Hi guys! Hope you're enjoying this. Happy reading!
P.s. I don't own Glee or Les chansons d'amour.
Of course, nothing ever goes as planned. Kurt should have known better than to trust two silly teenage girls. Than to trust Rachel, to be more precise, because their small gathering of four had somehow turned into another glee club nonsense.
Don't freak out, it's not that bad, he tried to convince himself as Brittany sat on Sam's lap under the glare of a furious Santana who, by the way, was being thoroughly entertained by Quinn and Rachel's silly truth-or-dare game. Finn kept shooting awkward looks to her girlfriend, while Mike put on a little dancing show for everyone, and every so often mumbled something like: "Tina is gonna be so pissed at me when she founds out about this party tomorrow."
Of course, Finn had insisted he would not be the only "guy" at Kurt's, which Kurt had tried really hard not to find insulting and failed, but agreed nonetheless to let the boy bring Sam and Mike. Those two were obviously the safest and less harmful choice out of the whole glee club.
But it'd been one hour already since Santana and Brittany had joined them and he could not see the plan moving forward at all. If anything, he was feeling drunker by the second, and judging by the way they shouted, so were Quinn and Rachel.
What a disastrous scheme.
He went to the living room and opened the balcony, desperately needing some fresh air to come into his senses. Oh boy, that third shot of Tequila had been a risky move.
"Feeling okay, bro?" Sam asked him. The boy was suddenly standing by his side, hands on his pocket and an expression of awkwardness that started to feel like his signature one.
Sam was a really good guy. The blond had joined their group of glee weirdos only last year, but somehow it felt like he had been with them all along. Good natures tended to do that.
Kurt made a face. "Honestly, honestly… not" he chuckled. "I don't really enjoy getting drunk."
"Me neither" the blond remarked.
"Oh, you don't look drunk" Kurt observed.
Sam shrugged. "When people are busy getting wasted they don't really notice whether you drink or not" he smiled, kind of endearingly.
"That's brilliant" Kurt smiled, "God, how I long for the day when getting drunk loses some of this stupid, childish appeal."
Sam laughed amicably. "Man, it happens to the best of us. Besides, you're almost done with high school. It's time to celebrate."
"Yyyyyeah, I guess" Kurt slurred his words, "I mean, I guess I'm more in a 'let's get drunk and forget the world' kind of mood? Not much celebration about it."
"Why? Did something happen?" Sam asked, cautiously.
Kurt dammed himself. What was it about being drunk that made you wanna pour your heart out into any willing ear?
"Okay, this makes no sense" he chuckled, embarrassed, "but I wish there was a certain someone here, that he could see me having a lot of fun and being a happy careless, volatile teenager and… just make him feel a little bit jealous?"
Sam regarded him with curiosity. "Is that certain someone Blaine?"
Kurt made a face. "Good God, no" he winced.
"O-kay" Sam chuckled, sort of confused.
"You don't know him" Kurt clarified, more willing to open up by the second, "I mean, he doesn't go to school. And also... he's twenty-six."
"Holy shit" Sam blurted out, then blushed a little. "Sorry to say it like that, but Kurt, how-? When?"
Kurt cast him a bittersweet smile. "Doesn't sound promising, does it?" He joked. "One could say I lost it, Sam. I honestly have no idea what I was thinking."
Sam seemed pretty uncertain, like he didn't quite know what to say. Kurt couldn't blame him, so he just kept talking.
"You know, this whole thing tonight is supposed to be some great scheme to find out more about him, one of Quinn's genius ideas" he complained, childishly. "Which reminds me, I need another drink."
"No no" Sam stopped him, "let me know how I can help. If you guys have a plan, and it's gonna make you feel better, then count me in" he offered, his arm on Kurt's and eyes kindest as ever.
Kurt's stomach twirled funnily. Sam was so attractive. And so nice. It was no wonder he had developed an embarrassing crush on him on the very first day of glee club, then witnessed Blaine do as much himself.
"That's so sweet, Sam!" Kurt couldn't help himself but hug the boy, who felt a little tense during the brief squeeze. "You'd be great arm candy… if he was here, though" he scratched his nape, feeling kind of awkward after the hug.
"Hey, what are social networks for?" Sam grinned, cheekily.
Kurt hesitated. "I only have him on WhatsApp…"
"Let's get you a noteworthy profile pic, then. Here, give me your phone."
Kurt handed his phone somewhat dubiously, kind of amazed by the wonders of night and booze. This ought to be the longest conversation he had ever had with Sam, also the first time they had hugged, and yet alcohol made it all seem so out of habit – luckily.
Sam turned on the selfie camera and, much to Kurt's almost fainting, the boy kissed him on the cheek before pressing the button. They went silent as they checked the picture together.
"Mmm" Sam finally made, "not bad, but you should smile or something. Give some flirty eyes or grab my shoulder a little" he suggested, so freaking casually Kurt almost gasped a little.
"Sure, yeah" he smiled nervously, trying to remain unaltered. "I can do that."
Channeling an inner strength he did not recognize as his own, Kurt managed to smile and act all silly flirty for the camera. They snapped a couple of pictures for certainty.
"This one is pretty dope" Sam showed him, smiling all goofy like. "There. New profile pic. Mischief managed."
Kurt regarded the blond, a little bit moved. It was really silly, the silliest thing what they had just done, but it made him feel all wanted and fortunate that he had a friend in Sam. Also flattered and smitten (he wasn't fooling anyone) but mostly all happy right now.
"Thank you, Sam" he said sincerely. He could not care less about Sebastian's reaction right now. He had friends! Male friends who took selfies with him and didn't find him annoying. "Now I do wanna celebrate" he grinned.
Two shots later…
"… so I'm not saying that we all are bi, but I'm also kind of not unsaying it, 'cause when you live in a close-minded society like this one…" Santana slurred her words as a mesmerized Rachel and Brittany, and an unimpressed Quinn, all gathered around her to witness her pearl of wisdom.
Kurt found kind of funny that drunk Santana was either a trainwreck or a philosopher. The way Quinn disagreed almost on principle with anything the Latina girl said, but none of the two seemed to care too much about it, made it seem like the two girls had known each other forever. They were like an old married couple who fought for sport and enjoyed being grumpy with each other.
Kurt did not want to be around Santana too much, though. It was still pretty epic that her sister and she had agreed to join them and, what was even more outstanding, they appeared to be having the time of their lives. As if they were some eternal teenagers themselves, trapped in a twenty-five year old body. He took Quinn aside, reluctantly, with some excuse about fixing his hair.
"How is it going?" He asked her, nervously.
"How's what going?" The blonde asked, sight all unfocused and standing position severely shaken.
"Oh my sweet Gaga" Kurt sighed, anxiously. "The plan, you idiot!"
Quinn managed to put herself together just enough to give Kurt her coldest glare. "I'm working on it, you hysterical man. You need to trust the process."
Kurt leaned on the wall, the booze making him all dizzy and paranoid. "This is gonna be the end of everything. Everything!"
"Would you calm down?" Quinn shushed him, annoyed. "Don't go all dramatic on me, Kurt. If all comes to nothing, we're still gaining the trust of your beau's best friend, so relax and make an effort to be around her for more than three minutes."
"I can't" Kurt shook his head, feeling nauseous, "she's too scary, too scary."
"She loves you" Quinn rolled her eyes. "Why else would she be here? She's desperate to get on your good side."
"No, she's not" Kurt refused to get out of his denial. "She's just a drunk and has the hots for you."
"Also true" Quinn rolled her eyes, as if that was absolutely obvious, "but that's besides the point. She's not that bad when you get past the yelling. She's kind of fun, actually."
"Oh, you're losing it too!" Kurt couldn't help but shout, gaining a scolding look from the blonde.
"Listen to me, you're gonna go in there with me, sit by my side, and be your nicest self, 'cause your stupidity depends on it."
"-mphf, fine!" Kurt mumbled, and let himself be dragged by the girl, mostly because he suddenly felt really weak to fight. Any moment closer to lose the little conscience he had left.
Next thing he knew, he was doing exactly that: sitting right by Quinn's side, between her and Santana, and all eyes were on him all of a sudden.
"What?" He asked, confused.
"I was saying is your tu-urrrrn, Kurt" Rachel hiccupped, "truth or dare?"
"Oh boy, this is worst than spinning the bottle" he lamented. The situation seemed to be so out of his control by now. "Truth?"
"Wussy" Brittany stuck the tongue at him, then threw him a kiss to make up for it.
"Interesting" Santana put her hands together, giving him a smile that promised no good. "All right, all right, let me have this one- Kurtie, how many times you've had sex?"
Kurt rolled his eyes, somewhat annoyed. The girl reminded him of Sebastian a bit too much sometimes. "Three and a half."
There was a general laughter after that, which made him blush a bit.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Mike asked, confused.
"Someone must have a really tiny thing if you can't tell for sure whether he used it" Santana laughed loudly.
"Who said I wasn't the one topping?" Kurt couldn't help but bit back, a sudden fierceness filling his chest.
"Uhhhh" Finn made at his comeback, which was silly, but made Kurt feel like he was some sort of badass.
His victory didn't last, though, because Santana's smirk only got bigger, giving Kurt once again the impression of impeding doom.
"That puts you in a very awkward position, hun. Should we concur is your tinything the one that's good for nothing?"
Kurt blushed a little bit more, if that was possible, considering the permanent heat that had settled on his cheeks since his third tequila, but the fierceness hasn't abandoned him yet.
"Au contraire" he chuckled, knowingly. "My only problem is I'm too much to handle, if you know what I mean."
Santana laughed again and all of his friends gave him a shocked look, but Kurt couldn't care less. So what? Wasn't he allowed to be a bit cocky now and then? Didn't they know people like Sebastian and Santana gave you no choice but to eat or be eaten? No, they probably didn't know.
"Is your new guy handling you just fine, baby powder?" Santana asked, not actual malice this time. Just being herself, Kurt imagined.
"Yes. He handles me just fine" he stated rather sharply, but he couldn't help himself. The way Santana badmouthed Sebastian, and made it seem like she knew all about his sex skills… Well, it made him angry.
"Someone cover my ears!" Brittany shouted, equally amused and displeased. "Stop perverting my little brother!" She told off Santana.
"Oh, someone's been perverting him, that's for sure" Santana chuckled, "but I assure you it has nothing to do with me."
"Santana" Quinn cut in, fortunately for Kurt, "your turn."
"You just can't get enough of me; can't you, preggo?" Santana smirked, "The things I'm learning about your friends tonight, Kurtie. Your high school seems wild" she commented, as if Kurt gave a crap what the girl thought. "Truth. All the truth and nothing but the truth."
"The most selfish thing you've done when in love" Quinn bluntly asked. It seemed pretty obvious to Kurt that the blonde had been holding that one for a while now. Perhaps since the veiled conversation about Sebastian in the kitchen earlier.
Santana's gaze got somewhat darker. Definitely less cheery and carefree. Kurt gulped down. Quinn would definitely pay for his question later.
"Not sure what your game is yet, blondie" Santana confessed, intrigued. "But I'm not scared of myself, unlike others, so I'll just answer. I slept with my best friend's girl, behind his back."
Something twirled inside Kurt, giving him the goosebumps. She had to be talking about Sebastian and Julie. Was she not? But that didn't make any sense. Sebastian was well aware of the situation. I mean, they were are all some sort of power trio, right? Unless… unless Santana and Julie were already fooling around way before that happened.
Brittany squeezed Santana's arm, lovingly. "It's okay, San. They forgive you."
Santana came forwards and kissed her girlfriend gently, then didn't miss a beat to go after her next prey.
"Quinn" she commanded, "your turn now."
"It's hardly my turn, I was just asked not five minute-"
"Your turn, blondie" Santana interrupted her, her eyes alive with intrigue. "This is gonna be a fun one."
Quinn studied her with caution, then finished up the rest of her drink in one sip. "Dare."
"Well, actions speak louder than words" Santana narrowed her eyes at her, maliciously. "I dare you to kiss Brittany."
A big silence followed that. Kurt looked at his friend. She didn't have to do anything Santana told her to. She knew that, right? Who did Santana think she was, bossing people around like that? It was awfully familiar.
What seemed even more familiar, was the way Quinn reacted. As if being dared like that made it unfathomable for her to back down. Kurt knew that feeling. He knew it all too well. Quinn crawled towards Brittany, who looked sincerely cheery and entertained, as if she was as much a witness as a participant.
"I'm done with this" Kurt got up, somewhat regained and upset. Who did these alleged adults think they were? What made them so entitled to go and mess up with teenagers' lives? Suddenly it wasn't Santana he was mad at anymore.
He got in the toilet and locked the door behind him. He was done with this, oh, he definitely was. Sebastian didn't even have the nerve to text him after their last encounter. Not even to apologize for being a major asshole to him in the morning, and much less, once again, for pushing for a blowjob. He felt like an idiot, and so, so weak. Why had he refused the first time Sebastian tried to push him? Only to agree just a few days after?
To Sebastian: u're a gigantic jerk, get lost!
There. Sent. Kurt sighed, relieved, and sat down on the floor. The floor was so chilly and his cheeks burnt so much, he found himself laying down before he could even process it.
He definitely lost track of time, but he didn't think he was falling asleep. The house felt too quiet after what seemed like a while, but he was so comfortable and felt so light now...
He supposed sleep probably took over eventually, because he suddenly startled and woke up to the buzzing of his phone, inside his pocket.
What an awful way to wake up, he thought to himself while reaching for his phone. It was 5 a.m. and Finn was calling him. Kurt realized his cheek was somewhat glued to the floor and turned around confused. Why was he laying on the toilet floor?
"Finn?" He answered, disoriented.
"Dude, you need to get out of the toilet as silently as you can, and come meet me in the balcony."
That sounded even more disorienting. "What?" He mumbled.
"Dude!" Finn shushed him, "Shut your mouth, Santana's sleeping in your bed with Brittany. You need to carefully open the door to your room, sneak out, and come meet me in the balcony!"
"Jesus. Calm down" Kurt startled, annoyed. "I'll be there in a sec."
As Finn had warned, his bedroom had been took over by the odd couple. Kurt winced and made a mental note to change the sheets asap. On his way through the hall, he saw Sam and Mike laying on some pillows on the floor of Brittany's room, while Quinn and Rachel had taken the bed. They were all severely dozed off.
He found the door to the balcony half opened. There, sitting on the floor with Kurt's laptop opened, was Finn. Kurt frowned. There was a wire hanging from a USB port, and some phone connected to it.
"What are you doing?" He asked, confused.
Finn motioned for him to sit and close the door behind him. Kurt did as much without putting up a fight. It was still dark and they were supposed to leave for school in two hours. And Finn was known to be a sleeper. If he was up, it had to be something big, something important.
"I waited until everyone was sleeping to snatch her phone" the boy said, showing it to Kurt with a triumphant smile. "I played drunk really well, huh?" He grinned, goofily. "Rachel told me about the plan, but she and Quinn were so involved in all that talking, it seemed obvious to me they would compromise the mission" he said, clearly having fun with his thoughts. "There" he said, unplugging said phone. "Everything that could be useful is right here on your computer. You can put the phone back now; it was just lying there on the kitchen bar."
Kurt couldn't help but chuckle, incredulously, as he realized what Finn was talking about. He regarded Santana's phone and held it tighter in his hand, hesitantly.
"What's the matter?" Finn asked. "I didn't see a thing yet, I swear" the boy defended, "I was waiting for you to tell me what to look for."
Kurt's mind got kind of hung up on those words. What was he looking for, again? Something to redeem Sebastian? Or to ditch him for good? Something to simply understand him a bit better?
He looked at his laptop' screen. Endless folders with pictures, videos and even WhatsApp conversations.
He felt a shiver down his spine, and felt suddenly very scared. Freaking scared of what he might find.
/
Sebastian woke up to a really rude text from the kid, and it had been sent in the a.m.
From Kurt:u're a gigantic jerk, get lost!
He read it at least five or six times until it sank in. What the fuck? They hadn't talked in four, maybe five days, and now he sent this? What was his problem? Then, as if that text alone wasn't enough, the kid had changed his profile picture, and Sebastian was not enjoying the view of it. There was some blond, handsome teenager, with a nice enough jawline structure, freaking kissing Kurt on the cheek. Like boyfriends did. Again, what the fuck?!
He mentally reviewed the last time he saw Kurt, that morning after they had sex. Yeah, it'd been a bit of a rough morning, but they had made up nice enough, hadn't they?
It also had been a relatively quiet week. Things were going slowly back to normal: for three nights in a row, Sebastian had managed to sleep almost six hours straight. That was a huge win for him. Only last night, he had been feeling energetic enough to even hit the gym. Not to speak about work, where he managed to not be a zombie and actually make the deadlines. Santana and he continued their unspoken truce of staying out of each other's lives, and only ever exchanged a few laughs when they grabbed a bite for lunch, just no more than ten, fifteen minutes.
What the fuck was the kid's problem, though? Kurt was supposed to be his nice, easy thing. He had agreed to that, to be there, for whatever Sebastian needed. To be the thing Sebastian could control when nothing else seemed to stay right where it should. To heal him, somehow. Was that too much to ask?
Well, of course it was. Which was why Sebastian tried not to hover, to lay low during the week for now. Apparently that wasn't working, though.
He still didn't know what to reply. Was Kurt's text supposed to be funny? Was his picture supposed to be provoking? To make him jealous? Hell if he knew, hell if he cared.
He went on about his day just as he had been doing, one step at a time. First, a quick jog around the block. Then, shower. Right after, breakfast, even if he wasn't hungry – because he had been skipping it way too often these past few months. And then, finally, he'd pack another one of Julie's drawers in a box. One box a day was what he had committed himself to do.
He wondered how long he would be able to keep it up with this insanely tidy routine, though. He was just trying to recover himself, to recover his mental health, but one piece of the puzzle could easily tumble down everything. And quite frankly, that key piece could actually be Kurt.
To be honest, his body seemed to be functioning better after sex with the boy. Sebastian was back to masturbating daily again, sticking to his mental promise not to bother Kurt until the weekend. And boy, did it take effort to stick to that promise. Because every time the heat took over him, it was Kurt he saw, Kurt he pictured in all kinds of situations. From dominance to submission, there wasn't a single thing he would not do to Kurt.
It was this need for more, this need to take and take, that kept Sebastian going. The more control he gained over Kurt, the more confident he felt in all the other areas of his life. Sex had always made him feel powerful, but it had suddenly turned into his very only source of power right now. And he wanted to give in to that feeling, because it was another whole level of sorrow. A lusty kind, one that felt not so unbearable. Still sorrow, yes, but definitely better than the grief and pain he was feeling before.
So naturally, even if Sebastian hadn't figured out all the whys yet, Kurt needed to remain a sure thing. He just needed to. There was no questioning that, and as hours went by and Sebastian didn't hear again from the boy, he started getting a bit anxious.
There was some kind of twitch growing inside him, a restless numbness creeping up his legs. No, not the numbness again, he begged himself. When he couldn't take it anymore, he went home, and realized how very much he had been dreading coming home today, which was just insane, to dread it like that all of a sudden.
He looked at the four sad little boxes he had managed to pack these days with Julie's stuff and dammed himself. Why did he have them at display like that? Shouldn't he take them somewhere? Also, wasn't Mary supposed to be doing this?
He would definitely go for a night jog. Anything to keep himself busy and sweat off the numbness. But when he took off his shoes, he couldn't find his sneakers anywhere. He only found Kurt's, which threw him off completely, because he had completely forgotten about them.
Sebastian put them on anyway and suddenly startled. The keys. He also had the keys to Kurt's house.
So what? Did that give him the right to just show up announced? What if the kid's parents were there? Or worse, what if Brittany and Santana were there? But before Sebastian could further reason with himself, he was outside, running, and soon enough he was in Kurt's neighborhood, walking right by his building just enough times to drive himself crazy.
He searched for Kurt's window. The lights were on. And just like the last time he had noticed this, he simply took out his phone and started typing.
To Kurt: I'm outside your window. Can I come up?
Sebastian felt unexpectedly nervous. When had he lost the upper hand on this and how? Just relax, dumbass, he told himself. This was Kurt. Kurt would not stay mad at him for too long, would he?
Soon enough, Kurt was staring right at him from his window with a surprised expression. Sebastian simply raised his hand to show the kid his keys. Kurt seemed a bit confused at first, but then simply nodded and motioned for the door.
Sebastian raced his way upstairs, not even patient enough to wait for the elevator. By the time he got to Kurt's floor, the kid was already there holding the door open for him. Sebastian was a bit breathless.
"Hey" Kurt greeted, somewhat shy, as usual.
Sebastian gave him a questioning look, trying to search in his eyes for any trace of doubt, rejection or anger, but he didn't see any. Not willing to keep it to himself anymore, he reached for Kurt and brought him closer, sort of abruptly, for a kiss. Not a short or chaste one. He devoured Kurt's lips and held onto his skin with urgency, holding him tighter. What surprised him, though, was that Kurt kissed him back just as anxiously, just as desperately.
Sebastian lowered down his hands to find the small of Kurt's back, and hugged the boy closer, pining him against the wall. Why did kissing Kurt feel so healing? So nurturing? So good?
He left Kurt's lips only to kiss his cheeks instead, and his neck, and his clavicles, and his cheek again, pressing longer and warmer. As if in that one kiss he could repair whatever damage he had inflicted to the boy. Sebastian caressed Kurt's face then, and held it in his hands, like some sort of treasure he needed to examine closely.
"Please forgive me for anything I may have done. But I need you, and you're very important to me" Sebastian found himself saying, a bit breathless and trembling, but trying to hide the alarm on his voice.
Kurt's eyes widened, as they normally did when he was shocked or surprised. As if he needed to prepare himself for what he was about to say.
"I'm sorry I sent you that text" the boy apologized as well, his gaze low and regretful.
Sebastian shook his head. "No, don't be- talk to me" he insisted, "what do you need to make this work? I've asked you before, but all you said was that you wanted to please me. Has that changed?" He asked, because even if it hurt a bit, he could not be in denial anymore: it was no longer just the kid's problem if he could not put up with Sebastian. It was now Sebastian's problem as well.
"I- uh" Kurt seemed so nervous, so vulnerable, "yeah, it has" he admitted.
Sebastian felt the weight of the world crashing against his chest.
