A/N: Hey reader! Thanks so much for taking the time to venture onto my story! We're officially half way through! Bittersweet times, I almost don't want this to end! On the other hand, I seriously do because I have a bunch of other stories I want to write but I don't want to start anything kinda long while I'm still working on this. But hey, I'm loving writing this, and I'm so pleased that what happens in this chapter happens! Not to give too much away, but the Schuyler Sisters reminisce... Argh, I'm gonna stop cuz I don't wanna spoil the surprise! Enjoy!
Chapter 12 - Winter 1798
As far as Aaron Burr was aware, a lonely Autumn had come and gone for Theodosia, and throughout the season he had dedicated his days to overseeing her education and allowed her nights to be spent in solitude. He feared a deep sorrow had settled on her heart following the separation which he was actively enforcing between his daughter and Alexander Hamilton's son, for every night, she retired to her bedroom far earlier than had been common.
Yet his optimistic assumption was not quite as accurate as he would have hoped.
She truly was saddened by missing the sight of those hazel eyes which inspired such a thrill of joy to echo within her body, but ever the resourceful innovator, she had not been satisfied to simply withstand the punishment. As she had mentioned in her letter many months previously, she had set her mind to finding some way to resolve the issue. She found the answer to be almost blindingly obvious: if Philip is not permitted to visit with my father's approval, he can simply do it without. He managed to enter before without arousing suspicion - that is, until our noise broke his cover. But if we're careful, it's feasible.
When she informed her friend of her plan, he was just as eager to agree as she had been to suggest it. Thus it became the custom that Theo would bid her father goodnight with a peck on the cheek, then return to her room, setting a candle in the window as a sign to the young man that she was ready for his company. No longer taken by surprise when he clambered up to her balcony, no time was wasted arguing, and he was welcomed inside the furtive entrance with open arms. In the privacy of her room, lights dimmed but for the single candle to suggest to Burr that she was asleep, they would whisper in the dim orange glow for hours, until Philip's eyes began to visibly droop or Theodosia leaned unthinking against her pillows, naturally ready to sleep. Upon that occurrence, Philip would say his goodbyes and be gone from the window as swiftly as he'd arrived, growing more adept at scaling the vine trailing up the wall as he practiced almost every day for months, even when it became brittle and slippery as winter set in; it was a minor inconvenience compared to the metaphorical wall Aaron Burr had believed himself to be successful in constructing between them.
The nightly visits were nowhere near as much as they dreamed of sharing. But they were enough to satisfy the burning cravings consuming their young souls, and so both teenagers relished their secretive meetings.
Upon one of these rendezvous, on an inky black winter night, Philip brought the outside chill with him into the bedroom. Theodosia shuddered as soon as she opened the full-length window, swiftly tossing a blanket towards her friend the moment she had shut the door firmly behind him, insisting as firmly as she could manage whilst keeping her voice inconspicuously quiet, "You're freezing, please warm yourself up!"
He chuckled, amused by her attempts to shield him from the bitter December chill but grateful nonetheless for the additional warmth, and teased, "Who's fault is it that I have to face that every night?" She rolled her eyes, and before she could cut him with some sharp remark, he quickly added, "I don't mind it, of course." Truly. I would combat a thousand winters to be by your side, he continued silently. Shaking his head to force away some of his ever-increasing emotions which he seemed to struggle with recently, he resolved to return to a jovial mood, pointing out, "That said, I have no idea how I'd explain a sudden illness to my mother. As far as she knows, I never leave the house without her thoroughly checking that I'm wrapped up in enough clothing to supply a small army. It's excessive, honestly," he grimaced as he recalled Eliza's detailed examination and slight frown of concern that, regardless of the seemingly endless layers piled onto the slender young man, he still required more.
"I'm sure she'd understand if you explained you were simply overcoming some boundaries between yourself and a dear friend. And if not, I'm almost certain your father would be supportive." She recalled the way Mr Hamilton had actively distracted her own father some years ago so as to enable Philip to creep to her bedroom for the first time to say farewell before departing to boarding school. "Unlike mine," she muttered under her breath.
With an apologetic smile, Philip commented, "You know he only wants the best for you, however deluded he might be."
Frustrated, Theodosia replied, "I hardly consider banning me from so much as wandering into town out the paranoid fear that I might happen to stumble across my best friend as the best thing for me! Though, you're quite right about him being deluded." She sighed, reflecting again on her predicament: I could never hold my father's over-protection against him, because I know he genuinely does it to be of some benefit to me. But even if his heart is in the right place, it's mind-numbingly frustrating.
Concerned by her irritation, Philip placed a cool hand on her forearm, causing her to shiver involuntarily at the shock of the temperature change. "Try not to let it get to you. Sooner or later he has to face the reality that you are your own woman, fully capable of making your own decisions. And just as soon as he does, everything will change. I'm sure of it."
Theodosia smiled, instantly calming the ache in his chest from missing the sight: she had not long been with a frown on her face, but even the brief absence was disturbing to the young man who'd grown to adore the curve of her lips into a horizontal crescent moon. She placed her hand on his, gratitude for the precious gift of his presence in her life obvious from the warmth of her touch, and decided, "You always seem to find a way to see the light in the dark."
He nodded, "That, I am capable of doing. And as for fixing this, I'm determined to find some way to save you if Burr doesn't relent soon."
It happened that just a few days later, Philip came through on his declaration. Uncertain of how to deliver the much-needed reprieve from almost constant monitoring for Theo, he was about to turn eventually to the one person who seemed always to be sympathetic to the girl:
Eliza.
Tell her just enough, not to much, the reminder echoed like a mantra in his mind as he made certain he would not let slip his nightly meetings to his mother, who was convinced he'd not laid eyes upon Burr's daughter for several months. He located his mother in the parlour, sitting with his aunts while they visited, and happened to catch a hint of conversation as he approached the room in which the trio sat before he even had to ask for advice.
"Don't tell me you've forgotten how frightened you were! What was it you told me?" Angelica Schuyler Church's melodic laugh enticed him to listen to more.
"I don't know in the slightest," his aunt Peggy Schuyler Van Rensselaer replied, a touch bashfully, he noted.
"Yes you do! I know I can certainly recall - Daddy said not to go downtown," Elizabeth offered, giggling like the young, naive girl she'd been once upon another time, when their current reminiscence was set. It has been too long since she's been so happy, the eavesdropping student realized with relief, regardless of the fact that the women had intentionally chosen to discuss a time before his father tainted the middle sister's happiness, or even tempted her with the promise of a joyous existence he'd been unable to deliver.
"And, as was quite true, Daddy never needed to find out," Angelica pointed out, with her smug smirk audible in her words.
That in particular peaked Philip's interest: Hiding something from a protective father. That sounds useful.
"Still, you can't deny it was nerve wracking, sneaking into town so that we could do as we pleased without his concerned gaze watching our every move," Peggy justified matter-of-factly.
"Exhilarating, too, however. And definitely worth it, we were able to witness the bustling streets of a country on the brink of conception," Eliza reminded her.
"Precisely. What's slipping unnoticed from your home compared to the excitement of hearing bright new minds professing their ideas of future brilliance? Insignificant trouble when you consider the great rewards," Angelica concluded.
The ladies continued to speak, but Philip could no longer hear them over the whirling of his own bright new mind concocting an idea. He knew there was already a time in which Theodosia's activity went unnoticed, because it was that period of time which allowed him to visit each night. And now he had overheard the rebellious way his mother and her siblings had taken advantage of such a time to escape to the city, he was inclined to suggest the very same idea to Theo.
"Your mother? Never!" Theodosia insisted, adamant that the calm, refined Mrs Hamilton could never have acted with such unprecedented spontaneity, even in her youth.
"And my aunts," Philip confirmed his tale, recounting, "Even though aunt Peggy seemed less than keen on the idea. Despite that, they all seemed to share the opinion that it was something fun, a chance to be wild and free without having to worry about the ridiculous regulations from their father." He spoke emphatically, attempting to convince Theo with the influential statement disguised as a simple fact.
"I'm not surprised, it sounds far more interesting than sitting around all day studying," Theodosia commented. "That is to say, I want to do it. I need some sort of adrenaline rush in my dull existence, else I might implode, becoming imbalanced due to the distinct lack of zeal for life within me," she decided dryly.
Philip chuckled, shaking his head at her dark sense of humour, and told her, "You are absolutely melodramatic. But I feel like some real fun will sort that out," he stood, grinning, and took her hands in his, pulling her to her feet, heart beating fast with anticipation. Or at least, that's what he assumed, though it could just as easily have been caused by cradling her hands in his.
"Wait, hold on," she laughed, snatching her hands away to grab her coat and a pair of delicate ankle boots, donning them quickly in order to prepare for her adventure which, it seemed, was happening straight away. Suitably dressed, she walked through the to the balcony door and, gesturing to the vine which miraculously supported Philip's climbing, asked, "How exactly is it that you manage to scuttle up and down my wall every night?"
Shrugging sceptically, Philip pointed out, "I assume it's much easier without a skirt getting caught up and snagging. Perhaps you should just sneak through the front door, and I can meet you outside."
"Nonsense. If you can manage, so can I, even with a skirt." She ignored his protest as she approached the edge of the balcony, swinging her legs over the stone barrier and causing Philip's heart to jump into his mouth. Theodosia, on the other hand, was too focused on her descent to spare a moment to fear for her life: Philip has done this countless times, so I know I am capable too. Even if I can hardly see where I'm placing my feet with this infernal skirt. As a result, she gripped the vine with the vice-like grasp of her hands and tentatively lowered her feet ever so slowly, making sure the next branch could support her weight before placing more than a miniscule amount of pressure on it. After a painfully long time, she dropped to the ground, picking stray briars from her dress and feeling immensely relieved that she'd made it in one piece, with hardly more than a hair out of place to explain to her father.
By comparison, Philip was infinitely faster, arriving at her side not a minute later, wearing a brilliant grin as he offered her his arm with excessive formality for a young man who was responsible for the woman's escape from her own home. Playfully he asked, "Shall we, my lady?"
Theodosia mirrored the excitable grin, and laid her hand on his arm, inviting her to escort her as she replied, "I should think so. After all, I had quite a journey to get here."
"In which case, I would suggest we visit the travelling fair, situated just behind my college," he responded, suddenly struck with the idea. He had noticed the fair had been set up a few weeks ago to celebrate the festive season, and he had yet to venture there. He knew the place had a shady reputation, however he also knew many who had enjoyed the area's temptations, and he was certain that it would be a perfectly entertaining way to spend an evening, especially since his company was guaranteed to be so pleasant.
Theo nodded enthusiastically. She, too, knew of the unsavoury gossip of the area just behind the prestigious college, nevertheless after months of seclusion, she couldn't deny that a night so drastically different from the days she had known for so long sounded appealing. "Lead the way."
Their brisk walk seemed to fly by in the excitement of their eager anticipation, and within minutes they were approaching the narrow streets lit with gas lamps and candles lining the stalls of vendors, orange flames and silver moonlight reflected in the wet cobblestones. Sweet, smoky smells hung in the air, decadent scents of a variety of food which neither teenager were familiar with; even so, it exuded warmth, instilling a bizarre sense of comfort in them both, and neither felt the December chill. In almost every side street, provocatively dressed women attempted to secure the attention of clientele, but that was of no concern to the pair, who wandered along the street with wide eyes, taking in the bustling sight in the hidden heart of a city supposedly meant to be fast asleep. Yet this area thrived at all hours, stalls still filled with tradeable goods arranged intricately so as to draw a crowd, women selling bouquets of flowers or scented posies, a few men offering horse rides to young ladies, children waving bags of sweets and calling out prices, actors dotted here and there on small podiums quoting Shakespearean monologues, figures frozen like statues until passers by dared to walk too close and startled them into life, and musicians playing energetic tunes where the narrow street became a wider crossroads, and a few couples danced before them. It seemed like an impossible juxtaposition, the way this place had such a sordid reputation and the lives of the paupers living there had been wrecked earlier that year with the yellow fever epidemic, but the area was alive and exciting even so, meanwhile the part of town they frequented housed people in comfort and safety, yet bore no sign of wild enjoyment after the sun dipped below the horizon. It made the moment feel even more magical, as though the sheer improbability that it could ever occur encouraged them to cherish one another even more than they already did.
"Roasted chestnuts? Perfect snack to share while you wander through the market," a small boy suggested, tugging at Theodosia's coat sleeve with one hand and offering a bag with the other.
Only wanting to remove the young boy from her person, Philip quickly agreed, "Alright, fine," handing a coin to the child and causing him to release his hold on Theo as he took it eagerly. He passed them the bag and disappeared into the crowd to target another customer, leaving a flustered Philip and a giggling Theodosia, who had recognized his desire to protect her.
"You know, he was a harmless child, you didn't have to buy them," she told him, nudging him teasingly in the side.
"He grabbed you, though. I didn't want you to be scared off before we've so much as set foot here," he explained, maintaining his composure despite his ruby cheeks.
"Well, I doubt that's going to happen - this looks wonderful! But I suppose we'd better eat them, then," she suggested, taking the bag from him and opening it, picking a chestnut from the bag and peeling it before popping it in her mouth and crunching it, eyes lighting as she decided she liked it a lot. "Good choice, by the way," she commented, offering him the packet.
He picked a chestnut for himself, peeling it and eating as she had done, finding it to be equally delectable. Once he had done, he asked, "What do you want to see first?"
Theo didn't answer verbally, only dragged him alongside her as she made her way from stall to stall, admiring various sweets, pastries, ornaments and jewellery.
As she examined a glass bead necklace and debated whether or not to purchase it, Philip warned her, "You shouldn't buy that. It's expensive for what it is, which is a cheap imitation of an actual gemstone. You deserve better."
The vendor shot him a vengeful glare, but Theo only chuckled, jokingly replying, "Perhaps I do, but maybe I don't mind settling, seeing as it's so pretty. A bit like I'm settling for your company even though you're such a harsh critic of jewellery because you're oh-so-handsome," she teased, pretending to faint. Philip huffed, feigning irritation, which only increased her amusement. Turning back to the vendor, she confirmed, "I'll take it, please." She passed her a handful of coins, and thanked the woman, before turning back to Philip and pulling him along to the next stall.
She happened to miss the small pony standing nearby, so when she felt the completely foreign sensation of a disembodied warm, damp thing nuzzling her hand, she squealed loudly and flung herself into her escort's protective embrace, cowering and whimpering as she buried her face in his chest, too frightened to even glance over her shoulder at the thing which had touched her while he bellowed with laughter.
After a moment, she glanced nervously up at him with wide, dark eyes, fearful of what still waited behind her. Seeing her anxiety, Philip felt compelled to control his merriment, and wiped a tear from his eye as he gasped, "A horse. A small horse," by way of explanation.
She whipped around to see for herself if it was true, unable or unwilling to quite believe that an innocent, beautiful creature had startled her so much. Oh my goodness, I am a pathetic, protected, infantile little girl, she decided as she realized that it truly was a pony rather than some threatening beast. Still, she chuckled at her own extreme reaction, and apologised to the pony and it's owner, daring to stroke the long nose of her own accord and discovering that it was something incredibly delightful to watch the large, soft eyes close with bliss.
"Come on, I think you'd be better going without a ride," Philip pointed out, continuing along the street and prompting Theodosia to stop cooing affectionately over the pony as she hurried to catch up.
Next was a woman selling flowers, though Theo was still gazing longingly over her shoulder towards the pony so missed the transaction which resulted in him being able to offer her a single red rose when she turned her attention back to him.
She gasped, genuinely touched by the gesture, but as was common in her family she elected to disguise her true emotions, instead recovering herself enough to ask accusingly, "Why, Mr Hamilton... are you flirting with me?" She cocked an inquisitive eyebrow, yet her interrogational appearance was compromised by her prevailing smirk.
Not for the first time that night, Philip flushed a deep red. Mumbling, he justified, "I'm allowed to buy things for my best friend, aren't I? And she didn't have any other flowers." Well, she did, however I only had eyes for this one since I thought it was symbolic of how I feel about you, he realized. Amongst a busy crowd and pressed so close to her was hardly the best place for him to recognize his budding romantic feelings towards her, but regardless of the inconvenience, the truth struck him hard.
Yet apparently it was not visible on his face, as Theo appeared to take that as a decent excuse, responding, "That's just as well, otherwise I wouldn't feel comfortable dancing with you."
"Dancing?" He checked, surprised that she was being so forward with her request - a hypocritical thought for the student who had just admitted to himself his own affection for the girl after handing her the flower of romance.
"Well, there's music, and plenty of other people are doing it, I think it would be a shame not to join them," she indicated the group dancing in the clearing at the crossroads.
Grinning, Philip agreed, "Quite right, my lady." He took her free hand and they continued towards the open space, music increasing in volume as they approached.
Once there, he placed his hands lightly on her waist, and she reached up to hold his shoulders, holding her rose between two fingers. Then, without the methodical approach to dancing they had both been trained in, they began whirling around as one to the sound of the jovial melodies, hopping and skipping and giggling and somehow managing to avoid tripping over the slippery cobblestones.
Within a few minutes, they were both thoroughly out of breath from their physical exertions and the sheer euphoria of being so close to one another, and as that song reached its end, they flopped back against a wall to rest briefly.
After a moment, Philip offered, "I'll find us something to drink," to which Theodosia could only nod, still panting too hard to reply. A minute later, he returned, holding two glasses of golden liquid.
Relieved, Theo took one glass and gulped down the entire thing, too grateful simply for the revitalizing moisture to pay much heed to the way it seemed to draw near to burning her throat in the most curious way despite the fact that the drink was lukewarm when it touched her lips. However, the way it settled in her stomach with a peculiar warm glowing sensation got her attention, and she asked, "What was that?"
"Mulled fruit punch," Philip replied, taking a large mouthful of his own beverage. Unlike her, he recognized at once that it had to have a fairly high percentage of alcohol to burn as it slipped down his throat. As soon as he discovered that fact, he took her face between his hands, instantly guilty and afraid that the girl he was certain had barely had a drop of strong alcohol in her life might black out as soon as she swallowed and scanning for any sign that she was on the brink of losing consciousness.
Yet she seemed to barely respond to the drink initially, and was bemused by his sudden concern for her. "Philip, you're my friend and I want to be understanding, but would you care to enlighten me as to why you've grabbed my face?"
"It's... nothing. Nothing to worry about," he decided, making the choice to protect her from the embarrassing knowledge that she just downed a glass of potent alcohol like it was water. She seems fine, so there is no reason to humiliate her, he justified to himself. "So, what comes next?"
He expected her to be tired enough to return home, however she giggled and, with perhaps too much enthusiasm for someone sober, exclaimed, "More dancing!"
Finishing his drink, Philip found that, he, too, had the motivation to join her in another dance, and discarded his glass to hold her waist once more. She took his shoulders again, and it began.
Both teenagers found themselves somehow less skilled than they had been previously as the drink took effect. But that in no way detracted from their enjoyment, it only meant that the music sounded as though it came from further away, and that they could see little but the other's eyes. Therefore the eyes became the soul focus of their attention, two pairs of moonlit galaxies gazing unblinking into one another as their awareness and with it the rest of the world faded away from around them.
Never had anything seemed more natural than what Theo decided to do next, lost in the wonder of whirling around with Philip's body pressed so firmly against her own. His hazel eyes were her only tether to reality. And so, she drew closer, almost like coming home, rising on the tips of her toes to touch her lips to his, eyes closing as his opened wide in surprise. She lingered there for a few heartbeats, before pulling away as the music slowed, letting go of his shoulders and stepping away from his hold on her waist.
Gradually, the world came back into focus, and she began to return to normality as the sobering sensation of losing physical contact with the young man settled in. Philip, too, lost the heady feeling that he didn't quite have his feet on the ground, and watched Theo's face for any sign of horror or blame for the inebriated actions she had initiated after drinking the liquid he had mistakenly assumed to be far weaker.
He found nothing of the sort, only a timid blush, shy smile and sparkling eyes, still slightly glazed with the remnants of the beverage lingering behind. "I'm tired. Can we go home now?" She asked.
Not mentioning the kiss, which is just as well because we'd both better forget about it if I want to actually live my life without Burr hunting me down. Hell, she probably won't even recall it happened after she sleeps off the punch, he realized. Still, he had felt that ephemeral elation, and it was enough to last a lifetime. Or at least, for the remainder of the night. "Of course," he agreed, offering his arm to her again. She took it, and they wandered to her home, in comfortable silence as they committed that night to memory, or whatever memory would survive past sunrise following their alcohol consumption.
"Thank you for a wonderful time," Theodosia murmured softly, keeping her voice in check due to her position so close to her home, where her father slept. The pair waited by the wall, about to climb to her room, but she felt she had to let him know exactly how much she had delighted in the experience before she stepped inside and rendered the night officially over.
"Thank you, for being such brilliant company," Philip replied, grinning affectionately at her.
She smiled, touched, and twirled her rose between her fingers, watching it spin as she suggested, "We really must do it again some time."
"Absolutely," Philip agreed, too quickly. She chuckled, but he pretended not to notice as he told her, "I think I should see that you're safely returned from whence you came before I swear to anything, however."
Confidence increased by the lingering effects of the drink, Theodosia took that as a sign to begin clambering up the vine to her bedroom, much faster and less wary than she had been previously. Philip followed straight after, and met her on the balcony.
He intended to say a simple goodbye and be gone, but a sound caused him to become rooted to the spot, in genuine fear that his life might be ended sooner than anticipated:
The balcony door burst open, clanging forcefully against the wall, and there, any semblance of his usual calm persona vanished and replaced with a raging fire, was Aaron Burr.
A/N: after that cliffhanger, a few quick things:
So I have no clue if there was some kind of travelling fair/market thing at that time, but I really wanted to include it anyway because it sounded like a cute idea! And it's in a dodgy part of town for good reason: I don't really want to present Philip as too much of a player in this story because although he was flirty in Blow us all away, I think he'd try to be loyal if he actually loved someone after he saw what happened to Eliza. That said, I don't want to make out he's entirely innocent, hence his familiarity with an area known for prostitution. Which I seem to remember was genuinely the case, and was part of the reason why, in the days Hamilton attended, students had a curfew, so they didn't spend as much time exploiting the position of desperate women. Or, as they would have viewed it, just being dishonourable.
Yellow fever killed thousands of New Yorkers in the summer of 1798, rich and poor alike, but for the sake of literary devices, I pretend it was only the poor. Then again, I guess the rich could afford doctors, so they were less likely to actually die...
Anyway, there's me explaining my historical inaccuracies! Also, ya know, it's fiction, so... yeah. Ahh guys they kissed! I mean, Theo's gonna forget (spoiler!) But still, it happened. And Philip loves her... But Burr ain't gonna be a happy bunny!
