Numb. Every bit of her felt numb.
She could barely manage a nod when Leona shoved Vic into her arms and left to join the others to look for their loved ones. Polom and Aria clung to her clothes, whimpering in fear. Was daddy coming home? What had happened? Vic was screaming at the top of his lungs, the poor boy having not the slightest clue what was going on. Renata shushed him quietly and patted his back. She looked down at the two pairs of eyes looking up at her and she swallowed, having absolutely no clue what to do. How was she supposed to be brave for them when her own foundation had been shaken?
"Polom, Aria," Finnick said softly, putting his hands on their shoulders. "Why don't you stay with me while Rini calms your brother down?" His voice was so calm, so soothing, and he smiled when both the kids nodded. "Go on, Renata," he told her, nodding to let her know that he could handle the kids.
She stared back at him blankly before carrying the baby down the hall, her constant movement seeming to soothe his shrieks immediately. She just needed to keep it together, for the kids…don't think, Rini, don't think…
"Help me, Polom," Finnick said, pulling the sheet off of his bed and draping it over a chair, making a small fort. The distraction was working for the kids; they soon forgot their fear from the loud explosion and were throwing pillows into the fort.
"Finnick, where did mama go?" Polom asked after he had crawled inside with his sister. "Is daddy okay?"
He covered their bodies with a blanket and he gave them a little smile. "Your mama went to go find him."
Aria whimpered and her lower lip quivered. She buried her face in a pillow and sniffled quietly.
"Aria, shhh…it's alright," Finnick said softly, reaching out to her and patting her back. "Your older brother is here, and he's going to take care of you." He looked at the young boy and smiled when he gave him a confused look. "You both have to be strong and be brave for one another. You won't let anything happen to your sister, will you?"
Polom looked at Finnick with wide eyes, and he looked so mature all of the sudden. He nodded firmly and looked down at Aria. "It's okay," he whispered.
Aria peeked out from the pillow and she blinked a couple of stray tears out.
"Your brother is gonna keep you safe, love," Finnick said, watching the little girl sit up and suck on her lower lip, something that Rini did when she was nervous. "Now are you going to be strong for your brother, too?"
Her eyes went from Finnick to Polom, and she swallowed back more tears before nodding. "Yes."
Finnick stayed quiet as he watched the two siblings comfort one another, and they soon drifted back to sleep, tangled in the blankets and in each other's arms.
Renata laid Vic down in his crib and she stepped away from him for a moment, slowly letting the current situation sink in. The memoriam, the explosion, Leona leaving…her hands were shaky and clammy.
Cecil.
Could it be that the person she had wanted to protect most was gone? She made a strange noise, something between a low moan and a choke and she spun around, crying out in surprise when she ran into Finnick's chest. His arms wrapped around her and she couldn't take it anymore; she crumpled against him and started crying. Her hands grabbed at the fabric of his shirt and she twisted it in her fists, trying to breathe. She felt sick, mentally and physically. "I-I'm so scared," she whispered, her whole body trembling. She closed her eyes and rested her cheek against Finnick's chest, able to hear the uproar taking place in town. Why did this happen? She thought that she had been doing a pretty convincing job; she was doing it to protect her family, after all. So what had she done?
The waiting was making Renata crazy. She paced back and forth in the kitchen downstairs, jumping at every noise and running to look out the front window. Finnick sat in a chair and watched her restlessness, doing a better job of keeping his emotions hidden.
"Rini, you're making me dizzy going back and forth like that," he murmured, cracking his neck and sighing. "Come sit down with me."
"I can't," she shook her head, her expression slightly crazed. "I just…I hate waiting. Either he made it or h-he…" she bit her lip hard and when she made a whimper, Finnick was right by her side. "I feel like I'm going to be sick," she whispered, looking up at him. His brows furrowed and he had a look of pity on his face. "What am I going to do, Finnick?"
He opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by the front door opening and Leona running in, her bedclothes damp with sweat. She panted a moment, standing in the doorway of the kitchen and trying to catch her breath. "C-Cecil's on the lawn. F-Finn, help…"
Both Finnick and Renata shot out towards the front lawn and Renata made a small cry of relief when she saw Cecil there. He looked broken and exhausted, but he was moving. They hoisted him up underneath his armpits and slowly brought him inside and onto one of the couches in the living room.
Cecil groaned in pain and he panted heavily, his eyes searching around the room like he couldn't focus. Finally, his eyes did adjust and he saw the young girl standing at his side, tears flowing down her cheeks. "Rini," he breathed.
"I'm so sorry," she blurted, holding his hand and sinking down to her knees. She pressed her cheek against the back of his hand and just wept, feeling relief flood her body. He was alive! "This is a-all my fault…"
Leona returned with a first aid kit, looking slightly less hysterical than Renata. "Are the kids alright?" she said softly to Finnick, who nodded. She went to work on sponging off her husband's dirty face.
"It was my fault this happened," Cecil grit his teeth, letting go of Rini's hand and clutching his shoulder. "I think I dislocated my shoulder…" He groaned in pain and looked up at Finnick as he stepped forward. "I guess you can fix that?"
He nodded solemnly and grabbed hold of his hand, keeping his eyes locked with Cecil's. "Are you ready?"
He took a few breaths and nodded, clenching his teeth. He yelled in pain when Finnick twisted his shoulder back into its socket with a sickening pop, and then he sighed. "Thank you…"
Renata swallowed, still kneeling at Cecil's side. "What happened?" she asked, unable to peel her eyes away from him.
"I started a riot," he murmured, closing his eyes as Leona washed his face. "I just…I started thinking about you, and what has happened since you went to the Capitol…I went crazy, and the other workers and I, we started destroying the machines…" He swallowed like it hurt to speak, and Renata reached for his hand when she saw a few tears streak down his cheeks. "I was leading them outside to go mess with some of the other buildings when they dropped the bomb…the blast threw me forward and knocked me out." He opened his eyes and looked at his wife, looking so haunted. "Everyone is gone."
Renata's lip quivered and she closed her eyes, her heart pounding. Had it just been luck that Cecil had survived, or had Snow let him live?
"I'm sorry that I put everyone in danger," Cecil whispered, shaking his head. "I didn't think…if they had come here instead of the factory, I-" He couldn't finish as another onslaught of tears found him. "I'm so sorry."
Leona shushed him and held him for a moment as he cried, and Renata stood up, backing away so they could have their privacy. She could feel Finnick behind her as she went to her room, and she sighed heavily when she sat on her bed.
"What is it?" he said quietly, watching her hold her head in her hands.
"I thought I was keeping everyone safe, but I'm a danger to them as long as I'm here. He was right. What if they had come to the house?" Her eyebrows were furrowed and Finnick could see the distress in her eyes. "Polom, Aria, Vic…Leona…" She shook her head and stood up. "I have to leave." She brushed past him and headed back downstairs.
"Leave? And go where?" Finnick asked, following her close.
Renata stopped in front of Leona and Cecil, biting her lip when they looked at her. "This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't involved you in what was going on, and I'm sorry that I nearly…nearly got you killed, Cecil."
"Rini-"
She held up her hand to stop him and took a breath. "I think that it's best if I leave the house. I don't want anything else to happen, so to be safe…I'm going to go…" She gave a small smile and a shrug. "You are my family, and if anything were to happen to you, I don't know what I'd do."
Cecil was quiet as he looked at Renata, slowly trying to see things her way. It made sense, but he didn't want her to go!
"Where will you go?" Leona finally broke the silence.
Renata opened her mouth to reply, but was stopped by a hand on her shoulder.
"With me, of course," Finnick replied. The room was silent and the two on the couch looked at the redhead when she nodded.
"It's for the best," she said, nodding again.
The days following the cannery explosion were too normal. Everyone went about their everyday business, and it didn't seem to faze anyone as the cannery was beginning to be built up again. It was as if the explosion had not been a real thing, and the fact that several of the citizens of the district had perished in the flames was not even whispered in public.
In private, however, there were whispers. Behind closed doors, in the assumed safety of their houses, anger was festering in the people of District Four, and it couldn't be stopped.
Renata stared out the window without blinking, looking over her shoulder when she heard Finnick clear his throat.
"Are you alright?"
"I wish you'd stop asking me that," she sighed, rubbing her eyes. "I'm fine, Finnick." She gave him a small shrug. "I'm just thinking about them." She had stayed away from Cecil and his family since that night, and it was making her hurt inside. She kept reminding herself that they were safer off this way, and what was a little heartache, anyway? She could handle anything if she could endure the arena.
"You don't need to alienate yourself from them, Renata," Finnick said, suddenly appearing right behind her. "You can't protect everyone."
She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against the cool glass pane. "I can try, can't I?"
"Not without driving yourself mad," he remarked, staying his ground. "Renata-"
"What if I went to Seneca, and I told him I'd live at the Capitol in exchange for their guaranteed safety?" she offered, looking back at him. "He could do that, couldn't he?"
"You don't belong there," Finnick said simply, his jaw set.
Renata sighed quietly and she looked back out the window, her brain trying to find some way to ensure that they'd be safe. "Why should I ever care for anyone? All it does is hurt when they leave," she whispered, shaking her head. "The pain is still there, especially after they're gone. Is it worth it? I could just go away and spare myself the pain, and never have to worry if they're okay or if they're thinking the same about me…" She blinked a tear out of her eye and swallowed a lump in her throat. Her heart fluttered and she gave a quiet whimper as she felt Finnick's arms wrap around her middle and pull her back against him. She closed her eyes and trembled in his embrace. "It hurts, Finnick," she whispered.
"I tried to do what you're doing, Rini," He murmured, holding her tightly. "I left home and I stayed in the Capitol, kept away from the people that I had left to care about so they'd be safe from whatever could happen. I went crazy there, trying to live like that. I needed those people to keep me sane; I needed their love- their true love, not just physical affection. And you know what I eventually realized?"
Renata sniffled in response, his words echoing in her ears.
"That bad things happen," Finnick said. "People will use you, and cast you out and hurt you, and hurt the ones you love, but it isn't your fault. Bad things happen…and it isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself for everything. So please…I don't want you to go through the same things I did, Rini. You already are, and I never wanted that for you, but…please don't shut the ones that love you out." He slowly let go of her and watched as she turned to face him and dried the tears on her face. "Did I ever tell you about my father?"
She shook her head, hugging her arms to her chest.
"He left me and my mom when I was four. He up and left us one day because he didn't feel like being my dad anymore. He just left. I can still remember my mom telling me that he was going away for a little while, and that he would be back eventually. He did, to both of our surprise. After I came home a victor, he showed up like he had never left. Like he hadn't hurt us both to the point of me hating him for what he'd done to my mother. He didn't come back because he loved us; he did it because he felt that he had a stake in everything that I had from that point on. I didn't think that I could be hurt more by him, but it turns out that sometimes even the ones that you love will hurt you."
"What if I'm just using you?" she asked in a quiet voice, clearing her throat. "You said that people use you, what if that's what I'm doing? You make me happy, you make things hurt less…I'm no better than your father. You could have left me alone after we came home, you know. There wasn't any point in us continuing this," What exactly was it that they had? "…this friendship."
"You think so?" Finnick asked, the tone of anger in his voice surprising her. "If you don't think there is any point in this, then I won't stop you from going back to the Capitol and playing pet to Crane." He softened at the upset look on her face and he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I wanted to know you better than just being your mentor, Rini. I saw a lot of myself in you when I first met you, and I know now that there's a lot more to you than meets the eye. You're strong when you want to be, and you care about the people around you…" He reached out and gently brushed his hand against her cheek. "You and I are both connected by the Games. Not everyone can know what we've been through, and that's why I wanted to keep close to you. We're both survivors, Renata; we're one and the same."
Renata nodded and she looked up into his eyes, feeling her heart beat faster. When had he gotten so close to her? "What about this?" she whispered.
"What do you mean?" Finnick whispered back, swallowing when she rested her hands on his chest. "You and me?" He smiled and gently lifted her chin up, looking at her beautiful face. He leaned down and put his lips to hers, pulling away after a few seconds. "I will never stop wanting you, Rini."
Their lips collided in a passionate kiss.
Thank you for reading! Let me know what you thiiink! I hope you all have a merry christmas or what have you and i shall be working on the next chapter soon! Ho ho ho!
-Kelsey :3
