks their daughter questions about their walk and she tells him all about it. He's so good at drawing out her enthusiasm for the story and he asks for details she never would have thought to share on her own. She asks him about sleepovers as well and he grows animated, coming around the island and settling on a stool beside Lily. They start tossing around possible themes and decoration ideas, so Kate leaves them to it and goes to find her sons in the living room.
"Mama!" Jake calls out when he sees her. He reaches for her and Kate scoops him up and sits in his newly vacant spot. He cuddles in close and drives his truck up and down the length of her thigh, stopping every so often to crash the bumper of it against Reece's.
The boys chatter away, telling her about their game and about the dream Jake had during nap time. Excitement makes their speech difficult to understand, especially the way they talk over each other, but she catches something about dinosaurs and rocket ships. They're adorable, her sons, and she cuddles Jake tighter.
When Cosmo trots into the living room and they catch sight of his purple face they laugh hysterically. Kate explains what happened and then they want to try some blackberries and see if their faces will go purple as well.
Kate gives them a few each, not wanting them to spoil their dinner. They eat messily, doing their best to get the berry juices all around their mouths, and when they're done they turn two sticky, purple faces up towards Kate and Rick.
He creases with laughter, his face all scrunchy and lopsided with unfiltered joy. She loves him like this, and she lays a gentle hand between his shoulder blades and shares his smile.
"Hold still guys," he tells them. He grabs the camera from the living room and comes back to snap some pictures of the boys. Lily nudges Cosmo to sit with the twins as well and the dog does, his mouth open in a canine smile. He doesn't look as if he has any idea what's going on, but he's happy to be included and his tail thumps against the floor.
Jake and Reece look so proud of themselves and so amused that Kate doesn't bother wiping their mouths clean. They'll only get messy again at dinner. Instead, she follows them back to the living room and sits in the armchair to watch them play. Lily has her book and she sits in the other armchair, her nose scrunching up every so often when she gets stuck on a word or a phrase she doesn't quite understand.
Castle is a satellite, moving through the cabin and touching base with each of them every so often. He stops to help Lily sound out the unfamiliar vocabulary, and then he comes around and leans over the back of Kate's armchair to kiss her mouth.
She loves the chaos of their family, but lazy afternoons like this are some of her favourite times. They made some amazing kids, and she's quite content to just sit here with her cheek pressed to the back of the armchair and watch them.
Her husband seems restless, unable to land in one spot for more than a handful of minutes. She's not sure why. After what they did earlier, Kate is worn out, and she has no clue where all this energy is coming from. He's in the kitchen now, humming a made up song to himself while he rummages around. Kate watches him, her heart honeyed in her chest. She feels tender towards the whole world this evening.
Some of her mother's old recipe books are still at the cabin. In the city, Johanna didn't have a lot of time for baking or experimenting with fancy meals, so whenever they made it up here she would spend most of the trip in the kitchen. Rick rummages through them until he finds the right one and he comes back to sit on the arm of her chair and show her the page.
"This the pie?"
"Pie!" Reece's attention is snagged from his game with his brother. He climbs down from the couch and comes over to squeeze his way up into Kate's lap. His body is warm and wriggly and she bands an arm tight around him. A little finger lands at the drawing that accompanies the recipe and traces the ripe, purple fruits. "Those is the berries?"
"That's right, peanut. We can bake a pie with the berries Lily and I picked earlier."
Jake has been drawn in now too and he clamours for Castle to pick him up. Rick balances their son against his thigh and suddenly the four of them are crowded into the one armchair, spilling over comically from it.
"Mama, you and Daddy made pie when you were here last time ago?" Jake questions. He's sideways in his father's arms, his ear over Rick's heart, and he peers at her from beneath his long, dark lashes.
The muddled grammar makes her chuckle and she wraps a hand around her son's foot and squeezes. Tenderness laps at the shores of her heart. "No baby, we didn't. It was winter time, so there weren't any blackberries to pick."
Jake sighs and his shoulders slump as if he's disappointed in that answer. Her helpless eyes dart to Rick, but he's already splaying a huge hand at their son's back and jostling him to make him smile.
"Would you like to help make a pie? We can do it together, all five of us."
Kate darts a glance to Lily. This was supposed to be their thing, their girl time, and she doesn't want Lily to get her feelings hurt now that the boys are muscling their way in to the adventure. Her daughter is totally absorbed in her book, not paying them any attention at all, so Kate lets it go for now.
"Let's do it tomorrow, hmm?" Kate sighs. She's sleepy all of the sudden, that familiar exhaustion headache blooming around her left eye socket and stretching its tentative fingers out across her skull. "Don't want to rush it."
"Dinner's probably about ready," Rick says. He sets Jake down on the floor and stands up from the arm of the couch, a hand at the top of Jake's head so the boy can't scarper off. "Can you help set the table please, boys."
Kate helps Reece to slide out of her arms and down to the floor as well, and the three boys head for the kitchen to get everything ready for dinner. While they work, she closes her eyes and lets herself doze. Hopefully Castle is still holding on to all of that energy, because she's not sure she's going to be much use at bath time later.
Warm fingers skimming her cheek makes her start and her eyes pop open. Her husband's round, kind face hovers above her in the soft light of the living room. He smiles, and she turns her head into his touch. Her body feels heavy and she blinks a few times, does her best to wade up from murky semi-consciousness.
"Hey, beautiful. Food's ready. You wanna come to the table?"
"Yes. Yeah. Help me up?"
He takes both of her hands in his and tugs her to her feet, landing a kiss at her forehead once she's upright. His lips linger, and the boys wail their horror from the dining table. It makes her smile and she lifts her chin in search of his lips, kisses him closed-mouth and slow.
"Not in front of the little ones, Mrs Castle," he says against her mouth. His fingers flex and curl at her waist, over and over, and she lets her body stay close in the cove of his. "Come on. Let's get some food in you. Wake you up a bit."
"Mm, sorry." Kate scrubs a hand over her eyes, glad she hasn't bothered with makeup for the entire vacation. There are no mascara smudges on her cheeks, so the boys won't get to giggle and call her Panda Mommy this evening.
She leaves him to draw Lily out of the world of her book and she goes to take her place at the table with her sons. They offer her twin beaming smiles when she sits down and she grins right back. It makes Jake bashful and he ducks his head, but Reece blooms in the sunlight of his mother's attention and he wiggles in his chair.
"Mommy, we can never go home?"
"We have to at some point, peanut butter cup. Mommy has to go back to work, and what about all your friends at school? And Gram and Alexis and Grandpa. You'd miss them, wouldn't you?"
"They can come see us here," Jake pipes up. He's got both hands braced against the surface of the table and he's up on his knees in the chair, leaning over to peer into Kate's face.
She laughs and rests her finger at the end of her son's nose, nudges him back just a touch. "That's true baby, they could. But isn't it better in the city when we can see them any time?"
Jake sits back properly in his chair to chew on that. Lily comes to sit at the table and the kids bang their cutlery against the wooden surface while they wait for their father to bring over the casserole. He's got both hands around the dish, safely inside a pair of oven mitts, and when he sets it down on the table the kids cheer.
"It smells so yummy, Daddy," Lily tells him. Rick sits down beside her and she pats his arm, darts in to leave a fast kiss at his cheek. He looks adorably proud of himself and Kate smiles at him, catches his eye from the other end of the table.
The kids eat quickly as always, racing through their meal so that they can squeeze in some more play time before bed. Kate is too tired to keep up. She chews slowly, keeps finding herself almost nodding off and then jerking awake again.
"Hey," Rick says. The kids have left the table now, and she has a vague sense of them in the living room, but her husband is warm and close. Kate lets herself rest, her cheek against his shoulder. "Wanna go lay down and I'll get them into bed?"
"No, babe. Not gonna leave you to do it alone."
She promised him, once. In a dumpster, of all places, but it didn't make it any less sincere. She knows how hard it was for Rick to raise Alexis all by himself, and she never wants to do that to him. He deserves a partner who stands unwavering at his side, just as he has always been for her.
"Okay. Sit here for a bit then, let me clear up."
"You cooked," she says firmly, and she gets to her feet. Too fast. Her head swims and she reaches for him, steadies herself against his shoulder. Her vision is blurry and she blinks hard, breathes slowly until it clears up again.
"I really think you should rest."
Kate leans over and kisses the concerned scrunch of his forehead. Her hair falls in a curtain around them and she traces the curve of his ear. "I'm just tired. I'm a parent to twin toddlers. I'm never not tired."
He doesn't seem convinced, but she starts gathering dishes and he gets to his feet to help her dump them all in the sink. Neither of them can be bothered to wash up right now. She feels needy tonight, clingy, so she slides her arms low around his waist and hides her face at his chest.
"You're cuddly," he muses. He's petting at her, fingers sifting through her hair, and for once it doesn't make her prickle with irritation. It feels good, and she hums. "How about you go start the bath and I'll get the boys undressed."
Rick leaves a kiss at the top of her head and then he steps away, his hands at her biceps to make sure she's still on her feet. She moves for the bathroom, feeling like she's wading through molasses. Kate has been dealing with tiredness since she became a cop, and it's never like this. She can always fight through it, keep going until something forces her to take a break. Tonight, she wants to curl up and sleep for a week.
She goes through the motions of filling the bathtub without even realising she's doing it. Rick appears with two naked, giggly toddlers and he lifts them into the tub one at a time. They splash and play with their bath toys, and she stays on the floor even though the hardwood is grating against the bones of her butt.
Once the boys are out of the bath and dried off, all snuggly in their pajamas, Rick sends them to the big bed and tells Kate to go too. Lily took a shower while her brothers had their bath and she comes to find them in the bed, Castle right behind her.
"Alright, story time. Everyone comfy?"
"Daddy?" Reece butts in. "Tonight again Lily can read us a story?"
"Sure, if she wants to. Lilypad?"
Lily agrees, pride making her cheeks pink, and she darts from the room to grab her book. When she comes back the boys wriggle around until they're either side of her and they can both see the pages. Kate tries to keep her eyes open, but she just can't manage it. She curls up beneath the covers, Jake's warm body tucked in close, and she listens to Lily reading.
Once she's finished they each give Kate a goodnight kiss and then they disappear to their own room with Rick. He tucks them in, and she wishes she had the energy to join him but her body is leaden and unresponsive.
When he comes back, he eases his way beneath her until she's sprawled over his chest. His arm is tight around her shoulders and his lips flirt with her hairline.
"You're worrying me, honey. Are you getting sick?"
"God," she groans, because it's the only thing that makes any sense. "I hope not."
She feels weepy with exhaustion and a teardrop escapes from the line of her lashes. It slides down her cheek towards her jaw and Rick collects it on his fingertip. "Shh, sweetheart. Don't cry. It's alright, you'll be okay. Want some tea or anything?"
"No. Just want to sleep." He makes as if to ease her onto the mattress and she wails like a child, fisting her hand in the fabric of his shirt. "Stay with me."
"Of course. I'll stay."
A/N: Sorry for the ridiculous delay on getting this story updated. We moved house last week, so everything's been chaotic and I haven't had much time to write. We've also been having some ongoing internet issues that haven't helped matters. I'll do my best to get back to regular updates now.
