Author's note: happy 1st day of the last year of planet earth! Don't worry…I can finish my story before then!

Chapter 12: …makes me sound more…badass.

Captain Price was slinking along a path in the everfree forest; his stealth was second to none. As he slipped past a sleeping mantacore, and past an annoying gay sea serpent complaining about his mustache he knew nothing could find him. HOWEVER, seeing that karma is a bitch, much like bill O'rielly, he heard a loud scream above him, and looked up.

(200 feet up…)

Batman was flung into equestria's dimension, but only 200 feet above ground; he was screaming as he fell out of the sky; maybe he was lucky, but he saw a person in his fall path.

He hoped it would cushion his landing.

(back to price…)

He squinted, and as the figure grew bigger and bigger, it hit him, both figuratively and literary:

It was batman.

(elsewhere in Equestria…..)

Marcus was hocked; rarity never EVER smoked or drank (publicly, and to his knowledge)…know, he had the epitome of substance abuse sitting in front of him, trying to talk him into taking his pants off; things needed to be explained.

He sighed and said to rarity "what have you done to yourself while I was gone? Hell, what's wrong with AJ, or Fluttershy? You seem to know what's what in this town; fill in the past 3 years worth of blanks. RIGHT NOW." Rarity sputtered, doing a smoker's cough at the same time as she said "what are you talking about, deary? Things are just like they were 3 years ago! On that note, who are you, it uhh, slipped my mind." Marcus screamed in frustration as he pulled out his sidearm and pointed it at her head and yelled "WHO ARE YOU! WHERE IS RARITY YOU FUCKING COMMIE!"

Necessity gulped; Marcus was smarter than she expected, and she decided to do the only thing she could . Marcus said again "TALK OR MY GUN TALKS!" before Marcus knew what was happening, "rarity" pulled out a can of UNSC "dragon piss" pepper spray and he reeled in terror as he felt a burning mist cover his face. As he rolled on the floor, growling in pain, incestia screamed as he heard the pepper spray get used again, and "rarity" screaming for the police as she went out the front door.

Before he passed out from the pain, he really wished and hoped Mendez was all right.

(meanwhile…)

Mendez was slowly trotting down the street; what had he just witnessed? Had the Santana DVX fucked him up, or was pinkie now a crazy-er pony than she was before? I mean, maybe Mr. and Mrs. Cake were being frisky, not set up for slaughter like they said! As he kept going down the street, he saw rarity run past him, screaming for the police; he really didn't give a fuck, and rarity was always to "uppity" to get with him anyway; she could go to hell as far as he was concerned.

He sat down on a bench, trying to understand what had happened when he overheard rarity say to not a cop, but a pony wearing some form of spec-ops camo "get some guys over here quick! Incestia betrayed us, and we also have Marcus! Tell satin ether she can extract her revenge after the overlord does his interrogation!" Mendez saw the spec-op pony nod his head as he clicked the safety of his gun off with magic. Mendez casually stood up and walked away, making his way to the boutique before the spec-op could.

As he opened the boutique's door, he rushed to incestia and Marcus, who were in pools of yellow fluid of questionable origin, curled up in the fetal position; after years of dating military women, he knew only yo well that they were sprayed with that nasty UNSC dragon piss. As he slung them both on his back, the spec-op walked into the boutique, and before he even noticed Mendez, he had put three 12.7 MM pistol rounds into his forehead, and slumped to the ground.

Mendez knocked the back door down, and headed for the grove of trees just outside of the city.

(back in the boutique…)

Necessity trotted back into the store, and gasped as she saw the dead HUB riflepony, and no sign of Marcus or incestia; she ran to her radio and called the hub's high command (H.A.S.B.R.O)(HUB ARMY SERVICE BATTLE READINESS OFFICE) and called for backup; if Marcus and incestia told equestria's military about their plans, this invasion was doomed. AGAIN.

(meanwhile, with mendez….)

Mendez was applying the morphine to both incestia and Marcus; they got a lethal burst of the spray, even though it is supposed to incapacitate it had a tendency to kill via high concentrations. Incestia got it really bad; the skin on her face was in tatters, and falling off. Mendez was applying tons of bio-foam, but the skin kept falling off; he turned his attention back to Marcus as the foam set in, he needed to get him up again, and find out what happened.

He pulled out some of the "power cocktail" he had in his med-kit and injected it into Marcus…it was a vile mix, made with medical steroids, Chuck Norris's tear's, and mountain dew; if this didn't revive him, it would most likely kill him. He stepped back as Marcus's body started flopping around; he pulled his AED out and gave him a good ZAP.

While Marcus was waking, Mendez turned back to incestia; he wiped the excess BIO-FOAM off and gasped; it took off her skin, but replaced it…but that wasn't the half of it. Marcus couldn't see incestia, but saw Mendez's stunned expression; he pushed him aside and said "what's wrong with—oh…wow….that bio-foam…..damn, she doesn't look like a reject of the gene pool now! What was the bio-foam you used!"

Mendez looked down at the empty can and read out "UNSC medical supply (EXPERMENTAL) BIOFOAM-GR/PE(X) test batch." He looked at Marcus and said "what's the GR/PE mean?"

Marcus reached for the medical handbook and thumbed through the index; after a few seconds, me read out "it means genetic repair/physical enhancement….it's supposed to fix major defects, repairing them to the layout there supposed to be, and fixing skin tissue, as well as other things." Mendez turned back to incestia, nodding, and said "well….she looks sorta like a taller celestia, but with a fire red mane now; say, her mane IS working now!" Mendez and Marcus started counting the repairs her body got as she started waking up; when she opened her eyes and looked at him, she opened her mouth and said "what? Is there something on my face? Is it a spider? OHMYGODGETITOFF!"

Marcus and Mendez gasped and said "OH SHIT HER VOICE IS SEXY NOW TOO!"

Incestia stopped for a second and said "wait…my voice sounds…good…now….guys, what happened?"

Marcus spoke up and said "well, that bitch who is posing as rarity pepper sprayed us, then somehow Mendez swooped in and saved us, took us here and healed us; when he healed you, however, he used some fancy bio-foam that from what we can tell, healed most if not all of your birth defects caused by your family. I think you're a normal alicorn now, incestia."

She rushed up and gave them both a big hug; it was the best day of her life now.

(meanwhile, somewhere in the everfree….)

Captain Price opened his eyes; whatever landed on him must have knocked him out for quite some time. He was getting up when a raspy voice said "so…you're up now? Yeah…I do recognize you…YOU WERE THE ASSHOLE WHO QUICK-SCOPED ROBIN YEARS AGO!" he swung his head to the source of the voice; it was a chain-smoker in a black leotard, who he HAD seen before….it was in 2572, deep in this forest….so he killed some guy named "robin" it seemed. He spoke up and said "look, I'm sorry if I killed you, but I thought you were one of those muppets makorov sent out-" the chain smoker yelled "MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!"

"…..ok, I don't even know who you are; what the fuck does that have to do with anything!"

The smoker spoke up and said "I am batman; the savior of Gotham city, the bomber of orphanages, the only Vietnam vet who never fought in Vietnam" captain price was trying to think of a way to talk sense into this "batman" when all of a sudden, batman knocked him to the ground and started fist-fighting someone who was behind him.

After a few seconds, batman fell to the ground, and price walked up to see what happened; batman was clutching a spot where is hand was torn off, and on the ground was a pony with "inner circle" marking…one of makorov's hit-ponies. Batman just saved his life.

He turned back to batman, and said "are you all right! How bad did it get you!" batman gave a look that basically said "my hand was torn off. What do you think asshole?" price gave him a shot of morphine as he picked him up and started carrying him to a place his GPS/UAV told him was an "abandoned" base not too far from there; he didn't fully trust batman, but this was a start.

Author's note: well, the trademark fighting cussing and sex jokes are going to increase now that batman is plantside, and that marcus is about to learn of the elements of douchebaggery!

Now, do what I always ask and review! Please!