Sorry. I've been at camp all month with no internet! Gasp! Well, anyway, here's part 3. I'll do 4 more segments on the four different places they go...and perhaps one on how they get home, with the plane and all. Oh well, we'll see.
Why Warriors Shouldn't Go On Vacations Part: 3
"Tigerstar. Tiiiigerstaaaaar".
Tigerstar groaned and rolled over.
"Wakey wakey ".
More groaning.
"Wake! Wake up!", Firestar hollered in his ear. Tigerstar bolted awake.
"Who's attacking who? Thunderclan? GRRRR!"
Firestar nodded. "Good alertness. Excellent form, but you might want to take the curlers out before you start threatening anyone."
Tigerstar mumbled some curses I dare not repeat and plucked the pink curlers out one by one.
"What do you want Mousebrain?"
"Oh!" Firestar squealed. "I want chocolate cake, a cherry soda, and a partridge in a pear tree...medium rare."
"No, no! I'm asking why you woke me up at this unruly hour!"
"Oh. That." Firestar frowned. "I can't remember".
[cue face palm]
Tigerstar bit back his anger. He knew if he killed Firestar, the vacation would be over. That would suck, but at this point killing his enemy looked real good.
"Well, if your up, we should get breakfast", Firestar pipped up. So the pair headed down to the dinning room.
"Nice set up". Tigerstar noted, taping the oak desk. The dinning hall was elegant, with velvet curtains and chairs (which he was itching to claw up) , laced table cloths, and a roaring fireplace in the centre. The warriors were in line, waiting to be seated. Casually, Tigerstar glanced at the signs.
NO
DOGS
ALLOWED!
(cats welcome)
Children not
permitted
"Dang!" Tigerstar grinned, "Guess you can't come in, Firestar".
"Ha. ha." Firestar hissed. "Very funny".
"This way please", a catriss smiled (Catriss? Waitress? Get it? Giggle Oh, never mind.).
The catriss lead them to a table and gave them each a menu. "I'll be back in a minute to take your orders. Can I get you anything to drink?"
"Bloody Mary!" Tigerstar roared.
"Oh. Uh, waters fine". Firestar whispered.
The catriss took their orders and left. Firestar glanced at the menu.
Menu
Items Prices
Mouse...1 Mouse
Rabbit...1 Rabbit
Cow...1 Cow
Frog...1 Frog
Bird...1 Bird
Fish...1 Fish
"Okaaaaay", Firestar exclaimed, "Worlds most pointless menu".
"Hello sir, may I take your order?" The catriss smiled.
"Yes, I would like the cow", Tigerstar stated.
"That will be one cow sir".
Tigerstar yanked out a cow and threw it to a surprised catriss. Once she had overcome her shook, the catriss pulled out a plate, set the cow on it, and served it to Tigerstar.
"And for you?"
Firestar thought (Yah, I know. Surprising, as Firestar doesn't think much). "I'll have another water". He got water.
"Now, gentlemen, what will it be for dessert?
"TIGER ICE CREAM!" Tigerstar hollered, causing several other cats to stop and stare.
"Water", Firestar sighed.
A few minutes later, she came with the bill. She turned to Firestar. "May I ask you one tiny question?"
"Shoot".
Suddenly, some random dude yelled, "STOP! Don't shoot! I'll give you my money!"
"No". Firestar face palmed. "I meant go ahead and tell. But, one second thought, I'll take that money".
"No".
The catriss smiled. "Sir, why is it you always order water?"
"Oh". Firestar grinned sheepishly. "So I can go wee, wee, wee all the way home".
Suddenly, several pigs trotted over. One was dressed for the market and another was dressed in P.J.'s. Th other two were fighting over roast beef, but the smallest one came up to Firestar and cried, "That's my line!" He kicked Firestar and scampered off.
"Awwwwkward!" Tigerstar mumbled.
"I'll say", Firestar added, rubbing his shin. "Hey, let's find out where we are going on this nut job of a cruise".
"Okay"
So the two wandered down to the captain's quarters. There they found the captain, first mate, and several other assorted crewmen playing Spin The Bottle.
"Okay", the captain was saying, "Everyone pick somewhere they want to go".
The captain spun the bottle. It landed on a crewmen with buck teeth and long bushy brown hair.
"Squirreland!" He hollered gleefully.
"Aye", the crew echoed, "Squirreland!'
"All right, Squirreland it is", the captain agreed.
"Squirreland it is!" Roared the crew.
"Would you stop that?" Snapped the captain.
"Stop it!" The crew cried.
The captain rapidly began hitting his head against the nearest wall.
"Uh, what are you doing?" Tigerstar asked to no one in particular.
"DOING!" Sang the crew.
Tigerstar, who patients was already worn thin, pulled out a chainsaw and started to chase after the crew.
Firestar sighed and padded up the the captain. "What are you doing?"
"Hitting my head on a wall".
"No. What were you doing?"
"Yelling at my crew".
"No! Before that. Ugh! Never mind".
"Oh! You mean Spin The Bottle! Yah. We were planning where we are going on this cruise".
"Oh. Where?"
"Here's a schedule.
Schedule for the SS Unlucky
(I know, get name for a ship)
Day 1 Leave port
Day 2 Jelloland
Day 3 Nothingland
Day 4 Eviland
Day 5 Squirreland
Day 6 Return to port
How many of you caught the Madagascar line played by King Julian? Anyone? How about my joke about the piggies at the dinning hall? You know that thing. This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home... Ugh! Never mind! [eye roll]
