Kaichō wa Maid-sama! 2005 © Fujiwara Hiro
Lala Magazine under Hakusensha Publishing
WARNING: Major OOC and One-Sided ToraXMisa.
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Chapter 12: The Other Side of the Door
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"Usui... that night seven years ago," her eyes twinkled in a very solemn way it felt like a punch in his gut, "why? Why did you leave me?"
The smile on his face instantly faded like wet paint under torrential rain. He looked back at her for what seemed like forever; those sad, beautiful amber eyes swallowing him, dragging him down to her core. His heart thumped like a poorly played bass guitar.
"I had to," he whispered, but it resonated in her ears loud and clear.
"Why?" she asked again, almost choking out the word.
She watched him took a deep breath like he was about to detonate a nuclear bomb and there was nowhere to hide.
"Because I... oh God, please don't cry." In one quick step, he was cupping her face in his warm hands, wiping away the tears she didn't know streaming down her cheeks.
Misaki gasped. "I'm not crying!" She sharply wiped away the blurriness in her eyes, incredibly annoyed with herself for breaking down in front of him.
"I'm sorry, Misaki... I'm so sorry," he said, as if he had been practicing it all this time.
Misaki remembered the piece of paper she had kept for seven years. The piece of paper that made her life a completely incomplete puzzle.
Finally... finally, she heard it spoke.
She managed to extract the paper from her wallet and held it out to him.
Usui's emerald eyes widened, slowly grasping the familiar paper, "You've keep it?" he barely whispered; disbelief etched on every plane of his face.
"Obviously."
"Misaki... I–"
"Please don't say it. Please don't say sorry anymore, I already have it here," she tapped her pulsating temple, "and it's still echoing so loudly in my head I feel like my brain's about to burst. Please don't say it anymore. Please make it stop playing in my head over and over again," a sob escaped from her throat. She looked at him straight in the eyes. "Please, Usui..." she clutched his clothes in her trembling fist; her eyes stung and her lungs felt like on the verge of decompressing. "Please, just... just tell me you'll stay. Tell me you'll stay with me."
The lingering guilt in his heart suddenly dropped like the world's biggest and heaviest anchor; crushing and breaking him ruthlessly. Usui didn't think twice as he wrapped her in his arms, pulling her closer, pressing more tightly.
He could feel her pain... pain that he caused. Yet, she wanted him back. She was begging him to come back to her. Did he deserve that?
Misaki clung on to him, trying very hard to suppress her sobs. Usui ran his hand over her hair soothingly. How many times did he dream of being this close to her? How many times did he wish he could tell her everything?
Now was the time to set things right. He didn't want to dream anymore. He had enough of wishful thinking. He didn't want to live in constant guilt anymore. And more importantly, he wanted to pull her out of that pain. He wanted the both of them to be free from this excruciating pain.
"I won't ever leave you again. I swear," he whispered in her ear.
He said it once to her before. But he let her down and broke that promise along with her heart. This time... this time for sure, he will keep it until his dying breath.
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The living room was chilly. They were already in the season where heater must be turned on to keep the cold at bay. But it didn't matter as Misaki and Usui sat on the sofa. Silence between them hung like ominous storm clouds over their heads.
Misaki had finally got herself under control and was now gripping a mug of hot chocolate. She stared at the swirling foam as if it was the most fascinating thing ever; her mind was flying somewhere out of this world.
I won't ever leave you again. I swear.
Those enchanting words... dangerous and alluring, pulling her away from thinking rationally and dragging her into the same fantasy she once believed in. But was it okay to trust him? To believe in him? What were the odds of giving him her heart again?
She suddenly jerked back to earth when Usui tucked a loose strand of raven hair behind her ear. His warm fingers softly brushed against her skin like he was caressing a very fragile thing.
She looked at him with a tiny smile that didn't even make it to her eyes.
"Why did you go away?" she whispered; her voice sounded as if she was lulling a baby to sleep.
Usui held her gaze with the same lonely smile.
She continued questioning him in that gentle voice he knew he didn't deserve. She should be shouting at him, slapping those words to his face instead of singing it to him. "Did I do something wrong to make you leave me? Did I mess it up? Was I the one to blame-"
"No!" he unintentionally exclaimed, breaking the silence into a million glass fragments. "It's not you, Misaki," he breathed out to calm the sudden nerves. "It was not your fault. It was never your fault."
She tilted her head, prompting him to say more. Her beautiful face was contorted into a frown. Myriad of emotions danced in her eyes.
As far as his memory served him right, it was the first time he'd ever seen her so distressed like this. The adrenaline rush in her system and the pretty pink glow of her skin from the day's amusement park adventure had already vanished. The girl sitting next to him looked small, weak and helpless. So different from the girl he'd met and fell in love a long time ago.
And knowing that he caused her all this, Usui wanted to smack himself right between the eyes.
He inhaled as if he was about to do some serious diving.
"I left... because I had to," he said. "I didn't want to leave. Believe me, it was the last thing I've ever wanted to do. But I did. Because I love you."
Misaki flinched; those words sliding down her spine like hi-voltage current. She looked back at him; her face reminded him of the lost four-year-old girl he once helped when he was still in England.
"You're not making any sense," she finally spoke.
"Misaki, you're aware of where I came from, aren't you? You know that I am just a careless mistake of my mother–"
"No, don't say that! Usui, you're not a mistake," she firmly said. She couldn't stand hearing him say that. Even before, she couldn't take it whenever he says he was just a mistake; the unwanted effect of a blind love.
"No, listen, I am not supposed to exist. My grandfather, the duke of England... he was disgusted of that fact and didn't want anything to do with me, so he threw me here. You know that, don't you?"
Misaki nodded softly. She had already heard it from him way back in high school. Remembering that story now was like opening an old diary hidden in a dusty attic box.
Where is this going? she thought clueless.
"Seven years ago... a few weeks before our graduation," he paused, gauging her reaction.
Their high school graduation held a very significant part in the back of their minds and it was always a hard subject to talk about. But seeing Misaki was all ears despite of averting her eyes from him, he continued.
"People from under the direct command of the Duke contacted me. I thought they were finally kicking me out of the Walker family," he chuckled humorlessly. "But I was wrong. They wanted to do the opposite; to introduce me as part of the royal family and officially accept me as one of them." The way he said it sounded as if it was the most disgusting thing in world. As if by just thinking about being part of the family made him want to vomit.
Misaki wondered how they treated Usui in the past to make him feel like this. They were his family, yet he talked about them like they were the most heartless beings.
"Of course, I refused. I never wanted to be part of them. Not in my wildest dream. I didn't want anything to do with them. I was happy here because you're here, because I've got you," he said.
Something warm spread over her chest upon hearing those words.
"They insisted, saying it was my grandfather's order. I didn't care. I wasn't going to leave and nothing could change it. They must've snapped their patience and stopped bothering for a while. I thought they'd given up.
"Until Gerard showed up on my doorstep. I knew it was bad news. But I never thought it was that bad..." his voice faded out as if relieving the scene on that day.
"What did he say?" she urged softly.
"Somehow, he knew about us... about you and–" his choked, looking at her like he was pleading for his life.
"And?"
"And he saw you as the perfect blackmail material to make me do what he wanted."
He was quiet for a moment, letting it sink in her head and watching her face turn into a frown.
"Gerard knew exactly how to manipulate the strings. He told me he'd use any means necessary just so I would go to England... and it was not limited to hurting you or your family."
"What?" Misaki barely breathed; the air seemed to escape her lungs uncontrollably. "What do you mean hurting me and my family?"
"Exactly what the word means," he replied seriously, "I know him. I know what he can do and will do just to have what he wants. He will clear his path, even if it meant he had to destroy someone's life.
"I was caught between his fingers; I'll go back to England and he'll leave you alone, or I'll stay and he'll make your lives miserable," he exhaled and held her gaze. "At that moment, I knew I lost. It was the turning point of everything. He was holding me right around the neck. I couldn't make that risk, Misaki. I couldn't. Not when you're involve. I didn't want you to get dragged into this. I wanted you to have a normal, peaceful life. I wanted you to be safe... so I left."
He took her hands in his and gripped it like it was his lifeline. He looked at her, his molten emerald eyes showed nothing but truth and sincerity. "There wasn't a day in the past seven years that I didn't feel guilty of what I've done to you. Every day, every single day, I thought about you and each time, it felt like a stab of searing hot knife here," he put her palm against the steady beating of his heart.
"I didn't have any news from you; Gerard made sure of it. I always wondered how you were; were you eating properly? Were you sleeping tightly at night? Were you overworking yourself again? I wanted to know. I wanted to say sorry. I wanted to see you because I missed you so badly I felt like dying each passing day. But all I could do was to hope that you were alive and safe... to hope that I made the right decision."
Misaki didn't know if her brain shut down for a moment or something. She just stared at him, trying to process everything he just said.
All this time, she thought he had left her forever. She thought she wasn't good enough for him and that he didn't love her anymore. But all this time, he was keeping away for her own sake. How could he be so selfless, to sacrifice even his own happiness just to make sure she was safe? Could he really love her that much?
The answer was there right on his beautiful face. The sweet yet broken voice of his made it very hard not to believe him. He was making her fall for him all over again.
She wasn't the only one living in pain. Knowing that he had hurt her, Usui must've had the worst. What she felt was nothing compared to what he felt.
Every day, every single day, I thought about you and each time, it felt like a stab of searing hot knife here...
He had endured these seven years of torment from his personal hell. He had endured it for her.
Misaki swallowed hard; speaking seemed to be out of order now. "W-why... why didn't you tell me, Usui?"
"Because I was scared," he answered; his voice quivered as if to emphasize just how frightened he was at the idea of Gerard hurting her. "If I had told you my situation, you would fight because I knew you would. You were the scariest demon president after all," he managed to chuckle a little.
Now that she thought about it, she would definitely fight. She wasn't the type of person to give up easily. And Usui knew her too well. In a way, it was smart of him for not telling her because she was sure as hell she would put up a fight for them.
"I didn't know what else to do. I panicked. All I knew was I needed you to be safe. I needed the assurance that you would be safe," Usui said.
Tears slowly filled her eyes, but Misaki held it as much as she could. She grasped his hand tightly, silently telling him that she understood.
"I've caused you so much pain and apologizing doesn't cut even a quarter of it, but I'm sorry, Misaki. I'm so sorry I–"
His words were forever stuck in his throat when a sudden warm sensation sealed his lips. With eyes wide open, he realized Misaki was kissing him.
The world abruptly stopped spinning as she pressed her lips against his. For a moment, his mind went pure white... blindingly white. Everything just disappeared. Nothing else mattered more than the girl kissing him with so much love it took his breath away.
Before he could respond or even blink, she pulled away. She looked into his eyes, deep and sincere, seeing way past the shell-shocked expression of his, seeing past the weighing pain and guilt, seeing beneath all the confusion etched on his face; Misaki was looking at the man who was willing to sacrifice everything for her.
She put her cold hands on his cheeks and rested her forehead against his. "I understand... I understand now, Usui," she murmured with eyes closed.
"I'm sorry," he murmured back.
"I know. I am sorry, too..."
And their conversation was over as their lips touched, filling the seven years' worth of emptiness in their hearts and reviving the warmth they hadn't felt for so long.
Misaki's hands came up to his neck. Her fingers curled through his hair. Her heart thrummed against her ribs quick and hard.
She never felt so alive until now.
His lips were soft and warm, just like how she remembered it. A shiver went down her spine when she felt his tongue glided across her lower lip, begging for entrance. She parted them and let him traced every recesses of her mouth.
Usui had his arms around her waist; desperately clinging on to her, pulling her closer than ever as if he never wanted to let go.
She tasted like chocolate. Sweet, delightful and tempting. This was she, Ayuzawa Misaki. His favorite flavor in the world. His own personal brand of addiction.
The kiss felt like fire. More fierce, more passionate, more love. It was beyond any existing words. Their breathings came in short huffs but neither was pulling away.
"Usui..." came a helpless moan from Misaki. Her lungs were screaming painfully, her limbs felt like jellies. She couldn't think straight as Usui's moist lips slithered down her throat and slid his tongue along her neck, raising goose bumps all over her skin.
"I love you," he whispered in her ear, "I love you so much."
A childish whimper escaped her lips as she hugged him with all the strengths she could muster from her weak muscles. "I know, I know... I love you, too." she sniffed.
"Sshh... don't cry. Please don't cry. I'm here." He pressed his forehead against her, their noses bumping, as he caressed her wet cheeks.
"Stay with me," she breathed, her eyes begging.
"I will. I'll stay, I won't leave you," he promised.
He drowned out all her doubts as he kissed her senseless. He kissed her until their lips were swollen, until they could taste blood in their mouths, until they couldn't stop.
"God, I miss you so much," he uttered huskily between heated kisses.
Their hands were everywhere as they fought dominance over the kiss.
His hands slipped under her shirt, touching her bare skin and making her shiver. Misaki was on his lap. Her arms were curled around his neck and her fingers dug on his scalp
He ran his hand up her spine, waking up every nerve in the process. He reached clasp of her bra and stopped. He pulled away just enough to looked into her eyes; asking if it was alright...
Misaki stared back at him through half-lidded eyes with longing desire as if she'd been waiting for eternity. "Please?" she breathed raggedly.
And it was enough to set everything free.
Usui trailed open-mouthed kisses down her neck while his fingers slowly unhooking her bra. Misaki struggled to unbutton his shirt.
Clothes were barely hanging on their bodies when Usui lifted her off the sofa and carried her to the bedroom.
He carefully laid her on the bed and kissed her once again. Clothes littered the floor, some pillows fell off but unlike their /messy/ graduation night, they were taking their sweet time as if memorizing each other's touch, smell and taste. Love and passion fueled their every move. No words were needed to be spoken, just soft moans and gentle whispers of I love you's.
In that moment, none of the heartaches mattered anymore. The people who tried to break them apart were buried deep into nothingness. Their seven-year distance was closed forever as they became one.
This was now and no one else existed in the world but them.
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"Why don't you go to sleep?" Usui whispered.
Misaki shook her head and snuggled closer to him. She had her eyes fixated on their intertwined fingers, fascinated on how perfectly they fit together.
It was already past midnight and the couple was resting on Misaki's bed, naked under the blankets. She listened to the thrumming of his heart as she rested her head on his bare chest. Usui had his arm encircled around her, drawing lazy circles on her back.
She was dead tired after all that happened but she refused to sleep. Because somewhere in the back of her mind, an old fear still lingered.
"What if I woke up tomorrow and you're not here?" she whispered back. "What if I fell asleep and when I opened my eyes, it was all a dream?"
Usui sweetly kissed the top of her head and squeezed her gently. "I'll be here when you wake up, I promise. I'll be right here beside you. I'll be here forever. It will not be just a dream, okay? Sleep now, Misaki."
Misaki smiled; she wished he had told her that before. Maybe they would have saved themselves from so much pain. But then again, that pain shaped them into who they were now and proved just how strong their love for each other was.
"...okay then. Goodnight, Usui Takumi..." she mumbled sleepily. She craned her neck to look at him and kissed him tenderly on the lips.
"Goodnight, Ayuzawa Misaki," he replied softly. He started humming a lullaby while running his fingers through her hair, gently untangling the knotted locks.
She drifted into her dreams, safely tucked in his arms. Her fears slowly faded away with every loving caress from him.
I'll be here when you wake up, I promise. I'll be right here beside you. I'll be here forever...
It was now the new music playing in her mind.
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02 December 2013
OWARI
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SORA'S RAMBLING CORNER:
I think my brain just flat lined... I'll leave the ramblings to you guys.
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Nah, I'm just kidding. I have a lot of things to say:
1. First off, this where the cliche part entered. I do not need to explain more, do I? It's obviously cliché. Sorry, hahaha!
2. They were so out of characters.
3. I think this chapter lacks something, but I can't put my finger on it. Hmm... maybe I should read more ecchi and smut. HAHAHAHA! No, thanks.
4. I am not into pre-marital sex but yes, they had sex. I'll leave the detailed part to your imaginations, though. LOL!
5. I intended to update on November 30 (a sort of birthday gift to myself and to my readers), but I failed because I had to go to work. It broke my heart.
6. Sorry for all the errors I overlooked. I'm not really a healthy person to begin with (I have severe cough and colds right now), so there must be a lot of mistakes and redundant words. Please excuse me.
7. I've been writing this chapter even before I started writing chapter 11, but it was just so hard to write and with a lot of things going on in the real world, it took me forever to finish this. Sorry for making you wait.
I hope you enjoy reading it even by just a tiny bit. I really appreciate it. Thank you!
Be back later, ja~
