A.N: The latest and longest update for this fic. I'm sorry it's so late. And I've promised it's going to be a long one so here you go!
2nd Edit: 4/9/2018
CHAPTER 9: SUMMER NIGHTS AND DREAMS
As Mikan looked unblinkingly in aghast at the young girl in front of her, Natsume snapped, "Aoi! What the hell! I told you not to come, didn't I?"
He strode towards the little girl whose face slowly morphed into a wide grin the more she stared at Mikan. When Natsume finally stood in front of her, she pouted cutely and crossed her arms in rebellion.
"But Onii-chan, it's not fair! I told you I want to come too. I want to come to Hakone and eat hot spring eggs and bathe in onsens and go sight seeing too!" she whined. "Besides, I didn't know you came to see Mikan-neechan. I want to see her too!"
Almost as though she did in retaliation, she ran to Mikan and threw her skinny arms around Mikan's waist in a hug. Mikan's hands automatically went to Aoi's shoulders to steady herself because the way Aoi jumped into her arms would've toppled her. The raven haired girl was not as light as she was 5 years ago. Aoi snuggled into her chest affectionately and Mikan hoped the little girl wouldn't be able to hear her rapidly beating heart.
"Mikan-neechan," Aoi-chan almost reverently whispered and Mikan could feel the start of a panic attack coming. "Where have you been? Why didn't you tell anyone you're okay? I'm so happy to see you." Aoi loosened her hug and moved her head to look at Mikan better. Mikan felt like those innocent eyes could see into her core.
Suddenly, Aoi was snatched away from her arms and Mikan blankly stared at Natsume's furious (and worried?) expression as he gripped at his little sister's shoulders, who dared to follow him all the way to Hakone despite apparently being told not to come. Seeing the way Aoi's frightened eyes look when Natsume scowled at her in displeasure and anger, Mikan didn't realize the words coming out of her until she finally said it.
"It's fine, Natsume." Mikan said. "She didn't mean any harm. You shouldn't be so angry. I don't mind."
Natsume pursed his lips in disagreement at her statement. He looked at her as if to say, 'Really?'. Aoi's eyes lightened in happiness, however, in contrast with her brother's reaction. "See Onii-chan, it's fine. I didn't hurt anyone. I can stay right?"
Natsume observed Mikan's resigned and helpless expression before letting out a loud sigh. "…Fine."
"Yay!" Aoi clapped her hands in excitement. She snaked her hands around Mikan's arm and tugged. "Come on, Mikan-neechan. Let's go! Do you know any good places we can eat?"
Mikan automatically smiled back, her heartbeat calmed enough for her to put on her usual smiley mask. This was nostalgic. As she led the way, she could feel Natsume's concerned eyes burning a hole in her face as Aoi ranted and chatted along the way.
They went to Red Clover, a diner Mikan knew served good food and yet could offer enough privacy due to its separated partitions. The only people who could have an idea of what's going on should anything happen would be the waiter and the people in the partition.
When Mikan sat down, Aoi immediately took the seat beside her, her hands still latched on to Mikan's arm like an overeager Venus flytrap. Natsume reluctantly took the seat opposite of them. Mikan pressed a buzzer on the table and the waiter came with the menu. Then with a neutral, probably often repeated "Take your time," and a cordial bow, he left them be.
Mikan didn't open the menu, already knowing what to order. She just observed Aoi as she excitedly looked through the delicious food listed in it, her legs swaying back and forth underneath the table. Natsume alternated between browsing through the menu and glancing at both of them anxiously.
"Ne, ne, Mikan-neechan. I want this one!" Aoi finally decided, placing the menu on the table in front of Mikan and pointed to a set Mikan figured was popular with young girls. Mikan nodded complacently at Aoi and turned to Natsume. "Are you done, too? Natsume?"
Natsume nodded. Mikan pressed the buzzer again, and the waiter came. Mikan voiced out their orders, and once again, the three of them were left alone.
Aoi was vibrating with obvious joy, her smile as brilliant as a thousand suns as she hugged Mikan again, this time it was tighter than before, as though she poured all her strength into the one hug.
"Mikan-neechan, I've missed you so, so, so much!" Aoi exclaimed happily. "How are you? Why didn't you tell anyone you're here? We looked eeeeverywhere for you." Her eyes shone brightly as she gazed at Mikan adoringly. Mikan tried to control herself from nervously fidgeting in her seat.
Aoi-chan had always liked her ever since she was little. Mikan had seen Aoi-chan as a cute little girl who she could have treated as though Aoi was her own sister. Aoi also had immediately latched on to her the moment she first saw Mikan when she was young, back when Mikan and Natsume just knew each other. Mikan had somehow hoped, that as she grew up, the worship would decrease slightly.
It seemed like that's unlikely.
"Aoi-chan," Mikan began, unsure if what she's doing was good in this situation, but unable to say no to those precious red eyes. "A lot of things happened back then. And I got in a bit of trouble. So I went here, so that I could get better."
"Oh," Aoi-chan whispered. "But, why didn't you tell anyone you're here? Even Yuka-obaasan didn't know about you!"
"A lot of things happened," Mikan repeated. "I don't want to go into details, but things were bad back then, and I don't want to meet people. I'm not ready for them either. Natsume," she gestured towards said young man who was silently watching them, ready to intervene should things get out of hand, "managed to find me here. I asked him not to tell anyone about me."
"Is that why you didn't tell me about Mikan-neechan, Onii-chan?"
Natsume nodded at her question. "It's not my place to tell people."
Aoi slowly became more subdued. "But I want to help Mikan-neechan too," she quietly whispered. "And besides, if you have problems, wouldn't it be better to have more people help you? Shouldn't everyone back home know about you, so that they can help too?"
"No," Mikan gently but firmly replied. Aoi needed to understand that having more people here would make things worse. "Not now. They won't help me. They're always concerned about me, but they won't help. Not when they have their own problems to deal with."
Aoi looked stricken at her words. "But-"
Mikan placed a gentle hand on Aoi's head, patting it like she had seen Natsume did whenever he needed to deal with Aoi. "Of course, I'll tell everyone about this. But not now. It's not the right time. So," Mikan leaned forwards towards Aoi, "Can you keep me being here a secret? Just until everything is sorted out?"
Aoi sniffed lightly, both despondent and saddened. Nevertheless, she nodded. "Okay," she said. "I promise. But you have to have me help you too. I want to help." Her eyes burned with determination, the same kind of determination that she had seen in Natsume when he had promised her the same thing.
Mikan loved the Hyuugas. Who wouldn't, when all of them are such lovely people?
She looked at Natsume who had a soft yet exasperated look. He shrugged and looked at her as if to say, 'Well, what can you do?'
Mikan giggled. "Okay then. Thank you, Aoi-chan. I'll be counting on you."
Aoi beamed in delight. "Mmm!"
After they ate, Mikan brought them to Himemiya, where Natsume had to explain that he would be bringing an extra guest along. Undaunted by it, the staff merely agreed and led them to their room. The staff welcomed them warmly, and Aoi looked like she was just seconds away from trying out the private baths offered. Mikan would be too. An onsen ryokan like Himemiya would have an amazing onsen, whether it was a private or public bath.
After being guided to their rooms, Aoi immediately threw her bag on the fragrant tatami and pulled out her towels. "I'm going to go on ahead and try the onsen. Bye!" she loudly announced as she dashed towards the baths.
Natsume just placed his bag on the floor and turned to Mikan. Before she could leave, Natsume told her, "For three days, I won't be available. I had to work on my paper first. So, could you bring Aoi somewhere for sightseeing? She'll just be whining and bothering me if she stays in the room."
"I don't mind," Mikan replied. Then, curiosity finally pushing her, she asked, "Did Aoi come here without Auntie Kaoru's permission? It didn't seem like you knew she would be here."
"I didn't," he replied, slightly irritated at the reminder. "And Aoi didn't tell Kaa-san either. I had to call Kaa-san and tell her Aoi would be staying with me for two weeks after all. You should have heard her when she blasted Aoi off for going alone."
"Well, that is a given. Aoi-chan is her only daughter. And she's young too. Of course she would be worried."
"Aoi should have known better than to come here," Natsume muttered. "We're lucky she likes you so much she's listening to you. Kami-sama knows she definitely doesn't listen to me or Kaa-san."
"Aoi-chan is at that age," Mikan easily replied, amused at how much this bothered him. Now that the worst has passed, Mikan's not as anxious as she was earlier that day. "Don't tell me you don't how it felt like. You were like that too when you were her age."
Natsume grunted. "Doesn't mean I have to like it." His expression turned serious as he looked at Mikan. His worried look was back. "More importantly, are you okay with this?"
Her shoulders relaxed by an infinitesimal amount, and she laced both of her hands over her heart. Her hands were still sweaty from the anxiety earlier and her whole body still had the faint electric feel of adrenaline coursing through, but her heartbeat had settled down when they ate earlier. She was still worried, but she didn't feel the onset of a panic attack happening anytime soon.
"It did took me by surprise," she admitted. "But this is alright. Aoi-chan is a good girl. With her, I think… well, it can't be that bad, right? I should be alright." She lifted her head and pushed Natsume at his shoulders lightly.
"Go. You and Aoi must be tired from the journey. You shouldn't miss out on enjoying Himemiya's famous baths. And I've heard their food is really good too! Ahh," Mikan sighed, slightly fantasizing about Himemiya's private baths, because dang, she wanted to try it too. "I'm so jealous!"
"Fine," Natsume said. "If there's anything else, I'll call you."
"Sure. Bye Natsume. Enjoy your bath!"
At night, she was browsing through the art gallery of her favourite Pixiv artist when her phone rang. When she looked at her screen, it was from an unknown caller. Curious, she answered, "Yes?"
"Mikan-neechan!" Aoi's familiar voice came out from the speaker. "It's Aoi. Good evening."
"Good evening," she greeted. "What is it, Aoi-chan?"
"Onii-chan said I'll be going out with you!" she squealed. "I can't wait. So, so, where are we going? Do you have anywhere you can take me?"
"Well Aoi-chan," Mikan began. She was happy that Aoi was this antsy about it. "I was going to ask you if there are any places you want to go. If there's none, I can pick. So, is there anything you want to do?"
"Shopping!" Aoi-chan immediately chirped.
Mikan could feel her brows flying upwards in surprise. "Well, that's fine," she amicably replied.
"Is it no good?" Aoi timidly asked, and Mikan immediately hated how hesitant Aoi sounded.
"Oh no," Mikan placated her. Hakone had a place to go shopping, but it's rather limited. It definitely can't compete with the vast number of stores or shopping complexes in Tokyo. People would come to Hakone for recreational tourism or to simply relax, not to shop. "It's just, when it comes to shopping, Tokyo would be perfect. You have Shibuya and Harajuku there. So, shopping here in Hakone is a bit…"
"I know it sounds weird. But really, I think it would be best if all of us can go. Onii-chan can't come, so it wouldn't be as fun. Besides…" Aoi-chan turned quiet, as though deciding if she should continue.
Mikan urged her, nevertheless. "Besides?"
"I always went shopping with Kaa-chan, but I never shop with anyone else," Aoi-chan admitted. "And Kaa-chan's always busy, so it's rare for us to go shopping. And I'm not close with my classmates, so I never went out with them. So, I thought, 'It would be nice, if I could go with Mikan-neechan.' But, it really is no good is it?" Aoi finished, and Mikan could just imagine her pouty lips turning downwards.
Mikan remembered back then, when there was barely anyone she could go out with. Everyone was so busy, and the people she could have went shopping with usually had some other plans whenever she asked them. Mikan understood.
And as long as Aoi-chan's here, she would never make her feel the same way that she did.
"All right, then. Shopping it is. I think the nearest city had this amazing shopping district we could go to. There's also this very trendy store that just opened there as well. We can go there by train. It's just a few minutes."
"Really?" Aoi asked, and she sounded as though she had perked up from Mikan's words. "We can really go shopping? I can go with you?"
"Of course. I'll wait for you outside of Himemiya tomorrow. Then we can go together." Mikan said, and she could no longer avoid smiling at Aoi's enthusiasm. It would be the first time in a long while since she had ever went with anyone else, so used to shopping alone or merely browsing through the online directories in websites. It would be something new for both of them, and Mikan hoped they both could find enjoyment in this.
"Yay!"
Mikan went out the next day, in one of the nicer, rarely worn outfits she had. It was a simple, airy white dress with a thin belt around the waist. A pair of leather sandals, a flowery charm bracelet and a simple gold pendant completed her look. Her hair was in a loose side braid. She even put on some tinted lip balm and light blush.
She admit, this was not something she would wear on a regular basis, preferring to wear something comfortable over something stylish. But for Aoi-chan, she could put in a little effort. Besides, she bought this outfit on a whim when she saw it in one of the fashion websites, and she had never worn it, despite liking the look. There wasn't any occasion in which she could wear it.
A shopping spree would probably be a good place to wear this, right?
When Aoi saw her, she cooed and fawned over it. "Waahh, Mikan-neechan. You look so pretty!"
"Thank you. You look cute too, Aoi-chan."
Aoi had opted to wear a pink blouse and denim shorts with sneakers. It looked cute on her. But Mikan thinks Aoi looked cute in anything.
Aoi turned around and faced Natsume, who had escorted her from their room, trailing behind her like an overprotective bodyguard. "You think Mikan-neechan looks cute too right Onii-chan?" Aoi asked. Oddly enough, she almost sounded sly. Mikan somehow had a new impression of Aoi, picturing her as a bit of a troublemaker. She certainly sound like one in that moment.
Natsume looked distracted, staring down at his shoes as though he was deep in thought, but hearing Aoi calling him, his head snapped up and he laid eyes on Mikan. He froze. And his eyes narrowed at her, as though he saw something he didn't like.
Mikan fidgeted under the intense look she was subjected to. "What is it?" she asked uneasily. "Is there something wrong?" Not for the first time since she stepped out of her apartment, Mikan wondered if she should have worn something simpler after all.
"Onii-chan?" Aoi asked, the sly tone in her voice made Mikan more uneasy. What is going on with these two?
Natsume blinked. He then looked to the side. He looked winded up. "It's so-so."
Mikan sighed. She should have known Natsume would never compliment her. In fact, she could count on one hand the number of times she's heard Natsume compliment someone.
Aoi, on the other hand, looked gleeful. "You're never honest, are you Onii-chan." It sounded like a statement, but the way Aoi said it made Mikan wonder if there was any hidden meaning behind it that Mikan wasn't privy to.
Natsume stubbornly kept quiet, refusing to ever deign Aoi with a response. Undeterred and unaffected by the cold shoulder she received, Aoi reached out to Mikan and held her hand in Aoi's small ones. "Let's leave him be, Mikan-neechan. He's jealous he can't come with us. ("Who said I'm jealous?" Natsume muttered under his breath.) Let's go!"
Mikan nodded. "Bye Natsume. I'll keep her safe. Good luck with your paper," she said. Natsume closed his eyes and turned around, heading back inside. He gave a slight wave at them. Mikan looked down at her outfit.
"Is it really that bad? Should I change after all?" Mikan asked. Natsume could barely look at her since he first saw her. Maybe she should change.
Aoi's grin grew wider, so wide it almost split her face in two. "It's fine. Onii-chan's just worried about what other people are going to do."
"Other people?"
"It's fine, it's fine," Aoi reassured. "I'll protect you from everyone, Mikan-neechan."
"But, I don't need protecting," Mikan stated, confused at her statement. Protect her from other people? What are they going to do? It's not like both of them are going to do anything that warrants bad attention from their surroundings. Aoi simply sighed, sounding exasperated. Mikan tilted her head, wondering at what that reaction was supposed to entail.
"Never mind, Mikan-neechan. Come on, let's goooo." Aoi whined. Mikan laughed and holding Aoi's hand firmly in hers, they went to the train station.
This is actually pretty nice, Mikan thought. She's nodding and laughing along with Aoi telling her stories about her classmates as they browsed through the items on the hanger.
The moment they arrived, they went to the first clothing store they saw. They browsed through dress after dress, marveling at the ones on display and sometimes cringing at the prices of the clothing. They tried on clothes, bought some that they really liked, and all the while they talked about whatever Aoi brought up. They were all very safe subjects, topics that a regular young girl would think about; manga, fashion, TV shows, friends, romance, the usual.
Mikan didn't have much experience in most of them, but she could recall from the conversations she had with part timers from the restaurant, most of which are in high school. It was easy to talk about, nowhere near anxiety causing or panic attack inducing. Talking like this was almost relaxing, despite how exhausting shopping can be.
"Say, Mikan-neechan, do you think Onii-chan will ever start dating?" Aoi asked, her eyes peering at her from behind the flimsy blouse in her hand.
To say that Mikan wasn't taken aback was a lie. "Wh-why would you ask that, Aoi-chan?"
"Because," Aoi-chan pouted, "Onii-chan never dated anyone. He never said if he liked anyone. And if any girl came to him, he just ignored them!"
"And why is it important that Natsume had a girlfriend?"
"Because I want to have a sister-in-law someday!" Aoi shouted; clearly she's been withholding this thought for quite some time. People in the store gave them irritated and curious looks at the outburst, and Mikan smiled apologetically at them.
Aoi had the decency to look bashful. Mikan wasn't angry though, she won't reprimand Aoi for it.
"Sister-in-law?" she asked.
Aoi nodded. "I want to have a sister-in-law, so that I could have somebody to talk to," she confessed. "I want to have somebody new in the family, and I want to have nieces and nephews too!"
"Shouldn't we just leave this to Natsume, though?" she told Aoi. "Sooner or later, he's bound to be interested in someone. And even if there's nobody he likes, there's always omiai. Natsume's pretty popular. He would have no problem finding a girlfriend."
"He's already receiving omiai. There's a lot of them back home. Onii-chan doesn't even open them, or when he's feeling really vindictive, he burns them," Aoi-chan sighed tiredly.
"Then just leave it to Natsume. Just see what he'll do," Mikan suggested.
Aoi let out a sound, neither agreeing or disagreeing. Then, she leaned into Mikan's space, and whispered in her ear, "I think Onii-chan already found someone he likes."
"Ohh!" Mikan gasped. This was a surprise. That's great then. "What made you think that?"
"Sometimes, I see him calling somebody in the middle of the night," Aoi continued to whisper, as though afraid her Onii-chan is going to pop out any moment in the store. "At first, I think he's just talking with his friends. But whenever this person calls, he smiles. And laugh too!" Her eyebrows creased in thought. "Onii-chan never laughs or smile like that with anyone."
"Like that?"
"Like-like when people are in love. Like the way you see actors in dramas whenever they talk to their love interest, or when people talk to their boyfriends and girlfriends. You know, like that."
Mikan could feel her curiosity grew. "It must be somebody really special then."
"Yup. And I think I know who that person is." Aoi declared. She pointed look at Mikan, her eyes roaming up and down her figure in approval.
The way Aoi acted, it's as though she's implying it's Mikan. But that's impossible. Natsume had so many others vying for his attention. It can't be her. But still…
Natsume, falling for someone? Or at the very least, interested with someone? That's a thought.
"Do you like this person then?" Mikan inquired.
"I love her. I really, really want her as my sister-in-law." Aoi's gaze on her grew sharper. Mikan wondered what it was Aoi's trying to convey. But she's not saying anything else. Mikan shrugged it off. She'll probably tell Mikan later.
"Then, that's great. You'll just have to wait until Natsume makes his move."
Aoi groaned like a hippo in pain. She smacked her hand on her forehead in what looked like disbelief. She then deflated and quietly replied. "Okay."
When they were done with their shopping spree, Mikan decided it was time to go back. Her cheeks were flushed from the excursion, and her hands were weighty with their purchases. Mikan didn't buy much, but there were a few that caught her eye. And Dr. Ueda did mention trying out a shopping spree. Mikan suppose this could count as one. She didn't go alone, but this definitely made her loosen up a bit. It was fun, despite how tired she was at the end. She still couldn't see how a shopping spree had anything to do with self love though.
As they waited for their train to arrive, Mikan saw a poster that caught her eye. It was a poster for a fireworks festival just a few days away, which would be held near the city. Aoi saw Mikan looking at it, and as she read it, her eyes turned starry.
"Let's go there, Mikan-neechan. We can go with Onii-chan."
"Okay," Mikan agreed. She took out her phone and snapped a picture, sending it to Nobara-chan. Nobara-chan would love fireworks and she could bring Youichi and Rei with her too. It would be nice to have everyone go.
"Are you inviting your friends?" Aoi asked.
"Yes. It would be great if they would come too. I'll introduce you to them."
Aoi nodded. She was just happy at the idea of a festival. She smiled brightly at Mikan. She pat Aoi on the head and their train finally came. They boarded it and off they go.
After Mikan accompanied Aoi back to Himemiya, she received a call from Natsume a few minutes after Aoi was safely returned back to their room.
"How was it?" Natsume asked.
"It was fine. Both of us enjoyed it." Mikan was on her way to her apartment. The streets were becoming more crowded and the lights flickered on. Mikan was always comforted by the noise, which was why she was brave enough to walk home alone sometimes. Nobody would dare make any trouble with so many people in such a bright place.
"There weren't any trouble?"
"There weren't. Everything was smooth sailing."
Natsume grew quiet. "What is it, Natsume?" she asked.
"It's- hah," Natsume sighed. It sounded like he was bothered about something. "It's nothing. I'm thinking too much."
"If you say so, Natsume." Then she asked, "What's with you this morning? Was the outfit I wore really that ugly to you?"
Mikan was still thinking about Natsume's odd reaction. Because, really, what was that? Mikan thought she looked fine. She even noticed some people at the train and at the shopping district looking at her appreciatively, and one female stranger even complimented her when she and Aoi was at an accessory store. Overall, it wasn't bad. Mikan didn't think she looked awful.
"It's not the outfit," Natsume said. "It's the fact that you are too oblivious for your own good."
"Oblivious?" Mikan innocently echoed. What should she be cautious of? What should she be aware of? Why aren't Aoi and Natsume telling her anything?
"My point exactly," Natsume replied, and Mikan could just imagine that smug look on his face when he said that.
"Whatever," Mikan said, unable to hide her irritation. It's not like they would say anything.
Natsume chuckled. "Stay on the phone would you? At least until you get back."
"Why?"
"Humour me," Natsume said, his voice light.
Mikan wanted to say no, but hearing him sounding so agreeable and calm, Mikan found herself acquiescing to it. "Alright."
The walk home was safe, and she was accompanied by their conversation. Mikan wasn't bothered at all. If she bothered to look around, she would notice people staring and admiring at the beautiful brunette in white smiling serenely as she talked to the person at the end of her phone. She would have noticed the awestruck and spellbound look at the people's faces when they saw their resident untouchable brunette laughing carelessly as she walked. In fact, if she bothered to look at all, she would have noticed people staring at her for the entire day.
But alas, she didn't notice. Mikan remained ignorant in bliss.
The next two days she spent with Aoi, both of them hung out at Mikan's apartment. They did a little bit of everything, from Mikan teaching Aoi how to cook simple dishes, to Aoi showing Mikan all the popular dramas currently airing. It felt domestic. Mikan thought, just for a while, that if she ever had a normal family, that if she wasn't depressed, if she didn't leave, this is what she would have had.
When Mikan and Aoi were both watching a drama, there comes a scene in which the male protagonist had a reunion with his long lost twin brother, whom he believed had died in car crash. It was all very stereotypical, very cliche. But it didn't make it any less enjoyable to watch.
During the commercial break, Aoi quietly asked, "Don't you miss your family?"
"...I do. I think of them sometimes."
"Then why won't you tell them anything?" Aoi demanded, turning her pleading eyes at Mikan. "Miyuki and Mizuki both ask me sometimes about you. They don't even know how you're like. All they know is how you look like. They don't know their own sister. Yuka-obaasan and Shiki-ojisan, they both don't show it but sometimes, I can tell they miss you too. Why won't you come back?"
At Mikan's silence, Aoi-chan pressed on "You miss them, they miss you. Why won't you tell them? They can help you. In the first place, what is this problem you have that's so bad you can't tell anyone? Why won't you say anything?"
"Aoi," Mikan started, a warning behind her voice and Aoi abruptly quietened. Mikan softened for a bit. She took in a deep breath and reminded herself that Aoi didn't mean any harm, she was only trying to help. And to be fair, Mikan didn't tell her that she's depressed, merely informing that she had a problem that made her incapable of telling anybody. Aoi was young and impatient. She would be frustrated.
Mikan placed a hand on Aoi's shoulder. Aoi looked defeated, like she was waiting for Mikan to admonish her. Aoi's eyes were shut tightly, bracing herself at whatever she thinks Mikan was going to do.
"I do miss them. I want to go back. I want to see them. I want to do everything with them. There's not a day where I don't think about them. But not now. Later, but not now. So until that day comes, can you be patient and help me?" Mikan pleaded.
Aoi hugged Mikan and nodded against her shoulder. Mikan caressed her hair gently, her other hand moving up and down Aoi's back in smooth, calming motions. "Good girl," she whispered.
Mikan hoped Aoi could wait, even if she probably wouldn't understand. Mizuki and Miyuki, she once vowed she would be a good elder sister for them when she first held them in her arms. She broke that vow when she ran, but in it's place exist a new one.
She promised that she would be the best elder sister she could possibly be when she returned. She would be the best daughter to both her parents and be the greatest family member overall. She may be late, but someday…
Someday, she would fulfill those promises.
"I'll lend you a yukata for the fireworks festival," Nobara offered as she closed the restaurant. They were done for the day. Mikan, who swept the floor, looked at Nobara.
"It's fine. But does this mean you're coming?" Mikan asked. Nobara nodded.
"Yes. I'll be bringing Youichi and Rei with me too. It's been a while since we've went to a festival. So, why not? And I insist about the yukata," Nobara told Mikan.
"Well…" Mikan started. She was actually planning to rent one, but since Nobara offered, it seemed rude to decline. But before she could reply, the front door opened. Both of them turned towards it, and Mikan's face automatically formed a smile when she saw who was at the door.
"Mikan-neechan!" Aoi called out as she dashed towards her, throwing her arms around Mikan. Mikan was just aware enough to catch her without falling from the impact. Natsume entered as well, sighing in exasperation at Aoi's antics. Mikan was getting used to Aoi throwing herself at Mikan, so this was alright.
"Buriko," Natsume said to Aoi. Aoi stuck her tongue out at Natsume in retaliation, and he rolled his eyes at the childish display. He said to Nobara, "Evening. Sorry for the trouble. We're here to get Polka."
Nobara-chan replied, "Good evening, Hyuuga-san. It's okay. The store was about to close anyway." She then turned to look curiously at Aoi rubbing her face at Mikan's bosom.
Mikan smiled at Nobara-chan helplessly. "This young girl is Natsume's younger sister, Aoi Hyuuga. She and Natsume are going to be here for two weeks."
At the mention of her name, Aoi straightened up and finally realized the other occupant in the room. Flustered, she greeted in a high pitched voice, nervousness obvious in her movements and expression "G-good evening. I'm Aoi. Call me Aoi, please." She bowed at Nobara.
Nobara giggled. "How polite. And you're very cute. I'm Nobara Serio. Are you here for the summer holiday?"
"Yes! I'm here to visit Mikan-neechan," Aoi cheerfully replied. "Tomorrow, we'll be going with her to the fireworks festival."
"Really? My family and I will be going too," Nobara said. "Do you have a yukata to wear? I can lend you one of my old ones."
"Seriously? That's great! Thank you," Aoi thanked her happily. Nobara shifted her attention to Mikan. "See, Aoi-chan accepted my offer easily. You should accept it too. I don't mind lending you a yukata. I have too many of them anyway. It's all just collecting dust, and it's better to have somebody wear them."
"If you insist," Mikan gave in. Nobara nodded in agreement.
"I'll send the yukatas to you next morning. Aoi-chan can get the yukata from Mikan-chan."
"Okay!" Aoi replied.
That night, Mikan woke up from her sleep. She stood up and covered her pale face with both of her shaky hands, taking in deep breaths as she tried to still down her heartbeat. It felt like it could destroy her ribcage, with how loud the beats sounded.
Another nightmare. This time more vivid than before. It was the balcony and knife dream again, only this time, the balcony opened wide showing a blood red sky and in her hand there was an equally bloody knife. The phantom pain from the dream when she buried the knife in her chest shocked her from her sleep, and it woke her up.
She couldn't sleep again.
Mikan went to her bathroom with unsteady legs. She splashed her face with ice cold water, and she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked gaunt, her skin almost paper thin and her exhaustion was evident in her eyes. She opened the medicine cabinet and there it was, the bottle of antidepressant and sleeping pills placed side by side innocently.
She had steadily decreased her intake per the instructions given by the doctor. And ever since Aoi-chan and Natsume came to visit, she could quickly get a hold of herself, no longer tightly gripped with anxiety and fear. But when she was alone, when she woke up from bed, these dark thoughts and images would manifest seemingly out of nowhere, leaving her out of breath and unable to sleep anymore. Because whenever she tried to force herself to sleep, her dreams would continue where they left off, and that was terrible.
There were times, when she felt like taking the antidepressants again, because no matter how terrible those antidepressants make her feel, they were nothing but shadows as compared to her imagination and dreams. However she kept thinking of how she had to start everything all over again, and it was just not worth the effort. And she was doing so good, too. She can't stop now.
She stared at her phone, the casing creaked from just the strength of her hold around it. Natsume… she wondered if he was still awake.
She decided to give it a shot. Better that than wallowing in misery and insomnia.
To: Natsume
Are you awake?
A few minutes later, her phone rang. Natsume called. Mikan immediately picked up and she heard Natsume asking her. "What is it? Can't sleep again?"
It didn't sound like Natsume just woke up from sleep. He sounded steady and clear, not raspy at all, as though he had been awake. "You haven't slept yet? I'm sorry if I'm bothering you."
"It's fine. Besides, what is it? You sound terrible. Another nightmare?"
"Mhmm," Mikan could her shaky breath and with how close she pressed the mouthpiece was to her lips, Mikan knew Natsume heard her too. "It was a really bad one."
"Aren't they becoming more frequent lately? I thought you were getting better," Natsume mused.
"I am. The doctor said I can decrease my dosage of antidepressants now. So these dreams are just my body adjusting to the change."
"I'm not a medical expert, but shouldn't you at least take one if it's getting this bad?"
"No!" Mikan vehemently protested. Then she said, this time more softly but no less firm. "No. I don't want to take them. They will help me now, but they won't help me in the long run. I need to get better, Natsume. And relying on medicine is not it."
Mikan heard the sound of Natsume sipping something. Knowing Natsume, it's probably coffee. "Turn on your laptop," he ordered.
"Hah? O-okay," Mikan agreed, bewildered at the command. But it's better than facing nightmares. She reached for her laptop and booted it up. The screen lit, shining dimly in the darkness of her bedroom. Once it's done, Mikan said, "It's on. Now what?"
"Go to Youtube. There should be a playlist there titled 'important videos'."
Mikan followed the instructions and when she found it, there were 311 videos in it. "Natsume, I'm not going to watch 300+ videos on Youtube. What is this playlist anyway? It looks ridiculous."
"It is ridiculous," Natsume agreed. "I was going to have you comment shit about it while you watch, but it's either that or you can watch the newest episode of Boku no Hero Academia with me."
"Watching All Might is definitely better than this, whatever it is," Mikan muttered.
"Watching underage wannabe heroes it is then. Have you downloaded it yet?"
"Yup, I'm clicking it now." Mikan moved the cursor to the video file in her download folder. And when the opening song came in, Mikan called out to him. "Natsume?"
"What?"
"Thanks," she gratefully said. She can't quite pick on what she's thanking him for, (thank you for listening, thank you for helping, thank you for being here, thank you) but she thought Natsume understood her anyway. He usually does. And Mikan's ever so thankful.
Natsume grunted. "Watch the damn show, Polka."
She went to Himemiya, with the box containing the yukata Nobara-chan had handed over to her earlier. When Mikan arrived, after Aoi finished thanking her and squeeing in excitement, she motioned at Mikan to come closer. Mikan leaned forward and Aoi whispered.
"Onii-chan was on the phone again last night! It was after midnight and he was being so secretive. It must be her, that person he's crushing on!" Aoi told her, her voice low, but the way she said it was with such importance Mikan burst out laughing.
"I'm afraid you're wrong, Aoi-chan. I was calling him last night," she said.
Surprised, Aoi asked, "Really? It was you, Mikan-neechan?"
"Yup, I had to talk to him about something."
A mischievous look slowly took over Aoi's face. "Hoooo, really?" Aoi knowingly said, her pretty red eyes gleaming brightly. Mikan felt a chill running down her spine at that look, because that look was similar to when Koko hatched his infamous pranks. It spelled trouble.
Nevertheless, Mikan was once again faced with a cuddly Aoi. "Thank you, Mikan-neechan. See you tonight. For now, I have something to say to Onii-chan," she informed her after she finished hugging Mikan. And then, she sped away, leaving Mikan wondering not for the first time, 'What is going on?'
The yukata Mikan received from Nobara-chan was a pastel green one with pink sakura motifs painted on it. Mikan wore it and it snugly hugged her frame. Yukatas are really nice, Mikan admired. They're versatile and you can adjust them using an obi. Nobara-chan even gave her a pair of zori made of lacquered wood, and it surprisingly fit her. It wasn't too tight, and it didn't pinch her feet.
Mikan applied on some light make up, her customary blush and lip balm and just a sweep of mascara on her lashes. Her hair pinned in a half up-do, held securely with a small sakura kanzashi she had bought during her shopping trip with Aoi. Deeming her appearance acceptable, she grabbed her bag and went to the train station where the others were waiting.
Upon arrival, Mikan saw Nobara-chan looking simply beautiful in her dark blue yukata. By her side were Youichi and Rei, both looking aloof as ever. When Nobara noticed her, she waved at Mikan.
"Mikan-chan, good evening! I'm glad the yukata fit you more than it did me. You look pretty," Nobara complimented. Her eyes roamed appreciatively over her figure and Mikan found herself doing the same thing to Nobara.
"Good evening, Nobara-chan. Thank you for the yukata. You look beautiful too," Mikan replied in turn, and it wasn't a lie. Nobara was already a beautiful woman and in that yukata? She looked stunning.
"Good evening, Rei-san, Youichi-kun," Mikan greeted. Rei nodded at her and Youichi gave a quiet, "Evening." Both of them wore casual clothing, choosing not to wear a yukata. Mikan felt a slight disappointment at the sight. She kind of wanted to see them in yukatas too. They would look great.
Mikan glanced at her phone. Aoi-chan and Natsume should be here at any moment now. And true enough, Mikan heard the same familiar and cheerful voice behind her.
"Hey! Mikan-neechan! We're here," Aoi shouted. Her yukata was peach coloured, with small red goldfishes painted on it. Her hair was swept up and tied at the back of her head with a little red ribbon. Immediately, Mikan thought, 'Cute!'
Natsume, like Rei and Youichi also wore casual clothing, opting to come in a jacket and jeans. He looked at the other males with Mikan curiously, having never seen them before. Rei narrowed his eyes at Natsume and Aoi. Youichi on the other hand, didn't show any overt emotions, but being around him long enough, Mikan could tell he was also burning with curiosity.
"She's Aoi Hyuuga," Mikan introduced to them. "And this man here is Natsume Hyuuga, her brother. They came to visit me."
"Hello, nice to meet you!" Aoi greeted. She bowed slightly at Rei and smiled brightly at Youichi. "Hope we can get along!"
Natsume gave a nod towards both of them. Rei nodded back, and told them, "I'm Rei, Nobara's husband."
"Youichi Hijiri, nice to meet you," Youichi quietly yet politely told them. He had swiftly dismissed Aoi-chan after the introduction, but his eyes stayed glued onto Natsume. Natsume looked back at him, neutrally assessing him. Rei just looked like he doesn't care. Mikan learned early on that when meeting with other men, unless those men are looking at Nobara-chan inappropriately, Rei would just ignore them.
Not minding about everything, Aoi went to Mikan and Nobara, proceeding to fawn and ooh-ed over them both with starry eyes. "Nobara-san, Mikan-neechan, you look so pretty. And thank you for lending this yukata to me!" she said to Nobara-chan.
Nobara laughed, her voice sound like gentle wind chimes Mikan used to hang in her room in spring. "Your welcome. And since everyone's here, let's go. There's a lot of things to try at the festival. Let's all enjoy the festivities."
The fireworks festival was loud and merry. Colourful lanterns were hung around the place like pearls on a string and stalls littered the side of the street. The savoury smell of food and the cries of children filled the air. It truly felt like summer had finally came.
During the train ride, Mikan and Nobara-chan had chatted with Aoi-chan, who was happy with the attention she received. Rei stood near Nobara-chan liked a faithful guardian angel, while surprisingly, Natsume and Youichi conversed with each other. It was rare for Youichi to take such interest in someone enough to talk to them, and even rarer that Natsume actually responded. But in retrospect, Mikan should have known they clicked. In terms of personality, they do resemble each other.
When they arrived, Aoi-chan had tugged at both Mikan and Natsume and begged to try everything. She wanted to try the game booths and stuff herself silly with the delicious food. Youichi was preoccupied with the shooting gallery. Nobara and Rei stayed with them for a while, but they separated from the group to walk towards the shrine. Mikan guessed that maybe they would want some time alone. This festival seemed pretty popular with couples too, and Mikan saw a lot of them walking around with loving gazes while holding hands.
Mikan had indulged her and Natsume was there to help reign Aoi in. The boundless energy Aoi seemed to have makes it difficult for Mikan to remember the fact that once upon a time, Aoi was so sick she couldn't move from her bed. Aoi was blessed to still be so energetic and cheerful after something so painful in her past.
When Aoi was finally satisfied, her hands bearing prizes that she and Natsume had won, she suggested. "How about both of you try something together? I'm done now, so I'll be going to the field where everybody's waiting for the fireworks. I'll wait for both of you there."
She winked at Natsume and gave him a thumbs up, and Natsume ferociously scowled at her. Aoi laughed and she dragged a protesting Youichi with her.
Mikan was hesitant. She reached a hand to Aoi, and stammered, "Wait, Aoi-chan-" but before she could finish her sentence, Aoi and Youichi were gone and they disappeared behind the crowd of people. She limply let her extended hand down and she looked at Natsume, the scowl still on his face.
"You heard her. What do you want to do?" Mikan asked. Natsume ran his fingers through his hair, the scowl wiped off his face, now deeply thinking.
"Let's just walk around first," he replied. He smoothly held her hand in his warm ones and moved forward. Mikan, surprised at the move, stumbled forward, but quickly regained her bearing. She walked along side Natsume, looking at him in wonder.
Natsume noticed her glancing at him, then growled out. "What? This is so you don't get lost. Anything can happen here."
"Okay…" Mikan turned her gaze forward. There were a lot of people here, but Mikan didn't feel anxious. And the thought of people recognizing her never crossed her mind. She felt calm, Natsume's warmth grounding her.
Despite the noise, this was one of the most peaceful times Mikan ever had. She smiled and enjoyed it as much as she could.
Walking for long periods of time can get tiring, so after a while, Mikan started to feel lightheaded. Natsume, seemingly hyper aware of her state, immediately searched for a bench. He forced her to sit and then said, "I'll buy some iced coffee and something to eat. Wait here." He stood up and left her be. Mikan took a deep breath, and she stared down at the hand Natsume held.
It was pleasant. Mikan wondered if it was the warmth and comfort that hand holding could bring, or if it was merely Natsume. Mikan couldn't decide.
Sometimes she wondered about Natsume. He said he's doing this, helping her because he cares but Mikan couldn't avoid but think if there's anything he wants from her, an ulterior motive. There doesn't seem to be one, but her paranoid self was never able to dismiss the idea. Surely he want something?
So deep in her thoughts, she didn't notice a man coming at her with hungry eyes. "Hey, pretty lady," he slurred and Mikan was startled out of her thoughts, finally aware of the man looking at her like's she's a piece of meat. He looked almost attractive, with groomed hair and stylish clothes. Mikan wouldn't have been so repulsed at him if the discomfiting leer wasn't on his face.
Mikan frowned and immediately stood up, intending to leave. She knew better than to stay when people like these are around. "Excuse me," she mumbled and tried to walk but the man snatched her wrist in a painful grip and Mikan refrained from crying out in pain. She was brought close to the man and Mikan could smell alcohol on him as he sniffed at her lecherously.
A creepy drunk. Great. Just her luck, she cursed.
Mikan tried yanking her hand out his grasp but to no avail. He's strong. "Let go of me," Mikan ordered, struggling against him. But the man merely sneered.
"We were just starting to know each other. Don't run away now. I won't do anything," he cooed and Mikan scoffed at his words. No way he won't do anything.
"Let go of me or I'll scream," Mikan threatened. The man cackled.
"Go ahead, scream. Not like there's anyone around here who can hear ya," he said nastily and Mikan panicked, looking around and noting that there weren't anyone around. Mikan finally remembered that it's about time for the fireworks to start. Of course people wouldn't be loitering around here, they would be at the field. Mikan regret not being more aware of the time.
'Natsume, where are you?' she frantically thought as the man grabbed at her hip with his other hand. Her mind went blank when the man grinded his hips at hers and Mikan felt something hard pressing at her. Something that definitely did not feel like house keys or a wallet.
In a quick movement, she kicked the man at his groin and pushed him away. The man howled in pain, clutching at below his waist. "You bitch!" he screamed. He struggled to stand, eyes bloodshot with alcohol and anger.
Mikan, in fear and in tears, froze. She tried willing her body to move but it would not comply. She just couldn't move. Mikan took shallow breaths, her heart beating fast, and to her dismay, she could feel her heart speeding and her chest constricting, in preparation for a panic attack.
The man lifted his fist, but before he could reach Mikan, she was yanked backwards and Natsume finally, finally arrived. He gave the guy a roundhouse kick at the head, and the drunk fell down, out cold from the force of the kick and most probably from the alcohol.
He turned towards Mikan who was sprawled at the floor gasping for air, salty tears streaming down her cheeks. Mikan couldn't see anything, couldn't feel anything, couldn't breathe and it hurt. It hurt so much.
She felt him gathering her in his strong arms. Mikan felt lips pressed at her temple, a comforting and solid warmth encompassing her, a gentle, low voice whispering, "Shhh, it's okay, it's okay. I'm here. Take deep breaths. Stay with me. You are so good. You are doing so good, I am so, so fucking sorry, I should never have left you", and Mikan clutched at his chest desperately, trying to listen to his words, trying to steady her breathing.
She's safe now, Mikan told herself. Natsume's here, she's safe. And all the while Mikan tried forcing herself to calm down, he moved his hand over her back, her shoulders, her neck, her arms. His lips moved from her temple to her eyelids, her wet cheeks, the corner of her mouth, her ears and her knuckles, all the while whispering reassurances in that same, even and gentle voice.
When Mikan had finally calmed down, she buried her face in his shoulder, and she felt sorry at how wet his shirt has become. She grabbed at his back and pleaded, "Please just, can we stay like this? I- I need-"
"Take as much as you need, I'm here," Natsume said, leaning his cheek on her hair, hands moving in soothing motions. The sky lit up in a blast of colourful sparks and a loud bang resounded throughout the air, and Mikan stared at the bright night sky decorated with the much anticipated fireworks, with Natsume so close to her she could almost hear his own heartbeat thumping in tandem with hers.
Ahh, she thought, awestruck at the glorious view and this surreal situation she's in. So beautiful.
As Mikan had calmed herself down enough to walk properly and talk coherently, they went to the field the others were waiting at. The fireworks were long over by then.
Nobara met them, and it was clear that she was worried about their brief disappearance. After Nobara interrogated them, Mikan gave vague answers and Natsume loyally kept silent. Mikan reassured everyone that she's fine, and suggested they go home.
On the way back, Natsume and Aoi walked Mikan back home, after saying goodbye to Nobara, Rei and Youichi. Aoi looked half worried and half excited and Natsume just made sure that she was alright. When they arrived, Natsume pushed a container of okonomiyaki and a cup of iced coffee Mikan had forgotten Natsume had told her he was going to buy.
"Eat them, and rest," he ordered. "We'll come visit tomorrow."
"Bye, Mikan-neechan," Aoi said. Mikan idly nodded and closed the door. She placed the items on the table and Mikan finally realized that Natsume never let go of her hand the entire trip back home. Unlike back at the festival, their fingers were laced together and it felt both very comforting and oddly intimate. Mikan opened and closed her palm, trying to remember how it felt like, her hand in his warm, steady ones.
Her heartbeat sped up, remembering the feel of his mouth on her skin and the sheer heat of his body pressed against hers. It almost felt like her heart was acting up again, but it never came. Her heartbeat was fast and uneven, and Mikan wondered if she also had arrhythmia.
She didn't experience any nightmares went she tucked herself in bed. Her dreams that night were of flowers in the sky and a black cat on her lap, purring comfortably.
GLOSSARY
Onsen ryokan: Hot spring inn.
Pixiv: It's like DeviantArt, except it's made and primarily used by Japanese people.
Omiai: Marriage meeting, usually a match is planned by a matchmaker or the family, requested through letters and pictures of the bride, and the people would then meet. If it goes well, they would marry shortly after.
Zori: sandals, there are many kinds. (ex: wood, straw, plastic, etc)
Kanzashi: hair decorations, there are many kinds (ex: combs, headdresses, pins, etc)
Okonomiyaki: A kind of oriental pizza pancake, with savoury toppings.
Arrhythmia: Medical term for problematic rate of heartbeat.
A.N: I'm starting to think this fic is going to be a slow burn. The romance is slow. I'm trash, what can I say?
Errors will be fixed later. Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry you had to wait so long for this update. Updates are going to be at the end of the week from now on because that's the only time I'll be free enough to write, which is why this chapter and the previous one came out so late. I just want everything to be over already TT^TT
