Author's note: Hello everybody! So sorry I haven't posted in such a long time! Here's the new chapter finally. :) I'll try to post more regularly. Please follow and review!


Chapter Twelve

Four:

My mind reels. My… sister?

I look back at this child that supposedly shares my blood. I can see it now that I know. The tan skin, dark hair, hooked nose… She has dark, almost black eyes like Evelyn. So she's Evelyn's daughter. My sister, but not Marcus's daughter. I look back at my mother. Inside me, panic, anger and frustration flare up in alternating waves. I thought we were finally going to be able to move forward; I thought I was rebuilding my family with Tris and Evelyn and the few friends I still have. These things were supposed to get simpler now, not even more complicated. How can Evelyn have kept this from me all this time?

My eyes wander back to Tin of their own accord. She's very pretty in the way that a child is and there's a light in her eyes that somehow reminds me of Tris. She seems to look at me in affection. She knew. Evelyn must have told her she has a brother and it looks like she liked the idea. Do I like the idea? I see this small, fragile being and all I can think of is Marcus's fists hitting me over and over again. What if I am like him? What if I hurt her?

All of these thoughts and emotions course through me in an instant. Before I begin to choke on the rising panic, I take hold of my anger and growl at Evelyn, "What? Why didn't you tell me?"

Evelyn's eyes are filled with guilt and fear, but she remains firm. Good, because she'll get no pity from me this time. "I was afraid. No one except a handful of the factionless knew about her and I was worried what might happen if others found out. When you joined us in the fight, I thought about telling you every day, but I never managed to find the right time, the right way. And then you were gone before I knew how to tell you."

"I think you had enough opportunities, Evelyn!" I nearly shout.

She shrinks back slightly, but doesn't back down. "Maybe you're right, Tobias. But it didn't seem that way to me at the time." Her eyes squeeze shut for an instant. "Does it matter now?"

I exhale, trying to release some of the anger, trying to regain some composure. "Who's the father? The man you had an affair with?"

Evelyn looks worriedly at Tin for an instant, but turns her attention back to me. "Yes. I told you before that was why I left, but in truth that was only part of the reason. I knew I was pregnant. And I knew it wasn't Marcus's child. I was afraid what he might do if he found out, so I left before anyone knew I was expecting another child."

It makes so much sense. I always thought my mother left me at Marcus's mercy so she could save herself. But now I know she left to save this child. She sacrificed me because I was older and at least had the minimal protection of being Marcus's trueborn son in order to protect the baby growing in her womb. The thought makes me feel numb inside. Maybe I should feel jealousy or resentment towards this girl whose own well-being was placed before my own, but all I can think is how difficult this decision must have been for Evelyn. I see my mother in a completely new light. At the core, she really is Abnegation. I always saw her leaving as selfish, but now I'm beginning to think it was probably the most selfless act of her life. For the first time in my life I agree with her leaving. I just wish she could have found a way to take me with her.

It's only early morning, but I already feel weary. If I had always known this. "Why did you lie to me, Evelyn? Why?"

My mother doesn't reply. She just looks at her hands in her lap.

"Why do people call you Four?" Tin speaks up suddenly in her child's voice. I look at her.

After a moment Tris answers. "It's because he only has four fears. Part of the training to become Dauntless involves going through simulations in which you have to face your worst fears. Most people have at least ten fears, but your brother only has four. It's the least that anyone knows of, so they gave him that nickname. All the Dauntless know him as Four."

Tin looks at Tris while she speaks. She wants to know what Tris has to say, but it's easy to see she doesn't like her. I wonder why. Then Tin looks back at me.

"So you're the bravest Dauntless?" she asks.

I feel awkward under her gaze of affection and admiration, like she has some image of me I won't live up to. "Bravery isn't about not having fear. It's about acting in the face of fear, about not letting fear overcome you."

Tin's gaze is intense as she thinks about this, then she nods. "So someone with a whole bunch of fears can also be brave. How many fears you have doesn't matter."

"Yes," I respond.

"I still think you're brave," she whispers shyly and looks away. I can't help but smile. There's something strong and fierce about this child, but she is also just a child.

"Thank you," I answer embarrassedly.

Evelyn and Tris have been watching our interaction with great interest. They share a look for a moment and then Tris speaks up. "Evelyn, would you like to walk with me for a while? You said you came here because you wanted to talk to me and the doctors say I should move around as much as possible." Evelyn nods and the two start to get up before I completely understand. They want to leave me alone with her.

"No," I say loudly and stand up. Everyone jumps back slightly in surprise. "No, you don't have to leave. I … I have to go now anyway. I said I would go to the greenhouses today. You can stay and talk to Tris without me, Evelyn."

Without another word I leave. As I pull the door closed behind me I see looks of bewilderment in Tris's and Evelyn's eyes and pure hurt in Tin's dark ones.

(page break)

Tris:

I watch the door shut behind Tobias. Part of me wants to go running after him, to console him and offer him comfort and advice. Another part of me is deeply disappointed. I know this is confusing and difficult for him, but can't he see how much his sister loves him?

Evelyn and I share another look. She too is disappointed. It's strange that we've become allies in this so quickly. I guess she is thinking of Tin and wishes she can finally have her brother in the flesh, but I think Tin would be really good for Tobias, too. He might need her as much as she needs him.

"How long have you known about Tobias, Tin?" I ask her. She just looks at me angrily. I can see unshed tears glisten in her eyes.

Evelyn's brows draw down in frustration. "She's known for over a year. I told her before I went to Dauntless to see Tobias for the first time after leaving Abnegation. It was very hard to keep her away from him while you were both with the factionless. I sent her to stay with some friends in a completely different part of the city during the fighting and several times she tried to run away from them so she could see him."

Tin just crosses her arms and looks sullenly at the floor. She tried so hard to see him and now he just walks away from her once they finally meet.

"Tin, please don't feel hurt because he left. It's not because of you." I say gently.

"How do you know?" she spits out.

"I know. I know him very well." I answer, but I already know this isn't a good way to respond. Tin just lets out a doubtful sound.

Evelyn does a better job of answering the question. "She's right, Tin. It's not your fault he left. What reason could he possibly have not to like you? He doesn't even know you yet."

"Then why did he leave?" she asks, the hurt spilling into her voice. One solemn tear rolls down her cheek.

"I think Tobias is just… scared." I answer after a moment. This finally makes Tin look up. I wish she hadn't though, because her little face is screwed up in pain and contempt. It makes my stomach sink.

"He only has four fears and you think he's afraid of me?" Her thin voice is shrill and loud and full of accusation

"I don't think he's afraid of you, I think he's afraid of the idea of having a little sister. He's surprised and confused and doesn't know what to do. I think he's afraid he'll do something wrong." I try to remain calm, but her manner towards me is gradually unsettling my nerves.

Tin crosses her arms again and looks back at the floor.

I look at Evelyn. My eyes demand an explanation. Evelyn sighs heavily and then touches Tin on the shoulder, "Kristin, sweetling, I'm sorry things haven't been going as planned, but I'm sure this will all get better in time. Let's give your brother some time, ok?" Tin just keeps looking at the floor.

Evelyn continues, "I'm going outside with Beatrice for a moment to have a word with her. You stay here. We'll be just in front of the door." With that Evelyn gets up and motions me to follow her. I follow and leave the room, close the door and we stand across the hall facing each other.

"Beatrice, I came to see you because I was afraid how Tobias would react to seeing Tin. Now I know I was right to worry." I open my mouth to speak, but she lifts her hand to stop me. "Let me just say a few things first, then you can share your thoughts." I incline my head for her to go on. "I've been spending some time with him lately and I realized some things. He was very clear the first time we met that he would only have me in his life if I accepted you. I was already expecting this demand, but I guess I still thought that perhaps this great love you claim was some temporary thing. I thought I would only have to put up with you for a while and eventually you two would break up and move on, whereas I will always remain his mother. It would be cruel of me to even suggest such a thing while you were just recovering from nearly being dead, so I simply let it be and decided not to speak of you at all while we were together. But soon I began to notice that Tobias really does love you. I can hear it in his voice when he says your name and I see it in his eyes when he talks about you. He didn't say much, but I began to get the feeling that you are actually good for him. There's something dark and twisted inside him and I suppose you know that, but you love him anyway. I've been thinking about these things for a few weeks. I even spoke to your friend Christina and to his friend Zeke about it because I wanted to get different opinions. They both agree: you two love each other and you do Tobias good. He's calmer, less aggressive, more open and just happier with you."

Her words sink into me. None of this is new, but that warm, soft feeling of love and affection spreads through me again. Everyone agrees – we belong together.

"I admit Beatrice, so far I have not liked you. I think you're stubborn, you think you're always right and you can't obey orders. You believe you're being independent and strong when in truth you're being reckless. But you are also very young and when we met we were all in a quite extreme situation. You lived your entire life in calm Abnegation, then you experienced Dauntless training and a war. I suppose anyone would have a hard time dealing with that. I'm a grown woman and have been through much more than you and I still committed a great many mistakes during the war."

I try to accept her criticism as she speaks and see myself through Evelyn's eyes. It isn't easy. She seems not to notice how arrogant she sounds, saying these things to me in such a cold, matter-of-fact way. But her last sentence makes my eyes widen in surprise. Evelyn smiles ruefully at the look.

"You see, I have been thinking a lot. Being here in this place and looking back at our lives in the city like it was all some big game – it has made me rethink many things. Including my own actions. But now that is all behind us. You could have died in that Weapon's lab – should have died by all accounts – but you didn't and here we are. Tobias loves you and he trusts you more than he trusts me. And I realize that, while you haven't known each other very long, you also probably know him better than I do. That's why I came here today. I wanted to tell you these things and ask for your help in introducing him to Tin. The second part has been ruined of course, but I still wanted you to know what I think."

It's a lot to take in, but I am thankful for Evelyn's honesty. She may not like me, and perhaps she never will, but she accepts me. And not in that grudging manner of someone who doesn't have any other choice. Her acceptance is born of seeing that our love is real and that it is good for Tobias. It's more than I expected really.

"Thank you, Evelyn, for telling me this. And thank you for choosing to trust me. I'm sorry it didn't go as planned."

We stand awkwardly in the hall. It feels like some truce peace was just signed and both sides are trying to forget all the hurts of the past and just focus on the present. But finally my bewilderment and frustration from earlier on return and I have to ask, "Evelyn, why does your daughter hate me?"

Evelyn sighs. "It's complicated, but I may be partly to blame for that." She looks at the door as if she could see her daughter through it. "Kristin has had a difficult life. Growing up factionless is never easy, and she's small for her age so the bigger kids always gave her a hard time. And there was the whole story with her father. She always wanted to know who he was, what he was like, everything about him. I told her some things, as much as I thought I could, but I never told her the complete truth. Then one day he found us. Tin was seven then. He was with a group of Abgenation volunteers but he managed to get separated from them and somehow he found me. He said he had been looking for us all these years. We met secretly several times and he got to know Tin. She fell in love with him. After a few months went by like this he told us he was going to leave his family in Abnegation and come stay with us. He had already spoken with his wife about it. Tin was so happy, we were finally going to be a family. But he never came. He simply never came. I even managed to go to where he works to see him, but he just passed by me as if he didn't know me. After that I told Tin he wasn't coming and that he had decided to stay with his wife and two children. I think somehow in her mind she decided that his wife had somehow convinced him to stay.

The next few years were very difficult for her. She started getting into fights all the time, she ran away several times, she was always in trouble. When I told her the truth about my past and Tobias for the first time she started screaming that she hates him, she hates him. After a long time I finally managed to get out of her why – she cried that he was her brother and he didn't care about her just like her dad. Then I told her that Tobias wasn't like her father, that he didn't even know she existed, that she hadn't been born when I left. That calmed her down and ever since then she has loved him. She constantly asks me questions about him and not a single week went by that she didn't ask me when they would finally meet."

Her story makes the pieces slowly fall together in my mind. I feel like I understand both Evelyn and Tin a bit more now and it makes my heart ache slightly. Such a sad story. But it still doesn't make complete sense. I don't know how to respond to the information about Evelyn's past, so I just jump straight to my question.

"And where do I play into this?"

Again, Evelyn's first response is a sigh. I can see she doesn't want to answer, but then she says, "I saw Tin a few times during the war. I would go visit her sometimes when I was visiting the outlying groups of factionless. And one of those times I mentioned you in her hearing…"

My eyes narrow. "You 'mentioned' me?"

"Yes. I was talking to someone else and I was frustrated about how things were going and then I said something about you and Tobias. Tin asked who you were and I answered 'Tobias's stupid girlfriend'." Evelyn looks slightly embarrassed and I feel my cheeks heat up, but she just presses on, "Then she asked why you're stupid and I said 'Because she thinks Tobias is hers.'" She falls silent and looks at the door.

I understand. "Tin thinks I'm going to try to keep Tobias away from her, like her father's wife did."

Evelyn pinches the bridge on her nose. "She's never said so herself, but I think so, yes. I didn't think anything of it then, but soon I started to notice how she always got angry when anyone mentioned your name. On our way here I asked Amar in private about you. He told me what had happened and I tried to talk to Tin about it. But she is very stubborn, she wouldn't relent in the slightest. None of my attempts so far have had any effect on her. I thought if she knew that I don't hate you, it might help her let go of her anger. But it didn't." Evelyn looks at me with apprehension creeping into her expression. "I'm sorry if I caused this situation, Beatrice, but I think you have to convince her yourself."

Finally the last piece of the puzzle falls into place. That's why Evelyn brought her daughter along. She wanted me to help her find a way to tell Tobias all this without upsetting him too much and she wanted to give me a chance to make Tin like me, or at least not hate me anymore. I look at the door of my room. I guess this is my chance.

(page break)

Tobias:

I wipe sweat from my forehead with my sleeve. A huge pile of dark, rich earth stands before me. I've spent most of the morning carrying shovels of soil from this large pile outside to different places in the greenhouses and just finished filling the last bed I was told to fill. The autumn harvesting is through and now the gardeners are preparing for the winter farming season. During the winter everything is grown in the greenhouses with special heated lights that simulate spring and then summer temperatures. By the time real spring comes there will be another harvest.

I'm thankful for the task. My muscles ache, my lungs are burning and my mind is clear. I've had several hours to think of the events this morning. I can see now that what I did was very cowardly. I was afraid so I ran away from the situation. It seems like there will always be some new challenge to encounter in life and that it's no good ever feeling comfortable where you are. I wonder vaguely if I should be called Five now and whether a little dark-haired girl fills my fear landscape. Perhaps it would still be the same fear of me turning into Marcus but this time I would be beating her. The thought makes me shiver.

I hear a bell ring. Then a head pops out of the nearest green house and calls out to me, "Lunch time!" I drop the shovel and join the people that are all walking towards a nearby building. I like the feeling of this place. It's a calm and simple life these people lead, but without the stifling conformity of the Abnegation or the exaggerated cheerfulness of the Amity. These are people that have found their place in this world and are content with it.

Once we reach the small dining hall for the farming department, I go to the adjacent restroom and wash my hands. Then I get a tray of food and take a seat at an empty table. A couple soon sits at my table, but they just smile in greeting and continue their conversation. All around me people talk and laugh and eat. It feels so normal.

Once I'm done, I get up and place my tray on a moving belt that brings the trays into the kitchen. I go back outside. I'm not sure what to do now since I've completed my task, so I go to the building next door which is something like the leading center of the farming department. The man who gave me my instructions and showed me around this morning said I could find him there. I try to remember his name as I walk through the pale sunlight. A small pile of snow next to the walkway – one of the few remaining – makes me smile thinking of the snowball fight with Tris this morning. Just then, I bump into someone standing on the path in front of me.

"Excuse me," I say ducking my head in Abnegation habit.

"Mr. Eaton!" the person says, "Just the man I was looking for." I look up. It's the man who showed me around earlier. What was his name?

"Oh, hello," I answer awkwardly. He takes my hand and shakes it.

"Ronald Nolten was my name." At my embarrassed look he says, "Don't worry, I'm sure you've been meeting lots of new people lately and have to remember plenty of names. So how was your morning?"

He's a short man with skin nearly as dark as the soil I was carrying into the greenhouses. His small black eyes are lined with tiny wrinkles and seem to have seen much. "It was ok," I answer.

"Did you finish the pile?" he asks.

I stare at him incredulously. I spent hours carrying wheelbarrows and shovels of it and the pile hardly looks smaller than before. Suddenly Ronald laughs at my look. "I'm joking, Mr. Eaton," he says. I smile hesitantly.

"Well, let's have a look at what you've done so far."

We walk back to the greenhouses in silence and then I show him which plots I've filled already. He inspects each one shortly and seems satisfied each time. Once I see him stop at a plant we pass by – he turns a leaf over in his hand and then pokes around at the base of the plant near the soil. I know he is seeing meaningful signs each detail of the plant. Finally he sighs and we continue on.

"Good job, Mr. Eaton, you finished all the beds that need to be filled for now. I think that's enough for today. If you come back at the same time tomorrow, we can continue from there. I'm sorry I didn't have the time to show you more, but tomorrow I can spend the entire morning with you and we can start teaching you some things about the plants." He smiles at me pleasantly. I reach out my hand to shake his and thank him, then head back towards the main compound.

It's a thirty minute walk from the greenhouses to the hotel. I walk briskly, enjoying the cool, fresh air. I was almost sad Ronald sent me home now because it means I will have to deal with Tris, Evelyn and Tin sooner rather than later. I try not to think about and it and just observe my surroundings.

I go straight up to my room and take a shower, washing all the soil away. There's still dirt under my fingernails so I try my best to get it out with my fingers and wonder where I can get some tooth picks or a nail file here. I suppose this would become a daily ritual if I chose to work in the greenhouses. It's almost two o'clock. The nurse said Tris's physical therapy would be at ten today, so she should be in her room now. I decide it's the best place to start so I head over to see her.

I see Caleb rushing down the hall when I leave my room. He should be working at this hour. Everyone has been working for a few weeks now – Caleb and Cara are being trained for lab work with Matthew. Christina works security in the afternoons and evenings and Peter is working at a library. Even Zeke and Shauna started working last week and they haven't been here long. Zeke is also in security and Shauna works in an office in the IT department. Apparently she's also really good with computers. Zeke's mother Hana has been unofficially doing a lot to help all the new people who come in from the city, but I guess she too will have to find a job soon.

I push thoughts of Caleb and the others aside and rush to the hospital. I hope Tris isn't mad at me, though I guess she has reason to be.

I slow down when I near her room. The chance is slight, but I would rather not run into Evelyn unexpectedly again. But the door to Tris's room is slightly open and I see she is inside sitting on her bed alone. The sun shines in through her window making her hair glow yellow. Even after all that happened today, the sight of her makes me smile. I knock lightly on the door and she says "Come in," in her clear voice without turning away from the window to look at me.