Lilangel1: Thank you, and I will as soon the chapter is finished.
Precious passenger: Aw, yeah, they should so have brought in more of Kurt and Carole together in the series. Yeah but… well… being in tune with someone's feelings feels a bit like… Carole and it's just what Kurt needs after everything! Yeah aren't Burt and Carole super cute when they go mama and papa bear- seriously- they should have brought in more of that in the series. Yep- and believe me- I look forward to writing more as well.
THIS CHAPTER HAVE GOT SOME STRONG LANGUAGE IN IT. I CAN'T DO MUCH ELSE ABOUT IT THAN TO SAY THAT IF YOU'RE UNDER A CERTAIN AGE OR DON'T LIKE IT- YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ IT!
This chapter takes on right after one of my one- shots end- it's called "Empty room" so if you want to- and haven't read it yet- I guess you could go read that before you read the chapter.
So well, the families in the support group, Lynette and her parents belong to TamJaspie, Danielle and hers to precious- passenger, Keagan and her family to LocalXmusicXjellybeanX and at last Kenny and his family, and the baby that the Cooper's are having- belong to me. So a big shoutout to TamJaspie, precious passenger and LocalXmusicXjellybeanX for helping me with the characters
L is for Love
When I came back onto our porch steps after walking for a bit I felt weirdly relieved in a way. It wasn't as if everything felt easier only it wasn't quite as hard as it had been when I walked out of the house. Maybe this was what Burt had been talking about when he said that it might not get easier but it's not always going to be as hard as it is now- when now was earlier today.
Burt was still awake and I had barely come into the living room before I heard him coming out of the kitchen wrapping his arms around me from behind. "Had a nice walk?" He whispered- even though the others were probably upstairs. I nodded and rested my head back against his shoulder. "Come on." With his arm around my shoulders he led me through the living room. "There's something I want to show you."
I frowned a bit confused- what could it be? And Burt would also know that if there was something I wasn't up for it was surprises- I just wanted to lay down and sleep but I simply just followed him as he walked down the hallway and pushed the door to one of the rooms open- and what I saw- it almost set the waterworks right back on again.
Blaine and Kurt had fallen asleep, with Blaine's arm wrapped around Kurt's shoulders and Kurt's head resting on Blaine's chest. Puck- who I had expected to stay too laid with his arms wrapped around Blaine's legs tightly and his head on Blaine's knees, while Rachel laid wrapped up hugging herself behind Puck's back.
In mine and Burt's bed!
Well I suppose they all couldn't fit into one bed if it wasn't the biggest one in the house- and I sure wasn't going to wake them up and tell them off to their respective rooms or beds.
"Aw" I whispered. Burt looked to me and raised an eyebrow. "Should we join them?" He nodded, I couldn't help but smile as I grabbed one of his old T- shirts from the chair and walked into the bathroom to get done. When I came back Burt had already laid down by his son- Kurt's head now resting on Burt's chest instead of Blaine's. I smiled and walked around the bed, Rachel seemed too alone wrapped up with herself for me to just let her go.
She had been unusually clingy the last few days- especially onto me- and when I laid down next to her and pulled the covers over the both of us I felt her bony fists grab onto Burt's old T- shirt as she pulled herself closer to me and slightly whimpered in her sleep. "Sch" I comforted and stroke her back. "I'm here."
I couldn't get myself to say that it was okay- when it would never be okay again for any of us.
Rachel didn't make a sound more or move except for when I laid down fully and- still in her sleep- rested her head onto my shoulder. I leaned my head forward and slightly touched the top of the dark- brown hair with my lips, before I rested my head towards the pillow. And knowing they all were here and hearing the soft, slow snores of both my husband and the young man with the Mohawk. I slowly drifted off to sleep.
"NO" The high- pitched voice woke me up with a start and for a moment I barely knew where or who I was and all that jazz from being woken up so fast- then- all at once it came back- hit me harder than the train just like it would every morning and for a moment I couldn't breathe. "NO" Rachel's panicked shouts echoed in between the four walls of the bedroom and I just had to get myself back to reality- no matter how rough it was.
"NO" Another shout escaped from the girl lying next to me. I realized I was so far out to the side- I would probably fall out of bed if I moved an inch or two, so I simply sat up and started stroking the hair of the young woman who was just waking everyone up- at seven o three in the morning but well, well.
"Sch." I comforted as well as I could. "It's okay, it's okay. You're safe." Rachel was still sleeping- tossing herself back and forth and shouting at the top of her lungs after my son. "Hey, sch, sch, sch. Wake up Rachel it's just a bad dream." The next sound heard- a loud thud as Burt ended up on the floor from rolling too far towards the edge wasn't just as comforting, and it didn't take anything else then each glance towards them from me and a nod towards the door before all the boys- most of them still half sleeping- stumbling out of the room.
Rachel whimpered again, then she suddenly shot up- getting caught by me who had already been ready for that to happen as she woke up and broke down crying. "Sch, sch, sch." I comforted as good as I could. "I'm here honey. I've got you." I didn't know what else to say so I simply silent and continued rubbing her back and stroking her hair while she sobbed against my shoulder.
"I'm sorry." After a little while she pulled back and stroke away her tears with her hands, I leaned forward and grabbed a tissue from a box at the bedside table and reached to her that there was nothing to be sorry for. "Thank you." She mumbled and wiped the tears silently. I didn't know what else to say at the moment so I listened and heard the others fixing with breakfast downstairs.
"Do you want to talk about it honey?" I asked softly but she shook her head. "I think the others are making breakfast. Do you want to come downstairs or should I go downstairs and get something for you?" It probably wasn't the best thing to start talking about breakfast now, but I didn't know what else to say.
"No." Rachel looked up at me, still with tear- filled eyes. "I'm sorry but… can I just be alone for a little while? I'll be downstairs in a minute so please can I just be alone for now." I nodded and showed her to come closer as I leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
"Just holler if you need anything honey." She nodded barely noticeable as I grabbed a morning gown from a hook on the wall and pulled it on while walking down the stairs where the boys sat around the table- Puck was leaning to the side with his elbow on the table, turned out Blaine's knees hadn't been the best or softest of pillows, so he was more asleep than awake.
Kurt sat staring down at his breakfast as if he wondered about what to do with it, Burt sat and massaged his own shoulder which he obviously had hurt falling down from the bed and Blaine just came in with today's post, he threw a couple of envelopes to Burt, gave a paper to me and then sat down by Kurt with the last envelope. "It's to Finn." He said, his voice breaking, I reached out my hand and showed him to give it to me, when I opened it I saw it was hand- written and even though something was telling me it might have been wrong I read it.
Dear Finn
I don't know why I'm sending you this. I know you'll never get it, you'll never be able to read it. So I guess either your mum will read it, or it's just going to get lost in some trash can somewhere. But I need a closure and because my stupid teachers won't give me a few days off so I can go to the funeral I guess this way isn't anymore right or wrong than any other.
People say that three of the hardest things to say is I'm sorry, help me and I love you- and then there's this one word that is the very hardest of them all. I spent hours writing this letter, threw one paper after the other in the trash can so now I'm taking help from those to write my letter to you and hopefully I'll get it right this time.
First of all. I'm sorry, without going into any further details I am so, so sorry. I'm sorry that I get to live- that I am probably going to have a long life when you don't because you were a much better person than I'm ever going to be no matter how hard I will try or how much I will change from the one I was in high school.
I'm sorry I tricked you, let someone else tell you the words I couldn't because I was too afraid you wouldn't love me anymore- and that everyone would turn their backs against me if the truth came out- which isn't far from what happened when it actually did. I'm sorry that you were so hurt about the mistakes I made- that seems too terrible- too much of just that- mistakes to be just thrown out about what they are.
Second of all- help me. Even though you and I weren't really close in your last year- maybe we were never close at all really- I feel so lost without you. I never thought I could feel so lost without a person I barely met anything and lost contact with after high school and that everything, I just never thought I'd feel so lonely.
So please Finn, if you are there. Help me! Or if you don't want to help me- maybe because I could never help you- then at least stay with me. Stay with me so I can find some light in the end of this tunnel, help me so I can get back steady on my feet instead of just stumbling around like this. Help me Finn!
God, I'm sounding desperate. But please Finn, if you're there- and if you still are a tiny little bit of the person that you were- just help me, let me know you are there and that will be enough help to help me moving on. Please Finn- God I'm just begging- but please Finn- if you're there- just help me to find back to my way.
And as a last of these things that are so hard to say- I love you. I always loved you and I'm always going to. I know that I realized I couldn't love you in the way I should when we were together- and maybe that was the problem between us two- so I can now say I love you- as a friend. Because I love you Finn- I love you for the amazing person you were, I love you for all that you did for me even though I barely ever deserved it and I love you because in my heart you will always be you.
I love you, God I love you. Which might be why that last word is so hard- but I know it has to be written- to give both you and me a closure and finally an end to the roller coaster our relationship was it just needs to be written, this last word may be why tears are dripping down on this paper making it even harder to write- but I know I have to write it now or I will never be able to get this closure.
Goodbye Finn, I love you.
-Quinn
I cleared my throat and stroke away tears I hadn't realized until now were rolling down my cheeks as I put it back in the envelope carefully and laid it on the table before I opened the letter I had gotten and pulled out to read.
To you who's recently lost your child
"Wow!" I said ironically. "Fun thing to have thrown in the face like that." I sighed- talking like that wasn't like me and I knew it- but I could guess losing a child would change just about anyone as I read through the letter and a list of support groups for well- parents that were going through the same thing as I was.
I sighed and explained to Burt and the others what it was, then pointed out one- it wasn't as if I would have anything to lose on trying. Burt nodded and rubbed my back slightly just as Rachel came into the room and sat down between Puck and Kurt. I made a failed attempt to smile at her as I grabbed the two letters and walked back upstairs where I laid down and- to suppress the sound- cried into my pillow for what must have been the three hundredth time the last week.
The next day I and Burt left the airport after waving of the children- or children and children…. Children! And then we headed to a room on the top floor of the hospital- a floor that was usually used for support groups, conferences etc. And today- room 11 4 B- with that damn beautiful view that would make anyone stop and stare- was used for- as they said "support group for parents who's been through losing a child."
I looked around the room, the therapist or whatever it was sat and took some notes of whatever, Burt had come too and he squeezed my hand in his. A dark- blonde man who sat on the opposite side of the table from me next to a far- gone pregnant woman raised an eyebrow when he obviously thought I had been looking at him too long so I looked around the table to each and every one.
I could guess there was- not only parents but also siblings sitting around the table- the youngest of them maybe in their young teens- or even younger. Two women sat close together and the way they were sitting close together told us that their child- had had two mums. It wasn't that I had anything against that- God of course I didn't- but seeing them just gave me such a weird feeling.
I felt my chest tighten- how could I ever have thought that I would be able to sit around here and tell someone else- some strangers about the worst thing that could happen to a person and that had happened to me?
"Hey…." Burt noticed my breathing getting faster and heavier before I had. "Remember what I said. If you want to leave, then just do it- I will come right after." He squeezed my hand as I rested my chin against his shoulder in a move that would probably tell him what I couldn't put in words. And of how thankful I was that he was here.
"So." The therapist put her pencil and her block on the table. "Hello, even though it's maybe not so pleasant to have to be here- It's fun to see so many have taken the time to try this… my name is Jessica Stanley, you can all call me Jess. And well… we usually start with telling everybody our names, name and age of your child and a bit of how they died and when it happened- but it's up to each and every one of you how much you want to say- so don't feel any pressure…. So…" she nodded to the man with the dark blonde hair and the brown eyes. "Why don't you start? Did you bring a picture?" The man nodded and passed around a picture of a young girl- perhaps eight or nine with dark blonde hair and blue eyes while he spoke.
"My name is Bernard Cooper, this is my wife Abigail." He nodded to the woman next to him. "Our daughter Lynette died in a house fire two years ago- she was nine." I gripped hard around Burt's hand and soon had to apologize for digging in my nails in his palm when I saw him grimace by my hard grip. The photo was sent back to the Cooper's as another photo was passed around- this time of a bald boy- I could guess he had died from cancer- sitting in a bed with a big stuffed monkey with the world's biggest smile.
"My name's Cheryl Diffy." The woman- the mum of the little boy presented herself, and then the rest of her family represented themselves as dad- Joe, and older sisters, Deborah "Debbie" Shannon and at last Karen "Carrie" "And my son Kenneth- or Kenny as we called him- he died three years ago of leukemia." She sniveled and looked over to me, I took a deep breath and tried to make my voice sound steady.
"My name is Carole Hudson-Hummel, and my son Finn died nine days, four hours and thirty two minutes ago." I didn't know how to continue- maybe that was why I continued with the hours and minutes. "And he died…" I silent, tell them, not tell them, I was too ashamed… not of Finn for letting those… things do the same to him as they had done to his father… but of myself not to have noticed anything. "He died during surgery." I almost whispered at last- it wasn't the whole truth- but it wasn't a lie neither as I searched my handbag for a photo, found a photo of him and Kurt that I passed around while Burt presented himself.
"My name is Burt Hummel- I'm married to Carole- Finn was my stepson. I might not have been his biological parent but I sure did love him very much." His voice sounded weaker and more unsteady than what I had heard it sound before as I got the photo back and laid it in front of me on the table and shakily gripped tighter around Burt's hand and looked to the second family sitting there.
"My name is Apryl Housten" The mum said. "This is my husband Oliver, and our twin children Samantha and Ellis- they're both twelve but were ten and a half when our other daughter Kaegen drowned at four years old." A picture of the girl, with two brown braids and shining green eyes was passed around as the two mum's were last to pass around a photo- this time of a dark- haired girl with tanned skin, big blue eyes and a big smile.
"My name is Susan Williams" one of the two women said and cleared her throat. "This is my wife- Anne. Our daughter Danielle was sixteen when she five months ago decided to…" She silent for a moment. "End her life." I couldn't help but gasp and gripped harder around Burt's hand when I heard the cause of death.
Now I got where that weird feeling came from- Danielle Williams had been brought into the ER while I was working. I had been there when they brought in the girl- still with the rope around her neck and blue in the skin from the lack of oxygen- and only minutes later declared her dead.
I shook my head and pushed away the memories of that day, didn't allow myself to think about that day and one of the most memorable patients I had ever been with them doctors trying to preform CPR to bring her back- when it yet proved to be useless.
And that was when the man who had earlier probably been thinking I had been looking at him for too long- with the dark blonde hair and the brown eyes spoke up. And what! A! Jerk!
"So which one of you was her real mum?" The both women- and the rest of us except Jess who sat and took notes turned to stare at the man- he glared with cold, brown eyes towards the two women- and I knew way too well what that glare meant- I had seen so many looking like that towards my stepson.
"I mean both of you can't be because it's literally impossible for you both to be her real parents. Come on I'm just curious- who is it?" This time it was Burt's time to grip harder around my hand and a low grown- too quiet for the others to hear escaped his throat as almost from a dog. I knew he hated any kind of intention to homophobic language so I switched hands and laid the hand closest to him on his back in an attempt to calm him down. "Who is it?" Mr. Cooper seemed impatient.
"It's me." The woman named Susan said at last. "But Danielle was Anne's child just as much as she was mine- and just as much as… Liana?" Mr. Cooper corrected the name to Lynette. "Lynette was yours. She loved Danielle just as much as I did because Danielle wasn't mine she was ours."
"An adoption doesn't make it your child." The dark blonde man glared with the same cold eyes as before towards the women and it seemed like the whole room had stopped for a few seconds with just those seven words. I almost expected one of the women to fly on the man and hit every spot they could reach- that would probably be what I would have done in their place but they both kept silent as the next one to speak up was his wife.
"Bernard!" She exclaimed. "You're unbelievable, you're unbelievable!" He just gave a short, faked chuckle that almost sounded evil and shook his head. And with another glare he looked backwards towards his wife and then pushed himself up onto his feet and with another short- almost evil chuckle was heard as he started wandering around the room.
"Oh please Abbie. I am unbelievable?" She only glared back. "What was it that paper said? Support group for parents' right? So in that case- the unbelievable in this is why you-" he pointed to Anne Williams. "You" he pointed to Burt. "You, you, you, you and you" he pointed to each and every one of the children in the room. "-Are let in here. Don't you think?" He looked around as if he was waiting on a round of applause. "No- because I'm pretty sure the flyer said for parents and in that case I and Abbie are the only ones following the rules are we?"
Bernard continued walking around the table. "Please" Jess began. "Mr. Cooper, there's really no need to…" He just gave another cold chuckle and continued walking around the table before he stuck in his side between where Shannon and Debbie Diffy sat and looked to the three older sisters of one child that had been so incredibly loved during his way too short life.
"So if we're following the rules what are you three doing here? You're not parents are you?" None of them- or us others answered him anything- he was taking it too far though- and we all knew it- I guess except for himself- or maybe he knew but didn't want to admit himself being wrong and taking it too far. He pushed himself up again and then hung on the chairs between Susan and Anne Williams.
"And how about you?" He looked to the one at the time. "I don't recall the paper saying anything about clitty- licker's." Burt gripped tighter around my hand again- as I said before- any kind of homophobic language would make him angry and I could tell he wasn't far from literally flying on this other man who just came and leaned against mine and Burt's chairs. "And what about you here?" He turned his head to look towards my Burt and then to me- with his cold brown eyes meeting my green. My finger nails dig into Burt's hand again- but this time he didn't make a sound.
"So… you're the real mum of this…. Finn?" I nodded. "And you're his stepdad." Burt nodded too. "I don't recall it saying anything about that stepparents were allowed either- actually I'm pretty sure it only said something about mum and dad." I pushed myself up to stand up- without really knowing what my intention with it was- but Burt got up too and stood behind me with his hand on my over- arms. I felt him grip hard around my arms and I could only guess it was in an attempt not to snap back at the man before us.
"So…. If you're his mum, and you're his stepdad- where's his real dad- the man who would actually be meant to be here."
Mr. Cooper could just as well have hit me right in the face. I reached for Burt's hand again- he seemed to be wondering about what to say as he stroke my arm and opened his mouth to speak. "Do not… speak like that…. To my wife." He said in a quiet, dark tone that made shivers go through my whole body- Burt was angry now- I could hear it on the way he didn't shout. Mr. Cooper just gave another short laugh, and now both Jess and Mrs. Cooper were trying to get him to stop whatever it was he had in mind with doing- even though it didn't really help.
"Bernard." Mrs. Cooper tried. "Stop it! You're being childish!"
"Childish? Me? Might be so but as I can see it there are many ways to be childish- like being overly dramatic in a way that is just seeking for attention." He shot a glare to me while shoving his hands in his pockets. "And one of the things I've seen of that here today is telling everybody exactly how long it's been since your child died." Burt opened his mouth to say something, but didn't have the time before the younger man continued.
"Another thing that people can usually seem a bit childish is to without lying keep away a part of the truth- which you told me to do." Bernard looked to his wife. "So why don't I take charge for a while about this and tell that Lynette died because you- Abigail Cooper herself- left the cooker on and it caught fire." The next thing he said was of an ironic tone. "Wow, mother of the year aren't you honey?"
I gripped tight around Burt's fingers. How anyone would be able to speak to anybody the way Bernard Cooper spoke to his wife was for me a question- and I hoped it would remain that way because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I was the one treating someone I loved- or didn't love for that matter- in that way.
My hands had since long started shaking and now the trembling was starting to spread which caused the rest of my body to start trembling. Burt stroke my arm but seemed to have given up with trying to say something as I felt his grip around my hand tighten too- and another low grown escaped his throat even though he didn't say a word neither to me nor to anyone else in the room.
Everyone in the room was now staring towards the man in his younger middle ages that was walking around the room throwing insults of the worst kinds towards people he barely knew who they were- who was us others. "And… so you…" He looked over to the Housten's. "Drowned did she? So where were you then? At home, at the swimming pool? At the beach? Was there someone who forgot they had responsibility over little Kaegen and didn't remember it again until someone saw her floating with her face down in the water?" Oliver Housten had gone white as a paper in the face, Apryl was squeezing his hand and the twins stood with their arms around each other's shoulders and the boy- with dark brown hair that fell into his eyes was the next one to speak up.
"You're a big fat jerk you know that right?" He spat. "Why would you think that you can…" he didn't get any further before the adult man ruffled his half long, dark hair and gave yet another short laugh.
"Big fat jerk... ha ha…. Insult of the year goes to Ellis Housten doesn't it?"
My whole body was trembling now and I didn't quite know why as Bernard Cooper noticed and turned back towards me and Burt. "Wow" he rubbed the back of his neck and raised an eyebrow towards me. "Seem like I made mama bear a little upset." I suppressed a sob- it had got to be the millionth sob in just this past week- but if it was one thing I wasn't letting him have it was the joy with seeing that he had reached through and made me cry.
"Mama bear by the way." He leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. "Is that why you also seem to be holding away a bit of the truth- oh don't think we didn't notice that pause you did telling us how your son died- and now it seems like you're hiding away something about his real dad…" Mr. Cooper bit his lip. "Does that have something to do with each other? Did your son or the father of your son kill the other one before killing themselves or ending up in prison huh?"
I wasn't an aggressive person- I would always claim that nothing should make you end up with using fists instead of words, but at that point I had had enough. Everything seemed to black out as I threw myself forward towards the man getting caught by Burt right before things just got too overwhelming to bear and I felt myself falling as everything went black.
"Carole?" The next thing I knew- what felt like a split second after I had tried to attack Mr. Cooper with all of my power- was Burt's voice calling out for me and somebody's hand- I could guess it was my Burt's- stroking away tresses of my fringe that had fallen into my eyes as I moaned and lifted my hand to my head where a light pounding behind my eye told about the headache I would have later today from being too overwhelmed.
I lowered my hand again and my eyes fluttered open to the worried expressions of my Burt, Jess, and on top of that, the Diffy's, Anne and Susan and the Housten's- excluding Ellis who came running with a cup of water- that he of course stumbled me and managed to get all over me. "I am so sorry ma'am. I'll get you some new." I grabbed the lower part of the young boy's pants as he turned around and waved it off.
"It's okay Honey." I pushed myself up- despite Burt's nagging and attempts to hold me down. "I really don't need anything." I leaned to the side and towards Burt's shoulder. He rested his chin against the top of my head and laid his palm against my back. "Can we just go home honey?" I whispered. "Maybe this was a bit too soon." Burt nodded and supported me as I slowly got up on my feet on shaky legs and leaned against Burt slightly as we walked out of the room, down the hallway and down to the elevators.
We had heard that the Cooper's had left right after I blacked out, that Bernard had grabbed onto his wife and more or less pulled Abigail out the door, but when we came down to the parking lot the man stood right outside with a cigarette- while Abigail- who seemed to be crying sat on a bench by a wall a bit away.
"Mr. Cooper." I stopped and then walked closer to him. I didn't really think that he had anything to do with it- but if he wanted the whole truth- then he was getting the whole truth- all of it. "So you wanted to know what actually happened to my Finn and Christopher." I bit my lip, but before I had the time to change my mind I told him it all. "Finn's surgery was because an overdose of amphetamines and alcohol had taken hard on his body, almost twenty years from now my Christopher died- also from an overdose. I am ashamed of it but not of what they died from- but because I couldn't see it and prevent it from happening."
"Wow." Mr. Cooper gave another one of those short, evil chuckles. "Your life really does suck. Boo- hoo." I didn't mind more about him- he just wasn't worth it- but I looked past him to Mrs. Cooper who still sat on that bench by the wall, sniveled and wiped tears from her eyes.
For that moment I didn't care more about Bernard Cooper, but let go of Burt and slowly walked over to the bench and sat down by the dark- blonde woman. "Are you okay hon?" I asked as she didn't even look up when I came, she nodded slightly, wiping away a tear rolling down her cheek with one hand as the other one was lying on her stomach.
"He… he changed after Lynette died." She said with a thick voice, without me having to ask anything else. "And…. It wasn't for the better… I've been so close to leaving him so many times but I just can't with the thought that… that my Bernie is still in there somewhere." She lifted her hand and stroke away more tears just as I lifted mine and started rubbing her back. "Sorry- you don't want to know about problems." For a second I looked over to the two men standing a bit away, Bernard was just throwing his cigarette in a puddle, and he and Burt seemed to be having a competition about who could glare the worst and the longest.
"He loves you very much you know." I looked back to Abigail when she spoke to me. "Burt- I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you and in the way he protects you- he loves you more than words could ever tell." I nodded- and I loved him too…. And that was when I had an idea. I told the others to come with me and walked upstairs and to the same conference room as before again, where I asked every couple of parents for a photo that I laid out on the table and looked to them one and one.
From Danielle Williams, with the camera catching her in the middle of a dance step with her arms stretched back and forth and her black hair dancing in the wind, her icy blue eyes glittering in the sunlight and the biggest smile there was to find with a teenage girl.
To Kenny Diffy, the little boy with the big stuffed monkey as he looked into the camera with shining green eyes and bald head smiling as if there was no tomorrow with hoses and cords attached to his body but not doing anything to his wonderful, beautiful smile.
To Lynette Cooper, her dark blonde hair almost shining in the sunlight as her blue eyes- so unlike her parents' who both had brown- glittering with happiness. To Kaegen Housten, her brown braids flying around her as she spun around when the photo had been taken and her green eyes peering.
And at last to my Finn, his smile who went from ear to ear as he held up his graduation cap in the air with his other arm around his smaller stepbrother's shoulders. I smiled slightly and then looked around to the others and started speaking. "These are our children." I started. "They aren't much alike each other, there are different persona's, different ages, different names, different looks- girls and boys- different families."
I sighed before I continued. "So in fact we don't actually have much in common. If we just saw each other out on town or wherever we would probably not think about the actual fact that we do have anything in common at all. When in fact we do- and I'm not just talking about how we all have a lost with a family member. But I'm talking about the love we felt- and the love both we and them are still feeling- the love we feel towards each other and how we have been through a point when we know it needs to grow stronger for us to get through things at all." I took a deep breath. "Do you get what I mean?" I waited for the answers and there were spread nods and short spoken answers around in the room.
"And then it isn't about being a biological parent or an adoptive or if there is a stepparent or a sister or a brother or an…. Enemy… or a friend." I lifted my hand and stroke away a tear and then walked around the table passing back the photos to their rightful owners. "It's about loving…. Or hating for that matter, and a time when we all need someone to rely on." I stopped and pulled out Quinn's letter out of my handbag.
"Earlier today my stepson's boyfriend went to get the post. There was a letter to Finn and even though it might be wrong or right to do so I've been reading the letters sent to him just in case it would be something important. And this girl… or young woman as she is today she was well… girlfriend on and off to my Finn in high school. I had never expected to hear anything from her because- simply she didn't really know Finn better than anyone did. And- after lying to my son in high school- and to me- I pretty much shut her out." I clenched my hand around the fabric in my shirt to just hold onto something and then felt Burt come and wrap his fingers around mine.
"It would be easy for me to just shut Quinn out like I did when I heard what she had done that time but… right now- for all of us…." I looked around to all of the others. "It isn't about what we did then- whether it was what we did or what we didn't, what we noticed or didn't notice- it's not about that- but about the love we have for the ones around us- and for the ones who have passed."
I didn't know what more to say so I silent and slowly sat down in front of where my Burt stood- but what happened next wasn't anything I had expected- suddenly the silence was cut off by half- suppressed yet loud and sudden sobs- that came from Bernard Cooper. Bernard sat with his chin in his hand and sobbed so his whole body shook. Abigail rubbed his back and then he turned around and leaned his forehead against her shoulder as loud sobs- no longer suppressed continued to wrench his body.
"Today…" Abigail began in a thick voice. "Today is at date two years since our Lynette died." Her voice broke and she had to take a few deep breaths before she continued. "And I know that's not an excuse to how Bernie acted earlier but I'm…. I'm asking you to give him another chance- give us another chance because this…. This is our last chance to get things back right on our feet before… before the baby is born." She glanced down on her stomach. I stood up and walked over, more or less pressed down my fingers wrapped in Bernard's who had a tight grip around Abigail's shirt- my other hand still holding a steady grip in Burt's- The next one to stand up was Samantha Housten as she jumped up on the table and pushed herself over sitting Indian style with one palm against Bernard's shoulder blade and one hand wrapped in her twin- brother's- and when I looked around I saw everyone grip onto each other's hands- both mine, Samantha's and Abigail's leading back to Bernard who was still trembling with sobs.
"I don't deserve this."
"You don't-" I answered Bernard's mumbled but oh so true words. "But I think it's time to start over… and instead of seeing our differences see what we have in common so…. I'll start…" I took a second to think about what to say and almost right away getting the most perfect idea.
"My name is Carole Hudson- Hummel. And I love my son very much."
Awww, so how many thinks Bernard Cooper is an asshole? Yeah thought so, how many did go a bit softer on him towards the ending? Yeah thought so too. I hope you liked this chapter even though it was really heartbreaking and for the strong language than what I usually use.
So my goal was actually to have this chapter up to... yesterday. It's now twenty minutes to two in the morning- so if you don't mind. I will go to bed
And English isn't my first language.
Goodnight!
