SOS Onboard the Maid Star
Twelth FML
'Gumi's Idea'
"Hey, Neru. Neru?"
"What?"
"Neru-chaaan~"
"I'm listening! What?" Neru snapped at Gumi.
Neru's green-haired 'friend' (to use the term very, very loosely) was waving her hand in front of Neru's face, as though she were having some kind of seizure contained to only one part of her body.
...Was such a thing even possible?
"I'm trying to get your attention," said Gumi.
"Well, you've got it. What do you want?"
"...Hehe~"
And, with a small laugh, Gumi ceased her wild arm movements- which Neru should have been thankful for. She was beginning to go cross-eyed, watching Gumi's hand flap back and forth like the beating wings of a hummingbird. However, instead of placing her hand back on the table like a normal person, Gumi instead decided to reach forward and do the thing that Neru hated most (and that was quite a feat, considering the list of things Neru hated was so long).
Gumi began to tug on the blonde tuft of hair that stuck up from Neru's scalp.
"H-hey..." Neru narrowed her eyes. "Stop it."
Gumi didn't.
Neru hated that tuft of hair with a passion. What she did to it every morning, in her attempts to flatten it down and make it behave, damnit, was nothing short of raging war. However, no matter how many times she attacked it, be it with shampoo and conditioner and hair straighteners and hairclips (once, in a fit of desperation, she even took a pair of scissors to it), that damn bit of hair refused to obey her wishes. She swore after she cut it off it grew back the next day, bigger and stronger than before. Like the Hydra from Greek myths, it couldn't be defeated- and any attempts to run it through would surely meet with disaster.
And, thus, Neru's desire to eradicate the stupid piece of hair grew bigger and bigger.
Neru always liked a challenge.
However, she had a feeling the challenge offered to her by that tuft of hair was one she was going to lose.
Thankfully, not many commented on her crazy hair- and nobody would have dreamed of touching it. The general populace weren't brave enough to risk encountering Neru's Wrath.
Gumi, however, was a special case.
The green-haired girl was enraptured with that tuft of hair, and would tug on it whenever she a) felt bored, or b) had a death wish.
And playing around with Neru's hair was a sure-fire way to get yourself decapitated. Like insulting Neru's chest (or lack of thereof), messing up her ahoge always pressed some kind of 'berserk button' in her mind, and instilled upon her the urge to kill all human beings within a fifty mile radius.
Sadly for Gumi, at that moment the classroom was nearly empty, and she was the closest.
But Neru would give her one more chance...
"Gumi, get off, or I'll MURDER YOU. And your family. And your pet dog!"
"Mmnnope~ Don't wanna!~"
Well.
She was just asking for it now.
With a look on her face that could have soured milk, Neru leant forwards and took hold of Gumi's goggles.
(Strangely enough, the teachers let Gumi wear those goggles in class, even though they argued with Rin on an almost daily basis about the ((im))practicalities of her huge hair ribbon. Apparently, the people sat behind her couldn't see the board because of that monstrous thing- which was fair, Neru supposed, but why were they so lenient on Gumi? Goggles were hardly part of the mandatory school uniform.
Then again, the teachers liked Gumi more than Rin. Gumi was quiet, polite and intelligent. She always paid attention in class, volunteered for extra-curricular activities, helped out in the sports clubs when certain members were too sick to play in matches against rival schools, offered creative ideas for the culture festival when nobody else bothered, and even helped clean the classroom every single day after school. Gumi was, in all respects, a model student. So what if she wore goggles all the time? She was pushing the class' grade point average up, so that was fine!
In comparison, Rin was about as helpful as a bad case of mumps.
Could you say 'favouritism'?
Neru certainly could).
Neru pulled at Gumi's stupid goggles, stretching them as far as the elasticised band would allow- and then she let go.
There was a satisfying 'ping!' noise as they snapped back against Gumi's face. And an even more satisfying squeak of pain.
"Ow!" Gumi winced, pressing her fingers gingerly against the sore spot on her forehead. "That was mean, Neru!"
"I know," said Neru flatly, trying to pat down her ahoge. Of course, it didn't work- and, of course, that only made her more irritable. "You've been my friend for, what, two years? You should know I'm mean by now."
"Humph." Gumi frowned and stuck out her tongue. "Is this the thanks I get for being worried about you?"
"You worry about everyone."
It was true. Gumi may have acted loud and brash on the outside, but Neru knew that was not the case. Gumi was so sensitive she couldn't watch the news without getting depressed; any mention of theft or manslaughter or murder left her feeling sick to the stomach (as it should have done with every decent, law-abiding person- but you had to draw a line somewhere).
Gumi's mother hen attitude was probably the reason why she was friends with Neru in the first place. Gumi had seen the sullen, sulky blonde sat by herself on the first day of school, refusing to talk to anyone- not because Neru was shy, or scared, but because she'd been preoccupied texting abuse on an internet chat forum to some American guy with the screen name 'Big Al'- and Gumi had thought 'I need to help this innocent girl!'
But Neru wasn't 'innocent'.
And Neru hadn't wanted her help.
In fact, Neru very distinctly remembered that she told Gumi to go away before she broke her nose.
However, Gumi had not gone away (obviously), and here she was now- the same caring (overly so) Nakajima Megumi who ran for class presidency every year because nobody else would, sat with Neru and ate lunch with her because nobody else would, and bugged Neru senselessly because nobody else would have dared.
At least there were some perks being Gumi's friend.
For one thing, Gumi was a good cook (did she really have to make her bento box carrot-themed every day, though?) and Neru could always steal titbits of food when she wasn't looking.
For another, Neru found it ridiculously easy to coerce Gumi into doing her homework. Although Gumi would tut and sigh and shake her head, and spout classic lines such as 'you need to do it yourself to become a fully functioning member of society', she always caved in the end.
She was just too nice.
Then again, Neru was pretty much a bitch full time, so they balanced each other out.
"Yeah, well~" Gumi laughed, not trying to deny her over-protective nature. "Maaa~ybe. But I worry about you more, Tufty. You're my friend. Even if you don't wanna be. Hahahahaha~"
"...Tufty?"
"This."
And Gumi flicked Neru's ahoge.
Neru narrowed her eyes, slapping Gumi's hand away. Self-consciously, she tried to pat the stupid bit of stupid hair down again, and again- and again. But, no matter how much pressure she exerted on it (she was sure her fist was going to smash straight through her skull if she kept doing that) it would always, once she took her hands away, bounce back up, unscathed, as though it were a level 99 monster in a Final Fantasy game, resistant to physical attacks and all elements.
Neru glowered.
Her hair must have had an invincible god mode cheat operating… How much levelling up would be needed to finally kill it?
Great. Now I sound like a nerd.
"Okay," Neru said, stabbing a finger in Gumi's direction. "Number one- don't call me Tufty. EVER. Number two- stop being such a moron (although, for you, that might be asking for the impossible. So at least stop talking so much, before I staple your lips together). And number three- what are you bugging me about now?"
"I'm not bugging you, Tufty-"
Neru hissed.
However, Gumi cheerfully ignored her.
"-I was just expressing a concern for my friend. You've been acting kind of weird all morning..." Gumi smiled mischievously. When she did that, she looked a little bit like a pixie- one of those disagreeable ones from old fairytales that stole babies. "Weirder than usual, I mean."
"I wasn't acting weird," said Neru defiantly, folding her arms.
"You were," Gumi insisted. "You were being kind of... spacey. It looked like you were going to fall asleep."
"I don't know if you've noticed, Megumi-"
"Ooh? Full name, huh?" asked Megumi-but-please-call-me-Gumi, laughing. "This must be serious."
"I'm always serious. And, c'mon- we had maths this morning. Nobody pays attention in maths."
"I do."
"You would be the one exception."
"Huh. I think you're over-exaggerating..."
"No. You're just being overly optimistic when it comes to the academic goals of your peers," said Neru, rolling her eyes.
"You're using a lot of big words there."
"I like to sound smarter than people when I'm giving a lecture. It makes it harder to talk back," Neru explained. "And, haha- like hell any of the people in maths were paying attention. You're the only one who actually cares. That why you're always so busy, Miss Class President- you try too hard."
"There's nothing wrong with trying!"
"Yeah, but you'll always suck at maths," said Neru, flicking her friend in the forehead. "Always, always. Never going to change- unless you get a brain transplant with a rocket scientist. So just give up the dream, and accept you'll never succeed, no matter how hard you try."
It was true, too. Maths was the only subject Gumi was bad at; her Achilles heel when it came to academics, as it were. It was the limitation that stopped her from being a perfect student.
She had to settle for being a 'better than average' student instead- which was still fairly impressive, compared to some of the absolute idiots who were in their school (the name 'Kagamine Rin' rang a bell. Neru refused to believe she'd passed the entrance exams with her own knowledge- she must have bribed the examiners. It was the only explanation that made sense).
"It's not fairrr," Gumi whined, throwing her hands in the air in a despairing motion. It looked like she was bemoaning her misery to the heavens- not that the heavens replied. "You never pay attention in maths, Neru-chan, and yet you're better at it than me! How is that fair? You don't even take notes!"
"I guess it's my natural talent." Neru smirked. "Jealous?"
"Nope. Not in the slightest." Gumi laughed, shaking her head. "If being a genius at maths meant I'd have to sacrifice my sunny personality and become a kill-joy, sarcastic, social deadweight like you, I'd pass. Sorry, Tufty."
Neru grit her teeth together, clenching her fingers into fists. She opened her mouth, ready to return the insult, when-
"Anyway!~"
Gumi snapped open her bento box, picked up a piece of boiled egg with her chopsticks, and popped it into Neru's mouth.
"Neru-chan," Gumi continued, as her blonde friend scolded malevolently, despite the big of boiled egg (it truly was a sight to behold). "You weren't just spacing out... It looked like you hadn't had enough sleep, and you were so pale... I thought you might be getting sick, but you're your usual, horrible self right now."
"I'm not sick," said Neru, once she'd swallowed the gag Gumi had placed in her mouth to shut her up. "If I was, I wouldn't be at school. Like I wouldn't use any excuse possible to get out of class."
"I thought so," said Gumi, smiling. "But you shouldn't overwork yourself, or stress yourself out too much. Right?~"
"I'm not stressed..."
Neru frowned.
Gumi had been right about one thing, even though she didn't want to admit it.
Neru was tired.
Neru hadn't been able to sleep at all last night. She'd known it was foolish- childish, even- but every time she closed her eyes and tried to settle herself comfortably in her futon, she'd felt a stranger's gaze boring into her back...
Now Neru was sat at school, in her uniform, talking to Gumi, she felt stupid. It was easy to work yourself up into a state of hysteria over absolutely nothing when darkness fell- but, in the morning, you always saw how ridiculous your paranoid imaginings had been.
Maybe there hadn't been any stalker at all.
Miku had told Neru about the stalkers, and then Neru had become flustered walking with Len, and she'd heard sounds that weren't really there. That was it.
There was no way the 'stalker' (if they even existed) had broken into her room to watch her sleep- no way at all.
That kind of thing only happened in horror movies.
Neru had thought about telling Miku, but she quickly dismissed the idea. She knew Miku would panic- probably more than Neru was doing herself- and Neru didn't want to startle Miku... even if it would be funny.
Besides, Neru hadn't had a chance to be alone with the twin-tailed girl. Neru had seen her as she walked to school that morning, but Miku had been surrounded by her usual gaggle of friends- Kaito, Luka, Rin and Len. Miku had waved to Neru, and it had looked like she was trying to go and see her- but then Rin started trying to trip up Kaito, and Miku had to turn to sort out their argument (not that Kaito had been arguing back at Rin- he wouldn't have dared- so it was pretty one-sided).
And... Neru was feeling quite strangely about Miku.
She wasn't sure why, but whenever her roving eyes had caught sight of Miku in class, she'd felt her heartbeat speed up, and her face felt very flushed. The reaction had been even more violent when Miku returned Neru's stares with small smiles of acknowledgement- to the point where Neru just stopped turning around and stared, red-faced, at her fingers coiled up on her lap.
It didn't help that Miku sat next to Len, either.
"-and I was also thinking, if you're not tired, maybe you're stressed about boy trouble? How's it going with Len?"
"Huh?"
At the sound of the name 'Len', Neru snapped out of her trance.
"I was saying," Gumi reiterated, stabbing her chopstick in the air for dramatic effect, "-how's it going with Le- mpphh!"
Gumi never managed to finish her sentence.
Mainly because Neru slapped a hand against her mouth.
"D-don't say something like that so loudly," Neru hissed, scandalised. Her face was red and her eyes were wide- and the intensity of her reaction made Neru want to slap herself. "Idiot."
Neru wasn't sure whether she was talking to herself or Gumi, but she decided the insult was equally applicable to both of them.
Then Neru pulled at the elastic of Gumi's goggles and let them snap back against the girl's forehead for the second time (Gumi made a small noise of pain).
"Ahaha..." Gumi laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head. "Sorry, sorry!"
"Geez." Neru sighed, her head falling against the table-top with a 'thwump!' Gumi's solitary bento box (Neru had forgotten to pack her own lunch, and she didn't have enough money to buy anything from the store) jumped in alarm. "I'm sooo sick of this."
"Aww... there, there," said Gumi comfortingly, patting Neru on the head. "More egg?"
"No thanks."
"Well~ I'm sure it'll all work out in the end."
"You are waayyy too optimistic," said Neru, rolling her eyes. Honestly- she rolled her eyes with such alarming regularity it was a wonder they hadn't dropped out of her skull. "Your happiness burns. It burrnss."
"You could try being optimistic from time to time too, yanno. It won't kill you."
"But it will instil in my cold, withered, loveless being feelings of false hope, that will inevitably be crushed by the workings of fate," said Neru dully. "The meaning of life is to be miserable."
"That's not true!"
"Look at Luka," said Neru scornfully. "Look at her boobs. Then tell me life is fair."
"Why are you so fixated with your chest?" Gumi asked doubtfully. "I think you have a complex..."
Gumi was still, Neru noted, patting her on the head, as though she were a cat. It was incredibly annoying- but, at the same time, it was almost soothing, and Neru didn't have enough energy to throw her off. It seemed pointless. Neru felt like a plant that had been kept in a dark room for a year- limp and withered and unable to summon enough energy to even lift her head.
Stupid stalkers...
Stupid Miku...
Or, more like, stupid, stupid Neru and her stupid, stupid paranoia.
All of it had come together to royally fuck up Neru's sleeping plan (she swore she'd only got twenty minutes of rest last night), and the worst thing was she couldn't even summon up enough energy to be pissed off about it.
"It's easy for you to say," Neru mumbled at the desk. "You're not flat."
"People don't measure you by your bra size, you know..."
"You try telling that to the fashion magazines, then."
"I don't even know why you read those things. They only upset you."
"Who knows? Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment."
You'd have to be, to willingly go on 4-chan as much as I do…
God, I have no life.
"If that's true, then you wouldn't mind embarrassing yourself a little, ri~ight?" Gumi asked.
Her question sounded unimportant- almost throwaway. A simple comment made by a normal high school girl who was discussing topics of no real importance with her friend. Neru, however, knew Gumi better than most others (which was saying something, considering Gumi was pretty popular), and caught some rather disturbing connotations in those words. It was enough to make her sit up, anyway.
Gumi was smiling.
Neru didn't like that smile.
"No," said Neru flatly.
Gumi pouted. "You don't even know what I was gonna say!"
"I'm sure I wouldn't like it, whatever it was. The day you say something worthwhile will be the day an asteroid hits the earth."
"You don't like anything, Tufty."
"D-don't call me that, or I'll crush your oesophagus!"
"Yeah, yeah. You always say that."
"We have a pretty unhealthy relationship, don't we?" Neru's voice was deadpan.
"I believe any relationship ANYBODY could have with you would be 'unhealthy', Tufty. But whatever- listen, listen! I had a brain-wave!" And Gumi winked conspiratorially (Neru groaned. Did that weird girl who somehow happened to be her friend ((she still didn't know how. Urgh. She let her guard down for a split second and- bang! All of a sudden, she was landed with a weird 'friend' she couldn't shake of)) think she was in a detective novel?), pressed a finger against her lips in a 'shhh' motion, and beckoned Neru closer.
Neru obliged, dubiously.
"Why don't you..." Gumi paused theatrically, leaving Neru with the urge to hit her.
Well, why not turn an urge into reality?
"Hurry up, idiot," Neru snapped, taking Gumi's goggles for the third time-
"Hey, get off!" Gumi cried, her fingers going to her beloved goggles, holding onto them protectively.
"It's your own fault for wearing something so stupid to school."
Gumi's eyes widened. Her voice was actually trembling when she said, sadly, "b-but they're the only keepsake from my dead mother…"
Neru remained unmoved. She was about as caring as a rock- and her apathy only increased when she was experiencing acute cell phone and sleep withdrawal symptoms.
"Your mother isn't dead."
"Well, you shouldn't say cruel things about me so casually," said Gumi, pouting. She began to play around with Neru's ahoge some more- but the look Neru gave her soon made her retract her wandering fingers. "Geez! I could have deep, dark, hidden depths yanno, Tufty."
Neru's left eye twitched.
"Megumi, you're about as deep as a puddle. Now hurry up. And stop calling me 'Tufty'."
"Well~" The spark of mischief rekindled in Gumi's eyes. With a face like that, Neru was sure the following words that would come out of her lips would be incredibly stupid- so stupid, in fact, that Neru would have to (regrettably?) bash Gumi's head against the table until her eyes bled, because that was the only way Gumi would understand how useless and insignificant she was.
It's a little sad I'm perfectly willing to do that.
Especially as she hasn't even started talking yet.
It's just a matter of time, though.
"I think..." Gumi paused again- but the dark look Neru shot her was enough to keep her talking. "I think you should write Len a love letter!~"
a/n: Gumiii :3 This fic needs more Gumi XD
Actually, it really needs more Miku atm, but I'm getting to her later :3
You should stick around XDD
renahhchen xoxo
