"Yours… only yours…" the woman muttered in her sleep, eyes closed as the image of the girl kissing her started to fade away. Blinking a few times, she saw the blurred image of her room, the watercolor paintings covering the walls and the bright sunlight sneaking in the room between the curtains. She looked to the other side of the bed, finding no one; then she turned on the bed and stared at the floor, noticing that there was not a trace of the girl's clothes. Why had she left so early?

Or maybe it wasn't that Raven had left. Maybe she had never come to her house. The woman sat on the edge of the bed and covered her face with her hands, trying to remember what had happened. The party was almost over, she was sitting next to the maths teacher and talking to her, sipping wine from her glass. Nora had stood up and said goodnight before walking away, and then Raven appeared.

"Miss Reyes, hello again."

"My queen, a pleasure."

The girl had sat on a chair with a soda in her hand, smirking and glancing at Abby's body with lust. She did not even try to hide it, and even though the woman hadn't drank that much, it made her feel an ache appear between her legs. Still, she knew nothing could happen between them, and soon she found herself trying to pull back, not wanting to enjoy the girl's teasing so much. Then Raven dropped the bomb, telling her that she could drive her home if she was too drunk, smirking to make sure that the woman knew she would not be driving back home after dropping her. She opened her mouth to answer, when someone else had interrupted them.

"Abigail, do you need me to take you home?"

Both women looked up at him, startled by his interruption. Marcus Kane, with his serious face and his non existent smile, had offered a hand to the woman and waited for a reply. Abby hesitated for a few seconds, knowing that her choice would change the whole direction of the night. Should she listen to her brain, which told her to leave with him; or to her heart, that wanted Raven and only her? The two paths seemed to part right in front of her, one full of colors and one dark and grey; the woman knew Marcus was simply boring, while Raven was someone she enjoyed talking to.

If she went home with Marcus, she'd be trapped in a slightly uncomfortable ride home, not able to drive her own car home. Maybe he'd walk her to the door, maybe he'd kiss her. Maybe they'd walk inside and have more wine, maybe he'd kiss her. Would she let him stay the night? That would be easier than letting the girl do that, that was obvious. No one would question their relationship, no one would treat them differently. They were just a man and a woman that were giving love another opportunity. Or at least that was what people would think— Abby knew she did not love Marcus, not even a bit.

On the other side, if she went home with Raven she'd be trapped in a secret relationship, going home to be with the girl in the shelter of darkness but knowing that as the sun rose they would have to keep distance. It would not be easy, it definitely wouldn't. People would be scandalized when they saw how the principal looked at the student, how a woman in her forties looked at a eighteen year old. People would be scandalized by the fact that she was a lesbian— even though she insisted she liked both men and women, people would erase her actual sexuality to wrongly label her.

"Yes, thank you Marcus." she spoke softly, standing up and straightening her dress, then turning to take her coat. He quickly reached for it and helped her, making her smile for a second. She hoped that the fake smile she gave him was convincing enough to not to let the sadness be noticed. She looked at Raven, her brown eyes silently apologizing to her. She hoped she would not judge her, she hoped she would understand she had to do what was right.

But now, sitting alone on her bed, nothing seemed to be right. She remembered how Marcus had kissed her after she had taken out her keys, how his lips had met her in an awkward way. If she had closed her eyes, she would have felt the taste of lies and self-hatred, she would have realized they were not right for each other. But she didn't close her eyes, and when he had pulled back she had stared at him wide-eyed. "Goodnight, Abby." he had spoken before walking away.

She was alone, and she had been all night. It was how it should have been, how reason told her things were destined to be. Nor Raven nor Marcus were right for her, no one would be. She had to focus, on her job, on her family, on herself. She could not waste time with love.

But was this really love? Was she really falling for the girl?

She knew the answer, even if she resisted to admit it. She couldn't be feeling that for a girl that easily could be her daughter, she couldn't feel that for a student. But a part of her, a part that grew stronger and bigger day after day, wanted to. She wanted to feel everything for Raven, and to not to have to deny it. She wanted the smiles, the kisses, the talks, the touches. She wanted to fill her fantasies, she wanted to feel the girl's skin under her fingertips. She wanted to taste her, to know if she was as sweet as she seemed to be. She wanted to not to sleep, too deep in their lovemaking that they would not feel tired until late morning. She wanted Raven, she really did.

Did I make a mistake?

She sighed. Of course she had made a mistake, but now there was no going back. Standing up, she bent down and started picking up her clothes, from her puffy skirt to the black thong she had worn last night. She would throw it away, the garment was definitely uncomfortable. She carefully put the costume on the bed and then walked down the corridor to the bathroom, already naked. She was not fond of nightgowns, at least not when she was slightly tipsy. Getting in the shower, she turned the water on and stood under the stream of water. She then turned and took her arm out of the shower, reaching for a panel with buttons and turning the radio on. She sighed, listening to music in the shower had always been something that cheered her up. But today, the only song that came in the radio made her feel even sadder.

"Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong, you're enchained by your own sorrow, in your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow. How I hate to see you like this, there is no way you can deny it. I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet. Chiquitita, tell me the truth, I'm a shoulder you can cry on, your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on. You were always sure of yourself, now I see you've broken a feather, I hope we can patch it up together…"

She finished her shower quickly and turned the water off, then wrapped herself in a towel and turned off the radio. She did not want to listen to that song, or any other. Walking back to her room, she opened a drawer and took some underwear, then chose some clothes and started getting dressed. She had just finished when she heard the front door closing, making her eyes widen. Clarke. She wanted to run downstairs and yell at her for spending the night out, but decided that it would be easier to be understanding. Slowly walking downstairs, she looked at the girl.

Wearing her costume under a coat, the girl had obviously been with a boy— Finn, she guessed. "Mom, uh— hi." she spoke, looking down with shame. She had probably wanted to not to be caught, fake that she had slept in her own bed. "I was at—"

"Finn's house?" the woman smiled and walked to the girl, then hugged her and kissed her forehead. Unlike the many other times, the girl did not push her away, and instead wrapped her arms around her. Wait. She could hear the girl letting out some sobs. "Hey, hey, what's wrong?" the woman questioned with worry, pulling back to look into her daughter's eyes.

"I miss Raven, mom." the girl spoke softly, pulling back and walking towards the living room. She let her weight fall on the couch, and then wiped her tears away. Abby quickly sat next to her, a hand on her back in an attempt to comfort her. "This morning I woke up, and Finn was there with me, but it simply did not feel right. It hasn't been for a long time, because every time he kisses me I remember Raven's face when she discovered I had slept with him, and I realize how this shouldn't have happened. It wasn't my fault that he cheated on my best friend with me, but it's my fault that I kept dating him after that. And I just, I feel so bad mom. I've been such an idiot, with you, with Wells, with Raven and—"

"Wait, what does Wells have to do in this?"

"He asked me out some days ago, and I said no because I was dating Finn, but now Finn says that we've only been 'hanging out' and I regret saying no to Wells, and I just don't know what to do mom." Clarke spoke in tears, barely pausing to breathe. Once she had ended the woman pulled her close, wrapping her arms around her.

"It's okay darling, it's okay." she whispered, trying to find the right advice to give her daughter. How could she give advice though, when she had made a mistake too? It didn't matter, not now. "I think you should tell Finn that it's over, then go talk to Raven. I'm sure she'll understand. And about Wells…" she pursed her lips thoughtfully, then sighed. "I know him well, Clarke, and I'm sure that if you tell him all this he'll understand too. Okay?" The girl pulled back and wiped away her tears, nodding slightly. "Good. Now, do you want pancakes?"