Hey, finals are still ruining my life. ;) I really needed a break though, that's why there is a new chapter. I hope you enjoy :). Thank you for the reviews on the previous one. Reply to the guest who asked if I was allowed to reviews myself: no, why would I do that? And if I want to reply to another user's review, I usually send a message to their account at this site.
The title of this chapter is from the lyrics of 'Mine Again' by Black Lab. Addie's POV in the whole thing:


All the secret things you said

You hadn't believed Mark would ever do anything like that, but two days ago he asked you to be his girlfriend and it just made you smile from ear to ear. You took the bouquet of red roses from his hands, shrugged and answered:
"Why not!"

But when he put his arms around you, your lips found his ear and you whispered:
"Of course."

He bent you back, kissed you in this all romantic fashion and when your lips parted, you just remained looking at each other, smirking, and the first thing you could think of saying was:
"If I tell anyone this actually happened, nobody will believe me."

You chuckle and he does too:
"Addie, this side of Mark Sloan is reserved just for you."

I'm not dreamin' or stupid,

I think I've been hit by cupid.

But no one needs to know right now.

(Shania Twain – No One Needs to Know)

...

But...today reality settles in. You two are heading to the hospital to work your shifts and you don't really feel comfortable, because...well, because you feel the whole Lexie thing is still too fresh for many people and as soon as they find out, they're gonna speak behind your backs and once again, you're gonna be the heartless bitch, you're sure. But you can't vocalize your insecurities to Mark, because bringing up Lexie is unimaginable for you.

First thing you do in the morning is go to daycare with Henry and when you're walking down the hallway, Mark walks by your side and he actually carries him. Of course, few nurses notice and you two instantly become the topic of the month. When you come to the daycare, Mark sees Zola and Sofia, so he says hello to them and he makes these daddy-like gestures like tickling them or talking to them pretending to be the teddy bear he's holding. You smile, but you experience the sinking feeling in your stomach, once again reminded of what could have been. You head into the locker room together in silence, you change to the scrubs, but before either of you goes to work, he comes and gives you a quick kiss.

"See you later."

You smile, but while pulling your hair to the ponytail, you say to yourself that you will seriously need a thick skin today.

...

The first thing you do is discharge Meredith Grey.

"Addison, I can't thank you enough," she says holding her baby Bailey close and stroking his hair.

But you wave it off with a small smile and you say:
"Thank Miranda."

Surprisingly it isn't awkward at all. Interactions between you and Meredith somehow feel a little more normal with each passing day.

...

But the pleasant feeling disappears when you're treating the next patient. At first, you walk into the room and you see a woman, who on the first sight seems perfectly okay and she doesn't look like she's pregnant. You learn from her chart that she's actually a few weeks along in the pregnancy and she was there just overnight, because of some minor problem they wanted to monitor.

"Good morning, Mrs. Carlos, I'm Dr. Montgomery. Well, I believe we might be able to discharge you today. I'm gonna prepare the papers and Dr. Wilson..." you nod toward your intern of the day, but the patient interrupts you:
"Sorry Dr. Montgomery, but may I...discuss something with you? ...in private?" she eyes Jo and the nurse in the room. You turn to them and start forming some words, but they both understand and leave. You're anxious for what woman has to say to you.

"You know, doctor, this is..." she gestures to her stomach, "I'm pregnant with my fourth kid and...I...it's too much, I really don't believe, I'll be able to handle that. I'm 44 and I mean...Tom, my husband, he's just lost a job. And the kids don't have any grandmother nor grandfather anymore. And Lucy, our youngest...she's got problems in school all the time, she's not very well behaved. And Tamara...she's diabetic. And John...we have to pay a lot for his school. We're getting by, but...I don't know how to handle all this," she gestures to his stomach again, "I...I'm thinking about having an abortion more and more."

You don't think you've heard correctly. You somehow manage to ask:
"And what does your husband think about that?"

She looks down, but then back at you and she answers, her voice not changing:
"We...well, we haven't discussed it yet," this feels so familiar, but at the same time so strange and for some reason a hundread times more wrong, "...but it's not...I'm gonna tell him! I am! Just...Dr. Montgomery...do you think you can schedule an abortion for me?"

You seriously don't believe it. Well yeah, you have a history and you're an OB/GYN, so you share the opinion that women should make decisions regarding their own body, but you really don't get how can any woman just put it up like that, kill her baby for all the wrong reasons. You're 44 yourself and you would give anything to have three kids and the fourth one on the way with the husband you love. But you wasted that chance and now all you can say is:
"Mrs. Carlos, I don't... Think about the decision some more, reconsider it, okay?"

"Doctor, I don't believe you're getting what I'm saying. I mean, do you have any kids?"

You realize the tone of your voice is really cold:
"Yes, I do and that's why I can't imagine doing this," you don't talk about the options or whatever, because you can't think of the world where a grown-up woman with three kids doesn't know her possible choices and the possible outcomes (not that she needs anything apart from a good OB to continue monitoring the pregnancy).

"If you still decide to...abortions are normally done at specialized clinics, we don't do them here in the hospital unless it's medically recommended. And you know...if you have some other questions, Dr. Wilson will answer them," you point at the door behind which your intern disappeared and at this point you've got tears in your eyes and you leave.

And then you once again regret and lament over lots of things. You wipe your eyes carefully so you don't ruin your makeup and you head to the nurses station.

...

"...How can she be so heartless?"

"She's...trying to make him..."

"...Making him betray his love..."

"I mean...she's actually seducing a grieving man."

That's what you hear among the crowd of nurses in the hallway and you know exactly who they are talking about. You swallow the lump in your throat and when you see Miranda Bailey standing at the nurses station, you quickly walk to her.

"Hey Miranda, how's your day?"

"Addison, good thing you're here! I was hoping to see you...I have one patient, a twenty years-old girl with a massive abdominal trauma. Well, she has been in a car crash, she was sitting in the front, next to the driver, his braking was very fast which caused some damage, but still not fast enough, they hit something and she suffered a stab wound to her abdomen, We are currently working on her spleen and liver, because we found damage there immediately, we haven't paged you but...I believe we're also gonna need a gynaecologist. Can you come with me?"

You didn't think your day could be worse, but...hell, at least you didn't have your abdomen stabbed in the car crash! So you rush with Miranda and you somehow manage to put your full focus on the patient, because there are lots of things you aren't, but one thing you are no matter what – you're damn good at your job.

The girl really suffered a trauma to her liver and spleen, mostly due to the braking. Her stomach has been stabbed, but Miranda and Richard manage to handle it. You don't know how exactly, because you're busy trying to take control of any possible damage to the uterus or ovaries. Thankfully you don't find anything serious. Well, there is some bleeding, it looks like the thing that stabbed the girl missed one of the ovaries by just a few inches. But you manage to save it. This small victory actually makes you happier and you get through the rest of the day with genuine smile on your face.

...

But when the long-awaited end of the day finally comes and you're changing to street clothes in the attending's lounge, you are still pretty much looking forward to go home. And then Mark comes in.

"Hey, Red."

He places a quick kiss on your lips, goes to pick up the clothes from his locker, brings them to the bench next to your locker and he starts changing there.

"How was your day?"

Your head is full of insecurities regarding your relationship...or well, people's reaction to it...but you don't feel like uttering them. You talk about the girl you saved, being quite proud of yourself and when he responds:
"That's my girl," with a smirk, you tell yourself that you don't care about the stupid talks. Only it's already like the fifth time you think that today and you have problems believing it still.

Normally you really wouldn't care, but this is a sensitive subject and today wasn't a good day, honestly. Anyway, Mark's waiting till you finish putting on your street shoes ("Seriously Addie, with each shoes you wear I think those are the highest heels you have, but you always manage to surprise me.") and then you are on your way out together. In the hallway you of course spot people who are staring at you – nurses and also doctors, staff from your department, people whom you know and people whom you don't. But they all definitely know Mark, the plastic surgeon, who lost his girlfriend in a plane crash and he came back from the death himself. And they most likely also know you, the former wife of Derek Shepherd, Satan, who had worked somewhere south for five years and came back here right after Mark's girlfriend died and...well, maybe you're being ridiculous, but those thoughts are seriously eating your insides. But when somebody points your way, Mark also notices and he simply says:

"Addie, take my hand."

"What?"

But he's not gonna let it be like this. You suddenly feel his fingers entwine with yours, he kisses the top of your head and with his words: "It's okay," you put your head on his shoulder. And then you two go to the daycare together, take Henry and go home.


Yeah, it can't simply be a pure fluff. I hope I did the people's reactions justice. I'm gonna deal with those of some particular characters in the next one. By then, please tell me your opinion. ;)