Twelve
(Dear Reader, if anyone knows where I can obtain a copy of an old story of mine, Just Like Mother's - the piss apple story I'd love to hear from you)
Matt got up from his desk to stretch, he had been writing reports all morning and he needed a break. He walked to the window and glanced up and down the street and just happened to see Will Roniger walking in the Long Branch. He grabbed his hat and gunbelt and headed to the saloon. Force of habit caused him to stand for a moment at the batwing doors scanning the room for the familiar redhead sashayingbetween tables with a tray in her hand. He chuckled to himself; old habits die hard.
He saw Will Roniger, Festus and Doc at a back table deep in conversation and made his way towards them. "Matt come on over." Doc offered as he neared their table.
Sliding his hat to the back of his head, he grabbed a chair from a neighboring table and sat down.
"Good morning, just the men I wanted to see." Matt said looking from Will to Doc.
"Something on your mind Matt?" Adams asked.
"Well, yeah … it's about this craving Kitty has…"
"That's not so unusual," Doc said.
"What's she craving?" asked Will.
"That's the problem, she wants Piss Applesauce cake, with the only Piss Apples in Ford County at the Bart's ranch, she decided to create her own piss apple and used pickles…"
"Good Grief," Doc exclaimed, "Did she eat it?"
"Some of it." Matt said.
"Let me assure you Matt, this is all perfectly normal, why I've known women to get the urge to eat the strangest things." Doc explained.
"Why fiddle Matthew," Festus offered, "I recollect my Aunt George had a hankering fer the Good Book and she ate half the family Bible 'afore she was satisfied."
Doc looked at Hagen and shook his head like he had a fly buzzing in his ear.
Completely ignoring Festus, Will offered, "Heck yeah, Bessie is always craving something unusual, that woman does keep me on my toes."
Matt chuckled, "Well as long as you say it's normal, anything else I should know?"
Doc started to speak, but Will held up his hand and said, "Now that you ask, I guess I'm kinda an expert in all this… beggin' your pardon Doc… well this is the one important thing I've learned, the one thing that works no matter what… When she complains she's fat, tell her she's beautiful, when she says her back hurts, tell her she's beautiful, and when you catch her crying for no reason at all… tell her she's beautiful. I ain't rightly sure why but it always seems to bring a smile back to Bessie's face."
Adams nodded his head in agreement, "Sounds like sage advise from an expert," Doc winked at Will, "the rest Matt, you'll just have to learn from experience."
GS GS GS
Their favorite spot for lunch was at the corner of the playground at the farthest point away from the schoolhouse. The four boys were certain sure of this, because they had measured it one noon hour.
Christopher opened up his lunch bucket and cautiously checked its contents, then breathed an audible sigh of relief as a smile crossed his face. Benny looked up from his sandwich, "What's ya got in there that's makin you so happy?" he asked.
Chris laughed, "It's what I don't have in there that's making me happy!"
"What are you talking about?" Tommy asked.
"Miss Kitty made a cake this morning." Chris explained.
"She makes good cakes," Timmy observed, remembering the applesauce cake Chris had shared from his lunch earlier in the week.
"Na-ahhh, not this one. This one she made with apples and pickles, she has… what was the word she used…" he thought very hard and at last the word popped into his mind, "craving, she has a craving for a special kind of apple."
Timmy laughed, "I bet I know what kind." He leaned way over so no one else on the playground could overhear him say the word, "Piss Apple" he declared knowingly.
"Yeah, that's right!" Chris said somewhat amazed, "How did you know, has your momma got it too?"
Tommy threw up his hands in a gesture of amazement, "Ain't you never heard about the time Momma and Miss Kitty stolt the Piss Apples from Miss Susan Bart so they could make a birthday cake for Marshal Dillon!?"
Chris shook his head and listened intently as the boys explained the tale of the piss apple raid. It was a family favorite that had been told and expanded upon over the years.
When the story was finished Chris said, "Miss Kitty said she gotsta have those piss apples, Marshal said it had to do with her delicate condition."
The three identical Roniger heads bobbed knowingly in agreement, "Yup, Pa says the proper food is very important for a lady hav'in a baby." Timmy explained.
"Why can't someone just go over to Moon Bar and ask for some apples?" Benny wondered.
"Cause mule brain," Tommy explained, "Mrs. Harris hates Miss Kitty, you know that!"
Christopher squinted his eyes and scrunched up his face, "Then, I've gotsta to do it," he stated.
"Do what?" Benny asked.
"I gotsta get Miss Kitty some Piss apples." Chris declared.
"How ya gonna do that?" Timmy questioned.
"Simple, I'll do it just the way your Ma and Miss Kitty did, I'm gonna sneak over there in the middle of the night and steal them."
"Wowie!" Bennie exclaimed.
Three triplets looked at each other and then as if with one mind declared, "Hey Chris, we'll help."
"Yeah, this will be great!" Tommy said, the gears of his brain cranking out a plan, "You ride over to our house and then well head out to Moon Bar Ranch…"
All four boys started talking at once, their imaginations plotting a wonderful scheme that would give Miss Kitty the Piss Apples her delicate condition required.
Miss Burrow noticed the notes being passed by her second grade students, but she made no effort to stop them, figuring that at least they were practicing their reading and writing skills, and besides it was Friday and she was as eager as the children for the day to be over and the weekend to begin.
