Disclaimer: "Detective Conan" belongs to Gosho Aoyama, and "Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon" belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.
This is an alternative story to my other fanfic "Encounter in Venice" and one of the possibilities of what could have happened if Ai had taken the antidote before Shinichi brought down the Organization.
Thanks a lot to my friends and betas Rae (Astarael00) and SN1987a and the Aicoholics on LiveJournal, without whom I would never have started this fic.
This chapter has been betaed by aritzen (SN1987a), who hasn't only kept me motivated for years but is even betaing the long fic now that it has ended. I can't thank her enough!
FS
g.
Ghost at Twilight
(edited version)
g.
One thing I've learned...
One thing I've learned about Kudo during my time as Haibara Ai is that it's no use trying to ask him about things he doesn't want me to know. Once Ran told me in resignation that the only way to find out what her boyfriend was hiding was to keep a weather eye on him and make an effort to guess his thoughts. An optimistic approach with which she succeeded at times but more often failed miserably! In my opinion, there is a better way to sound Kudo out.
"You're trying to save the tale for your beloved Ran-nee-chan, aren't you?" I smirk at him. "It sounds like one of these corny saccharine stories about ghosts that return to the world of living and eternal love that lasts beyond the grave, things you could tell her while watching cherry blossoms together in Ueno-koen. Or have you already told her during a beautiful sunset?"
"No, and I can't believe I almost told you about it!" He glares at me. "It would have been utterly wasted on your cynical ears."
"I think my cynical ears have already heard about it, anyway. So, which version do you think Ran will like more? The love at third sight or the love that kills?" I ask and instantly regret that I've mentioned both versions to him.
"I don't think we're talking about the same thing," he remarks tersely, without trying to elaborate. Too eager to lure him out of his reserve, I must have overdone it because he only shoots another brief, irritated glance in my direction before leaving me for the sofa.
Unsure whether I should be glad that he didn't ask me for my two versions of the story or whether I should be disappointed at my failure, I continue filling AHAH, telling myself that he is behaving like a diva tonight and that I pity Ran for having to deal with him.
However, curiosity tends to get the better of me whenever I'm bored, and there are few tasks more tedious than filling APAH...
"Well," I sigh. "What's so extremely cringeworthy about a simple ghost story that you can't tell me?"
"Nothing," he coolly says, "except that it's not the type of story you're interested in."
But I am interested in it, I assure him, especially because I think I know about it—or at least I do know a story about a ghost, which is also called "Ghost at Twilight".
I certainly would never have thought of telling Kudo about the ghost at twilight if he hadn't mentioned it on his own. And even now, after telling him that I know about it, I'm only recounting the stranger's version to him in exchange for his version, taking care to omit all traces of the version Gin had told me. Since I prefer talking to Kudo about his private life and not mine, telling him about my version of the ghost story would have seemed to me like revealing to him intimate details of my past.
"I don't know that version," he says after I've finished, "but I prefer it to mine. The one I know is much simpler and less optimistic."
"Since I've told you the story I know, aren't you going to tell me your story?"
From the corner of the sofa, Kudo flashes a half-victorious, half-mischievous smile at me. And for a moment—despite my poor memory for faces—the image of the stranger I met tonight suddenly appears vividly before my eyes.
"You're dying to know it, aren't you?"
"I am, not because I want to hear a fairy tale but because there is something so extremely embarrassing about it that you want to hide it from me."
He is not trying to hide anything, and there is nothing embarrassing about it, he vehemently protests, making me wonder whether I've accidentally hit a nerve while teasing him.
A person who has died during a special sunset can, if they're unable to let go of their past life, return to the world of the living for a day to say farewell to the person they loved, he finally tells me. The ghost stays for only one day, unnoticed by other people and its own love, and disappears during the following twilight. In a way, it's indeed about love beyond the grave if I wanted to take it literally...
"So... is it the sugary fairy tale you expected it to be?" he asks after an awkward silence. "Before you make fun of me, you should know that I didn't make it up."
No, I reply, thinking that hearing it feels anticlimactic after all the fuss he has made. It's only depressing and disappointing. "Why is it called 'Ghost at Twilight' if the sunset doesn't even seem to play an important role in it? And what's so special about that sunset, anyway?"
"Because the sun doesn't go down before the pair meets," he says as a matter of fact, wiping away an invisible speck on his jeans.
"How handy!" I laugh. "So, if they don't meet, the sunset would last forever?"
"Don't ask me!" He smiles at me in relief, and I finally have an idea why he didn't want to tell me. It probably would have been less distressing to him if the sun had not happened to disappear just when we met.
"Who told you the story?" I ask him, pretending to be too immersed in the process of filling APAH to notice.
"A client who claims to be a witch," he says in a deadpan voice. "Her housekeeper lost her magic book, which I retrieved for her. She was so happy about it that she told me the story, asking me to repeat it to the first woman I meet during the last moments of a sunset..."
"... who happens to be me. At least it seemed to have been an interesting case," I observe although I'm sure that he has definitely made it up this time.
"And it wasn't as easy as it sounds! Some lunatics have a special talent for misplacing things where you would never expect to find them. But who told you your story?"
Somebody I met in Ueno-koen while waiting for him, I tell Kudo. A stranger and I started a conversation, as it would have been awkward to sit on the same bench for hours without saying a word.
"What's his name?" Kudo asks, returning to the bar to help me clean up my utensils now that I've filled the whole bottle and closed the lid.
"I don't know. But how come you know it was a man?"
"Because of the ghost story." He smiles to himself. "It was most likely a man who told you. How old was he?"
"About my age, only slightly older or younger than me. I'm not sure, though. He had the type of face which will probably look the same in twenty years."
"He was probably interested in you," Kudo grins, "that's why he made up the ghost story."
"Very unlikely," I remark, thinking that you usually don't tell a woman you like about the other woman in your life in the first minutes of your conversation. "He wasn't interested in me at all, at least not romantically."
"Really? I don't think so. His version of the story is the ideal one to pursue a pretty stranger one has met for the first time. Just tell her a romantic fairy tale about love at third sight and then make sure to run into her two more times before the sunset of the following day ends. Seems very smart and manipulative to me!" Kudo happily snatches his new batch of APAH out of my hand before I can hand it to him. "Thank you! I wouldn't survive if it weren't for these! Concerning your mysterious stranger..." He gives me an ironic smile. "At least his efforts show he was immensely interested in you even though you didn't seem much interested in him if you haven't even noticed. Was he so unattractive?"
"On the contrary!" I glare at Kudo, irritated by his insinuation that I would have been interested in a good-looking man I've just met. "He was much too attractive for my taste. I've never had a thing for pretty boys, not even for actors and idols when I was younger. But he also had a very beautiful voice and didn't say stupid things. I could have listened to him for days!"
"You are strangely defensive about a random guy you just met," Kudo thoughtfully remarks. "So he has run into you again after your first encounter?"
"No, he hasn't." I smirk at him, ignoring the fact that I only met the stranger tonight (which still leaves plenty of time until tomorrow night before the next twilight ends) and that the stranger actually did ask for my phone number.
"Are you disappointed that he hasn't?" Kudo asks with a chuckle. Luckily, he doesn't seem serious about it.
"Do I really look so desperate for a boyfriend to you?" I frown at him with the most indignant face I can pull without looking ridiculous.
"No, but you are completely smitten with someone you don't know," he says solemnly. "Unreasonable infatuation doesn't suit you! I'd have never expected you out of all people to fall in love at first sight."
We stare at each other in mock tension until I give in.
"Stop that nonsense now! It's getting ridiculous!"
"Sorry!" He smiles, giving my arm a friendly pat. "But it did sound real when you said you found him attractive."
"I did, and I've met plenty of other attractive people in my life. But beautiful people are to be looked at, not to be loved."
"I forgot that it's only his housekeeping skills which really count."
"How could you! Although I might sacrifice that for someone with a nice and relaxed attitude."
He would never have expected me to say that, Kudo exclaims in genuine surprise. Aren't I the one who said that there is no one who could meet my expectations?
Sure, but that doesn't have anything to do with the fact that I like laid-back people, and—unlike Ran—I wouldn't want a famous husband who is busy solving cases or infiltrating secret organizations all the time and whose mind is always occupied by things that are more important than me. If I had to give up my independence for someone—which I don't plan to!—I'd rather be with a man who is wonderfully inconspicuous, normal, nice, and easy to get along with.
Sounds rather dull, Kudo remarks, pouring himself and me each a glass of water. Knowing me, he thinks I would either die of boredom in no time or get a divorce.
"I've had enough suspense in my life, thank you!" I take the glass of water from him, thinking that he is right and that I would be bored to death. It seems even Kudo feels that I'm not made for a functional long-term relationship with a normal man.
"Say, during the time you were together... were you really in love with Kuroba?" Kudo suddenly asks while wiping an imaginary speck of dust from his sleeves. He always manages to surprise me with his unexpected fits of shyness, behaving like a teenager during moments which, in my opinion, are not even particularly embarrassing.
"Well, I wouldn't have gone out with him if I hadn't felt anything for him, would I?"
"No, probably not," Kudo agrees. "I only thought..." His voice trails off, and he walks over to his jacket in the corridor to put the bottle of APAH into his pocket, still lost in thought.
"What did you think?" I ask while instinctively following him into the corridor, wondering why he seems so curious and yet so evasive at the same time when it comes to anything concerning Kaito and me.
"Nothing," he cheerfully says, in a voice which tells me that any further questioning will be of no avail.
g.
A glance at my watch shows me that it's already two a.m.—time to throw Kudo out of my apartment and go to bed. However, he doesn't seem inclined to leave, as he has returned to his favourite corner of the sofa and is now sipping leisurely at his glass as if it contained an alcoholic drink. After my nap at Ueno-koen, I'm still wide awake and therefore not in a hurry to send him away either. Furthermore, there is still something I want to ask him, something which has been at the back of my mind for the whole evening.
"You told me you visited the culprit after noticing I wasn't home that night two years ago. Does it mean you didn't solve the case before you came?"
"Why do you ask?"
Making myself comfortable next to him, I notice in surprise that he is blushing.
"Did you really come to my apartment before finishing the case?"
"It seemed like the best solution to me."
That case has been lost from the beginning because he arrived too late at the crime scene, Kudo informs me. Without any substantial evidence left, he didn't manage to find irrefutable proof for his theory and was unable to defend his deduction, which was based on circumstantial evidence alone.
"Since the culprit was living in your vicinity, I went to your place first."
"So you learned I wasn't home, but how did you get the idea that I was at Furuhata's?"
"I didn't think of Furuhata's at all. I only knew Kuroba must have visited you before me, and I thought you two had gone out, so I decided to pay the culprit a visit and return to your apartment later. I believed he was so reasonable that I could talk with him and ask him to make a full confession in front of the other suspects to clear up the situation."
"Apparently, you didn't succeed," I observe after a sidelong glance at his gloomy face. Now that I have enough information to deduce the reason why he is so evasive when it comes to Furuhata's, I don't even need to ask him when he actually returned to my apartment that night. It's embarrassing enough for both of us that he must have seen his double holding hands with me when we left Furuhata's or kissing me goodbye before going home. Kaito's disguise, on top of that, makes matters infinitely worse. The only way for me to save face is to forget it and move on—and divert his attention away from the memory of it to save both of us the embarrassment.
"No, I didn't achieve anything. He only escorted me out of his apartment with the statement that he didn't have anything to say about my theories. There was no confession and no attempt at defending himself either."
"It's not like you to give up like that," I remark. As long as I can remember, Kudo has always managed to wring a confession out of a criminal.
He only sighs in reply.
"And it's not like you at all to let a culprit get away so easily," I taunt. "What happened to the law-obsessed detective I knew? First you deleted my files at Pandora's Box, then you let a murderer go without getting a confession from him."
Kudo looks up from his glass to shoot an infuriated glance at me.
"So you think I'm a case-solving machine? Law-abiding or not, I'd never have handed you over to the police or to the FBI even if I had been sure that I could have negotiated with them. The cross-examinations would have been insufferable, especially since you would have had to lie about anything concerning APTX and Pandora's Box."
He jumps up from the sofa and proceeds to open the window, letting a gush of wind in.
"Sorry," he says curtly, shutting the window again.
"A bit of fresh air won't hurt," I remark and walk to the corridor to fetch his jacket for him. "I can put on a cardigan."
When I return to the living room, I see him stroll out of my bedroom with one of my cardigans draped over his arm.
"Thanks," he nonchalantly says, handing me my cardigan while taking his jacket from me. He must have perceived it as the ideal excuse to walk over to my closet and have a look at how I'm decorating my bedroom. As always, whenever his curiosity gets the better of him, he doesn't know where to stop when it comes to the personal privacy of others.
Thinking that it's no use nagging at him because he never changes, I throw open the window and let the cool air in. The night is damp but eerily beautiful, with thick blueish clouds and a yellow moon.
To my surprise, Kudo switches off the light of the small chandelier above the sofa and proceeds to the bar to turn off all the other lamps as well.
"Because you don't have any curtains," he explains. "You don't want mosquitoes and moths to come in. And it's not a good idea to illuminate your apartment in the middle of the night like that. Potential voyeurs and stalkers might get interested in you."
Suppressing the remark that he has become even more paranoid than me, I walk over to the bar to boil water for another cup of tea while he plants himself on a bar stool.
"So why did you let the culprit get away?"
He doesn't respond immediately but only regards me with a thoughtful, tortured gaze. In the darkness of the room, which is now dimly illuminated by the light of the street lamps streaming in through the large window, with his pale skin and dark hair, he looks like a shadow of his former self.
"I used to ask myself the same question over and over again. One of the reasons was the fact that there was no conclusive evidence and I didn't want to plant any as a trap. He wasn't the type of murderer I wanted to put behind bars at all cost. From his point of view, he only got her out of a situation which was worse than death—despite knowing that his own promising future was at stake if he was discovered."
"So he didn't do it out of mercenary motives? At least you got that much out of him."
"I didn't get anything out of him, but it was obvious in the context of the situation. She would have been severely impaired—mentally and physically—for life after waking up from the coma. I can't even say I'd have wanted a future like hers for anyone I knew either, but..."
"But no one is allowed to end another person's life?"
"No, that's not what I meant… although we could discuss that topic to death if we wanted to. I wanted to say that there were three suspects and the unshakable truth that one of them must have pulled the plug. No matter how you look at it, that fact won't go away until someone confesses."
"So all of them have to lead the life of a suspect as long as the culprit hasn't been found?"
"Yes, and it's not fair! If you had done something out of the strong conviction that it was the right thing to do, you should have the gut to accept blame for it, at least in front of the people whose life you disturbed by your action, accidentally or not!"
"Kaito told me they were celebrities, which was why the police was so discreet while dealing with them. They were probably so famous that I suspect he invented false names for them when he told me about the affair. Did it affect their careers negatively?"
"No, because they weren't in the spotlight anymore at that time and because it was hushed up pretty well by Ami-san—" (Mizuno Ami is Dr Mizuno's daughter, a brilliant and yet diffident medical student of my age, whom Kudo and I met while visiting the Professor in the hospital.) "—but there is always the danger that, someday, someone will talk. Even you could easily find out their identities if you wanted to. The press won't leave them alone afterwards. As it always happens with rumours, things will be blown out of proportion... And after such an incident, I don't think their friends can ever trust them anymore."
Why, after all these years, does it still hurt to hear that little word from his mouth, I wonder while pouring boiled water into our cups, trying to maintain my composure and feign indifference as well as I can. Never—so I told myself after the Professor's death—not even in my dreams, would I try to rewind time and return to Pandora's Box again. There is no way for me to regain his trust once it is lost, just as he can't take back the words which he meant wholeheartedly when he threw them at me. I had prepared myself for the consequences before we opened the door to the cabin, knowing exactly why it received its name. After making up at the Professor's funeral, we returned to being friends in the end, which is more than I could have expected from him. Why should I dwell on the past now? Even if I could turn back time, I would do the same things again. I have absolutely no regrets...
"That only explains why you needed a confession from him," I place a cup of tea in front of Kudo, "not why you let him go without accepting responsibility. You've never let your sympathy prevent you from solving a case before."
...But perhaps, says a treacherous voice in my head, he will understand if I tell him parts of the truth, which I might have told him three years ago if it hadn't been for Hattori's presence. Afterwards, due to our quarrel, his illness, my wounds, and the Professor's accident and subsequent death, I couldn't find an opportunity to do so. It's probably too late to bring it up now that it has become a thing of the past.
"I asked myself what I would have done if I had found myself in the same situation—if, at Pandora's Box, the first bullet hadn't missed your head but put you into a vegetative state instead." Kudo tugs at his tea bag. "Perhaps even I would have considered the option."
"You would have pulled the plug to my life support system?"
"I don't know... Perhaps, in a weak moment, I'd have considered doing it if I had been sure that you would have been mentally impaired after waking up."
"I certainly don't want to glorify what the culprit has done, but I know I wouldn't want to spend my whole life in such a dependable state. If I ever get into such a situation, you're free to pull the plug to my life support system for me."
"No, thank you!" He smiles. "Even with your permission, I don't think I could do it... Anyhow, I could have given the culprit a hard time if I had wanted to, but I didn't. There are ruthless natural killers and there are people who only stumbled into a situation they couldn't deal with and made the wrong choice. I thought he belonged to the latter category."
"What about Mizuno-san's witness account? I thought she called you because she had noticed something?"
"Mizuno-san asked me to stop investigating after that night. She said she had changed her mind and wasn't going to give a witness account against him in any case. It seemed Ami-san, who knew the victim and her brothers, thought that the victim wouldn't have wanted it. Without any conclusive evidence, I'd only have created a scandal ruining the other suspects and Mizuno-san in the process. It simply wasn't worth it."
"So the game ended as a draw?"
"A draw? I feel like I've lost! But you can't always win when everything is against you. It wouldn't bother me so much if there wasn't something wrong about the case."
"Wrong?"
"You see, he wouldn't have lost anything at all if he had confessed. I didn't even ask him to turn himself over to the police. And since it was obvious that he didn't do it out of mercenary motives, he would have been a hero in the eyes of the other suspects. Not even Mizuno-san would have minded."
"What's so strange about someone who doesn't want to talk about his crime?"
"Criminals always want to talk about their secrets, especially when they're easy-going and extroverted and like to express themselves. He is such a person. There was no reason for him to be so secretive about it after I had told him all the details I knew."
"But why should he trust you?"
"I told myself that's the reason he didn't let the cat out of the bag, but it's still bothering me. I wish I had learned about the case sooner, before all evidence had been removed."
"Why didn't you continue to investigate it if it bothered you so much?"
He didn't have time, he says, as a matter of fact. "I come across more cases than I can handle. Hence I was busy solving more important and urgent cases since then and couldn't continue such a lost case just for the sake of solving it. Sometimes I wish I had an assistant or a partner who can continue the case for me."
"Can't Hattori take over the case for you? I'm sure he would love to solve something you couldn't. Or the Detective Boys?"
"Hattori is drowning in work as well. Apart from that, he is a bad choice with his quick temper and his inability to please. The Detective Boys are too young. I'm thinking of someone who can sweet-talk the culprit into confessing... You know, I'd have asked Ran if she weren't so gullible. She is great at acting when she wants to, and I think it would be easier for him to reveal the truth to a pretty girl than to me. But, as things are, I'm sure he would need less than two minutes to convince her that he is innocent and turn her against me."
So that was the reason why he came to see me before finishing the case. While it's somewhat disappointing, I admit it was foolish to assume that he had postponed a case to visit me on my birthday. It seems that, if it hadn't been for Kaito, Kudo would have brought the mystery to me as a birthday present.
"Don't even think of asking me!" I warn him after catching his thoughtful gaze resting on my face. "I have better things to do as well, especially now that I know how you've been feeding on APAH for the past years."
"Oh, I didn't get that idea at all, knowing that you once succumbed to Kuroba's superficial charms," he mockingly retorts. "You could fall in love with the culprit and ruin everything!"
"So you mean the culprit has Kaito's charms? If he is also one of those men good at doing household chores, I'm willing to sacrifice a bit of my free time to have a look at him."
"And overlook the fact that he pulled the plug to his sister's life support system? You have an atrocious taste when it comes to men."
While he said it in a humorous tone, there was a hint of annoyance in his voice, which raises my spirits. Dear meitantei-san's ego seems more fragile than I thought.
"Not worse than Ran's," I laugh quietly. "Nobody is perfect, after all. And if I didn't know you better, I'd say you're jealous because you lack exactly that brand of charm."
"Very funny," Kudo grumbles.
The silence between us afterwards reminds me of the calm before a storm even though I can't say whether it's only my overactive imagination or whether he feels the same. Through the open door to my bedroom, the even, dispassionate ticking of the clock on my bedside table seems to be getting louder in the silence, mingling with various sounds outside... the wind, the trees, the sounds of cars passing by... I can hear a heartrending miaow on the other side of the street. It's probably Luna, Dr Chiba's black cat, again...
"Well," I say at last.
"Time to go to bed?" Kudo asks, rising from the stool.
"Not for me. But you should really go home now because you look dead!"
"I'm still very much alive, thank you," he yawns, "though not alive enough to walk home at this hour."
It wouldn't be the first time that we've spent the night in the same apartment. As Edogawa and Haibara, we've shared the same bed for many times out of necessity, and the last time we spent the night as Kudo and Miyano together was three years ago on Pandora's Box. We've never made a fuss out of it before, and perhaps he will think it idiotic and cruel of me to send him home at this hour, especially considering that he has to return in the morning for the check-up. But the time when we were close friends and partners in crime is over... And while nothing could be as ridiculous as the thought of either of us molesting the other in our sleep, I don't think it's acceptable to let the boyfriend of another girl spend the night in my apartment.
"You can't sleep here," I tell him frankly. "Just imagine what Ran would do to me!"
Kudo, who is on the way to my bedroom, stops at once and raises an amused brow at me. He is blushing, yet his face is looking as if he were going to crack up at any moment.
"I wanted to say... rather than walking home, I'd like to call a taxi now. Since mine is dead... May I use your phone?"
g.
A/N: This was a long chapter. XD We also had a problem with Dropbox not synching so that SN couldn't find it at first. Hence she had to speed-beta it directly before her piano lesson tonight despite being really sleep-deprived. *pats the Ritz
Thank you, jessica, simplycaramelle, Momo Cicerone, and Mithia Aviana Cailin, for your kind reviews on the last chapters. I'm sorry I've been terrible at replying to reviews these days because I'm so overwhelmed by many different things (real life and all the projects I'm working on).
