Well, I have to say it myself : I am getting more excited about this story! I have planned a few bits about it in the future, but so far, we're playin' it by ear.
Hope you enjoy and check out my story "An Intense Dark Side" and the newest one "Forever Love"!
Hope you enjoy em all!!!
Previously...
Shaking my head I asked, "What the hell are you talking about, Alice?"
She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "Edward loves you, Bella!
I snorted, ignoring her. "He does not, Alice, he barely knows me!"
"You see?" she asked, taking steps forward, clearly pissed. "You are wrong, Bella. You are so wrong! Your too blinded by that dumbass Jacob to see what's really in front of you! Your trying to hold onto something that is never there, someone you doesn't want you! When will you see you need to move on!?" She was shouting at me now, and I just stared at her stunned and hurt. Even when I was about to say something she continued. "Jacob is a loser! Sure, you might not know a lot about Edward, but he's been more coherent then you for the past few days, weeks. He's talked and visited and been so nice to us all! And you know what? He talks to Jasper and Emmett and he's told them he is in love with you and he won't stop until he wins you over. And that was just revealed today!" Alice let out a big breath.
After I moment of indecision I said, "Alice, what do you want from me?"
She exhaled, frustrated and sad, looking like tears might pour. "Bella," she said slowly. "I know you don't know anything about Edward, but you should give him a chance. He may be a," she hesitated. "He may be a womanizer, so said Jasper, but he's never loved any other girl like he loves you. Emmett even told me!"
I launched up from my bed. "No! Alice, I don't love him – I love Jacob."
This time she stood up too and launched into her high voice, yelling at me again.
"No, Bella! Your drowning in the life you wish you had with him. You may think you can just waltz back in his life with a baby that isn't his and pretend like everything's okay. Like he never broke your heart and cheated on you over and over again – chances are he'll do it again! Nothing can go back, don't you understand that? That baby belongs with its father, too! You cannot not tell Edward this is his baby."
"Its not your choice," I snapped. "Its my baby. I can do what I want."
"Then you'll be a horrible mother!"
Those words stuck in the air like glue, whipping around me and caressing me into a burn. The reality of the situation never hit of course, but now I was beginning to wonder. Could I handle a baby? Alice's words struck a painful nerve of reality. No, I can't. I can barely wake up in the morning for work! Well, could wake up in the morning. I don't have that job anymore. I stared at her for what felt like an eternity before she started crying and ran from the room. She would tell Edward, and I knew it. What was I going to do? Because, as much as I hate to admit it, Alice was right. I couldn't fake this baby was Jacob's. I couldn't pretend that it wasn't Edward's (and not just because it wouldn't look like Jacob). I felt my own tears start to form as I heard a door slam downstairs. Alice was going for her comfort ride.
Now I was in a jam. There were two sides and – putting aside Alice's harsh but ture words – there were two possibilities.
Side one: Jacob Black.
We'd been dating for forever once I finally allowed myself to actually love him. We were happy, and I had huge plans for our future together. Kids, marriage, a long and happy life together. But he had what I guessed to be a massive womanizer side. He led a double like with a woman named Tonya and never told me. The only time we started to see less of each other was when he stated the life. There was never nothing I could offer to get him to stay home with me instead of going out with friends, getting drunk or getting it on with Tonya. I wasn't sure of his feelings anymore. He left me for Tonya in the first place, so he couldn't possibly love me that much. But I still didn't know his feelings. If I called and stated that I was pregnant with his baby, would he take me back and believe me? Or when the baby's born, would that give it away? What would he do then? If I even went back to him would he want me enough to stop his old ways? I didn't believe it, now that I thought.
Side two: Edward Cullen.
To mend the sour taste Jacob left behind we hooked up before I realized he was Rosalie's brother. Then we had another encounter, sexually, and an alcohol consumption together (now doesn't that just cream "possibility?"). But we never spoke really aside from that. We never ran into each other. I'd seen him around a bit, but not enough to say I knew him. Alice said he loved me. But did I love him? Did I even like him? He seemed determined and with a glance he looked like a sweet kind of guy. But I started to resent him after that hook up and we met again unexpectedly. If I gave him the chance, he would probably take it if he actually...loved me. Would he want a baby, though? It would be a shock I knew that much. Edward didn't really do anything bad to me, but I started to worry if he was a womanizer. Maybe there was a possibility...
Oh God, look at me! I'm thinking of Edward positively! Because...he actually didn't do anything bad, I realized. And then something else hurtled itself at me.
I may not love him 00 I was sure of that – but I did have feelings for him. I could feel it, and it scared me. So suddenly I was having feelings for someone I hated just seconds ago. Ugh, love stinks – love!? What am I talking about? I started pacing the room with tears in my eyes. Love? Did I love him? Could I love him and not know it because I'm too focused on being blinding by what my life could be in another world? In my dreams, where Jacob didn't use me? I froze as my thought cleared.
"No..." I tried to convince myself. "No, no, no, no, no..." Yes! my mind screamed. I fell to my knees.
I love Edward.
Yes, I barely knew him and my mind was saying that I hated him, but now that I was finally seeing clearly, that was wrong. Looking past Jacob and what had been going wrong with his womanizer ways, I did love Edward – I had instant feelings for him. It was possible it could have been love at first sight, but I was too blinded by another world, a world where Jacob and I could be one. What would happen now? I was lost in a better but harder world.
Crawling up from my knees I sat down on the side of my bed, linking my hands together and watching the floor. What now? What was there to do now? I just quit my job, so money would be tight, I'm still hurting because of Jacob, and in love with another man. Oh – and pregnant. For a second I almost decided to go see Edward, but I quickly shut that idea off. What could I do about Edward? If we loved each other...and had a baby together...I shuddered. It all meant one thing. And maybe I would have let all that in to think about had my phone not rang. As I opened it I wanted to cry and deny that I couldn't have Jacob.
He'd texted me a picture. And that alone made me want to jump up and hide. Wiping the tears from my eyes I opened the text and the phone dropped from my hand while tears dropped from my eyes. "You have to be over him," I mumbled repeatedly, running to through my mind. "He's not worth the tears, he's not worth it."
Jacob texted me a graphic picture of him in bed with another girl, not Tonya even. "Alice was right," I breathed. Jacob is a womanizer after all. It was obvious they were having sex or about to or just done or whatever. But I just didn't like it. How could I have not seen what he really was? Why had I been so blind!?
After much more debating I lurched to my feet and quickly changed into a pair of black boyshorts and a tightly fitting white tank top – because something told me I would need the appeal – and a push-up bra (like I said, appeal). With a deep breath, allowing my anger to flare up from pain and hurt, I stomped out of my room, slamming the door behind me and down the stairs. Rosalie was sitting on the couch alone and half-fixated on the TV. She looked up as I grabbed my glasses (I can see pretty well without them, but they can successfully distract me sometimes) and started toward the door.
"Bella, what's going on?" she asked, stopping me in my tracks. "Why did Alice come down the stairs crying? And where are you going dressed like that?" Her eyes looked pointedly at the tank top that showed a slightly inconsiderable length of midriff. I shrugged indifferently.
"Fresh air," I quickly said, and was out of the door before she could say something else. I don't know what my plans were or how I was going to do this, but it all had to be done. But still, by any means, I didn't want everyone knowing that this baby was Edward's until the time was right. I mean, I already decided to tell Edward its his, we should all be happy for that. However, I still had to wait for Alice to return and thank her. If it weren't for her, I would still be in the dark about how I felt about Edward and how Jacob is. I wouldn't be walking down the hall to their apartment. I had a lot to thank her for and a lot to make up for. I would gladly to that all.
Crossing my arms over my chest I walked up to the door and hesitated. Slowly and shakily I knocked on the door. To be fair I'd never really seen or spoke with Edward sober, because we really only met three times. How I could love him that fast, I don't know, but it happened. Here goes nothing.
"Hey, Bells," Jasper said as he opened the door. "Are you sober yet?"
I rolled my eyes. "Gee, thanks. And no, not completely." I pushed past him and into the messy apartment, hearing him mumble, "Oh yeah, please come right on in." I smiled for a second, but faded when I saw Emmett. How much should we be betting that he will make some kind of "smart" comment? Comments?
"Come to finish the fuck?" he called while sipping this beer and peering at me from the corner of his eye. I walked up to him and slapped him in the back of the head, nearly choking him with the sweet liquid I was suddenly craving. "What the hell was that for?" He coughed with the liquid down his throat. Sex jokes. Ugh.
Pointing to Emmett with one hand and Jasper with the other, I jerked my finger to the door. "You and you – out!" I commanded.
"Oh, so you are here to finish the fuck?" Jasper asked, sitting beside Emmett.
"No," I snapped loudly. "Get your asses out of here because I need to take to him. Rosalie's in our apartment. She has a secret for you guys." Well, they would figure it our eventually, so might as well help them out. "Its about me, so I'm sure you guys will love it." Emmett nodded in agreement. Jasper just stared.
"Uh," Jasper said. "Do we want to know?"
"Yes," I said impatiently. "Now get your asses out now or you will be so sorry."
"Fine. Eddie's in the shower." Emmett stood. "But its not because I'm scared of you." Jasper followed him to the door while picking up a box of beer. I looked at them with raised eyebrows. Before they were out the door Emmett said, "Well, we don't want you guys drunk again and you guys drank all of the alcohol over there, so." He shrugged, ducking under the doorframe.
Jasper added, "There's condoms in Emmett's top drawer!" There was a round of laughter that I didn't find funny before the door closed and it faded. Thank God.
With a deep breath I headed upstairs to do the hardest thing in my life, though I really didn't know what I was truly doing.
Okay, it was kinda short and lousy, but the next will be longer and more exciting! I promise. I already started it and its alreayd longer then this one. There is a lemon too....or maybe two....
Review!!!
-Mickey!
