Chapter 12

It was raining outside the temple. The Sailor Scouts were gathered at their usual seats. Mina, still in her day clothes, sat across from Sailor Mars. She rather felt like she was being stared down. Artemis, from his spot in her lap, gulped.

"I feel you, you know. You were right that you don't belong here," Raye said rather coldly. Mina hung her head.

"I'm inclined to disagree," Sailor Mercury interjected.

"Yeah, if Amy's about to say what I think she is, she's right," Artemis said. "We must be here for a reason."

"Exactly," agreed Amy, who had started to take a liking to the white cat. "I refuse to believe that time will bend itself for no reason. And they've bided for as long as they can."

"But why are they here?" Sailor Jupiter spoke up.

"I didn't want to mess it up," Artemis said, "but I was pretty sure from the start we were meant to make sure that things didn't turn out like they did last time."

"Duh," Raye said. "But why didn't you introduce yourselves sooner?"

"We didn't know what to do," Artemis said simply.

"Look at it this way, Raye: they were given a game with no rules. Artemis did the best he could; he personally investigated Negaverse's computer system and mapped it out more than we ever have."

"More than we did in the past timeline, too," he added. "I didn't know what else to do, so yes, mostly for selfish reasons, I approached Luna. Because she is my partner and she is brilliant and I knew she would've come up with a plan. And she did. A rather risky one."

"Where is Luna now?" Raye asked.

"She's in hiding," Amy said. "Part of the plan."

"Don't tell me you know about this top-secret plan, Ames!" Mars's face turned red.

"I don't," Amy said. "I merely speculate."

"She's as good as figured it out then, hasn't she?" said Jupiter.

"Probably," Artemis said.

"What about Serena," Mina finally spoke. "Shouldn't she be here?"

"Meatball Brain's still incognito. I thought that was part of your plan?" Raye said.

"It was part of mine," Jupiter spoke up. "Amy agreed to it."

"Speaking of, we should probably stop using our first names soon," Amy said. "Mina, transform. We will be having company."

"Company?" Raye and Artemis echoed.

Mina looked down at her transformation wand. She hadn't been Sailor Venus in what felt like so long.

Venus Power!

Her hair stood on end. Every fiber of her being felt alive. When she finished, she stood in front of the girls, feeling uncharacteristically self-conscious.

"You're really her," Sailor Mars breathed. "You're really Sailor V."

"You can call me Venus if you want; it's really okay with me."

"Of course you're Venus!" Jupiter beamed. "You're one of us! You've been one of us for a long time and we just didn't know it yet!"

"But you don't get it," Mars said. "I have a poster of you, for crying out loud…"

"The manga seems a bit exaggerated. All of it, really." Mina smiled. "My adventures would've been much better if I'd been part of a team."

"Also probably if you weren't killed," Mars said bluntly, but Mina laughed. She was with the girls again. Her best friends were all alive. She felt home.

"Speaking of guests, I think he's almost here. I can feel him lurking around," Jupiter said, standing from the table abruptly.

"Tuxedo Mask?" Mina asked.

Amy nodded. "There's a bit of a plan involving him, too."


It happened suddenly. Darien had been at Andrew's apartment above the arcade, having dinner with his friend and Rita when his eyes started to glaze over. Andrew knew the look well; Darien never remembered it, but he knew what it meant.

He was about to metamorphosize.

"You look ill, Darien," he said, picking his friend up by the arm and pulling him to the bedroom. Darien came along easily, like there was no life inside of his body. It was a shell for whatever was to come next.

"Is he all right?" Rita asked.

"He's been studying hard. I think I'll put him to bed," Andrew assured her over his shoulder. He shut the door, and turned back to Darien – now Tuxedo Mask.

It was funny, he thought, how he knew they were the same person, and yet they seemed to be so different.

"You always transform at inopportune times."

"There must be a battle," Darien said as he straightened his gloves. His alter-ego was usually very calm and collected. He now seemed fidgety.

"You feeling okay?"

"What's that mean? Of course I am fine. I just have to be leaving."

"Okay. Just making sure. You seem … off."

"Your concern is noted," he said coldly. "I need to see Sailor Moon now. You'll have a cover story for Rita?"

"If I can cover for you in the middle of a crowded study hall, I think I can tell my girlfriend you had an embarrassing incident – so embarrassing you chose to leave out the window."

Tuxedo Mask visibly winced. Andrew tried not to giggle.

"Just say what you have to. See you later."

Darien jumped out the window and leapt away into the night. Andrew waved him off.

"Be careful! I will let you know if you show up on the news!"


Jupiter went to the door and let the man in. He was wet, hair clinging to his forehead. He looked so young in the firelight. Mina fought the urge to hug him. Instead she waved. "Hello."

He turned to Jupiter. "Another one?"

"This is Sailor Venus," Mercury said. "She's here to help us find Sailor Moon."

He looked uncomfortable at that. "Well, go on then," Jupiter said rather forcefully, pushing him toward the table. "Tell 'em what you told me."

He sat. He kept his eyes on Sailor Mars, perhaps because she was at the head of the table. The fact that a white cat was paying rapt attention seemed lost on him. "I transform when Sailor Moon feels an extreme emotion, and that's how I find her."

"And…?" Sailor Jupiter prompted.

"I also think I transform when she's trying hard to keep me out. Like last night, several times today, and now. I feel static, then silence. And then I change."

"So ironically Sailor Moon shutting you off has made you Tuxedo Mask more than ever," Sailor Venus said.

He frowned. "Yes, I guess you could say so."

"Well what's the plan, then?" Sailor Mars asked impatiently. "You don't know where she is, do you?"

"No, I don't."

"Well, Mercury…?" Mars turned to the blue-haired scout.

"It's like what I told you earlier, Sailor Mars; I thought you of all people would understand. He's going to fold back against the source. Tuxedo Mask, have you tried to call her?"

He looked taken aback. "Excuse me?"

"You said there's static."

"Not literally," he said.

"Oh, you dingus!" Sailor Jupiter said. "Look, obviously she has to try real hard to keep you out, so why don't you just break your way in."

Mars nodded. "I understand now. Her will is weak in that regard: exploit it."

Venus was practically hopping in her seat. "It's a fantastic idea. I can't believe you guys didn't pick up on the thread between them in the future!"

"We didn't?" Mercury asked.

Venus shook her head. "I don't even think Sailor Moon knows. Er, knew. Sorry, it's confusing."

"Future?" Tuxedo Mask inquired.

"It's a long story," Mercury said, "and not one we have much time to dwell on. Could you please try to find Sailor Moon and tell her it's very important that she go home tonight?"

Mercury did not tell Tuxedo Mask that the very next day was Serena's sixteenth birthday.

Tuxedo Mask didn't say another word and left with a dramatic flourish of his cape.

Lita laughed. "He cracks me up. He'll do anything for Serena, huh?"


Serena was sitting on a roof and staring at the small sliver of the moon visible behind the crying clouds. She had been gone for almost two days now. Tomorrow was her birthday. Sixteen. She had been so excited for it, but now it felt just like any other day.

She had not found Mina. She had not found Luna. She had destroyed her communicator in a fit of rage the day she ran away. No one to talk to. Nothing but the night. Nothing but the dreams. As Sailor Moon, she saw everyone die – Raye, Lita, Amy. And they had died because of her. She still didn't know what she had done, but something about being in Sailor Moon form made her feel guilty, so guilty it emanated through her bones.

She was not entirely surprised when Tuxedo Mask found her. She had forced herself not to think of him – to keep his phantom at bay. Being without him had made her realize she did not love him. She would not be like Darien; her heart didn't belong to a trick in her brain.

"You called out to me," he said quietly from where he stood on the other side of the roof. She was on the same building overlooking the docks.

"Not on purpose," she said wearily. "I guess I just couldn't keep you out anymore. You're free to go if you want. I release you," she said, with a wave of her hand.

He laughed. "I am not a genie." She was enveloped in a hug – no, a hold – so quickly, that she was almost certain Tuxedo Mask must've teleported.

"Oh, Sailor Moon, why don't you understand? Keeping me away makes me sick. Literally. I feel fatigued and lost. I am supposed to help you. I care for you greatly. You are in pain. Let me help."

"I'm sorry, Tuxedo Mask," she said, disengaging herself from his grasp, "but I don't think there's much I can do in the way of using you. The situation makes me uncomfortable."

He looked at her for a long moment. "I understand." He turned away, and then began to pace, as if thinking. "I looked for you with the other scouts. They were worried. They wanted to use our bond to find you. Of course, I could feel you, even when you didn't want me to. I guess that was the point. You were doing what you felt was best, but it felt to me like a great cruelty. I was being shoved away. It was quite painful. Even moreso than your anger."

Serena felt that guilt again. "I'm sorry. I guess I have a tendency of messing things up."

"Don't say that. I don't know why we're tethered together, but I've already told you, even if we weren't I would still help you. Because you're good and true. I can feel it in the air. Your heart is pure and you do what you must to protect your friends.

"They didn't tell me why you ran away, but I knew it must've been something like that. You were trying to keep them safe."

"No." Serena shook her head. "I was angry. I didn't feel in control."

"If you had stayed, could you have hurt them?"

"…Maybe. I guess. I don't know."

"Sounds like you were protecting them to me. Just something to consider." Tuxedo Mask pulled out a rose and handed it to her. Serena turned it over in her hand. Without thinking, she pulled off her right glove and felt the bare rose against her palm. It pricked her finger. She bled.

Tuxedo Mask watched, entranced.

"I did not know my roses had thorns."

"This one did," Serena said. She dropped the rose and put her index finger to her mouth. "I'm not going back."

"Back to your scouts?"

"Back to any of it. Back to my parents or the life I have outside of Sailor Moon. You only know Sailor Moon, but I know me. And I know things are going to get worse from here on out."

"That can't be true," Tuxedo Mask insisted. "When we work together – when we find the princess, we will be able to stop the Negaverse."

Serena raised an eyebrow. "This is the first you've spoken of beating the Negaverse."

He had the decency to look shamed. "I am not particularly interested in stopping the monsters, as you must have noticed. That's why I couldn't lie and tell you I was on your side. I do not feel that being attached to you is a burden, but as far as I'm concerned, I have one goal, and that is to find the princess."

Serena could barely contain her surprise. "The princess? She seems pretty popular."

"She is valuable to the Sailor Scouts because she represents peace. She is valuable to me because I know her."

"You… you know her?" Serena felt her chest clench. No, it couldn't be…

"She comes to me in my dreams. She has since I was eleven-years-old," Tuxedo Mask began, and then it all fell away. Whatever kept him hidden slipped from Serena's view like she had just bought a new pair of glasses. She could see it now. His dark hair. His pointed chin.

Darien.

It had been him all along.

It seemed so obvious now. She realized in that instance she'd had inklings before, but they had always slipped through the cracks in her mind like soap.

Darien.

She couldn't believe it. She sat down. He was still telling his story.

Of course, she had heard it before.

"And that is why I feel the Sailor Scouts and I will always be at odds," he finished. He approached Serena and grabbed her naked hand. "But I am on your side, Sailor Moon. You are both a lost, scared girl and a fearsome warrior. And I am grateful every day that someone, somewhere chose me to fight with you."

Serena stood to Tuxedo Mask and stared him down. Darien's eyes shone through. His eyebrows. How had she not seen it before? What was she supposed to do now, reveal herself?

Instead, she took off her other glove and dropped it to the ground. She placed her hands on either side of his face and pressed her forehead against his. She felt his pulse speed up. She knew how confused he must feel.

"Tuxedo Mask," she began, "I mean this in the nicest way, but you are a very sad man."

He jerked his head away. "Excuse me?!"

Serena shrugged. "It sounds to me like you like being chained. I tell you I don't want you, and you beg to stay. The princess tells you she's unhappy and you do everything within your power to appease her." Serena hoped Darien wouldn't storm off without getting her point – as Sailor Moon, she had pull and he may well listen.

Or he may well talk.

"Well it sounds to me, Miss Sailor Moon, that you enjoy running away from your problems instead of facing them head-on. Your friends have been worried sick about you." He paused. "I've been worried sick about you."

"You're too sweet, Tuxedo Mask," Sailor Moon said, not entirely able to hide her venom. Instead, she sighed and walked back to a glove to put it back on. She knelt next to it.

"You think you hold all the cards," Tuxedo Mask said. He then kicked her in the ass, causing her to sprawl across the cement and hit her head. "Why are you here, Sailor Moon?"

Her mind flashed to images of her dreams. Mars's lifeless body floating away. She sat up and glared.

"It's none of your business."

"I didn't mean any of your existential crap," Tuxedo Mask said, and yes, he was so thoroughly Darien, how had she never seen it before? Perhaps because just a few weeks ago Darien had been a jerk and Tuxedo Mask had been a dream, and she'd never seen past the black and white until now.

Black and white. Tuxedo Mask had said that the night he helped her.

"I don't know what existential means," Serena said as she pushed herself up. Palms raw and scraped. "But I'd rather you just stop talking altogether."

She charged at him and threw him against the door leading down to the building. The same door she had punched him into before.

They had been here before.

"The first time we dueled, Sailor Moon." He pulled himself upright. The sleeve on his jacket was torn. "I can make you go where I want you to, too. You can thank your Sailor friends for that."

"Oooh, you jerk!" Serena shouted. "Stop messing with me right now!"

"Do you mean moving your soul or this?" He whipped out his cane and slapped Serena's feet, forcing her to fall straight backwards onto the concrete again. She winced.

She sat there for a minute and let the small, calm rain hit her face. It was all right; they were only sprinkles, and she could still see the moon. His mask came into view. His eyes concerned; looking not unlike he had that night he kept waking her up. He blocked her from the rain.

She ripped off his sleeve.

"What'd you do that for?!" he exclaimed. Then his eyes calmed again. "I didn't come here to fight you, Sailor Moon. Sailor Mercury told me to tell you to go home."

"Why?" the retort came without thinking. "If you knew me in real life, you'd know I'm just a nuisance to my parents."

Darien, I wish I could tell you.

She wanted to spill her guts to her friend, but he didn't know he was her friend. But did that really negate their friendship? She wasn't sure, so she just started talking. He wasn't Tuxedo Mask at all, and if she closed her eyes, it was easier for her to remember.

"You don't know how much I make my mom's life hell. How much I embarrass my brother, even though he doesn't deserve it. How much I miss my dad because he works so much. How much my dad hates me getting older. You don't know any of that."

She looked at him. He looked sad.

"Because I'm just Tuxedo Mask and you're Sailor Moon."

"Exactly."

Darien laid down next to her.

"I want the princess to leave me alone. Every night, I pray she's not there. I'd rather dream of you."

"You don't know me. I'm just like the princess. I'm what you think I am. Think, Mr. Mask, and stop dwelling on ghosts."

"Is that what you are?" He turned over and rested his head on his palm, not unlike that night he touched her arm.

"To you, yeah. I have to fight the Negaverse. I've accepted my fate. But there's not a day that goes by I wish it wasn't true."

"That's how I feel about the princess. But I guess being Sailor Moon is more important than dreams." He put his hand on her thigh, just below her skirt. She felt a blush spread across her skin. "Do you remember that night I took your skirt off?"

Only all the time.

"Once in a while."

"I didn't realize I was Tuxedo Mask at first. My friend did."

Andrew?

"Oh? And what did your friend say?" His hand didn't seem to want to move. Serena almost contemplated shaking it off, like a bug.

"He helped me conduct tests. All very scientific. I already knew about feeling your feelings, but he helped me confirm that was the catalyst for transformation. He would undress me to see when I'd change back. I can't lose my mask, or my shirt, or my trousers. I thought … I hoped … I was just seeing what would happen if I took off your skirt."

She twitched at that. The hand stayed. "You were trying to figure my identity out."

"That was third. First, you were bleeding so much I had to help you. That was the most fabric you had on hand."

Medical school.

"You had your jacket."

"I didn't think of it."

"Why not?"

"Because I wanted to see what was underneath your skirt."

Serena blushed more. "You shouldn't say stuff like that."

The rain had started to subside.

"I know I don't know you, but I've thought of you non-stop since that night. Without your feelings, I feel empty and alone."

"You shouldn't feel anything based on someone else. Stop listening to girls who aren't real. It sucks."

He laughed, then. That nice warm laugh that Serena liked to get from Darien.

"You sound like a friend of mine."

Me.

"She sounds wise."

"How'd you know she was a girl?"

"Girls always say smart stuff like that."

And then he kissed her.

Serena had always imagined her first kiss being with… well, to be honest with herself, she never really thought Tuxedo Mask would kiss her, except maybe a couple of years ago when they first met.

Recently, she had assumed her first kiss would be at a truth-or-dare or spin the bottle party. Or maybe a nice new boy would come to school and he would take her out for pizza and then kiss her very gently goodnight. She would close her eyes and daydream that he had been Tuxedo Mask, even if it weren't true, and she would just hole that memory up into her brain forever and never let it out of its box.

But now she really was being kissed by Tuxedo Mask! Unfortunately, all she could think of was Darien – he smelled like Darien, he tasted of Darien, he was warm like Darien. He kissed precisely like the brush strokes on the painting above Darien's boring bed.

He was kissing her, but he didn't know her. She would never kiss Darien like this again, and he didn't even seem to know it. His hand slid lower under her skirt.

"Stop thinking," he breathed against her lips. "Feel what I'm feeling. Please."

Serena resumed the kissing and tried to concentrate on the man next to her.

She felt it.

The warmth and the admiration and the fear that she didn't like it. How could he think that?! She felt how much he cared for her, how he always would, how he knew he didn't know who she was but he knew he would like her just the same.

He stopped the kiss. They were both breathing heavily.

"Well?" he asked, sounding almost scared.

"Oh, shuddup," Serena captured his mouth with hers again.

His hand this time went to the middle of her thighs and she let out a cry of delight. He grunted against her lips. Serena hadn't realized things would get so heated, but she was now so aroused she figured she'd go with it. In something resembling a rhythm, she rubbed herself against his hand.

She felt his erection on her thigh before she saw it.

"Fuck it!" He sat up. Serena almost did as well, but he held up his palm. He whipped off his hat and tore off his coat, but not before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his cane. He then pulled out a rose and very gently placed it behind Serena's ear. "No thorns," he promised. Serena felt more exposed with the gesture than she had with the grinding, and she didn't like it.

"What's that for?" Serena asked, hoping to break the tension.

"Ah, the cane. For this, really. Lay back, would you?"

And then, this time tenderly and slowly – so slowly Serena feared she might die – Darien went about tearing her skirt off. When it was finished, he held it over his head like a flag, an annoying grin plastered on his face.

"You look awfully proud for doing something I don't understand." Her eyes kept going to the bulge in his pants.

"I have a plan. It's um, well, I have … I have never done anything like this formally with another person, so please, just please, don't hold it against me."

Serena felt her fears dissipate. His fear radiated off of him. "Just come kiss me, you louse."


"She's gorgeous!" Andrew exclaimed for the millionth time.

"I get it. She's blonde and bosom-y. And…?"

"And what?"

"Why am I supposed to go out with her?" Darien adjusted his sunglasses and pulled a flask from his pocket and added something to his coffee. Andrew looked around quickly, just to make sure no police were walking by the arcade. They were standing by the bar again.

"You know this place is for kids, right?"

"Oh, calm down," Darien said as he drank. "No one even noticed."

"Okay, so back to the girl: her name is Mina. And, get this, she's a model!"

"And how did you get her to agree to come out?"

"I told her the truth – you were very hot and you didn't get laid enough."

Darien almost sputtered out his coffee, but he was glad he didn't because that would've been a waste of perfectly good liquor.

"You mentioned my sex life to a total stranger?"

"I didn't say it outright!" Andrew said. "It was more of an insinuation. I think I used the word "lonely.""

"Oh, Jesus, she's a prostitute, isn't she?"

"Wha -?" Andrew's face turned crimson. "That's not what her card said." He turned around to the wall featuring Serena's missing cat picture. Her drawing was atrocious, but Darien almost thought it looked cute.

"A card, huh?" Darien said as he took gulps of his coffee. "She must be high-end. An escort, I think they're called."

"Here you go. And don't say "I think" when I know you know exactly what an escort is."

Her card said she was with a well-known clothing company. Darien nodded. "Prostitution probability has dwindled!"

"Fuck yeah!" Andrew shouted. "I told you she was real. And she wanted to meet you. I showed her your picture and everything, 'cause I'm totally gay and keep you in my wallet."

"We're brothers," Darien said as he sipped. "I don't think that's so gay."

"That's a very nice statement, Dare, and I would be even more honored if you weren't drunk when you said it."

"Buzzed," he corrected.

"Anyway… You need to get laid, Darien. Look, I know you're very private, and I could see how sex, to you, would be a way of giving up that privacy. It's a big deal. It's like a secret shared between two people… or a group if you're into that thing."

"You had a point, I thnk."

"Right. My point was that you give up a lot of yourself. Your approach has been to abstain, while I think you should have sex as much as often so you become desensitized to it. That way you have all the fun, and all the p—"

Two children came up to exchange their tickets for toys and Andrew helped them before returning to his friend. "Where was I?"

"Somewhere I wasn't comfortable with this conversation going to."

"Anyway, my point stands."

"What point are you fucking talking about? You've yet to make one the entire time we've been here."

"My point is – and it's advice, too – is don't have your first time be with a woman you love. It will be messy and it will latch you down forever."


The kisses were less tense this time around; more precision than aggression. It was the jaw Olympics and Serena wouldn't have had it any other way. She was now painfully wet and felt like if she didn't explode soon she would die. Darien seemed to be having the same trouble, but kept holding off, wincing each time he hit her thigh during the kiss.

"Just get on top of me," she finally said.

"I can't. I mean, I could, but the thing is, we can't remove our clothes. There won't be any point in it."

Serena sighed and grabbed him by the tie, pulling his face in close. "Just do it." And then she kissed him again, sweeter, as she unid his tie and let it fall away.

Darien placed his hand under the small of her back to up. When she did, they made contact together and both let out hisses of pleasure.

"Again," he said roughly, like Serena wasn't totally willing to oblige.

They kept going, trying to get the timing right of their bodies' rise and falls.

"Ohhh," Serena sighed as Darien's mouth moved to her ears. His fingers clawed down on her shoulders as he increased his speed. He ripped off the top shoulders of her uniform.

"Ungh," he grunted into her ear.

Serena crossed her legs over his back and slipped off her boots. She was feeling very ungh herself. "Don't stop," she begged.

"I couldn't…" he said, and then, he let out a moan; a beautiful cry of ecstacy. Serena did not follow, her body still writhing even as his stiffened. He stayed on top of her for a while. And then his hand touched her again.

"Ohhh," she moaned, feeling herself get warmer, feeling it all happen so suddenly, like a rubber band snapping. "Ahhhh!" she cried out when she finished.

Darien fell over to the side and laid down, staring at the moon.

"That was the first time I've ever come," Serena admitted.

Darien looked over at her and smiled. "That was the first time I ever wanted to."

As the endorphins left her body, Serena felt a sadness overwhelm her.

"You're here to send me home."

"Yes," he said at long last. "I suppose I am."

"And you'll never see me again."

"Why do you say that? I will see you in battle, and now that I know the other scouts perhaps we can work together more in the future. The princess wants a crystal, you see. Maybe we can find it if we work as a team."

Serena felt a twinge of jealousy at the mention of the princess. She would always be first on his list, wouldn't she?

"But you'll never know the real me, and I'll never know the real you. Isn't that true?"

She felt him shift beside her but couldn't bear to look. "You want me to tell you who I am?"

I already know. You're Darien. Stupid, pained, lonely Darien, with his gruff exterior and good heart and wonderful smell.

"You wouldn't," she said.

"I would in a heartbeat if I thought it would do us any good. I am sorry for what just… for what we just did. If you felt I was in any way inappropriate…"

Serena laughed a humorless laugh. "You were entirely too appropriate."

They lay in silence for a while longer before Serena spoke. "Do you think it hurts more to love someone real than it does to love a ghost?"

She thought of the dreams, and Luna.

"I don't know," Darien said. "I don't think I ever have."

"No," Serena said, "I don't think you have."

He rolled over to retrieve his hat and pulled it over his eyes while he rested. "Of course, now that I know how to call out to you…"

"Oh, nooo." Serena rolled her eyes, rather amused by Darien's jovial mood. She found herself wondering how much sex he had had in the past, just what "formally" meant exactly.

"I love you," she said at long last.

He gave her an odd look. "What about ghosts?"

"I'm tired of them; that was my goodbye. I will go back home and hug my parents and let the scouts know I'm all right."

She sat up and felt a hand on her wrist. "Stay," Darien said. "Sleep up here with me."

Serena almost protested but remembered the decent sleep she had gotten with him before.

"All right," she said, curling up onto him like she had before. If this brought back any memories, he didn't say so.

"You must be really stupid to love me," Darien said after a silence.

"You know, I think I am."