The word was out. An informant had pointed the Volturi in the direction of a horrible event unfolding right now in the presence of the Cullen coven. There would have to be bloodshed.
First all of the Volturi had to load their things into the limousines, which took forever because the guards kept fighting, so Marcus had to sit between them and separate them. And Jane couldn't find her good gloves, so they were half an hour late to the airport. The gloves would turn up a week later, in the pockets of her second-best coat, which had been at the dry-cleaner's. These were very good dry-cleaners who didn't ask too many questions about the numerous bloodstains they had to wash off.
"We have to go," wailed their informant. "The problem's getting worse with every second."
Aro waved airily. "Don't worry. We'll be off in no time."
The plane flight over was horrible. Some tourist in the next row spilled a chili dog all over Alex's best war robes, and of course the airline only offered drinks for humans, nothing for vampires. Caius and Marcus passed a motion to slaughter everyone on the plane if that three-year-old in the row behind them shrieked again, but Aro vetoed it.
This was all before the plane even got off the ground. There was a three-hour delay, and the bus in America left without them, so they ended up hanging out in baggage claim for another hour while Aro argued on the phone with his wife and finally decided that they should never put the guards on another plane again, and ordered a new bus.
And then, of course, they couldn't go to the Cullens right away. There was a dispute between vampire covens in Maine, which they had to settle. On the way back, the guards all started whining that they wanted to see Niagara Falls, so they stopped in New York for the day.
The rest of the trip progressed in much the same way. Felix began collecting monogrammed towels and little bottles of shampoo from all the hotels they visited, but after 1,624 stops the bus was getting crowded and Marcus made him throw them out.
"I can see your attachment to these souvenirs," he could be heard saying at the back of the bus as Felix fumed and stomped around. "But I can also see that the people on the bus are growing irritated with your actions, and as a result your relationships with Jane and Demetri are becoming strained."
(It was so much fun to talk to Marcus.)
Around that point, the National Society of Vampire Hunters caught up with them and it was necessary to have a little chat, during which they partially destroyed the tourist center at Mount Rushmore. And Aro and the guards hadn't even finished their tour.
Caius took to lying down in the bus with a towel over his head for long periods of time.
Much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much later they finally made it to Forks.
"We're honored to have you here," said Carlisle, eyeing the bedraggled group. "I beg your pardon, but we expected you two years ago. I'm afraid the situation has blown over."
Aro sighed deeply. "You have no idea what it's like trying to travel with these people."
