My heart, head and pride all seemed to agree on this compromise, so as the steaming pile of food was served between us, the warm smell of coconut pancakes filled the air I smiled shyly at Jace, who smiled back at me and I felt calm for once, knowing that that my life was starting anew, and maybe I would heal.
CPOV
There was a small whoosh and then the dummy's head fell to the floor. I smiled to myself and walked towards my knife lying several feet away. Picking it up I twirled it within my fingers, absent mindedly humming a tune.
I was feeling a lot better today. I held down my coconut pancakes with surprising ease and breakfast went... well.
Well... it was weird, I mean Jace and I had sorted things out but there was still an awkward tension in the air. Jace had tried to strike up a conversation every few moments which would end after a few exchanged phrases and then we would lapse into silence.
I knew it wouldn't have to be that way, but I was surprised to find that I was still very guarded around Jace. Actually, there wasn't anyone I wasn't guarded around, unless you count the training dummies.
I think Jace understood that I wasn't going, or should I say, I wasn't exactly able to just jump all willy nilly back into his ripped arms. No. I had built up a hard wall around me and that would take more than just a heart to heart to dissolve.
Secretly I was quite proud of myself for not breaking down right away and stepping back into Jace's embrace.
There was a slight creak and the training door opened wide letting in a crack of light. A mop of lush brown curls came into my view as Ash stepped into the room.
I took a moment to look at him. He looked so... exhausted. His face was gaunt and pale, he had a three days old stubble on his chin and he had these great purple bags under his eyes. I got the impression I had caused this.
These past two months I had basically ignored Ash and tried not to give him a second thought, but at that moment seeing him like that I felt my heart give a leap of guilt and concern. Which took me by surprise... Maybe Paolini hadn't only sucked out the bad blood but the badness in general?
Ash quickly broke me from my profound reverie, "Hey," he smiled weakly.
I couldn't help but smile back, "Hey."
"How you feeling?" he asked, taking a step into the room.
I shrugged, "I held down my breakfast."
He nodded slowly, "So I heard... You went to breakfast with Jace?" It came out more as a question and I could almost see the gears turning in his head.
"Yes," I answered slowly.
"And..." he prompted.
"And what Ash? It was breakfast." I was slightly annoyed now and I knew what he was getting at.
"So you guys are friends then?" he asked, his voice surprisingly hard.
I walked a couple of steps to him and threw the dagger to the target behind him. He didn't even blink when it whistled past his hair and hit the bulls eye.
"Yes."
AshPOV
I bit the inside of my cheek quickly to prevent my lips from going into a scowl. I looked closely at Clary, she quickly spun on her heel and headed into the changing room.
Dammit!
This was the first time in weeks I had even tried to talk to her, and this is how it turned out. Brilliant, just brilliant.
These last few days I had been scared out of my mind for her, so despite the fact that I kept chanting stay away in my mind I couldn't help but walk slowly to the changing room door to see if she was okay. You never knew with Clary any more.
"Clary?" I called out, my voice sounded timid even to my ears.
I cleared my throat and said a bit more forcefully, "Clary?"
I heard a small sound, a sob. I shuffled closer to the door, pressing my ear to the dark wood and my lips to the small crack.
"Lissa?" I asked quietly.
I heard a shuddering inhale and more sobbing. Slowly I opened the door, Clary was just on the opposite wall. She was on the floor, her back pressed against the stony wall and her knees drawn up to her chest. She lifted her head slightly when I walked in.
Her face was red and puffy, she had wet trails running down her cheeks and hair was wild and curly. Yet, she looked gorgeous.
She sniffed loudly and bit her bottom lip, "Sorry," She whispered.
I arched an eyebrow at her, and quickly crossed the room and crouching down before her.
"What's there to be sorry for Lissa?"
Her eyes widen and well up with tears again. Okay, my intention was to make her stop crying not make her keep crying.
"Everything!," she sobbed, "I have to be sorry for everything! For playing you along and hurting Jace and then for completely ignoring you and casting you out. I had no right to blow hot and cold with you. And now when I'm finally feeling better and healed,I have this huge problem to fix and the even bigger problem is I don't know how to fix it."
Carefully I reached out and wiped the few tears that had fallen. "It's all in the past Lissa, you are alright now and that all that matters."
The truth is her words stung me a little. Yeah she hurt me, big time. But being the sadist I am I felt that even when she was shunning me I always had my eye on her. I would always pay more attention when her name came up, or stare too long at her retreating figure. I just never got over her.
Then I thought I had a chance when Jace kissed that other girl, but it just seemed to drive her away further. Not just from me, but from everyone. She became stubborn and rude, always angry. She threw herself into training and while she was good, she was too reckless.
I had become so angry with Jace, because he was the reason she was doing this. He was the problem. And when she started to be rude to him and shun him it actually gave me a little glimmer of hope. That someday I would be able to win her heart, even if I was only second best.
Today though, that hope had vanished. They had gone out for breakfast, and snap just like that they are friends again. It infuriated me to no extent! That he could cause her all this pain and anguish, then just waltz right in and steal her heart again. I wanted to be stealing her heart.
He was a scumbag, a good for nothing piece of shit and if I had anything to do about it...!
Calm down
I took a deep breath and looked at Clary. She looked at me with those big emerald eyes, so sad and vulnerable. I still had my hand on her cheek, my thumb rubbing softly against her soft skin.
"You're angry with me though..." She said quietly.
I sighed, "No not angry Lissa, just frustrated and confused."
"Why?"
"Because I don't understand Clary," She winced slightly when I used her other nickname.
"Understand what?"
"Understand how you can just accept him in you life again, how can you smile and act like everything is dandy after everything he's done to you? How?"
Clary shrugged, she just shrugged. "It's not all normal Ash." Annoyance laced her statement.
"Really? Because one day after you get up from a comatose state you go for one meal with the guy and suddenly all is forgiven."
She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips slightly, "We talked, we cleared the air. We still have to rebuild our relationship. It isn't all just magically fixed. We are just friends." Her irritation was evident.
I smiled slightly, "There's my Lissa."
She narrowed her eyes even more and then rolled her eyes, a smile playing on her lips. She sighed loudly, "Come on, lets eat."
JPOV
I walked into the kitchen smiling. Why?
Clary is why.
This morning a huge step forward. We talked – without hostility. Okay so it wasn't such a huge feat but still... she talked to me. Even after everything I did she still talked to me.
She was so forgiving, a good and bad thing.
You see I wanted her to forgive me, so badly. Almost every fibre of being was yearning for her forgiveness... they are happy now. Though please note I say almost every fibre...
There was a small voice in my head that kept saying, "You don't want her to forgive you, because then she can just move on. She will be kept away from you and your malicious ways. You don't want her to love you because everyone you love... you always hurt." That voice was a real party pooper.
But then she did forgive me and I felt... elated. Joyous. Lighter.
So yeah... I'm smiling today.
As I walked into the kitchen I heard someone giggling, it sounded like bells chiming.
Clary.
She was there with Isabelle, James and... urgh... Ash. He was a nuisance. Always hanging around Clary, sending sidelong glances her way. He was whipped and I wasn't happy. Only now I couldn't go all protective boyfriend on his ass cause, I wasn't exactly anyone's boyfriend.
Plus Clary liked him and I wanted to stay in her good books.
She looked up when I walked in and a number of emotions flickered across her face. Surprise. Happiness. Confusion. Awkwardness.
I simply smiled at her and nodded at everyone else. She wanted a slow relationship, friends and all that jazz. So that's what I'll give her. Grabbing an apple I sat down in the chair between Isabelle and Clary.
"Jace!" Isabelle screamed.
I looked over at her, a bored expression on my face, "Yeah."
"Where have you been? Mum has been contacting us, trying to talk to you and we had to cover so she didn't go shitting on James."
"Sorry Izzy, I was just chilling around the Institute."
"So you were in the greenhouse?" A amused voice interrupted.
I look up at her grinning, "Precisely Clary."
Isabelle huffed loudly and scraped her back, "Come on James lets go."
James looked a bit frightened and then scampered out behind Iz. Wow he was a goner.
Clary was giggling at their departure.
"What's so funny?" Ash asked.
"Your brother and Iz, they just crack me up," Clary said smiling at him.
I feel my fingers form a fist at the direction of her smile and had to take a deep breath in before saying, "Uhm... how about a movie tonight?"
Ash nods and Clary smiled slightly, her head cocked to one side.
"What?" I asked a little defensively.
She blinked quickly and then shook her head, jumping out of the chair. She was blushing furiously, "Nothing."
I quirked an eyebrow, "Okay then..."
She bit her bottom lip and her gaze darted between Ash and I. Suddenly she pursed her lips and mumbled something about showering, practically running out the door.
I sighed and turned to Ash, "Okay tell me."
"Tell you what?" he asked sounding genuinely confused.
I rolled my eyes, "What happened, while I was in the greenhouse, between you and Clary." The words sounded harsh and nonchalant to me but I was a little tensed up about what they had talked about. If they had talked.
He shrugged, "Nothing really, we just smoothed things over and she... uhm. Yeah any ways we just talked and we are all good now. What about you guys?"
I mimicked his shrug, "Oh you know, same as you. Smoothed things over and all. Although I had the decency to take her out and buy her food."
"Yeah right after you had the decency to break her heart."
I felt my hands clench into a fist again and the smug look on his face made me clench my jaw too. "You were the reason everything happened and if you get between Clary and I now you might find it hard to keep that smug expression on your face."
"Oooh looks like I hit a sore spot for Jacey here. Well, your threat is meaningless. You let her go and now its fair game. No-one has a claim over her and she is the only one that gets to decide."
I shrugged, "Have fun trying Mead but I'd step out of the way before you get hurt and rejected."
"Wow," he said, raising his eyebrows, "That's rich coming from you. Especially after Clary told me time and time again, that you two were just friends."
I got up and smirked, "For now we might be Mead, but she is my girl and she'll always love me."
"Your arrogance astounds me Lightwood. How can you be so sure she'll still love you."
"Because," and I smirked again, "She knows what its like for me to kiss her, hold her, caress her. And judging by all the sounds she used to make, I'm pretty sure she enjoyed it."
Ash's eyes tightened and his jaw clenched. I saw his hands curl into fists when he took a deep breath. Standing quickly he headed for the door and a angry, "Fuck you." were his departing words.
CPOV
Damn him and damn him! Damn them both!
You would think that after everything I had gone through that it would be easy to chose which boy I liked... Yeah not that simple.
I had this bad feeling in my tummy that they were hashing it out in the kitchen but I couldn't bring myself to find out.
I was exhausted, and confused. I felt fine though, my body had healed and the only indication of my injuries was a small scar on my ribs and on my head.
Nonetheless, I was so tired. I had only trained for about half an hour in total. I had spent most of my time staring at the dagger's blade or just out the window. My thoughts running away with me. Today had been emotionally tiring. That was the phrase and right now I was ready for some relaxation.
Reaching for my charcoal and drawing pad I started to sketch. I wasn't sure what exactly I was sketching until the Alicante demon towers presented themselves on my page.
I had kinda missed Alicante. It was beautiful and just so peaceful. I need peaceful right now. New York, as much as I loved it, seemed more stuffy and stale since we had returned.
I had a small yearning for the soft grass and colourful wild flowers. A soft gentle breeze and scene of shadow hunters without glamour. Their marks glinting in the sun.
There was a knock on my door. "Come in," I called.
The door creaked open and in walked James. That was a surprise.
"Hey," he said.
"Hi."
"How you feeling?"
I shrugged, "Pretty good hey, just tired."
He smiled, "That's good. Well I just wanted to tell you that your mother called and said she would be back in a few days to talk to you, once the Clave business was finished. She also mentioned something about staying out of trouble and demon fights." He cracked a small grin at that.
I grinned back, "Well I hope you told her I would be an angel."
"Of course." He turned to go but looked back, "Aren't you coming?"
"Where?" I asked, confused.
"The movie. Iz borrowed something called the Notebook or something like that, " He shook his head, amused.
"You really like Iz don't you?" I asked with a sly grin.
He shrugged, his face turning bright red.
"It's really cute James. Plus I think you're good for her."
"You think?" he asked hopefully.
I nodded, "Definitely."
"Thanks Clary. Come on, lets go."
I smiled at him and hopped off my bed. Time to finally relax and enjoy a movie. Time to let go and just be.
I followed James to the TV room and smiled as we entered. Iz was sitting by the love seat, waiting for James. Sweet. My gaze shifted and I saw Jace and Ash both on the couch sitting at each end, both looking expectantly at me.
I groaned internally. Or maybe not.
A/n: I'm sorry! I'm so very sorry! I know that I haven't updated in forever, and I have a million and one excuses why, which you probably don't care about. But I just wanna say I'm sorry! I am really busy and sometimes writing falls wayside, but this school term looks a little better and I promise not to ignore this story, or my other one. Hope I'm forgiven.
This chapter was hard, I think the characters are a bit OOC, what do you think? I'll keep trying to get it right though. Also in my rush to get this out to you it hasn't been beta-ed so please forgive any mistakes. I need some cute dates between Clary and Jace and Clary and Ash. Any ideas?
Review please!
