Disclaimer: I do not own SSB or its characters.

And I'd like to mention something before you start reading: Sheik does NOT use sarcasm, ever.

Sheik

It's times like this that I'm really glad that Zelda and I are separate entities. That girl has serious confidence issues. She kept whining that she looked like a mummy with those bandages on and that Link would dump her or something. I highly doubt he's that stupid.

Not to mention that she seemed really emotionally stressed. I had no idea that being unable to make love for fear of permanently damaging your partner could have such negative effects on a person. Maybe that's why Marth can never seem to talk to me using intelligible words, though blathering nonsense doesn't seem the best way to tell someone you like them.

At least the hallway was empty when Zelda and I got out of that bathroom. That girl was sure in a hurry to leave, and now I'm wandering the hallways alone. I wonder where everyone else is.

As I rounded a corner, I noticed fireballs raining from the ceiling and disappearing into the ground. They all seemed to be surrounding one little door. This little scene has broken at least 27 laws of physics, I think…

Might as well see what all the commotion is for, I held my bow above my head like a shield and entered the meteor shower. It's really quite amazing that one bow can take so much damage and still hold strong; I reached the door without a single scratch.

When I opened the door, I found none other than Lucas, hugging his knees and shivering in the corner of the broom closet. Why was I finding so many people in closets today?

"Lucas, has anyone ever told you that you really need to see a psychologist?" No response. Typical. Lucas has been known to stop showering for days if he so much as saw one hairball in the drain. Din only knows what this final smash fiasco has done to him. Only one thing to do now.

THUD

"I DON'T WANT ANY MORE CHEESE!"

Ok, maybe hitting him over the head with a random dustpan wasn't the best way to get a response from the kid, but it was the fastest.

"Lucas, there's no cheese, I just need to talk to you."

"SHEIK! How did you find me here?"

"50-some flaming asteroids falling from the ceiling doesn't go unnoticed. Now then, shouldn't you be with Ness instead of hiding in closet?"

No response…Lucas seemed to be staring intently at my bow, his eyes resembling those of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck, only his showed comprehension of danger.

"Lucas, I promise I will not shoot you." That got his attention. "Now can you tell me what you're doing here?"

"I can't do it anymore. They're coming for me I know it! There have been explosions and screaming and smoke coming out of every other room! They. Are. Coming! I'M NOT READY TO GO TO ST. PAULENE'S ESTUARY FOR ABANDONED TADPOLES YET!"

SLAP. This boy has serious phobia issues. Who in their right mind is afraid of a non-existent estuary? Why am I dealing with all the crazy people today?

"Lucas, I think the panic is affecting your mind. No one is coming for you."

"How would you know? You've never watched horror movies!"

"You're being paranoid. Now calm down and go to the clinic and find Ness, ok?"

"SCREW NESS! I'M TOO YOUNG TO GET LEECHED!"

"Lucas…"

"They are coming, I swear! I'VE SEEN THEM!! All those creepy little puffball things and funny spiky minions of the evil dancing blob of fat are out to GET ME!"

"Lucas…"

"Don't tell them I'm here, I BEG OF YOU, DON'T RAT ME OUT!"

"There's a spider in the closet."

Lucas was gone before I even had a chance to breath. Honestly, that kid hasn't a clue; spiders don't live in this dimension.

It was then that I noticed that he had run in the opposite direction of the clinic. Seems I scared the poor kid for nothing.

…I wonder what's on TV right now?

Isn't she such a nice girl?

And don't forget to review!

Oh, and also, this may be really disappointing, but I'm probably going to miss Wednesday's update. I got two major projects in school due next week and that takes top priority right now. Sorry.