"He told me he was sent to fix my window. I was never sure what happened to it, only that one of the panes had been shattered. It did not matter much to me, it was open most of the time to let in a breeze. Jane was somewhere. I don't even remember where. I mostly remember what happened."
Candles were lit around them now, showing the tear-streaks down Belle's cheeks though she had stopped crying for a while. She played with the end of her braid, looking down at it to distract her from the words she whispered. Like she was trying to convince herself it was a dream and not just a dreadful memory. She wasn't sure what effected her more; the fact her brother almost raped her, or the fact that she killed him. She was a kinslayer.
"He came in. He was Rosalyn's older brother. In our house you are separated by who your mother was. He was true born. One of the favorites of my father. He was a good fighter. He would become a knight. Or he would have.
"'I came to fix your broken window.' He had told me." She whispered this part. "'Why was a servant not sent? Why not someone with experience with glass and metal?' I had asked. He knew he did not have a good answer. But what did I have to fear from a brother of my own? I thought he might be like Rosalyn, quiet and sweet, and just wanting to help his little sister, even if we did not share a mother. But when I allowed him access into my room, he grabbed me by my neck and pushed me onto the bed. I was lucky that it was my own bed. If it was not I would not have had my dagger behind the mattress." She paused, closing her eyes.
"I reached for it when he pulled my small clothes down, he got on his knees to get his cock out. My skirts were at my waist and I knew it was either going to be him or me and I did not want to die. I did not want to be ruined. I held the dagger up, and when he got back on top of me he did not realize what I was holding. He helped me stab him. He died on top of me, and I was too weak to get him off." She opened her eyes. "I can still see his brown eyes staring at me sometimes. Cold and dead. He was staring right at me, in shock or fear as he bled out."
"Vince was the first to find me. He got his body off me. He got rid of the body and helped me burn everything with his blood on it. Jane helped me wash it off my skin. It was the reason that Vince left me there. So suspicion would fall onto him and not me if anything was ever to be discovered. Even though it was bruises on my neck in the shape of his hand. The three of us held the secret close to our chests. It was one of the reasons my sisters kept me from our brothers. One of the reasons we kept each other from our brothers.
"Vince had promised me it would never happen again. Not while he lived. I guess I took the last part to heart."
Robb just listened, his eyes closed. When Belle reached for his hand, she discovered it was in a tight fist. She looked down to see the other the same. His knuckles were white, and she looked to see his jaw set tight. It took him a moment to speak. "Your own brother?" He shook his head. "Then it will be my turn now. That's what your Lord Vincent meant."
"What?"
"It is my turn to protect you, to keep you safe." He said. "I will. I will do everything in my power to keep you from it all." He told her. "Is this what you told me you would tell me when I needed to know?"
"Yes." She muttered, barely loud enough for Robb to hear.
"Then it will remain between us." He told her. "And I will kill anyone who would dare lay a hand on you, ever." His voice got lower as he continued speaking. "You are Queen in the North. You are protected by me, and those sworn to us. No man will lay a hand on you again, I swear it to you."
She leaned against him, her forehead against his collarbone. "Thank you." She said, but she knew the truth. No one can protect anyone in this world.
XXXXX
Belle kept with her routine during the following days, but her spirit had left her, gone to mourn for a friend. A friend that was much like her father. A father who was so in all but blood. She did not give herself time to mourn. She kept herself exhausted, she ate very little, she did not know how to handle herself. Robb did not know how to comfort her. Robb barely even saw her. For a few minutes at night before she went to sleep, or tried to, and a few minutes in the morning before one of them left. She would not talk to him. She barely spoke at all.
"How was your day?" Robb asked her when she walked into their tent to find Belle scrubbing blood from her skin as always. She was only in her sleeveless shift so she could get the blood off of her.
"Fine." She said softly, but said no more.
"Belle…" He said softly, reaching for her, to still her movements.
She did not stop him as his hand covered hers, and took the rag from her. One thing did not change in her actions, and that was how she looked him in the eye. Silver met blue, and he could see the tears in them, but they did not spill onto her cheeks. He began taking the blood off her skin, starting with the blood on her jaw. He did to her what she did to him after most battles. What she did to him after he was wounded.
The muscles and tendons in her neck relaxed under his touch. When he moved to her arms, those muscles relaxed too. They did not speak, there was nothing to be said. No words would comfort her. She needed to keep moving. He knew the feeling well. He lost his father not long before she lost hers. They did not know each other as well then. They had grown much.
And she kissed him, wanting to find the same comfort in him that he had found in her. She rid him of his clothing before stripping herself of her shift. They fell into each other on the cot, and afterwards, she was curled into his side, and she cried. He held her. He let her mourn, but they both knew that it would not end. Something would remind her of Vince, and it would bring her sorrow, one day it may bring her a smile, but she wasn't there yet.
Robb wasn't even there yet with his own father.
XXXXXXXX
"Why am I still alive?" Belle asked him in the darkness. Her voice was quiet and schooled.
"What do you mean?" Robb asked her.
"Everyone dies around me." Belle told him. "I killed my own mother coming out of her. Vince was only here for me and he was killed. He was here because he loved me, and now he's dead for it."
"He died taking a sword for me." Robb said. "Do you not blame me?"
"Never." Belle told him. "Never crossed my mind. I do not want you dead either. I l—" She broke off suddenly. "But why are all the good dying, and the Lannister bastard still sits on the throne? Why is it that even though we win, all I see is the loss of life around us?"
Robb pulled his wife to him and kissed her temple. "Those are questions that we cannot answer ourselves. But the gods must have something great planned for us if we survive."
"And so we move forward unable to see what is ahead of us, but still imagining it being great?"
"Well, yes."
She paused. "I know my family. My father the last to show at the Trident. My father who has fathered more children than he has lived years. My mother a beauty dead before her time. What will be my legacy I leave behind? I do not want either of them. I don't want to be known as your pretty poor dead first wife."
"You won't be." He said. "You will live. You will watch our children grow up."
"Only if you do." She told him. "But do we just wait?"
"Yes."
"I'm not very good at waiting."
"But it's what we must."
She curled against him, holding him just as much as he was holding her. "If people are taken from us mindlessly, surely they will take the sinners and the saints the same. If all we need do is wait for it, surely we will continue moving forward and winning? Do we laugh and cry and keep moving?"
"Surely." He said. "I know you're terrified. You were less terrified in the castle."
"I'm always terrified. Just in the castle I knew there would be no battle that day. I knew we would both be in bed with more than just a few hours to sleep." She told him.
"And there's a battle tomorrow." Robb sighed. "I will come back to you."
"And I will wait for you."
And they both did as they promised the following night. The only comfort they had in the world was each other.
XXXXXXXX
Belle counted the days since her last moon blood. She should have finished the week previous. She had not bled at all. She kept counting over and over again, trying to figure out if she was doing the math wrong. If she was counting too many. If she was seeing double. She was not.
She was the first in their tent that night, waiting for Robb to return to her. They needed to talk. In her lap was moon tea. They had only just gotten close, and she did not want to leave him yet. She doubted he wanted her to leave him. She could make the choice for them. She could make this moon tea she had all the ingredients for and stay for another month or so. She could not tell Robb about any of this. But would she? No. Did she want to leave? No. Did she want this child? That was a more complicated question.
She was terrified to die. What if, like her mother before her, she died in childbirth? What if Robb needed her while she was away? What if she had a girl who would have to go through the same hardships her mother did? What if she lived? If she lived, that was a whole new thing she had not even dare thought would happen. She could not hope for it and then have it not happen. But she did have a tiny spark of hope in her heart. Hope that she would hold her child to her breast and sing to the little prince or princess. To present Robb with the child when he returned to her. Would they have his hair and eyes? Hers? A combination of the two?
All questions she have could be answered if she did not drink this tea, even if her death was one of them.
Her heart was beating so fast, and she could feel the tears behind her eyes. She did not want to cry, not yet. Not until everything was decided. But when their tent flap opened, and Robb stepped through, she closed her eyes and felt her tears slip from them.
"What's wrong?" He asked softly, walking the few steps over to her. "What happened?"
She shook her head, reaching for him to sit down beside her. He did. Her tears were not uncontrollable, but she could feel a lump in her throat. She could feel that she could lose control of herself any moment.
"I'm pregnant." She said, watching his face.
First there was no change in his face, like he had not heard her yet, but after a moment a bright smile crossed his face, lighting up his blue eyes. "Really?" He asked, his hand slowly moving to her stomach until he touched it gently. "You're pregnant?"
She nodded.
He kissed her, she wasn't sure if he realized what this meant. What she held in her lap. What she was about to ask him.
But Belle pulled away. "When am I to leave?"
And just like that, his smile dropped. "Right."
"I don't want to go." Belle said. "But I have to…unless." She gestured to the box in her lap.
"What is that?" He asked, but the way he asked made it sound like he already knew what it was.
"My master sent it with me." Belle told him softly. "Moon tea."
"Why?" He asked. "Would you really use it?"
"I don't know." Belle told him. "But I won't unless you want me to." She told him. "I could stay with you, for a little longer."
"I don't want you to go, but we need this child."
She nodded, her lips turning down at the corners. "I know."
He closed his eyes. "How far along do you think you are?"
"I don't know." Belle told him. "Over a month."
"Then we still have a little time. Stay for a few more weeks." He said. "And then we'll figure it out. You will go North, and get your sister on the way. Until then, we can pretend nothing is different for now."
"A few more weeks?" She whispered. "I can do that."
"And Belle?" He said.
She nodded, looking at him.
"I don't think I could give our child up, even though I do not want you to leave. But thank you for not taking it to stay with me." He said.
She leaned forward and kissed him tearfully. "Looks like we shall have a little prince or princess on the way."
"If it is a prince may I dare ask for him to be named after my father?" He asked.
"Of course." Belle said. "And if it is a princess, may I name her after my mother?"
"It is only fair." He said. "What was her name?"
"Katherina." Belle told him.
"Katherina or Eddard Stark." He said, trying out the names. "I think we have our choices."
A.N: Okay, y'all, I suck. Because of the long wait and the short chapter I will be sure to update again over the weekend. If you want to hear my excuses, I have a lot, but the gist of it has been my college courses are killing me, I have a senior seminar in the fall that I have been doing research for, I was in a law program that I was in over twelve hours a day, I have a law internship at the local DA, and I was sick for a month. Don't get Mono kids, it sticks around for a while and some of the symptoms include exhaustion that makes it hard to do all the other things I mentioned above.
I want to thank all the wonderful reviewers and followers. But a special thanks to the reviewers. You are the ones that make me write and remember to update. You are the ones that remind me to do some things I enjoy, namely writing fan fiction. So thank you, so much for your support and kind words.
Kat
