Disclaimer: Still not mine.
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Running.
As the haze of cold fear clouded my vision and I forgot how to breathe, I felt like I was on the very brink of losing consciousness. I didn't know if vampires could faint. I didn't have the time or capacity to question it.
My thoughts faded into panic and I was dizzy with the black emotions that pounded in my skull, cracking the beehive of my quickly failing mind. But I couldn't stop running now. Esme and Alice were close behind.
One of the few perks of being a newborn is you're about that much better at everything than any other of your kind. The way I was going, I could've outrun a fighter jet. But then again, I was, in a sense, running for my life.
There was a word for this kind of event, the kind that plagues and diseases your life in one fell swoop, tearing you apart limb from limb and burning the pieces.
Right. I think it's called a catastrophe. Side effects include panic, nausea, fainting, cranial implosion, and death of loved ones. And why stop there? Don't forget the obligatory postlude death of oneself. You can't miss out on that.
So why, you ask, did this happen to me?
Some might say it was fate. Inevitable. The infallible, set-in-stone prose of destiny. Others might say I was just paying the karmic bill. Getting what I deserved for involving a wonderful, innocent family in my entirely destructive present.
If I could decide, I'd choose the latter. At least tonight, I was going to die for something. Or, rather, someone.
Really, I'd be killing two birds with one stone: the complication and the catalyst. I nearly ruined the Cullens' life by involving them. As far as I was concerned, James and I, we deserved exactly what we got. He was just going to get it first, that was all.
I'm coming, Edward, I thought to myself as I flew through the dark of the forest. Light was already peeking out from behind the mountains in the distance. It'd be dawn soon. I'd better make this quick.
I wasn't precisely sure what I planned on doing once I'd found James and his followers. I knew one thing – I had to protect Edward and his family. I didn't know how, but I would do it. Something in the back of my mind screamed for me to.
James and I had more than just bad karma in common. We also had similar goals: to kill one another. The only exception was, I didn't expect to make it out alive. If James got the upper hand, that was it. Lights out. Show's over. Cue the curtains.
I could vaguely hear Alice and Esme's frantic cries behind me as I stumbled blindly through the woods, following the scent I recognized as Edward's, and a few fainter ones I assumed to belong to James and his group. My chest clenched with fear as I carried on through the night.
I skidded to a stop in a small clearing a little ways up the mountain. My trail smelled to have split in two directions. Damn it. Edward must've lost them.
"Well, well, well, look who decided to join the party."
I froze, a shiver running up my spine as I bit down hard on my lip to stifle my cry. "James," I said weakly and turned to face my fate.
Every bit of his vicious grin had been ingrained in my memory the night I was changed, so the glint of his bared teeth and the murderous fire in his blood red eyes did not catch me off guard. His lithe movements, the sinewy muscles in his arms, the eerie perfection of his pale white face that was only intensified when spattered with new blood… nothing had changed. He looked as much like death as he ever would. I expected nothing less.
"I've been looking for you everywhere, darlin'. Didya miss me?"
I didn't reply, just stood there stock-still, counting the seconds until I could work up the courage to spring.
He giggled, a sharp, mocking sound that pierced the still quiet of the sunless early morning. "Well, honey, I missed you too. Are you surprised to see me? I should have called."
My muscles twitched with anticipation. All I needed was something to divert his attention for one second. Then I'd go for the neck.
"Oh, that's right," he said, snapping his fingers with a toothy grin that stopped my breath in my throat, cold with fear. "Have you met my friends? Heya, Victoria! Come on out, baby!"
A somewhat dazed looking redhead skipped out of the clearing, tugging along a younger-looking, dark haired male with dried blood on the front of his scruffy white shirt. The woman was at James' side in a matter of seconds, gazing at me coldly. "James, you know I don't like to be kept waitin'. Now, are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on? I thought you said it was safe to hunt here, and now we're being chased down like a bunch'a fugitives!"
James smiled wickedly at me before turning to her and petting the top of her head. "I have a little business to attend to first. Victoria, old girl, have you met my good friend Bella? That's all right. She won't be with us long."
Victoria's confused expression turned to one of anger as the truth behind James' words hit her. "Is that what this is all about? All this time, we've been huntin' this girl? James, we can't just kill one of our own – "
"It ain't like that, Vicky baby," James crooned. "Her daddy done me wrong back in the day, and all I want is a little rev – "
"James!" Victoria screeched furiously. "This is ridiculous! You're acting crazy!"
James growled menacingly at Victoria and before I could react, jumped to hold my arms captive behind my back with one hand wrapped firmly around my throat. I thrashed in his grip, but he was still stronger than me. I was rendered helpless in the arms of my own demise. I had expected no less. He'd kill me right here, with so few witnesses, and the Cullens would be safe. A humble death for a noble cause.
But hell, how I wished I could have seen Edward one last time before I was thrown piece by piece into the bonfire of my bitter end.
Emitting another low growl, James pulled my head roughly by the hair, tipping my head back to expose my throat. "Just like old times, right, little girl? Your daddy would be so proud of you, risking your life for that pitiful group that insisted on chasin' us through every corner of this damn forest. That kid with the coppery hair seemed very enthusiastic about finding us. Honey, I can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds what's left of you…"
I snarled and whipped out of his grip, and in one swift movement had struck him hard on the face, sending him flying back to hit the ground. With a roar of rage I pounced on top of him and pinned him to the ground. "You leave Edward out of this," I hissed.
A pair of hands wrenched me off of James' frame, who shook with maniacal laughter as I was shoved to the ground by a furious-looking Victoria. "Enough," she sputtered through clenched teeth. "James, let's go. You too," she motioned to the dark-haired, young vampire who was glaring at James with contempt. "I didn't sign up for this, James," Victoria snapped. "I don't want to kill nobody, nobody like us at least."
"Too bad," James said in a dangerously low voice as he licked his lips apprehensively, his eyes flickering from Victoria to me as he coiled to attack.
He sprung and I braced to defend myself, but the dark-haired vampire beat me to it. He caught James mid-spring and pushed him away from me, his palm on James' chest. "Stop," he warned. "You lied to us, Victoria and I. You never said nothin' about revenge. You said we was hunting. This ain't hunting, James. This is murder."
James roared with pent-up anger and frustration, and successfully lunged at me this time – landing us hard on the ground. I heard a definite crack as my skull came in contact with the hard ground, and his looming figure swam before my eyes. He snarled and grabbed me by the hair, hauling me up and tossing me carelessly like a rag doll against a tree trunk. I slid down to its base, my back against its splintery bark as the dazed defeat washed over me like a kerosene wave prepping me for fire after death.
The dark-haired vampire jumped between us again, just in the niche of time before James hit me again. My vision was swimming famously, a chiaroscuro of reds and blacks and candid flashes of white. My fate was a sordid work of art painted in the best of colored, acrylic venom. A masterpiece of light and death rattles. I chuckled to myself deliriously, my head lolling against the tree trunk.
I heard a grunt as my young savior with hair black as jet punched James hard in the stomach. Victoria shrieked and ran to protect James' fallen figure. I grinned at him sheepishly when he turned to kneel by my side. His hair shone in the white-red fireworks of my peripherals. Jet, shining jet. Man, was he shiny, a real ray of sun in my finest hour. I still didn't know his name. "Hey, Sunny," I giggled and allowed myself to collapse under the tree, resting my face in the cool dirt. "It's all right now. Let James have at it. I can't win, and he'll sooner kill Edward or Charlie if he can't kill me…"
A rush of shivers went down my spine, a cold front in the heat of my passionate murder. I gritted my teeth and swallowed the growing pain coming from the back of my head. The bees had returned full-force, threatening me with a cerebral A-bomb as they pounded on the walls of my skull. Get out, get out!
Were they talking to me?
A thousand clicks took place in my brain at once and I suddenly remembered myself. The daze from my semi-concussion lifted like fog and I gasped for breath against the dirty terrain. The dark-haired vampire took me by the elbow and helped me to my feet.
I started as roar came from the trees behind us. "Get your filthy hands off her!"
The young vampire's hand was gone in an instant, caught unaware as Edward sprang into the clearing. I heard a sickening tear and crunch of bone, and I knew at once my poor savior was dead.
The bees returned. Buzz, buzz. Dead, dead, dead.
My fault.
Before I could blink I felt another hand on my arm. "Charlie!" I gasped with surprise. I could read his face like a book by now – every line around his eyes, every crease in his frown, an Etch-A-Sketch of concern and apologies. It didn't take a genius to read between the lines; he blamed himself for James' return. It's okay; I forgive you, I wanted to say.
I didn't speak. It was too early to be certain. Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper stood in the clearing, facing a seething, injured James and a horrified Victoria. Their skin had just begun to sparkle in the light of an approaching dawn, unmoving in marble restraint. What were they waiting for?
Edward. Where did he go? The bees hummed with renewed ferocity.
"Charlie," I said urgently, panic rising like bile in my throat. "Where is Edward?"
"He went to get Alice and Esme," he mumbled, his eyes focused on the hissing, infuriated face of James. "I went looking for you as soon as I saw your note and caught James' scent. I was afraid I'd be too late," He paused, and glanced at me with a mixture of relief and dismay. "But then I ran into Alice and Esme, who told me they were running after you. We found Carlisle's group a few minutes later and all hell broke loose – none of us knew where you were. Edward… he just lost it completely. He ran ahead to track you on his own, and we tried to follow. Alice and Esme stayed behind to keep watch for you, to see if you'd return. But here you are," he gestured about the clearing, his voice growing angry, "You nearly got killed, Bella. Thank god Edward found you in time."
I opened my mouth to protest but whipped around when I heard a shout from the middle of the clearing. James and Victoria were being restrained by Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie, hissing and snapping as they were held fast. Carlisle ran to the edge of the clearing to meet Edward, Alice, and Esme as they emerged from the woods. Alice bolted immediately to assist Rosalie in holding back a wildly thrashing Victoria, screeching incoherently as she fought to break free.
I moved to run to Edward's side, but Charlie held me back. "No, Bella. Let them handle this."
Edward approached the hissing, spitting James slowly, taking time to survey his potential kill. His shaking fists were clenched white and his chiseled jaw was set in a hard line. He leaned in towards James, slowly at first, relishing every hiss of fury and warning growl. Then without warning, his hand snapped forward and he took James roughly by the collar and flung him back, pinning him to the ground. I looked away as Edward tore off an ear. James screamed with rage and agony as Emmett dragged him out of Edward's murderous grip. Jasper put a hand to Edward's chest, signaling for him to stop.
Victoria's loud cry of despair echoed off the mountains and reverberated through the trees as James was torn limb from limb. "Start a fire! Get a fire going!" I heard Carlisle cry. I buried my head in Charlie's shoulder and heaved a dry sob.
Another booming yell echoed in the clearing, this time from Emmett. "Now her!" He waved towards Victoria like she was some kind of filth.
"NO!" I screeched suddenly and tore from Charlie's grip. I ran to Emmett's side and tugged at his arm weakly, still faint from the blow to my head. "Don't, Emmett, don't! She didn't know! James lied to her, he lied! She never wanted to kill me! Emmett, please – "
"Bella, calm down," Carlisle said, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder as he gestured to Victoria, who lay sobbing in a trembling heap on the ground. "We know she isn't at fault here. We aren't going to kill her." I relaxed under his hand at once. No more death. Please, no more.
"But we aren't going to just let her go free," he said seriously. "That would be dangerous to all of us, you especially."
Edward spun around from where he had stood with Jasper. "What?" he exclaimed incredulously. "Of course we are going to kill her, Carlisle." Victoria let out another bellowing cry.
"No, Edward," Carlisle said firmly. "We will do no such thing."
"But she's completely guilty! After all, she went around with that vile James and his disgusting little minion, that dark-haired boy…"
"Disgusting?" I cried in disbelief. "He was protecting me, Edward! He saved me from James when he was trying to kill me! James lied to Victoria and that boy, Edward, they didn't realize his intentions. And you killed him! You killed that poor boy! And now you want to kill Victoria, too? How could you, Edward?"
Edward stared at me with shock and anger. "How can you be defending these… these monsters, Bella? They were after you! And now that this Victoria is pleading innocent just to avoid the consequences, you're siding with her?"
"Are you kidding me? That's your argument? That just because they happened to be in the wrong place with the wrong guy, they should pay with their lives? How can you… I can't believe you…" The furious, discombobulated buzzing in my head amplified and boiled over, and I crumpled to the ground with a frustrated sob. "Edward," I whimpered. "Please don't. No more, okay? I can't… please just don't hurt anyone else… please, no more." I shook as the tearless sobs turned to hysterics. "No more, no more, no more…"
"Shh," Edward whispered as he knelt in front of me and took me into his arms. "Shh, Bella, love, don't cry. Please don't cry. I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry." He rocked me and stroked my hair as I cried desperately into his shirt. My head threatened to explode and Victoria's mournful wails felt like repeated blows to my chest. How to fix this? Where do we go from here?
"This isn't right," I sobbed. "I was supposed to die for you, remember? There weren't supposed to be any others. Just James and I. It's not supposed to be this way." I let out a soft cry of surprise and hurt when he suddenly pulled away and got up.
"Edward – "
He ignored me and went to speak with Carlisle. I stared at him as the pain in my chest built up quickly to match the pain in my head.
I had gotten him involved, his whole family. They had two deaths on their hands and one pending execution. They all had every right to hate me. But the very idea of Edward resenting me for making him part of this, for putting him in this uncomfortable position made panic buzz in my head and an unnamed something stir in my heart.
"Bella, sweetie," Alice spoke softly as she kneeled by my side. "Everything's going to be okay, you know that, right? Esme's going to take care of it. Don't worry."
I looked at her with confusion marking my pained face. "Esme?"
Alice gazed at me expectantly, and when I did not respond, she let out a light chuckle and patted my arm. "You mean you don't know what Esme can do? Her gift?"
I shook my head no.
"She can erase memories, Bella. Esme's going to make sure Victoria forgets about us, about Forks, even about James. She'll go to sleep, if you can believe it, and all of her memories will just slip away for good. By the time she wakes up she'll be as confused as ever, but we'll just tell her we found her a few miles up the mountain and she must've hit her head hunting or something. Then when she's stable enough to leave, we'll give her a plane ticket to as far away as possible and you'll never have to see or hear from her again."
"Wow," I breathed, calm resolve floating into my head and distilling the angry clouds of bees. There was nothing more I could say. Was this it? The antidote to the damage I've caused? I'd only breathe easy again when this was over.
I reluctantly allowed Alice to grab my arm and hoist me from the ground. "See? Everything's fine. We've got it all under control. You're safe now, Bells."
I choked on the breath I had been holding in as the glint of love and remorse filled my eyes. "Alice," my voice cracked. "I've ruined everything, haven't I? I mean, any one of you could've been hurt. I put you all in danger, I shouldn't have – "
"Shh, Bella," Alice hushed, petting my hair reassuringly. "Don't be silly. We're all just glad Edward got here in time to help you. You could've been killed, sweetie. This wasn't your fault."
I collapsed into her arms and heaved a sob from my clenched throat. "I'm so sorry this happened, Alice," I whispered shakily. "I only left because I wanted to protect all of you. When you said James brought friends, I got scared. I was afraid I'd lose one of you."
She continued to pet my hair silently as I shook with unshed tears. Unforgivable, unforgivable, your fault… The bees reverberated off the walls of my skull, their buzzing bitter and resentful.
I looked over to where Carlisle and Edward stood; no glances were spared in my direction. Not that I deserved any. Another mental slap inside my head. Your fault, you lose. The buzzing was deafening.
Carlisle finally looked over to where Alice and I stood and concern washed over his features. "Esme," he said quickly, "It's time."
I turned to watch as Esme approached the defeated Victoria, who lay in quiet mourning of lost love on the ground. She turned her dirt-smeared, hopeless expression up to look at Esme. Her face was expressionless, and her eyes hollow. A silent surrender in the face of fate.
"Victoria," Esme said softly, "Is it true you had no intentions of hurting our Bella?" I cringed at that, our Bella; they had not resolved to disown me completely yet. I still had time, maybe a few hours' worth before I would be asked to go quietly.
Victoria nodded weakly and turned her face back onto the ground, a small sob escaping her throat. I felt a twinge of sadness for her – like me, she was truly about to lose everything.
Esme said no more, and walked up to where Victoria lay trembling in the dirt. She reached out to touch Victoria, receiving a hiss and snap of teeth.
"I won't hurt you," Esme promised, but her stance was defensive, her eyes wary and distrusting.
With that, Esme placed her delicate hand on Victoria's wild red hair and, before she could react, shut her eyes and a look of intense focus replaced her uneasy expression. Victoria did not make a sound as her clear emerald eyes rolled back into her head.
I let out a gust of air I had been holding in with a horrified gasp when Esme's eyes suddenly snapped open, revealing no pupils – simply the whites of her eyes, blind and unseeing, twin orbs of nothingness. But Carlisle and everyone else weren't swayed by the shocking image. They stood together in calm resolve as I shook with fear in Alice's arms.
And at once, Esme stumbled back and Victoria collapsed in a heap once again onto the dirt. She was unconscious.
Esme looked down at her with a mixture of sympathy and trepidation and then turned back to Carlisle. "Consider her harmless. As of now, James doesn't exist. And to her, he never did."
Carlisle nodded with approval and smiled as he turned to address the rest of us. "Emmett, Rosalie, take Victoria here and put her in one of the spare rooms as soon as we get home. Alice, keep hold of Bella as we run. She has a slight head injury and I want you to make sure she gets back okay. When we get to the house, Charlie can take it from there. Everyone, let's get out of here."
Alice took me gently by the arm and led me behind the rest of the group. I watched Edward as her walked alongside Carlisle towards the woods, still refusing to turn around. My confidence wilted further and I slumped in Alice's grip. Charlie walked beside us, absorbed in his own thoughts as he occasionally reached out to steady me.
"Are you okay?" Alice asked worriedly as I lowered my eyes to the ground.
"I think Edward hates me," I said quietly, hoping Charlie wasn't paying attention.
Alice scoffed. "Of course he doesn't. He's just…" she paused and flashed me an uncertain smile. "A little upset, is all. He'll get over it."
"What can I do to fix it?" I begged weakly, my head buzzing with renewed ferocity. You lost, your fault.
She shrugged and patted my arms, her face smiling still but her eyes concerned and uneasy. "You don't need to do anything. He'll come around, promise."
I slumped further into her shoulder and let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah," I murmured. "I hope so."
I stared at Edward's figure as his muscles tensed and he and the rest of the group sprung forward in a sprint home.
I was supposed to die for you, remember?
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Defiance screamed louder than words as I swatted away the owl as it desperately tried to restrain me. I pulled from its iron grip and started to run towards the black sea to follow the retreating shadow into the water, the cold wind of the night whipping my face and ruffling the bird's white feathers as it cawed angrily. I could not go far; I was back in his protective claws in a matter of seconds. I turned my furious eyes on the owl, and my own golden fire was reflected in his huge liquid topaz eyes, burning with determination and love as he pulled me away from the shoreline…
"Five minutes, Bells, and then we're going home," Charlie stated, walking ahead of me as we stepped into the clearing by the Cullens' home.
I broke from my half-dream with a quiet gasp and turned to nod at him tiredly as I approached the front side of the house. My gait was uncertain and probably looked as reluctant as I felt to follow the Cullens inside.
Failure.
I had tried so hard to will myself into that half-dream as Alice and Charlie dragged me at high speed through the forest, channeling all the sparse energy and every ounce of passion I had into creating the near future I wanted. What I got was nonsensical and unsettling, not at all what I needed now.
What I needed was for Edward to want me again. For him to hold me tightly to his chest and call me "love" again and stroke my hair. For him to silence the furious hive of bees that unceasingly chanted my defeat. My only love. My drug of choice. I couldn't stand being away from him. Being so close and yet so far away, still standing outside his house, this was withdrawal.
There was no hope for rehabilitation now. I had only made it two steps on the road to recovery before tripping over the rock that was the third: relinquish the life choice to pursue the bad habit. Letting go, it seemed, was completely unfathomable. There was no life without Edward.
"Come on, Bella," Charlie chided me as he stood near Esme, their eyes both on me.
Esme stood at the front door, holding it open for us as I stepped onto the porch. Everyone had already gone inside, the unconscious Victoria and the very conscious Edward included. The thought made me shift uneasily on my feet as I strained myself to return Esme's easy smile as I walked silently into the house alongside Charlie.
The buzz in my pounding head went up to an impossibly higher decibel level as we walked with Esme into the living room, to find the rest of the family sitting on chairs and couches, awaiting my arrival. This, of course, must have been the part where they ask me to never come back. Surely what I had put them through had damaged our bond irrevocably.
I was the lowest of the low. Scum. If I had been them, I'd have cast me out long before I stepped through the front door.
Alice got up from her place on the couch next to Jasper and went to stand beside me, her warm smile mirroring Esme's as she took my hand.
She was the first to speak. "Bella," Alice said lightly, a twinge of sadness in her voice as she held my hand so gingerly I was sure she was trying not to break me, "there's something we need to say to you before you and Charlie go back home. Both of you."
I shook my head frantically and backed out of her delicate grip towards the divider wall between the living room and the front entrance. "Please," I begged, holding my buzzing head together with both hands in lieu of its explosion. "You don't have to say it. I know, I know," I pressed my back into the wall as the internal fight between the angry bees and their confining cranial space continued. "I won't come back, ever. Don't have to say it. Won't…" I gritted my teeth at the deafening buzzing in my skull that enhanced the struggle to speak, "Trouble you. Any more. No more… danger."
Alice's eyes widened and she gaped at me. "What?" she finally asked incredulously, and several voices behind her echoed the same question.
I must have looked so pathetic, leaning against the wall, shaking and gripping my near-exploding head. I took a ragged breath in and looked to the floor. I couldn't bear to return any of the Cullens' shocked gazes. I didn't deserve their kindness, they didn't need to let me off easy. I would go quietly, just like they must have wanted.
"I'll go now. Don't worry," I steadied myself against the wall before motioning to Charlie that it was time to leave. "You won't hear from me again."
Sensing my disease and mental pain, Charlie was instantly at my side, holding my arm to balance me. "We're very sorry for all the trouble this caused," he said to the Cullens as he led me carefully towards the door. He met eyes with Carlisle, whose eyes were wide and full of sadness as he watched us leave. "Thank you all for your kindness and friendship to Bella. I think I speak for both of us when I say how much we appreciate everything you've done. Bella," Charlie then looked at me, "I'll give you a minute. I'll wait outside."
He let go of my arm and gave it a quick pat before heading out. I turned my miserable eyes back to the people I had come to regard as my family and forced one last wavering smile. "I… um," I stuttered, removing one hand from my head and shoving it in my pocket. "I'm really sorry, you guys. For everything. I just wish…" I pressed my lips together to hold back a sob. "I just want the best for you all. And I, I just…" I then pressed both hands to my face to stifle my grief and pain. Something was tearing inside me, and the bees were at a standstill. This was it, the severance I had anticipated since the moment I told Edward I was being followed.
Edward.
I uncovered my red-rimmed, tired eyes to look one last time on the perfect face of my only will to live. He stood in the corner of the room, his elbows resting on top of the piano as he held his face in his hands. He must have sensed my gaze and turned his beautiful golden eyes to meet mine. They held deep pain that could only reflect my own. We must have looked the same then, our topaz eyes swimming with despair and our expressions broken as we must have felt.
There was no hate in the way he looked at me. I suppose that would come with time.
But then he did something I had not anticipated. He suddenly bolted up from his place at the piano and, before I could blink, had enveloped me in a strong, desperate embrace. He pressed his face into my hair and breathed in shakily, his grip so tight I could not physically do the same. The tearing in my chest focused all of its efforts on one select place now: my heart.
Oh, my heart, my heart.
"Don't you leave me," Edward mumbled into my hair, his arms wrapping around me tighter to still my weak, shaking body. "You will never leave me."
I took his face in my hands and turned his anguished gaze to meet mine. The disbelief drained from my face instantly and the tearing paused as I at last recognized the unnamed emotion behind the pain in his eyes. Could it be? Had my dream come true after all?
His soft words echoed my buzzing thoughts, the bees for once in harmony with my hopes as my whole being and soul prayed they would not be dashed. "Bella," he murmured, the sadness in his eyes lacing the warmth of his breath. "Bella, I – Please, just don't leave us. Don't leave me. We never wanted you to go. We only wanted to tell you how sorry we were, that we hadn't told you from the start about Alice's vision. About how sorry we were that I didn't get there sooner to protect you. We never meant for anything to happen to you, for you to get hurt. We would never, ever ask you to leave. We all… care about you so much, Bella," his eyes shone with meaning as they penetrated mine with raw intensity, "More than you know."
That really killed me. Somehow he – they – still wanted me here, even after everything that had happened. It was shocking, although the shock was a welcome sensation in my numb and tired bones.
They still care. I would be naïve to doubt that.
"And I am so sorry," he whispered as he stroked my hair and the pain seeped back into his eyes, "that James hurt you again and I wasn't there to stop him. That I hurt you by walking away when you said that Alice's vision was how it was supposed to be, that you were supposed to… die in my place. That was so selfish of me, and you were being so unselfish. I just couldn't bear the thought that you would've let that happen, that you would've given your life for me. I couldn't live with myself if you did."
What the older, more mature Bella would have said was what was in her heart. Right then, I could have distilled my worn-out teenage naivety and let my truest feelings finally shine through. I knew at that point I was deeply in love with Edward Cullen. I knew I had to tell him.
I love you. I would never leave you. I would die for you.
What the immature, still-naïve Bella managed to choke out was something entirely different.
"Edward…" I choked, looking to my feet to hide the emotion on my face. I didn't know what to say. Well, I did, but I didn't know how to say it the right way. So I didn't.
I stood there dumbly and couldn't find any more words. I was pathetic. Beyond pathetic. I simply couldn't bring myself to tell him. I slumped in his strong arms and said no more.
After another minute of silence his arms relaxed and I pulled away. Esme was at my side in an instant and pulled me into a warm embrace. "We're just glad you're safe, honey. And you know you're always welcome here. No matter what."
I smiled a little at her words as she let go and managed a small wave at the rest of the family before backing towards the door. Edward followed suit and my hand rested uncertainly on the doorknob. I finally looked up to meet his gaze and my breath caught in my throat.
They say eyes are the window to the soul. I wasn't sure if vampires still had one, but whatever lay in his smoldering golden gaze was the closest we would probably ever come. My lips parted into a small sigh as he brushed his hand along my cheekbone reverently before covering my hand with his and opening the front door.
It was daybreak now. The sun was positioned above the dark green of the forest, suspended in pale, early-morning glory over the quietly awakening town. A beautiful panorama for a Thursday that couldn't have begun worse.
Charlie stood at the edge of the lawn, awaiting me patiently as I took one last glance at Edward. His eyes glinted and he smiled slightly before letting go of my hand. I could feel his eyes on my back as I met Charlie at the end of the driveway and we departed wordlessly.
I would die for you.
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I went through the school day like a zombie. I was exhausted. Preoccupied. The bees in my brain had waged a war in my head, ripping and buzzing through my cerebellum, rendering me jumpy and impossibly weak. By the time lunch rolled around, I wanted to curl up on a cafeteria bench and knock myself out. I was almost jealous of the way Victoria slept soundly, still as a corpse in a locked upstairs bedroom of the Cullens' home.
"You okay, Bella?" Angela asked with concern as I leaned my head into my hands, elbows resting on the grimy lunch table.
"Yeah," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes furiously and smiling up at Angela's worried face. "Yeah, just tired."
She patted my hand with sympathy before engrossing herself in one of Jessica and Lauren's inane conversations. I sighed heavily and turned my head a little to subtly glance at the Cullens' table in the far corner of the cafeteria. I frowned – Edward was gone.
I hauled myself up from the table and shuffled quickly to where Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie sat, conversing sparingly as they rested on their partner's shoulders. They looked just as tired as I did. I felt a little prick of regret as I sat down on the empty bench where Edward normally sat. Alice grinned brightly despite her weary expression while the others just watched me curiously. It wasn't often that I went to see them during school hours.
"Hey, Bells," Alice chirped. "Haven't seen you in a while."
I chuckled slightly and smiled. "Yeah, it's been ages. So, um, where's...?"
"He's in the library," Alice shrugged, cutting me off. "Said something about peace and quiet. He's such a bore sometimes. Maybe you should go keep him company." She got a devious look in her eye that instantly warded me off. "I bet he'd appreciate it greatly."
I nodded shortly and got up hastily, hoping this time to avoid the Edward-related jokes I knew were bound to come out of her or Jasper's mouth in a matter of seconds. "Okay, see you guys later," I waved and rushed out of the cafeteria as Alice and Jasper began sniggering behind me.
The sparsely lit library was usually near deserted during lunch, and I was grateful for that. I opened the door cautiously and at once saw him – Edward sat in a wooden chair towards the back, reading a thick, leather-bound book, his mouth turned down at the corners.
I stepped gingerly through the aisles of books, fingers playing nervously with the hem of my shirt as I stopped to stand in front of him. He glanced up from his book and the contemplative look on his face dissipated. He smiled at me in greeting and laced his fingers in mine. My heart fluttered in response.
Why was I here? I had nothing noteworthy to say, no points to make. I wasn't about to get down on one knee in this dimly lit, stuffy old library and profess my love to him. What did I think I was even doing here?
I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sudden blaring of the bell. Time for class. I groaned with annoyance and cast Edward an apologetic glance. His smile simply widened as he stood up. He took a step forward so his side was aligned with mine, and looped one arm around my waist. He turned his head and leaned his face toward my ear, his mouth lightly grazing the top of my cheekbone. "Tonight," he breathed into my ear and squeezed my waist once before jetting out of that dim, dusty library without another word. I clutched a shaking hand to my chest and took in an unsteady breath.
Tonight.
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Dragging a still-trembling hand through my hair one last time, I hauled myself out of my window and bolted into the dark forest towards the Cullens' house. Everything looked different than usual – illuminated, vibrant, defined. The dead of night wasn't usually this bright. It was staggering. And I hadn't stopped shaking since Edward last spoke to me.
I didn't know what to expect. I didn't have to. He'd be there. That's all that mattered. Whatever he wanted me for, that didn't matter. I had to tell him. Tonight.
The three words pulsed in my head, a steady buzz that mingled with the quiet storm of bees in my mind. He needed to know.
I had spent a shocking amount of time getting ready to leave; meticulously brushing my long chestnut hair, choosing the right shirt to go with my black jeans, even struggling with the mascara wand for a while. I had to look okay. Or at least presentable. I nearly felt pleased when I glanced in the mirror once more before leaving.
Nothing too out of the ordinary. Pale, near translucent skin. Somewhat modest getup. The morbidly inviting face of a predator.
I didn't know what beautiful looked like to a vampire. To me, I just looked okay.
By the time I'd reached the ground under Edward's balcony I began to doubt myself again. Maybe now wasn't the time. It could be too early to tell him. The timing could be terribly wrong.
I shook my head quickly and rubbed my temples. No time like the present.
I scaled the wall effortlessly and swung over onto the balcony. The curtain on the glass door was drawn. I took a deep breath to steady myself, pushing my hair back before knocking twice on the door. I began chewing my lip nervously and played with a strand of my hair.
The door suddenly slid open loudly and I let out a little squeak of surprise when a strong, familiar hand pulled me inside. "Edward, what're you –"
His arm wrapped protectively around my waist and he steered me towards the other door, the one leading out into the upstairs hallway. Panic rose as quick as the decibel level of buzzing in my head. "Where are we –"
He thrust the door open and I gasped as we nearly ran into Emmett and Jasper. They barely glanced at us as they strode into the room adjacent to Edward's. He led me behind them and I faltered as soon as we stepped into the room. Alice, Rosalie, and Esme stood on the rug in the middle of the room while Carlisle paced the floor restlessly. They were all talking at once.
"Must've miscalculated the time…"
"Should have checked on her more often…"
"Wonder where she could have gone…"
I turned my wide eyes back to Edward, who stared with a hard expression at the open window beside the bed towards the back of the room. "Edward, what is going on here?"
He turned his hard eyes on me, and they instantly melted into a regretful, worried stare. He pulled me closed to his side and his arm became impossibly tighter around my waist. I looked confusedly up at him and he frowned, the crease between his eyebrows deepening. "She's gone."
"Who?" I stammered, already knowing the answer.
"Victoria's escaped."
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A/N: Because I know how much y'all love the cliffhangers.
Sorry it took so ridiculously long to post this. I'll try to get another one up soon, depending on the response I get on this one and all.
Reviews make me absolutely buzz with joy. ( :
