Lang pounded the door of the mansion like a madman.

Saras had finally managed to rest normally when a vicious pounding came from the doorway. He got up, muttering dark, ineligible words under his breath.

The door swung open and Lang, not noticing the much smaller mammal, barged past bellowing 'JIN!'.

In retaliation to what he thought was an attack, Saras snapped his mouth over the lupine's tail. Lang holerred from the pain and felt stupid. Of course the Wu sisters would booby-trap the place with- he turned to see a little fox. He screamed louder than before and leapt backwards.

"JIN YOU IDIOT! YOU WENT AND MADE A BABY!"

Su Wu's eyebrows almost flew off her face. Had everyone gone mad? What was Lang doing here? And what was Kanbujian attacking him for?

"Wait." Wing advised. "I want to see this."

Then Lang spotted them and ran over. "This is an emergency!"

"I am not pulling him off your tail!" Wing snapped instinctively.

"Hei Zei's following Jin! And if he sees Jin and Wan together he's going to loose it! Did they leave, or are they here?"

"They left." Su snapped into action mode. "Wan said something about Waterfall Into Bed, some fancy romantic restaurant. We need to get to them before Hei Zei." It felt odd, thinking of the raccoon after so many years. They had been close... Once.

"Right! Let's go!" Lang was clearly in a panic.

"I never thought I'd see the day you came running to us for help." Wing said loudly.

Lang growled, and acted like himself again. Pulling Saras off of him and tossing him across the room. "I don't need your help. I just needed to know where they were."

"Yeah sure. You needed our help."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Bickering all the way the three raced off in the direction of the restaurant.


Hei Zei bought an apple and sat at the riverside. Chewing on it he felt somewhat lost. Jin had vanished, which confirmed that he was hiding something. The racoon didn't know whether that was a good thing. On one paw he was right. But that didn't really make him feel better.

After he had left the volcano, bounty hunting had not gone well for him. The Imperial Army had no need for one third of the Brotherhood. He had brought in some rogues, but none of them had really made much of an impact in his career. And the Masters Council took so much credit in beating the Wus that it seemed everyone had forgotten who had imprisoned them in the first place. He had quit after bringing in a trio of young assassins who called themselves the Wo Brothers. The sniggering had followed him all the way out the camp.

He had taken up wandering through China and thinking of the meaning of life. But that didn't pay for food. The worst part was when he had been forced to steal to eat. For a while this was a good life, until the nostalgia of the Thieves Guild had caught up with him.

Finally when he met up with Lang his life took a turn up again. Noone could snigger when they brought the Shadow Bandits to justice (though maybe if they learned how they would have) and after a few months they were back in business. That was when the rumours had creeped in. Jin the Assassin. Described as tall, over-the top and deadly from a range.

Lang had dismissed the idea that it was their former colleague, and Hei Zei had agreed... Only not entirely. Was he right about that too?

A growl from his stomach told him that he'd need more breakfast, and spying a nearby restaurant he threw the applecore into the river and strolled towards it, trying very hard to push thoughts of Jin to the back of his mind.


Chibiki hated 'Waterfall Into Bed'. The sickly sweet perfume made him cough, and the music set his teeth on end. But Buruto liked it and it had been the gorilla's turn to choose a place to eat. The black bear wished dearly that he had gone to check on Sutoaraiki instead of Izumi. That bobtail hated the place as much as he did, but she had found an excuse to ditch them and he hadn't. His paws tightened into fists. Life really wasn't fair.

"Will you be ordering anything?" Another reason he disliked the place was that it was technically speaking, 'couples lonely' and he really didn't appreciate the looks he and Buruto were recieving. One old man even had the audacity to stand up and clap for them.

"Yes. Something cheap and something I can eat quickly." He growled.

The waiter nodded. "It's proper policy to tell you that we offer wedding receptions, music, bouquets-"

Chibiki dragged the waiter to eye-level. "Shut up and get the food."

"Y-yes sir." Disgruntled, the waiter walked off.


"Go away!" Saras moaned as the door was rapped smartly once more. Wondering how to disembowel the postal service, he opened the door.

"Well hello, sugar-sama." The bobtail was leaning against the doorway in a seductive pose.

Saras closed the door on her face and decided to go back to sleep, yawning widely.


Izumi scowled and shot a glare at the hornet. "Great plan Sutoaraki! Seduce him, you said. It would be easy, you said. Can I just kill him for Amaterasu's sake!?"

"No! We need to know what he's up to!" The hornet hissed. "And those other three are proffesionals."

Izumi scowled further. "I swear this should be Chibiki's job! I'm a killer, not a prostitute!"

"It's not like I'd be any better!"


The knocking continued. Growling in frustration Saras opened the door.

"Well hello, sugar-sama." Sutoaraiki sounded utterly deadpan.

What the hell was in that tea? Saras slammed the door shut on his face.


"I've seen rocks more seductive than you!" Izumi barked, shooting a badly-aimed knife at the hornet, who only just dodged.

"Were they tanuki statues by any chance?" The next knife barely missed.

"I swear, if you let me go at him he'll be begging in an hour!"

"And if you turn him into a tablecloth the other three will be out to get you. No, we're gathering information Izumi."

"Don't you have a truth serum or something?" The bobtail snapped.

"Now there's an idea! I have this for slow-minded-ness and this for wakefulness. If he's not thinking straight he'll sing like a drunk bird! I'm brilliant! Only... It has to be ingested."


"Wow! This place is so beautiful!"

"The food is the best. They make these little heart-shaped rice-dumplings."

"Aw I'll think of you every time I eat them!"

"Aw, I already do that!"

The restaurant was actually very beautiful. The chairs were piles of fluffy pillows, the tables were made of dried palm-sugar, and was perfectly edible. In the center of it was a wonderful fountain shaped like the nine-tailed-fox Amaterasu, cherry syrup flowing from each of her tail tips. The whole place smelled of romance-cherry blossoms and sugar- and candles shined behind red lanterns, giving the whole place the aura of a sunrise.

"Can you actually eat a table?" Wan asked, her claw dancing elegantly on the tabletop.

"Bits of it. If you eat the whole table you get to carve your names into the wall."

"But we can do that anyways." Wan giggled.

Jin nodded ferverently. "I already did." He pointed at the wall. Inside a clumsily-drawn heart were the names Wan and Jin. "I had to break in at midnight to do it." He neglected to mention that this was after he had failed to eat an entire table.

"You broke into a restaurant for me?"

"I'd break into a castle for you!"

"The next time I break into someplace, I'm going to carve our names into the wall!"

"Aw! I love you so much!"

"Me too!"

Then the whole restaurant echoed them with a big 'D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAW'.


Except for Chibiki. He gagged. When I become a warlord, the first thing I'm going to do is burn this place to the ground. He needed to step outside for a while. "Excuse me Buruto-san." The black bear stood up and walked out the restaurant. On his way out he spotted a raccoon, heavily bandaged, arguing with one of the restaurant's workers.


"What do you mean it's couples only?" Hei Zei snapped, his arms crossed over his chest in anger.

"I mean that we don't serve singles." The bored worker explained.

"And what if I'm expecting someone to join me?"

"Wait outside." The person replied in the same bored voice.

Hei Zei growled and turned to leave. He stalked off to the river bank, hissing at his bad luck. Everyone in Japan it seemed, was an idiot.

To stop his mind running back to the Jin predicament he tossed a coin at the bear.

"Yuan for your thoughts."

The bear caught it and growled. "You know when you get a simple job, like digging a hole, and then you realize that you're trying to break a boulder with your shovel, you're sinking in quicksand and you're digging in the wrong place, anyways." He threw the coin into the river with a lot of force. "What about you?"

"Well, you know when you haven't seen someone in a long time and then you meet up all of a sudden and you realize things can never be the same again, you're just left feeling... Awkward." Hei Zei sighed. "Life's not fair, is it?"

"No. It's not."


The knocking was back with a vengeance. Growling, Sara's hopped to his feet, walked to the kitchen and picked up the heaviest wok he could find. He padded back to the door, threw it open and brought the wok down at the bobtail standing there.

Izumi dodged the violent swing. Snarling she drew three knives and slashed wildly. To her surprise the fox blocked with the wok (in truth the heavy metal had slipped from his grip), and caught all three blades. Clearly this fox knew what he was doing!

Spinning around she caught the side of his head with a roundhouse kick, laying the vulpine flat onto the ground.

Sutoaraiki buzzed up to his comrade, a phial held in his arms.


"He's not here." Su said, frowning from the window. "Though Jin and Wan sure look like they're having fun."

"No surprises there." Wing said, her eyes sealed shut.

"Well that's a relief." Lang breathed deeply. Then growled. "Now I don't have to spend time with you anymore."

"Like we came running to your mansion!" Wing snapped.

Then the window opened, and a rabbit dressed as a geisha beamed at them, and motioned for them to enter.

"Let's get out of here." The three said in unison.


Footnote: It's funny how the original Heist wasn't even a comedy, but 'Humour' fits the bill of this fic better than anything XD And if you thought this was funny-just wait till the next chapter MUAHAHAHAHA!

Also I'm not explaining Sutoaraiki's tanuki joke here-or anywhere else. I assume you can figure that out. :)

Enjoy