Author's Notes: I'm refering to the movie version here. I much prefer
that backstory ;)
**
"Ironic, isn't it?"
I glance at Giles from watching Angel and Spike work with the Slayers in training that afternoon.
"How so?" Wes chimes in, not taking his eyes off the group in front of us.
"That the ones periodically fired from the Council are the ones now overseeing the continuation of the Slayer lineage."
I snort darkly at him. "They had no idea."
"No, they didn't." Wes looks at both of us. "I remember coming to you as your new Watcher, thinking I was all that, ready to steer you back onto the proper path. I never apologised for that."
I smile up at Wes. It's been years since I've really spoken to him, looked at him, and he's changed, been hardened by what this life does to you. "You have no reason to apologise. I also remember a time when you boasted to Giles that you had 'even fought a vampire'." I mimic his tone and accent of the time. They both chuckle. "Now, unfortunately, you know what it's like. The Council didn't have a clue and paid the price." Is that bitterness in my voice? Aw shucks, forgive me for my lack of caring.
"They didn't. You were right in your assessment of us. We were a bunch of prissy suits hiding behind numerous books. To use your vernacular." He pauses briefly to watch Angel take down one of the older Potentials with ease then shakes his head, almost laughing at her. "We've learned so much from him; from both of them really. I know we were both rather upset with you when you risked yourself to save Angel's around abouts graduation, but I've never said 'thank you'."
I blink at him for a second. "I did it for purely selfish reasons."
He nods, "I'm aware of that, but look at the results. Those girls will never go through what Kendra did." Pain knifes through me at the mention of her name. "Giles and I have been discussing things. Once this threat has been averted, we will be sending the girls to school, letting them socially acclimatize, as you have." He looks at me fondly. They both do. I feel proud of my accomplishments, of having worked with them. "We want them to have the same love for life that you still carry."
"You guys do know the two reasons for that are standing in this room?" They look at me oddly, uncomprehending what I'm trying to tell them about my own selfishness. I look at my true Watcher - the man I respect with all my being, the man I consider my father in every way. "You and Angel, Giles, you both gave me strength, made me want to live when things got ugly."
"We know." Giles sent one of his knowing-fatherly looks around Wes at me.
"These girls will have so much, I envy them." Both guys look at me like I've sprouted a second and third head. "I was a spoiled brat when Merrik found me. I have to give him a lot of credit for putting up with me. But, in all reality, I think it was his death that truly woke me up. I didn't get it until then. Then when we met," I face Giles straight on. "I was so scared that I would cause your death as well." Realisation dawned in his blue eyes. I remember how soft his eyes had been when I first looked at him, despite everything I now know he has done in his life, he's somehow managed to retain some of that softness and a great deal of his optimism. "These girls, and all the rest that are born into this line, will have a home, a family, a purpose without the fear and the pressures I had. Even if they never get Called, I think they will continue to fight what they know goes bump in the night. We've started something pretty amazing here. Angel and Spike will always be there to lead them, long after we're gone. It's something the Council would never have utilized." Both men snort derisively.
"No, they wouldn't." Giles looks back at the group of girls, all of whom are trying to over power Angel, unaware of Spike sneaking up behind until he grabs a few of the girls, scaring the daylights out of them as he easily tosses them onto the mats; leaving both of said vamps chuckling.
"I was like that." Both heads snap back towards me. I snicker. "Seriously, when I first met Angel and started training with him I was just as clumsy. He taught me how to fight, how to use my strength. I was too afraid of hurting you, Giles. With Angel, once I knew what he was, I let loose." I nod my head back towards Angel. "And he used to laugh at me, just like he is now. It made me so mad. But, he taught me so much. These girls will learn the same. How to use their bodies, their instincts, their emotions to better themselves." I look up, catching Angel flipping one of the younger girls onto a mat, all the while his eyes are on me. I feel myself flush slightly under his gaze, even moreso as I realise he can see it.
"You have a valid point," Wes drags my attention back to him. "Xander, Willow, Cordelia, Oz, Gunn and Fred all proved how valuable civilian helpers can be - before some of them changed of course," he qualifies. "Think of how much stronger we'll be in our fight if we can recruit the Potential Slayers, then keep them helping the battle after their time to be Called has passed. From what I've read, they retain their instincts and hightened abilities."
Giles was nodding along side us, taking this all in, his mind running through all the possibilities and ramifications.
"Buffy?" Angel calls over to me with a grin. It's a challenge and I know it.
I haven't been out patrolling since the Bringers invaded my house and I'm itching to fight. Sparring with him might just be what the doctor ordered. I pull off my shirt to reveal a bra-top; I typically wear things like this when training, why should today be any different? I catch Angel's appreciative gaze as he shrugs out of his shirt. God, it's been so long since I've seen him bare-chested; it takes all my self-control not to stare. I catch the quarter staff he casually tosses at me. Looking over my shoulder, I make sure everyone else is settled at the far end of the workout room. I spot Lilah leaning against the far wall ogling Angel and wondering why she hasn't left yet.
"Ready?" he asks. I nod, focusing on him, his weight distribution, the gorgeous, mischievous smirk.
He taps my stick, testing. Once, twice, three times, he goes for the fourth and I swing the staff under him, trying to sweep him off his feet. His grin widens as he easily avoids. Our staffs clash with bone jarring blows. Both of us are smiling, trying to out manoeuver each other. We are matched equally in strength, this is a game of strategy. How can I upset his balance enough to get him down to stake him? I cartwheel over him as he tries to sweep my feet out. He turns just as I land, my instincts kick in to block his next parry. It's back to trying to out think him. Block, swing, attack, duck - over and over as we play-fight.
Angel takes an aggressive stance, swinging hard, changing strategies. It's almost too late when I figure out why, realising the tingling in my gut has nothing to do with Angel. Without breaking from the grueling rhythm Angel's setting, I kick out behind me, hearing Spike's grunt as I nail him right in the gut, sending him flying back. I hear the girl's amazed reactions and my ego swells.
Angel and I are both breathing hard, laughing at each other's attempts. He swings straight down at me. My arms go up to block. My staff shatters in two from the force of his attack. Simultaneously we throw the quarter staffs off to the side and go hand-to hand. He grabs me, flipping me over his back with ease. Hitting the mat, I roll, using my legs to kick out at him as I right myself. He's quick enough to avoid my legs, but not my punch. I land one on his stomach, the force of it sending him to his ass. I rush at him, he uses his legs to propel me over him instead. We both stand quickly.
I'm breathing hard, brushing my hair out of my eyes, enjoying this far more than I should be. Then again he's breathing hard as well, his smile bright, enjoying this lousy excuse of a sexual frustration outlet as much as I am.
He's a foot or so out of my reach at the moment. I take a step closer and lash out with a fist, he easily blocks with his forearm. I try again with my other fist, again, it's easily blocked. Both fists this time, aiming high and low on his body, hoping to confuse his peripheral vision. He takes the low hit, using that opening to land a hit on my body. I stumble back briefly, searching for another weakness in his stance. I throw small punches again, teasing, testing Swinging my weight, he goes for it, but he knows me, he doesn't fall for my feign, he uses it.
What I thought I saw last night suddenly materialises behind Angel's left shoulder. I freeze as the figure comes into clear view.
Angel pulls the punch in the last second, it's still enough to send me flying across the room.
"Buffy?!" He's at my side, inspecting my bleeding lip as I stare at the figure that has caught my attention. "Buffy?" Angel looks around, obviously not seeing what I am. "What do you see?"
My brain has yet to come far enough out of shock to answer him. I grab a weapon from the bench behind me and fling it. It goes through the smirking figure to imbed itself in the wall.
"You failed him you know. Just like you fail everyone else." The First casually leans on the wall, using Merrick's tall, lithe body and voice. I can't stop the scowl.
"Maybe, but I more than redeemed myself by saving Angel from you." I feel Angel tense behind me, figuring out what's happening. "Why don't you show yourself to everyone. If you're going to put on another show, why not entertain everyone?" I stand slowly, Angel following my lead.
"Jesus," Angel voices as I assume The First comes into his vision.
"Tut, tut, look at you; half-naked clinging to your half-naked lover's hand.." He moves closer to us, shaking his head. I hadn't realised I was holding onto Angel's hand until he pointed it out. Both of us ignore the gasps from behind us. "And marked again as well." He leans in close to the almost healed wounds on my neck. "Don't you think that's a little dangerous?"
"Together we are strong," I recite, causing Angel to stiffen.
The First's eyebrows raise, his mustache curling upwards in appreciation. "You weren't supposed to remember that."
I shrug at The First/Merrik. "You won't use us again. Everything you stand for, Angel and I represent the opposite."
"And what about all those you've allowed to die." He makes it sound so casual as he gestures toward the Potentials.
"It's called natural selection, and the Slayer line has been going through it since the line began." I return, just as casually.
"That's very cavalier of you, considering your audience."
"Maybe that's what the audience needs to hear."
"There are other ways to get to you, things you have yet to consider, to dare to dream about in your worst nightmare."
I try to look bored. "Haven't we been through this? Only last time you used Jenny's body."
It morphs into Jenny Calendar. "Is this more like it?" It uses her most seductive voice.
Ignoring Giles' strangled gasp, both Angel and I remain focused on what's in front of us. I shrug, "We figured you out the first time, we'll destroy you this time."
That evil smirk on Jenny's face is just too false to fall for. "You're a child, playing with matches." Circling Angel predatorially, it whispers to him. "You've been meddling in my affairs for far too long." It morphs again into a large demonic face before swinging over Angel and I, then dissipating. The girls - including Lilah, I might add with just a touch of sarcastic superiority - cower and scream as Angel and I stand steadfast, knowing it can't touch us.
"That was entertaining." Willow comments from her spot on the floor.
I glance over at her before chuckling at her deadpan comment.
"Buffy?" Angel touches my arm gently.
I face him, knowing exactly what he wants to know, the question and the anguish are written deeply in his eyes. Smiling sadly I place a hand against the centre of his chest, feeling the cool skin beneath my touch, remembering the warmth, the steady beat of his heart. "I promised you I'd never forget, and I haven't."
"How...?"
I shrug. "I don't know, I don't care."
"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was gruff, filled with so much emotion; emotion he kept a tight rein on with others watching.
"I didn't remember right away. I went home, hurting so much from our conversation, wanting to know why. Then the dreams began, little things at first, things that made me think I was losing my mind."
"Like the pier?" He smiles, fighting back tears as mine slowly track down my face.
"That was the first one that made me wonder. I knew it was impossible for us to share a kiss in broad daylight. The dreams didn't stop there, they kept coming until I pieced it all together. As soon as that happened, I remembered it all."
"Why didn't you say something?"
"Because you were right." I have to take a deep breath, trying to keep my voice level. I don't blame him, I don't think I ever have. "You did what you had to do so we could continue helping people. It wasn't our time." I'm hoping he doesn't catch the veiled implication....
"I'm a little lost here?" Wes hands Angel his shirt as Giles hands me mine. I hadn't noticed I was starting to get chilled. "What was The First referring to?"
Angel takes a shuddering breath. "A few years ago, I was human for a day." Giles' eyes bugging out would be laughable on any other occasion. "Long story - short. Buffy and I were talking in my office when a Morah demon crashed in and attacked us. It got away. We went our separate ways to try and find it. Buffy searched the surface while I combed the sewers. I came across it, while fighting some of it's blood mixed with mine and voila."
"The Morah, if I remember correctly has regenerative qualities?" There is awe in Giles' voice.
Angel nods. "Buffy and I had one day together. Doyle discovered what the demon was, and what it represented. Foolishly I went after it alone, it almost killed me, but not until Buffy saved my ass, and it foretold some of what is to come. I went to see the Oracles again, they gave me some more information regarding the End of Days and our roll in it. They told me that since I had become human, she would die - sooner, rather than later." He spoke as if we were the only ones in the room, his eyes glued to mine, begging me to understand. "I asked them to turn me back. At first they refused. Then I explained to them that the Morah had done as it was intended; it took a warrior from their side. With that reasoning, they granted my request. They swallowed the day. Only I was to remember the events so I could prevent them from occurring in the same manner." The regret was tangible. If only we had known what was to befall us. I had died anyway, despite his sacrifice. It wasn't fair. We shouldn't have had to give up our happiness, not to end up like this anyway.
"What are the Morah's roll in the battle?" Wes pushes on, trying to keep us focused, I'll assume.
"They're warriors for the other side, as Buffy and I are for the Powers That Be. Basically they are assassins." Angel continues. "The one she killed said that together we are powerful." A light dawns in both our eyes. It had been successful anyway. We had been separated by necessity of the curse.
"In that case, what did the First mean with his comment about you meddling in it's affairs?"
"That's a question I have no answer to. Might just be playing mind games again."
I look at the group behind us. The Potentials have no idea what we're talking about and are quietly talking amongst themselves. Spike on the other hand - his expression is unfathomable. Rage, jealousy and shock radiate off him. Turning away from my gaze, he storms out of the hotel. I turn back to Angel who is watching me closely, gauging my reactions. It's all becoming too much again, too overwhelming.
"I think this might be an appropriate time to take a break, try to discover more about the End Of Days." Giles suggests.
*
I sit alone in Angel's office, going through one of the many old books he has stashed in here, trying to find something on The First. Angel, Giles, Wes and Gunn are crowded around the reception desk, partly researching, partly debating, partly arguing about God knows what. I'm enjoying a break from it all.
The Potentials who are not used to this level of activity are upstairs. From time to time I can hear them moving about, or coming down for some food. Xander, Anya, Dawn and Will have been sticking close to the girls - maybe they feel an affinity for them. Xander hasn't looked at me since my talk with the First, I probably pissed him off again with my comments.
Cordy and Connor were gone by the time Angel and I awoke. I know that's a volcano just waiting to erupt. Seeing Connor, the way he looks at Cordy, knowing what I now know about them.... I rub my hands tiredly over my eyes. Why can't his son see some of what Cordy sees in Angel? She's been with him for so many years, obviously loves him for them to have considered a deeper relationship, but she has yet to help Connor see that side of his father. I just don't understand it.
The Potentials are growing more distant - which might be a good thing. Wes and Giles seem to be developing a very good working relationship - which is a very good thing. Will, Xander, Anya and Dawn are grounding the Potentials, just as they once did for me. Cordy and Connor will be starting their own family soon - which is hard for me to grasp. Cordy is my age, to be pregnant is a scary thought for me, but maybe that's just my vocation speaking.
Where does that leave me and Angel? Fighting together? Living together? The curse is no longer a problem, but there's still so much between us. And what about Spike? Have we really developed a bond between the three of us, or will jealousy and possessiveness throw that out the window? A sigh escapes me, the book long forgotten in my musings.
"Knock, knock?" Fred's head peeks through the door, allowing Angel's voice to drift in behind her. "Can I talk to you?"
She's so adorably shy. "Yes, please, come in and distract me." I like her, I can't help but like her. She's been through so much, yet she maintains so much strength.
"I, um, wanted to ask you something." She's pacing in front of the desk I'm lying stomach down on.
Moving to sit cross legged, I turn the book upside-down before focusing on her. "Shoot."
"The First, it said you were marked...? Kinda like a vampire mark?"
I smile at her hesitation. "Yup. I've been bitten by three different vamps, four different times. But only Angel has marked me."
Her eyes grow wide as her mouth forms a small 'O'. "How?" She clears her throat. "What was it like?"
"To be bitten?" She nods. "Well, the first time I was sixteen. Angel and Giles had told me that I was going to die - some prophesy or other. I went down to kill the Master, who incidentally was the first to show me that there really is such a thing as 'thrall'. When he bit me, I was terrified, and it hurt so much. I don't remember much else until Xander and Angel revived me." That was a memory I'd long buried. Fred is now sitting in one of the chairs in front of me, listening raptly.
"The second time was Angel. Faith had shot him with a poisoned arrow and the only cure was the blood of a Slayer. That was a battle;" the memories of that night flood me. "He was ready to die, and I wasn't ready to let him go. We fought. He was too weak by that time to put up much of a fight. I was so scared I was going to lose him." I shook my head, trying to escape the memories, not wanting to give too much information away. "I know he tried to be gentle, but there was no way. I remember the sting, and then..." I blush deeply, facing Fred straight on. "You know what they say about how people react to a vampire's bite." I smiled pointedly at her.
"You mean...?" she flounders for a second. "You climax?"
I nod. "I didn't think it would be that way - I didn't feel anything other than pain and revulsion with the Master, but with Angel it was totally different. Maybe because he was marking me at the same time."
"Did you know he marked you?"
I shake my head. "No. I wasn't sure why the scar never healed, until after Dracula."
Her eyes went really wide. "THE Dracula?"
"One and only. Sleazy trickster he is too." Now she's shocked and amazed, possibly that I have the gall to call him names. "He is! He uses all this magick crap."
"So he really can turn into a bat?"
"Sadly, yes. And dissolve into smoke. I staked him, yet he came back twice. Asshole. His thrall is powerful too. He told me my power is rooted in darkness - like his." I shudder at that particular memory. "He came into my room while I was sleeping, like Angel used to do. He sat on my bed and saw Angel's mark, called him unworthy for leaving me, and at that point I was still really mad at Angel for going. Or maybe it had more to do with Dracula's thrall. Anyway, the next thing I know, he's behind me and he's bitten me. That one was painful too, on many levels."
"How so?" She frowns slightly at me, it seems such a misplaced expression on her face.
"Ever since I was with Angel, he's held a part of me," I begin, trying to figure out how to explain my feelings to her. Maybe to myself. "After Angel marked me, I never let anyone near the scar. I was with Riley for a year, and I never let him touch or kiss that side of my neck. I think he thought it was painful." A wry smile touches my lips briefly. "When Dracula bit me, he purposely went for Angel's mark, breaking through it. I was mortified when I realised what he'd done, what I'd allowed him to do." From the look in her eyes, I'm sure she understands. The loyalty, the love I feel for Angel, and the thought of betrayal was almost too much for me after I'd staked Dracula. "No one has touched that spot on my neck until a few days ago, when Angel..."
"He drank from you!?" the squeak was kinda cute.
"Yeah," I nod. "It was wonderful, no real pain, just the sting as he punctured my skin, then I was lost in him until things went black."
"But why...?"
"That's for Angel to explain, when he's ready."
Fred's smile was almost dreamy. "You make it sound so romantic."
I shrug guiltily, "With Angel, it is. But I love him, I trust him completely. Maybe it's the Slayer in me."
"Or maybe it's just what you and Angel have. I can only dream of having someone love me on that level."
I just look at her. "If I'm not mistaken, there's a rather nice looking guy out there that's smitten by you."
She blushes as her eyes dart to the floor. "We were, but something... happened." "Okay, I hate to be nosey, but Angel told me a lot of what's the what around here when we were talking. He mentioned things about you and Gunn. Can I give you a small tidbit of advice?"
"Please."
"This is a nasty and cruel business. You see things and stuff happens that you can't control. Forgiveness is divine. The road to it is extremely bumpy, and for some reason with all of us, filled with gut wrenching guilt."
She giggles, a sound that I would think should be annoying but is actually soothing. She already feels like a sister to me. She looks up, catching Gunn's eyes through the glass, and I watch her smile timidly at him. His eyes widen for a moment before a mixture of love and hope develop in their depths.
Angel waves a hand in front of Gunn's face, startling him slightly. Shaking his head at us, Angel physically turns Gunn's head back to the book they are reading. Fred and I look at each other before busting up laughing.
**
"Ironic, isn't it?"
I glance at Giles from watching Angel and Spike work with the Slayers in training that afternoon.
"How so?" Wes chimes in, not taking his eyes off the group in front of us.
"That the ones periodically fired from the Council are the ones now overseeing the continuation of the Slayer lineage."
I snort darkly at him. "They had no idea."
"No, they didn't." Wes looks at both of us. "I remember coming to you as your new Watcher, thinking I was all that, ready to steer you back onto the proper path. I never apologised for that."
I smile up at Wes. It's been years since I've really spoken to him, looked at him, and he's changed, been hardened by what this life does to you. "You have no reason to apologise. I also remember a time when you boasted to Giles that you had 'even fought a vampire'." I mimic his tone and accent of the time. They both chuckle. "Now, unfortunately, you know what it's like. The Council didn't have a clue and paid the price." Is that bitterness in my voice? Aw shucks, forgive me for my lack of caring.
"They didn't. You were right in your assessment of us. We were a bunch of prissy suits hiding behind numerous books. To use your vernacular." He pauses briefly to watch Angel take down one of the older Potentials with ease then shakes his head, almost laughing at her. "We've learned so much from him; from both of them really. I know we were both rather upset with you when you risked yourself to save Angel's around abouts graduation, but I've never said 'thank you'."
I blink at him for a second. "I did it for purely selfish reasons."
He nods, "I'm aware of that, but look at the results. Those girls will never go through what Kendra did." Pain knifes through me at the mention of her name. "Giles and I have been discussing things. Once this threat has been averted, we will be sending the girls to school, letting them socially acclimatize, as you have." He looks at me fondly. They both do. I feel proud of my accomplishments, of having worked with them. "We want them to have the same love for life that you still carry."
"You guys do know the two reasons for that are standing in this room?" They look at me oddly, uncomprehending what I'm trying to tell them about my own selfishness. I look at my true Watcher - the man I respect with all my being, the man I consider my father in every way. "You and Angel, Giles, you both gave me strength, made me want to live when things got ugly."
"We know." Giles sent one of his knowing-fatherly looks around Wes at me.
"These girls will have so much, I envy them." Both guys look at me like I've sprouted a second and third head. "I was a spoiled brat when Merrik found me. I have to give him a lot of credit for putting up with me. But, in all reality, I think it was his death that truly woke me up. I didn't get it until then. Then when we met," I face Giles straight on. "I was so scared that I would cause your death as well." Realisation dawned in his blue eyes. I remember how soft his eyes had been when I first looked at him, despite everything I now know he has done in his life, he's somehow managed to retain some of that softness and a great deal of his optimism. "These girls, and all the rest that are born into this line, will have a home, a family, a purpose without the fear and the pressures I had. Even if they never get Called, I think they will continue to fight what they know goes bump in the night. We've started something pretty amazing here. Angel and Spike will always be there to lead them, long after we're gone. It's something the Council would never have utilized." Both men snort derisively.
"No, they wouldn't." Giles looks back at the group of girls, all of whom are trying to over power Angel, unaware of Spike sneaking up behind until he grabs a few of the girls, scaring the daylights out of them as he easily tosses them onto the mats; leaving both of said vamps chuckling.
"I was like that." Both heads snap back towards me. I snicker. "Seriously, when I first met Angel and started training with him I was just as clumsy. He taught me how to fight, how to use my strength. I was too afraid of hurting you, Giles. With Angel, once I knew what he was, I let loose." I nod my head back towards Angel. "And he used to laugh at me, just like he is now. It made me so mad. But, he taught me so much. These girls will learn the same. How to use their bodies, their instincts, their emotions to better themselves." I look up, catching Angel flipping one of the younger girls onto a mat, all the while his eyes are on me. I feel myself flush slightly under his gaze, even moreso as I realise he can see it.
"You have a valid point," Wes drags my attention back to him. "Xander, Willow, Cordelia, Oz, Gunn and Fred all proved how valuable civilian helpers can be - before some of them changed of course," he qualifies. "Think of how much stronger we'll be in our fight if we can recruit the Potential Slayers, then keep them helping the battle after their time to be Called has passed. From what I've read, they retain their instincts and hightened abilities."
Giles was nodding along side us, taking this all in, his mind running through all the possibilities and ramifications.
"Buffy?" Angel calls over to me with a grin. It's a challenge and I know it.
I haven't been out patrolling since the Bringers invaded my house and I'm itching to fight. Sparring with him might just be what the doctor ordered. I pull off my shirt to reveal a bra-top; I typically wear things like this when training, why should today be any different? I catch Angel's appreciative gaze as he shrugs out of his shirt. God, it's been so long since I've seen him bare-chested; it takes all my self-control not to stare. I catch the quarter staff he casually tosses at me. Looking over my shoulder, I make sure everyone else is settled at the far end of the workout room. I spot Lilah leaning against the far wall ogling Angel and wondering why she hasn't left yet.
"Ready?" he asks. I nod, focusing on him, his weight distribution, the gorgeous, mischievous smirk.
He taps my stick, testing. Once, twice, three times, he goes for the fourth and I swing the staff under him, trying to sweep him off his feet. His grin widens as he easily avoids. Our staffs clash with bone jarring blows. Both of us are smiling, trying to out manoeuver each other. We are matched equally in strength, this is a game of strategy. How can I upset his balance enough to get him down to stake him? I cartwheel over him as he tries to sweep my feet out. He turns just as I land, my instincts kick in to block his next parry. It's back to trying to out think him. Block, swing, attack, duck - over and over as we play-fight.
Angel takes an aggressive stance, swinging hard, changing strategies. It's almost too late when I figure out why, realising the tingling in my gut has nothing to do with Angel. Without breaking from the grueling rhythm Angel's setting, I kick out behind me, hearing Spike's grunt as I nail him right in the gut, sending him flying back. I hear the girl's amazed reactions and my ego swells.
Angel and I are both breathing hard, laughing at each other's attempts. He swings straight down at me. My arms go up to block. My staff shatters in two from the force of his attack. Simultaneously we throw the quarter staffs off to the side and go hand-to hand. He grabs me, flipping me over his back with ease. Hitting the mat, I roll, using my legs to kick out at him as I right myself. He's quick enough to avoid my legs, but not my punch. I land one on his stomach, the force of it sending him to his ass. I rush at him, he uses his legs to propel me over him instead. We both stand quickly.
I'm breathing hard, brushing my hair out of my eyes, enjoying this far more than I should be. Then again he's breathing hard as well, his smile bright, enjoying this lousy excuse of a sexual frustration outlet as much as I am.
He's a foot or so out of my reach at the moment. I take a step closer and lash out with a fist, he easily blocks with his forearm. I try again with my other fist, again, it's easily blocked. Both fists this time, aiming high and low on his body, hoping to confuse his peripheral vision. He takes the low hit, using that opening to land a hit on my body. I stumble back briefly, searching for another weakness in his stance. I throw small punches again, teasing, testing Swinging my weight, he goes for it, but he knows me, he doesn't fall for my feign, he uses it.
What I thought I saw last night suddenly materialises behind Angel's left shoulder. I freeze as the figure comes into clear view.
Angel pulls the punch in the last second, it's still enough to send me flying across the room.
"Buffy?!" He's at my side, inspecting my bleeding lip as I stare at the figure that has caught my attention. "Buffy?" Angel looks around, obviously not seeing what I am. "What do you see?"
My brain has yet to come far enough out of shock to answer him. I grab a weapon from the bench behind me and fling it. It goes through the smirking figure to imbed itself in the wall.
"You failed him you know. Just like you fail everyone else." The First casually leans on the wall, using Merrick's tall, lithe body and voice. I can't stop the scowl.
"Maybe, but I more than redeemed myself by saving Angel from you." I feel Angel tense behind me, figuring out what's happening. "Why don't you show yourself to everyone. If you're going to put on another show, why not entertain everyone?" I stand slowly, Angel following my lead.
"Jesus," Angel voices as I assume The First comes into his vision.
"Tut, tut, look at you; half-naked clinging to your half-naked lover's hand.." He moves closer to us, shaking his head. I hadn't realised I was holding onto Angel's hand until he pointed it out. Both of us ignore the gasps from behind us. "And marked again as well." He leans in close to the almost healed wounds on my neck. "Don't you think that's a little dangerous?"
"Together we are strong," I recite, causing Angel to stiffen.
The First's eyebrows raise, his mustache curling upwards in appreciation. "You weren't supposed to remember that."
I shrug at The First/Merrik. "You won't use us again. Everything you stand for, Angel and I represent the opposite."
"And what about all those you've allowed to die." He makes it sound so casual as he gestures toward the Potentials.
"It's called natural selection, and the Slayer line has been going through it since the line began." I return, just as casually.
"That's very cavalier of you, considering your audience."
"Maybe that's what the audience needs to hear."
"There are other ways to get to you, things you have yet to consider, to dare to dream about in your worst nightmare."
I try to look bored. "Haven't we been through this? Only last time you used Jenny's body."
It morphs into Jenny Calendar. "Is this more like it?" It uses her most seductive voice.
Ignoring Giles' strangled gasp, both Angel and I remain focused on what's in front of us. I shrug, "We figured you out the first time, we'll destroy you this time."
That evil smirk on Jenny's face is just too false to fall for. "You're a child, playing with matches." Circling Angel predatorially, it whispers to him. "You've been meddling in my affairs for far too long." It morphs again into a large demonic face before swinging over Angel and I, then dissipating. The girls - including Lilah, I might add with just a touch of sarcastic superiority - cower and scream as Angel and I stand steadfast, knowing it can't touch us.
"That was entertaining." Willow comments from her spot on the floor.
I glance over at her before chuckling at her deadpan comment.
"Buffy?" Angel touches my arm gently.
I face him, knowing exactly what he wants to know, the question and the anguish are written deeply in his eyes. Smiling sadly I place a hand against the centre of his chest, feeling the cool skin beneath my touch, remembering the warmth, the steady beat of his heart. "I promised you I'd never forget, and I haven't."
"How...?"
I shrug. "I don't know, I don't care."
"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was gruff, filled with so much emotion; emotion he kept a tight rein on with others watching.
"I didn't remember right away. I went home, hurting so much from our conversation, wanting to know why. Then the dreams began, little things at first, things that made me think I was losing my mind."
"Like the pier?" He smiles, fighting back tears as mine slowly track down my face.
"That was the first one that made me wonder. I knew it was impossible for us to share a kiss in broad daylight. The dreams didn't stop there, they kept coming until I pieced it all together. As soon as that happened, I remembered it all."
"Why didn't you say something?"
"Because you were right." I have to take a deep breath, trying to keep my voice level. I don't blame him, I don't think I ever have. "You did what you had to do so we could continue helping people. It wasn't our time." I'm hoping he doesn't catch the veiled implication....
"I'm a little lost here?" Wes hands Angel his shirt as Giles hands me mine. I hadn't noticed I was starting to get chilled. "What was The First referring to?"
Angel takes a shuddering breath. "A few years ago, I was human for a day." Giles' eyes bugging out would be laughable on any other occasion. "Long story - short. Buffy and I were talking in my office when a Morah demon crashed in and attacked us. It got away. We went our separate ways to try and find it. Buffy searched the surface while I combed the sewers. I came across it, while fighting some of it's blood mixed with mine and voila."
"The Morah, if I remember correctly has regenerative qualities?" There is awe in Giles' voice.
Angel nods. "Buffy and I had one day together. Doyle discovered what the demon was, and what it represented. Foolishly I went after it alone, it almost killed me, but not until Buffy saved my ass, and it foretold some of what is to come. I went to see the Oracles again, they gave me some more information regarding the End of Days and our roll in it. They told me that since I had become human, she would die - sooner, rather than later." He spoke as if we were the only ones in the room, his eyes glued to mine, begging me to understand. "I asked them to turn me back. At first they refused. Then I explained to them that the Morah had done as it was intended; it took a warrior from their side. With that reasoning, they granted my request. They swallowed the day. Only I was to remember the events so I could prevent them from occurring in the same manner." The regret was tangible. If only we had known what was to befall us. I had died anyway, despite his sacrifice. It wasn't fair. We shouldn't have had to give up our happiness, not to end up like this anyway.
"What are the Morah's roll in the battle?" Wes pushes on, trying to keep us focused, I'll assume.
"They're warriors for the other side, as Buffy and I are for the Powers That Be. Basically they are assassins." Angel continues. "The one she killed said that together we are powerful." A light dawns in both our eyes. It had been successful anyway. We had been separated by necessity of the curse.
"In that case, what did the First mean with his comment about you meddling in it's affairs?"
"That's a question I have no answer to. Might just be playing mind games again."
I look at the group behind us. The Potentials have no idea what we're talking about and are quietly talking amongst themselves. Spike on the other hand - his expression is unfathomable. Rage, jealousy and shock radiate off him. Turning away from my gaze, he storms out of the hotel. I turn back to Angel who is watching me closely, gauging my reactions. It's all becoming too much again, too overwhelming.
"I think this might be an appropriate time to take a break, try to discover more about the End Of Days." Giles suggests.
*
I sit alone in Angel's office, going through one of the many old books he has stashed in here, trying to find something on The First. Angel, Giles, Wes and Gunn are crowded around the reception desk, partly researching, partly debating, partly arguing about God knows what. I'm enjoying a break from it all.
The Potentials who are not used to this level of activity are upstairs. From time to time I can hear them moving about, or coming down for some food. Xander, Anya, Dawn and Will have been sticking close to the girls - maybe they feel an affinity for them. Xander hasn't looked at me since my talk with the First, I probably pissed him off again with my comments.
Cordy and Connor were gone by the time Angel and I awoke. I know that's a volcano just waiting to erupt. Seeing Connor, the way he looks at Cordy, knowing what I now know about them.... I rub my hands tiredly over my eyes. Why can't his son see some of what Cordy sees in Angel? She's been with him for so many years, obviously loves him for them to have considered a deeper relationship, but she has yet to help Connor see that side of his father. I just don't understand it.
The Potentials are growing more distant - which might be a good thing. Wes and Giles seem to be developing a very good working relationship - which is a very good thing. Will, Xander, Anya and Dawn are grounding the Potentials, just as they once did for me. Cordy and Connor will be starting their own family soon - which is hard for me to grasp. Cordy is my age, to be pregnant is a scary thought for me, but maybe that's just my vocation speaking.
Where does that leave me and Angel? Fighting together? Living together? The curse is no longer a problem, but there's still so much between us. And what about Spike? Have we really developed a bond between the three of us, or will jealousy and possessiveness throw that out the window? A sigh escapes me, the book long forgotten in my musings.
"Knock, knock?" Fred's head peeks through the door, allowing Angel's voice to drift in behind her. "Can I talk to you?"
She's so adorably shy. "Yes, please, come in and distract me." I like her, I can't help but like her. She's been through so much, yet she maintains so much strength.
"I, um, wanted to ask you something." She's pacing in front of the desk I'm lying stomach down on.
Moving to sit cross legged, I turn the book upside-down before focusing on her. "Shoot."
"The First, it said you were marked...? Kinda like a vampire mark?"
I smile at her hesitation. "Yup. I've been bitten by three different vamps, four different times. But only Angel has marked me."
Her eyes grow wide as her mouth forms a small 'O'. "How?" She clears her throat. "What was it like?"
"To be bitten?" She nods. "Well, the first time I was sixteen. Angel and Giles had told me that I was going to die - some prophesy or other. I went down to kill the Master, who incidentally was the first to show me that there really is such a thing as 'thrall'. When he bit me, I was terrified, and it hurt so much. I don't remember much else until Xander and Angel revived me." That was a memory I'd long buried. Fred is now sitting in one of the chairs in front of me, listening raptly.
"The second time was Angel. Faith had shot him with a poisoned arrow and the only cure was the blood of a Slayer. That was a battle;" the memories of that night flood me. "He was ready to die, and I wasn't ready to let him go. We fought. He was too weak by that time to put up much of a fight. I was so scared I was going to lose him." I shook my head, trying to escape the memories, not wanting to give too much information away. "I know he tried to be gentle, but there was no way. I remember the sting, and then..." I blush deeply, facing Fred straight on. "You know what they say about how people react to a vampire's bite." I smiled pointedly at her.
"You mean...?" she flounders for a second. "You climax?"
I nod. "I didn't think it would be that way - I didn't feel anything other than pain and revulsion with the Master, but with Angel it was totally different. Maybe because he was marking me at the same time."
"Did you know he marked you?"
I shake my head. "No. I wasn't sure why the scar never healed, until after Dracula."
Her eyes went really wide. "THE Dracula?"
"One and only. Sleazy trickster he is too." Now she's shocked and amazed, possibly that I have the gall to call him names. "He is! He uses all this magick crap."
"So he really can turn into a bat?"
"Sadly, yes. And dissolve into smoke. I staked him, yet he came back twice. Asshole. His thrall is powerful too. He told me my power is rooted in darkness - like his." I shudder at that particular memory. "He came into my room while I was sleeping, like Angel used to do. He sat on my bed and saw Angel's mark, called him unworthy for leaving me, and at that point I was still really mad at Angel for going. Or maybe it had more to do with Dracula's thrall. Anyway, the next thing I know, he's behind me and he's bitten me. That one was painful too, on many levels."
"How so?" She frowns slightly at me, it seems such a misplaced expression on her face.
"Ever since I was with Angel, he's held a part of me," I begin, trying to figure out how to explain my feelings to her. Maybe to myself. "After Angel marked me, I never let anyone near the scar. I was with Riley for a year, and I never let him touch or kiss that side of my neck. I think he thought it was painful." A wry smile touches my lips briefly. "When Dracula bit me, he purposely went for Angel's mark, breaking through it. I was mortified when I realised what he'd done, what I'd allowed him to do." From the look in her eyes, I'm sure she understands. The loyalty, the love I feel for Angel, and the thought of betrayal was almost too much for me after I'd staked Dracula. "No one has touched that spot on my neck until a few days ago, when Angel..."
"He drank from you!?" the squeak was kinda cute.
"Yeah," I nod. "It was wonderful, no real pain, just the sting as he punctured my skin, then I was lost in him until things went black."
"But why...?"
"That's for Angel to explain, when he's ready."
Fred's smile was almost dreamy. "You make it sound so romantic."
I shrug guiltily, "With Angel, it is. But I love him, I trust him completely. Maybe it's the Slayer in me."
"Or maybe it's just what you and Angel have. I can only dream of having someone love me on that level."
I just look at her. "If I'm not mistaken, there's a rather nice looking guy out there that's smitten by you."
She blushes as her eyes dart to the floor. "We were, but something... happened." "Okay, I hate to be nosey, but Angel told me a lot of what's the what around here when we were talking. He mentioned things about you and Gunn. Can I give you a small tidbit of advice?"
"Please."
"This is a nasty and cruel business. You see things and stuff happens that you can't control. Forgiveness is divine. The road to it is extremely bumpy, and for some reason with all of us, filled with gut wrenching guilt."
She giggles, a sound that I would think should be annoying but is actually soothing. She already feels like a sister to me. She looks up, catching Gunn's eyes through the glass, and I watch her smile timidly at him. His eyes widen for a moment before a mixture of love and hope develop in their depths.
Angel waves a hand in front of Gunn's face, startling him slightly. Shaking his head at us, Angel physically turns Gunn's head back to the book they are reading. Fred and I look at each other before busting up laughing.
