I hate summer now. I'm so bored I want to hurt myself for some entertainment. I'm that bored! (slams head on the desk) Why is everything so BORING!?
The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas
Book One: Not By Choice
Chapter Twelve: Breakable
UnderWorld Rule #12: Every individual must haul their own weight. If you're not working, you'll find yourself in the dungeons.
After a while, I got numb to the pain.
My mind drifted in and out of consciousness. I couldn't pick out reality from the dreams in my head…
…running through clouds, the sky around me a blood red…
…the cold stone ceiling twisting and turning in a surreal way overhead…
…flying on a broomstick in a storm of raining Skittles…
…harsh cackles of laughter that sounded distant and fizzed by static…
…a maze of junky old computer parts and wires spitting sparks…
The next thing I knew, I was laying on something mercifully soft and far more comfortable than the metal dentist chair from Hell. I could move, too, but felt to stiff and hurt to do so. It was like someone had beaten every inch of me from head to foot with an aluminum baseball bat. So I just lay there with my eyes closed, hardly breathing because it hurt to do that too.
"I know you're awake." Chaor. I didn't move, just lay there, breathing quietly, head pounding, "I want to ask you a question, Kaz."
"Ask…away…" I managed to squeeze the words out and then fell back into painful silence.
"Is Gespedan dead?"
That struck a danger cord in me somewhere. If he was asking, something was wrong. But I nodded anyways, slowly, painfully.
"Look me in the eye and tell me that." I forced my eyes open and looked at him with slightly blurry vision. I nodded again, "I want to hear you say it, Kazzy."
He'd called me Kazzy. He was annoyed with me. I took a deep breath, licked my lips, and whispered hoarsely,
"Y-yes…"
"Really!?" I suddenly found myself in the air, a large hand clamped tightly around the back of my neck, eye to eye with Chaor. I hung there limply, not even bothering to struggle, "Because we didn't find a body!"
"I…u-used The…The Ripper…" I wheezed, thinking as fast as my pain-numbed brain would allow me to, "I-incin…erated…"
A reasonable argument.
And Chaor bought it. He dropped me back onto the soft thing (which turned out to be a giant pillow only slightly more comfortable than a beanbag full of Styrofoam peanuts) and turned his back to me. I lay there without moving and closed my eyes again. If only I could get some sleep…
"Ulmar thinks you're a waste of time, Kaz. A failed project." If he wanted a response, he wasn't getting one; I was too exhausted, "But so far you've been performing excellently. Exactly the way I want you to." I cracked an eye open but he still had his back to me, "You're making me…" He glanced over his shoulder with a sly grin that chilled me to the bone, "Proud."
I felt sick.
It was like he was trying to be fatherly.
I closed my eyes again so he couldn't see how much I hated him. Not that he didn't already know. But this was different. He was pushing the wrong buttons to get me to do what he wanted if he was going to treat me this way.
It suddenly brought me the realization that I missed my own parents terribly. My mom and dad were the greatest people on earth (even if they thought I was crazy) and I loved them with all my heart. And I missed them with every fiber of my being.
"So just think about how they'll react when they learn their son was an assassin." The voice sniggered and I made a strangled noise of discomfort, "They'll never look at you again, they'll be terrified of you, and they'll hate you."
"No…they won't…" I forced the words out, keeping my eyes closed, "No they…won't."
"Liar, liar, pants on fire!" Sang the voice, "Hang your pants on a telephone wire!"
"Chaor…" I rasped, forcing my eyes open, forcing myself to sit up despite the creaking protests of my sore and tired body, "Chaor…can I…go back to H'earring's now?"
He turned away again while I was busy fighting with myself and didn't even glance over his shoulder as I spoke. I waited, not wanting to press him. I knew he had that silver rectangle around him somewhere. I glanced around the room; it was filled with nothing but pillows and draperies and it was suffocating in the thick scent of burning incense that hung in shallow bowls from the ceiling. Not a room I expected to see in Chaor's palace.
"No." He rumbled suddenly and I looked around at him, "You're not well enough yet. Rest for bit. I'll send some drink in for you." Before I could protest, he'd walked out the door. There was a click as it locked.
I fell back on the pillow, closing my eyes again. I was waking up little by little, my skin all pins and needles as the stiffness ebbed away. But the incense was fogging my mind and making me drowsy. I felt too tired to move even when I could.
Another click, the door opening and closing. I kept my eyes close, hoping whoever it was would leave me well enough alone. No such luck. Whoever they were, they were leaning over me and I felt their eyes studying my face. Hands pressed down into the pillow on either side of my head. I still didn't move, feigning sleep. If they were going to attack me then I'd catch them completely unawares.
What happened next caught me completely unawares.
One second I'd been poised to fight for my life, the next I was limp with shock, staring with wide eyes at a pair of lime green orbs as this Creature on top of me kissed me full on the mouth.
What the—!? I struggled, trying to get away from her but she just grabbed my wrists in her hands an pinned them back. I twisted, kicking, flailing, trying with all my might to get away. She wrenched her mouth from mine (ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew) and looked at me with a strange kind of hunger glinting in her eyes. She was thin, not made for combat, with orange skin, curling horns, and exotic clothing.
"Do you know what a harem is, Kaz?" My breathing was hitched and fast, matching my pounding heart, "Do you know what it's for?" I willed the voice to shut up.
"G-get off me." I tried to get my hands away from her but she just smiled and shook her head, "Please?" Another shake, "Get o—mmphh!" She was on top of me again, kissing me, ignoring the cold steel of my armor.
Now I was embarrassed and getting angry. One thing after another, pushing me, and pushing me, and making me confused and scared, and I couldn't handle how fast everything was going. I brought my leg up and kneed her in the stomach. She fell away, gasping and I rolled out of her reach, scrambling on all fours towards the door.
"Chaor!" I hammered my fists on the wooden structure, shouting at the top of my voice, "Chaor! Let me out, you sicko! This isn't funny! Let me out! Let me—hey! Stop it!"
The Creature had come up behind me and twined her arms around my middle and was tugging at me. I pulled against her, pushing at her arms but she wouldn't let go. She pressed her face against my chest plate, kneeling on the floor, and her hands slid down my back. I yelped and tried to get away again.
So wrong…so awkward… My face was on fire with humiliation as I struggled to wiggle out of her grasp.
"Chaor!" I shouted again, "Chaor, let me ou—AH! Stop it! J-just stop it!" The door opened slowly and I looked around to see Chaor standing there with an amused expression. This was all a joke to him.
"Enough." The Creature who'd been harassing me let go and stood, walking away to hang off of the UnderWorld ruler instead. I thought I was going to be sick; I felt violated and disgusting.
"You're horrible." I spat at him, fists clenched at my sides, shaking slightly.
"Am I? Didn't you want a reward for your hard work?" He was mocking me now and, had I been paying a little more attention, baiting me, "I thought you'd like her, Kaz. She's quite a pretty one, no?"
"Shut up! Just shut up! I don't want anything to do with you! I don't want any of this! I just wanna go home! I want to go home! I HATE YOU!" And I ran at him, past him, down the hall, footsteps ringing as I went, heard Chaor laughing, knew I'd given him exactly what he wanted.
He was proving to me that he could turn anyone into a weapon, that he could get anyone to do as he wanted them to. That was why he was forcing me to make these choices myself; not that I would really consider them choices. My hatred and fear of him was just proving his point. The more I shouted at him and ran from him, the more he controlled me. But there was nothing I could do. I had nothing. He was holding all the cards, as the phrase went, and I was sitting with nothing.
I burst out the palace doors, dodged the guards, and raced down the street. Night was falling. I felt filthy. I followed the familiar streets, twisting and turning, taking side alleys to avoid the stares and leers of the Creatures. I threw open the door to H'earring's house, slammed it behind me, and ran for my basement room, sweat stinging in my eyes. I dashed down the stairs, flew through the training room, raced past my bed, pushed aside the curtain to the underground hot spring, and sloshed into the water, spraying the hot liquid into the air.
I sank to my knees in the steaming water and ducked my head under the surface. I came back up with a gasp and pushed my bangs from my face. I still felt like I was covered in something disgusting. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, scrubbed my face with my armor plated hands, and dunked my head under several more times. I was still breathing somewhat heavily but my heart rate had calmed down and at least I wasn't crying.
I slid deeper into the water and looked up at the dark ceiling above me. I didn't feel like myself anymore. I didn't feel like Kazdan Kalinkas. I had to get out of here before I lost myself completely.
The water behind me rippled and I looked around. It was her. That Creature Chaor had locked me in that room with moments ago. Only this time, her clothes were gone.
I went red and spun away, hiding my face in my hands, and stuttered out, "N-no, get out! Go away! I…I d-don't want you here!"
She stopped moving but made no answer. I heard H'earring's footsteps running through my bedroom. He stopped and was probably flustered by the sight before him because his voice cracked in an embarrassed sort of way. I didn't blame him.
"Sorry Kaz, the guards said she has to stay here. Chaor doesn't…want her."
"I don't want her either!" I shouted, still not looking around. The Creature waded deeper into the hot spring and I stiffened when I felt her hands on my shoulders, "Go away. Just leave me alone! I don't want you!" She didn't move, "He just wants to control me…" I murmured, "He just wants me to believe him…to trust him…after all that he's done…he thinks I'm simple…I'll show him!"
"Chaor didn't send her!" H'earring cried, "She came here because she wanted to! Chaor would have killed her! Or worse, have had you kill her! She can't talk, Kaz! Chaor saw no use for a harem-girl who can't scream…you have to understand…"
"H'earring…" I dug my fingers into the skin of my forehead, hoping the pain would make all of this go away, "Help me…I killed Gespedan…Ulmar's been torturing me…Chaor's threatening me…I don't know what to do…help me…"
Gentle fingers massaged my tense shoulders and I looked around into the female Creature's brilliant green eyes. She blinked back at me slowly and then smiled apologetically. She couldn't talk. She wasn't useful to Chaor at all. And he would just have killed her. What a cold, cruel place Perim really was. I decided that if I ever got out of here I was never coming back.
Ever.
"I don't care." I muttered, "I just don't care." I looked away, "What's her name?"
"She doesn't have one." H'earring replied softly from the edge of the water, sounding just as scared and nervous as I felt.
"Okay…um…" I rubbed my eyes, feeling suddenly exhausted, "You're name's Cherri. You look like a Cherri. Okay, Cherri?" Cherri leaned forward and kissed my cheek. I jerked away and she pulled me into a hug, "No, ah, stop it! I want—I'm tired! Let me go! I'm going to bed!" I yanked myself away from her and stomped out of the hot spring, glad the dim lighting was enough to make the water black and hide anything of her I didn't want to see.
I shook my head like a dog, spraying water droplets everywhere, and H'earring scowled at me. I smiled at him wearily and dried myself with a rough towel before flopping into my circular bed with a sigh. Pulling a sheet over top of me, I buried my face in a pillow and closed my eyes, thinking how much sleep I needed.
"Want anything to eat?" H'earring asked as he walked past me and out of my bedroom.
"No thanks…" I murmured sleepily, "I'm not hungry…just tired…"
"Sweet dreams, Kazzy." The tiny Creature whispered as he shut the bedroom door. A smile lifted my lips a little bit. H'earring was the only person who was nice to me here. I never realized just how much I appreciated my friendship with him until now.
Sleep tugged at my mind and I let my thoughts go without resistance, sinking into what I thought was a well deserved sleep. I'd deal with my problems tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow…
I woke up the next morning feeling very warm and very comfortable. There was the sweet smell of cinnamon tingling in my nose and for a second I wondered if H'earring was making cinnamon rolls. Then reality settled in and reminded me that there was no such thing as cinnamon in the UnderWorld.
So I yawned loudly and stretched. Or tried to. Something rather heavy was lying on top of me. I rubbed sleep from my eyes and looked around. My yelp of surprise bounced out of my room and into the hot springs cavern before reverberating back.
Cherri was stretched out on top of me, fast asleep, in only a long, black, nightdress-thing. She stirred at my yelp and looked at me with sleep-glazed eyes. Then she smiled, leaned forward, and tried to kiss me again.
"No!" I said, putting my hands out on her shoulders and holding her back, "No! Just, no! No more kissing! And you can't sleep in bed with me! It's weird, so stop it!" I pushed her off me and sat up, running a hand through my frazzled hair. Cherri's slim fingers slid up my back and started making little circles on the back of my neck. It felt really good. I relaxed completely, tension draining out of me.
She moved her hands slowly from my neck and into my hair, rubbing her hands on my head. I rolled my neck, cracked it, closed my eyes, gave a sigh of contentment. One of Cherri's hands moved down my neck again and rested on my shoulder, the other slid down the side of my face, traced my jaw line, touched my cheek, turned my head…
…We were inches apart before I snapped out of the daze and backed off, shaking my head. I slipped off the edge of the bed and fell to the floor, glaring up at Cherri who was watching me with a confused expression.
"I said no kissing!" My face was beet red, I just knew it, "Get that! No. Kisses. Yuck." I shuddered and stuck out my tongue. Cherri cocked her head to the side, horns gleaming in the dark lighting, "Cut it out." I pushed myself to my feet, "I'm just…a fifteen year old kid who got…caught up in a stupid mess…" Cherri slid off the bed and smoothed out her black shirt, "Come on, let's go eat."
She followed me up the stairs, keeping a respectful distance. I pushed the door open and sighed. The fire was nothing but a pile of ashes which meant it was too early for H'earring to be awake. I reached into the storage closet and pulled out some sticks and thick branches, piling them up rather haphazardly. I'd never been camping before.
Cherri watched me struggle for a while and then leaned over and took the wood away from, setting up in a perfect teepee formation and lighting it with a snap of her fingers. Flames crackled to life, licking greedily at the wood. I scowled and leaned back against the nearby wall.
UnderWorlders and their fire powers.
I watched the fire spit sparks into the air, thoughts elsewhere. Chaor was wearing me down, little by little. He'd leave me alone just long enough for me to start getting comfortable and then he'd wrench me out of my newly established comfort zone by throwing me into some horrid mission.
I'd taken psychology in high school. I knew what he was doing, even if he didn't. I wasn't dumb, I just had a slightly unhealthy obsession. Well, I did have a slightly unhealthy obsession. I wasn't obsessed anymore.
That would probably please a couple school teachers.
And my parents.
I moaned softly, drawing my legs up to my chest and resting my forehead against my knees. The steel of the armor had been heated by the flames and was searing against my skin. I didn't care. I was hurting more on the inside.
My parents.
I missed both of them so much. I missed the way my mom would yell at me to get up in the morning even after my alarm went off, I missed the way my dad would complain in a joking manner every time he had to go on a business trip, I missed my mom's cooking, I missed my dad's lectures (hard to believe, isn't it?), I missed their warmth, and welcome, and love, and hugs.
I'd taken so much for granted.
And now it was all gone.
And I was falling apart with no one there to help put me back together again.
(singing) Angst, glorious angst! We're anxious to try it! Three helpings a day! Our favorite diet! Just picture a great big angst; fried, roasted, or stewed! It's angst, wonderful angst, glorious angst!
Alright, too much fun there. Sorry.
Poor Kaz. Can I hurt him anymore? Hmmm. Is the answer A) yes, but I won't B) no C) well, yeah! Or is it D) all of the above? I'm going to have to say D. I don't even know how that works but I'm sure that's the right answer. X3
Kind of a slow chapter, this one. It also WROTE ITSELF! Where the heck did Cherri come from!? Well, she's there now and the empty space in my head already has ideas for her. I guess I just wanted someone else to be nice to Kazzer. And she's also kind of funny. (gigglesnort)
Anyway, thanks so much for reading! See you in the next chapter! Please review! Toodles!
