Thanks for the reviews :)

I'll try not to be too long with the next update but because of work I can't promise anything,


Staring forlornly down at the dubious soup he'd picked up from the canteen, Stuart asked the group, "So what's everyone doing this weekend?"

Robbie shrugged. "Footie and the pub I suppose, the usual Saturday fare."

"And then sleeping off the hangover on Sunday morning no doubt," Burke snorted. He turned to the youngest member of his team and added in a grumble, "And what I do with my weekend has nothing to do with you lot, thank God."

The three of them shared a smile as Burke headed back to the sanctuary of his office. "Such a people person," Jackie remarked in amusement.

Stuart gave a chuckle. "So what about you, Jackie, what are you up to?"

"Painting my spare room," she replied. "I don't think I can leave it much longer, I still need to buy a cot and assemble everything, pretty much put the whole room together and I only have another ten weeks to get everything done." She looked slightly harassed as she continued, "I really should have started earlier, I'm not even slightly ready."

"Bet you're regretting the whole superstition thing now," Stuart replied.

"A bit," she admitted. "But I'm sure I can blitz the painting this weekend and then I'm going shopping for furniture, the pram and the car-seat the week after so I should have everything sorted within the next couple of weeks. Fingers crossed."

Robbie cut across the conversation, a frown on his face as he asked, "Are you meant to paint while you're pregnant?"

"I checked it out, and as long as I don't overstrain myself, buy odourless paint and keep the room well ventilated it's fine for me to do it."

"And how are you planning on reaching the top of the wall?"

"By using a miraculous invention called a ladder," she told him sarcastically.

His frown deepened, in fact he looked downright indignant as he shot back, "You shouldn't be climbing ladders, you're six and a half months pregnant."

"Is that what this swelling is? I'd been wondering about that."

"I'm being serious; you should be taking it easy."

"The room isn't going to paint itself."

"Hire someone then," he growled with such irritation that even Stuart shot him a curious look.

Jackie sighed in exasperation, if he kept this up with this kind of reaction to the smallest of things people were going to start asking questions. "Hiring someone to paint would be a waste of money, if I was wallpapering then I would get someone else to do it, but as things stand I'm still perfectly capable of wielding a paint brush."

"I don't think it's a good idea," he repeated mulishly.

"Well no one asked you," Jackie snapped.

"Someone has to point out how insane you're being."

Stuart's eyes widened slightly, his two friends were on the verge of a massive argument and he hated it when they fought, because after the fight came the sniping and the sulking, he wasn't sure if he could handle that for the next few days. So cutting in he asked, "What colour are you painting the room? You know since you don't know what you're having."

"Green," Jackie replied distractedly, still glaring at Robbie. "I thought about yellow but I felt that was more girly."

"Sounds nice," Stuart answered. "You accessorising it?"

Finally turning her attention back to Stuart, she told him, "I will be, but I've not decided what with yet."

"A ton of cuddly toys and brightly coloured pictures will probably do the trick."

Jackie smiled at the younger man. "Most likely, all of which I still have to buy." She frowned. "Should I have bought the baby toys by now do you think? Or clothes?"

"I have no idea if there's a timetable for that sort of thing, Robbie what do you think? You should know after all."

"Why the hell would I know?" Robbie demanded. He felt on edge, he knew that this was what they'd planned but he didn't like Jackie doing everything by herself, didn't like the idea that it might be putting extra strain on her.

"Well I just thought that maybe you knew from when you and Gaby had Jamie," Stuart answered nervously. There was an undercurrent here between his two friends, there was something going on that he didn't know anything about and he didn't like it.

"Wasn't exactly around much," Robbie admitted reluctantly. "Got no idea how she planned things."

Stuart had no idea how to reply to that, and since Robbie had obviously decided to clam up on the subject and Jackie was currently looking at Robbie with the oddest expression on her face, he decided it was best just to let the whole thing drop. In fact he kind of wished he'd never mentioned it in the first place.


Jackie was just about to peel off the lid to the white paint she was planning to use as her base coat when her doorbell rang. For a moment she debated not answering, she didn't know who it could be and she was too busy to deal with cold callers. That being said if one of her family had decided to drop by then not answering would just open a whole new can of worms, all of her relatives were smothering her in a misguided attempt to make up for the fact she was doing this by herself.

Sighing she threw her unused paintbrush to one side and headed for the door, deciding that if it was in fact a cold caller she'd be shutting the door in their face. It wasn't a cold caller, it was Robbie who was standing somewhat sheepishly on the other side. "She eyed him suspiciously, "You better not have dropped by just to argue with me," she warned him.

"I haven't," he assured her. "I came to give you this." He held out a gift bag, looking nervous as she took it.

Jackie opened it and she couldn't help but smile as she pulled out a teddy bear, in fact she was verging on tearful. "Oh, Robbie," she muttered, looking up at him.

"Every kid needs a bear," he replied, his hands now firmly in his pockets.

"That's very true, and you've just got them their very first present, or belonging even. It's perfect, Robbie, really it is." She threw her arms around him, hugging him close to her, why couldn't he be like this all the time?

"And I had another idea as well," he replied, drawing back from her slightly.

"I just hope it's as good as your last one," Jackie laughed. "So come on then, let's hear it."

Taking a deep breath in, unsure of how she would take this, Robbie suggested, "I thought I'd do the painting for you this weekend."

Her eyes narrowed, her voice low as she asked, "What do you mean paint for me?"

He damn well knew she'd stick her heels in about this, he realised now though that the trick was not to get irritated and to keep calm. "Look, I know that you've done your research and it's safe for you to do it yourself but like they say why have a dog and bark yourself?"

"Robbie, why are you so bothered by this?" She asked with a sigh.

"Because there's still a risk and I don't want you taking it, not if you don't have to." He reached out and took her hand, squeezing her fingers. "Jackie, I just don't want anything to happen."

"It won't," she insisted.

"Just humour me on this, at least it means you can put your feet up and I'll do all the hard work."

Jackie rolled her eyes. "When you put it like that how can I refuse?"

"You can't," he replied as he slid past her, further into her hallway.

"I could still help you know, paint the wall that's at my level."

"No, not needed, I'll do the whole thing, have it done by tomorrow evening."

"And if you don't after you've made all this fuss, I'll lynch you," she warned him.

"Always nice to have a prior warning of things to come," he replied wryly, a grin tugging at his lips. "So do you want my keys then?"

Jackie's eyes widened as she looked at him in surprise, "Why would I want your keys?"

"So you have somewhere to go while I do this," he told her as though it should be the most obvious thing in the world to her.

"I have somewhere to go, it's called the rest of the flat," she replied as though she were talking to a small child.

"What about the fumes?"

"The paint's odourless."

"Why take the risk?"

"If you say that one more time," Jackie growled, "I will brain you and plead insanity on account of my hormones. Anyway your flat is a complete tip."

"I cleaned, especially for you going to stay."

"I'm not moving into your flat!" She was staring at him now as though he'd gone completely mad, in fact she wasn't sure he hadn't.

"Not moving in, staying, in the spare room. I'll even bring you dinner back tonight, what are you wanting?"

Jackie rubbed at her temples. "Robbie, I feel like you're not listening."

"I am, I'm just choosing to ignore it. Come on I've stocked up my cupboards with tea, that water you like, olives, fruit and some chocolate just in case you feel like eating something more normal. There's even actual food in there as well."

"You're making me feel bad about saying no now," she complained, beginning to feel the overwhelming urge to stamp her foot in frustration.

"Good, so say yes and take the bloody keys, if it helps I'll bring back some steak and cook that for dinner tonight."

"Rump steak?"

"If that's what you want."

"You'll never get to the butchers if you're going to be painting all day, which is what you'll need to do to have any hope of being finished tomorrow."

"I'll manage."

Sighing, Jackie took the proffered keys out of his hands, telling him, "Fine, I'll stay at yours, but I'll get the steak and all the accompaniments for dinner tonight."

"Fine," he agreed with a triumphant grin, as long as she was agreeing to let him do all the manual work he was fine with almost anything else. "You and Sprout go and take it easy."

"Doesn't look like we're getting a choice."

Laughing, he unthinkingly leant down and kissed her cheek. He drew back and coughed awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his neck as he mumbled, "Well, better let you go then, after all like you said that room won't paint itself."

"Yeah, I'll see you later," she replied, trying to pretend as though that kiss, his overall closeness to her had absolutely no effect on her.


Heading straight to the shops, Jackie bought dinner first before deciding that since she had some unexpected free time on her hands she should really get started on buying things for the baby, even if she just bought a few essentials and left the big bulky things to next week when she had Ally with her, it would at least still be a start. Ditching the food in her car boot, she headed into the nearest baby store and walked immediately into her worst nightmare.

There were couples everywhere, all cooing over the tiny items of clothing and laughing and joking over almost every single item in the shop. She felt her stomach drop, it must just be sod's law she decided that she chose the day where they all came out in force to start her shopping.

Swallowing back her discomfort, Jackie walked over to the first rack of clothes and started looking through the small outfits. Everything on this display was white, pure sparkling white, which in her opinion was really just asking for trouble with a newborn. She knew that she didn't know what she was having but she really wasn't that keen on white, they'd do for bodysuits though she supposed.

Her nose wrinkled, white was so dull though, yes they might still be sweet because they were so small but the other clothes had so much more personality. Maybe she should have found out what she was having, it certainly would have made this part easier.

Hearing an almost shrill giggle, Jackie looked to her right to see a young couple comparing sleep-suits, the man holding one against her large bump. "You're not going to be able to tell by that," the girl laughed. "Especially not with the amount of pizza I've eaten recently."

"I'm trying, better than just staring vacantly," he replied, his hand caressing her stomach as he spoke.

Jackie looked away, placing the bodysuit in her hand back onto the rail, suddenly what her baby wore didn't seem that important anymore. She felt like someone had punched her in the chest, watching the way that man had stared at that bump with so much love and adoration had made her realise once and for all that she'd deprived her baby of that. Robbie would never be that involved.

Getting into the car, for a moment Jackie didn't know where to go, she couldn't go back to Robbie's flat when she felt like this, she didn't want to wallow in a place that was filled with his life. After a moment's thought she started the engine and pulled out of the car park.


"I thought you said you were busy this weekend," Alison stated, as she opened her front door to find Jackie standing there.

"I was, I was going to paint the baby's room."

"You change your mind?"

"Someone else is doing it."

"Oh, you hired someone? Quite right," she grinned, "after all why do all that work yourself when you don't have to?" She stepped out of the doorway, "Come on in, I'll put tea on." Watching as Jackie moved past her, she added, "Are you ok? You look awfully pale."

"I screwed up," Jackie admitted.

Alison's forehead creased in confusion as she watched Jackie sit down at the kitchen table. "Why? What have you done?" she asked, switching the kettle on.

"I've completely screwed up this baby's life."

"Right..." It was most likely hormones that was causing this, Alison decided, but no pregnant woman liked that pointed out to them, so instead she continued in a soft voice, "And how have you done that?"

"By depriving them of a father," Jackie replied.

"This baby will have the love of everyone else in this family, and just because you decided to use a sperm donor, doesn't mean-" Alison stopped abruptly at the look on her face. "What? What haven't you told me?"

"I wasn't completely honest about using a sperm donor," Jackie admitted quietly, she had to speak to someone about this before she went mad she decided, "I came to an...agreement with a friend, I wanted a baby and he agreed to help."

"Ok." Alison breathed out slowly, "so you know the guy, and you agreed to go through IVF using his sperm what I don't understand is why."

"IVF had nothing to do with it."

"You were sleeping together?" she asked calmly.

"Yeah."

"So how exactly is that different from a one night stand?"

"It was longer."

"A fling then," she frowned as she saw Jackie shake her head, "although wait a moment how long did this last for exactly?"

"Six months."

Alison rubbed at her forehead with her fingertips. "Jackie, are you seriously telling me that for six months you were sleeping with this guy just to get pregnant?"

"That's how it started," she replied carefully.

"So what? You'd take one of those tests, have sex when it came up trumps and he'd just leave afterwards?"

"No, it was more complicated than that, we didn't use those tests, we didn't just have sex when it might get me pregnant and we'd see each other outside of the bedroom."

"Jackie, this is starting to sound suspiciously like a relationship to me."

"It was, just neither one of us would admit to it. Then I realised that it was more than just an agreement to me and that I wanted more than just a baby, so I decided to call it off."

Nodding at her prominent bump, Alison remarked dryly, "Well that obviously didn't happen, so what did?"

"I didn't want anything to be odd between us, so I was going to wait until the end of that month and tell him I just couldn't cope with the disappointment every month. That was the month the test came up positive."

"Typical," she snorted. "So it just ended?"

"For a while, we spent the night together a few weeks ago and he's the one who offered to paint the baby's room, I'm meant to be staying at his flat this weekend."

"With him?"

"In separate bedrooms."

"So he's going to be in the baby's life?"

"No, not at all," Jackie replied, "that was part of the original agreement, it just means when they're older they'll have the opportunity to find their Dad. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Jackie, this is so screwed up at that I really don't know what to say," Alison admitted. "I mean why the hell are you staying with him this weekend?"

"He insisted, he doesn't want me breathing in the paint fumes."

Alison let out a harried sigh, "So he doesn't want to be part of your life or the baby's but he's insisted on decorating their room and wants you to stay with him? That doesn't exactly sound like a man who wants out."

"I know," Jackie admitted. "The way he acts towards me and the baby sometimes, it makes me think that he does want more, at least to be involved in this kid's life. I gave him a picture of the first scan and at one point he seemed desperate to keep it and then just a few weeks later he gave me it back, said that we were right the first time round and he shouldn't be involved. I don't understand him, at all."

"Have you spoken to him about it? I mean properly sat down and talked about it."

"No."

"I think you might have to. And Jackie if he does tell you he absolutely doesn't want to be a part of this baby's life, that doesn't mean you've screwed it up, this baby will still be loved and that's the most important thing. It's not that unusual for kids to be raised by one parent nowadays so you need to stop worrying about that side of things."

"It's the thought that he should be involved that's bothering me," Jackie admitted with a small sigh.


"You have paint in your hair," Jackie laughed, brushing her hand over Robbie's tousled mop as he stepped into the kitchen that evening. "Which I hope means everything is going well."

"It is, base coat's done and I even started one wall with the green."

"And the glossing?"

"Did that first."

"I think you might have picked the wrong career path."

"Maybe, you can give me the final verdict tomorrow."

"Oh don't worry, I will," she assured him. "Diner's almost ready by the way."

"Great, it smells amazing and I'm starving."

Slapping his hand as he reached for the spoon that she was using to stir the sauce, she told him, "No, go and wash up first and then we can eat."

"Yes, Ma'am," he mock saluted her with a grin before turning and heading towards the bathroom.

Jackie watched him go and let out a shaky breath as she turned and went back to stirring the sauce, she'd decided earlier that she was going to be calm in approaching this. She wasn't going to put any pressure on Robbie, she was just going to put the offer of being involved on the table. She thought back to the bear he'd given her this morning, of the way he'd given this baby a nickname, was making her take it easy, surely all that proved he cared, maybe he just wanted to be offered a chance?

Robbie appeared just as she was placing the plates onto the table, his hand brushed her hip as he passed her. "That looks even better than it smells, and that is saying something." He pulled out her chair for her, waiting until she was sitting until he dropped down into his seat across from her. "So, how was your day?"

"It was ok, I went shopping for baby clothes."

"You get anything."

"No, not knowing what I'm having limits me to the most boring of clothes."

He paused to look at her. "You wishing you found out now?"

"Little bit," she admitted. "But I still feel like the surprise is a big part of this."

"You might need to put up with the white for a while then."

Her nose wrinkled. "Looks like it." She waited for a moment before asking, "Would you have found out?"

Robbie looked at her in surprise, "What do you mean?"

"Well if you'd been there would you have wanted to know, I mean this is your baby, do you wish you already knew?"

Robbie's eyes slid away from hers. "You know I don't think of this baby that way, we have a deal."

"But if we didn't," she replied easily. "Would you have wanted to know?"

"Maybe," he admitted. "But I reckon if I found out I'd regret ruining the surprise."

"Robbie, I know we have a deal but do you want to be involved?"

His eyes widened. "Jackie, this isn't what we agreed."

"I know that, but I also know that we've already broken the agreement before now."

"You said you didn't want to ship your kid back and forward between two homes," he reminded her.

"I did," she admitted, "but now I'd much rather this baby had two parents who love him or her. I know that you don't love me or want to be with me, Robbie, but I'm not going cut you out of this baby's life just because you don't want a long term relationship. All I ask is that if you say yes to this you give it a proper shot, I know what our shifts are like so I can accept that sometimes plans fall through, but I do need to know that our baby would come first."

Robbie felt the fork drop out of his slackened grasp, hearing it hit his plate with a slight clatter. She thought that he didn't love her and she was still offering him up the chance to be a proper Dad, giving up everything that she'd originally told him she'd wanted. He wanted to take that offer, wanted to tell her that he loved her and the baby, and yet he knew he'd screw it up, just like he'd screwed things up with Gaby and Jamie. "Jackie...I meant what I said when I told you I didn't want to be involved," he replied, unable to quite make eye contact.

Jackie felt her stomach drop at that admission. "But you've gave this baby a nickname, you brought them their first bear and you insisted on painting their room, that shows that you care about them," she pointed out.

"Because you're a friend, I'm trying to be helpful, show my support, that's all. I'd be doing that even if you had followed through with the IVF route." That was the truth; he'd look out for Jackie regardless, but he was about to follow it up with one hell of a lie. "I don't want to play the role of Dad, I thought I'd made that clear."

"Well you certainly have now," she told him quietly, her hand resting on her stomach, feeling the baby shift restlessly. "I'd like my keys back."

He frowned. "But I'll need them for tomorrow."

"No, you won't, I can finish the painting by myself."

"We agreed about this, you should be taking it easy."

"No, you thought I should be taking it easy and I agreed with you only because I thought you cared about the baby, that you were worried about them. I won't accept pity."

"It's not pity, I'm your friend," he returned, exasperation clear in his voice.

"I don't see Stuart offering to decorate the room, or anyone else for that matter. I'm on my own in this, Robbie and that's fine, but if you don't want to be involved then you need to take a big step back and let me get on with my life. You don't get it both ways."

"I'm not allowed to care now then?"

"We agreed on boundaries, and we need to stick to them, the lines are blurring, Robbie, at least they are for me."

He felt his heart race as he stared at her, she was serious. "So what does that mean for us...as friends?"

"I don't think that's a good idea either, I don't think I can separate this as well as I thought I could and I think if we're friends, if we're around each other as much outside work as we have been I think I'll start resenting you for not wanting to be involved. And I know that's not fair because this is what we agreed, but that's how I feel."

He squeezed his eyes shut for a brief second in despair, this was exactly what he hadn't wanted. "Jackie, the whole point of this was for us to be able to stay friends."

"I know, but things don't always work out the way you plan them, Robbie. I'll go and grab my bag, looks like it was a blessing in disguise that I was too lazy to unpack now," she joked weakly as she walked past him and into the spare bedroom.

He stayed in his seat, staring at the now congealing sauce over his steak, it wasn't meant to be like this. He'd got involved in this plan so he wouldn't lose Jackie and now he was about to anyway, and he'd consoled himself with the fact that he'd still be a small part of his kid's life and now it looked as though he wasn't going to be that either. He couldn't seem to win for losing with this situation, he'd backed off because he'd cock it all up and still he was shut out of both their lives.

As he heard the spare room door shut, he stood, turning to face Jackie. "I can carry those bags down for you," he offered.

She shook her head. "It's fine, I was going to give this one back to you anyway," she told him, handing him the gift bag he'd given her earlier.

"Jackie, this was a present for the Sprout."

"And I can't accept it, it'll just remind me of what might have been and anyway it's not like no-one else will ever buy them a teddy bear. Goodbye, Robbie."

He let her go, didn't once try to stop her. When he heard that front door click shut he opened the gift bag and pulled out the bear, dropping onto his sofa as he stared at it. He'd fucked up, again, but he didn't know how to fix it, he couldn't be what she wanted and unlike before she wasn't able to accept what he could be. His grip tightened on the toy and for a brief second he considered lobbing it across the room, but the ironic thing was he couldn't even bring himself to do that, after all it was the only thing he had left of his kid.