A/N: Here we go with another chapter. I see that we have some new followers from 'Never Again'. Welcome, welcome. You'll see that GAT isn't anything like NA, but I hope you give it a chance just as well.

From the reviews I got, I found out that we have several brave souls out there that've had their own Clitzy's turned into bald kitties and to you ladies I say, WOW and OUCH. Lucky husbands.

Up next is a good night of drinking with everyone.

Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not an Edward blanket, not an Edward doll, not even Edward himself. Although, I wish I did. Instead, I'll keep reading FF and fantasize about him and all the kinky things the perverted authors come up with, me included.

Chapter 12: I Never

BPOV

My crotch is on fire.

It really is on fire and I'm starting to wonder when the fire trucks are coming to put out the flames.

I just took a half hour luke warm bath then lathered poor Clitzy in unscented lotion, hoping to make her feel better. She'd been crying for hours wanting to know why I would do something so torturous to her.

I kept reminding her that we've done this before, and have always made it through. She reminded me that yes, she'd been waxed, but never completely, and she was still mourning the loss of the skin Jose pulled off in the process.

Clitzy was a whiny bitch and needed to take a frickin chill pill.

Edward was going to be here in an hour, so I needed to suck it up and get ready, sore Clitzy and all.

After sending Edward a text message with the picture of my newly bald kitty, he sent several back, begging for a little extra time alone with her. But the way Clitzy was feeling, I wasn't so sure that I was interested in anything being close to her, even if he promised to bring his own personal fire hose to extinguish the flames.

EPOV

Lefty is so sore.

The poor guy's had more of a work out than he's had in months. It's almost like we were in a marathon; only instead of running, biking or swimming, we were in a Jerkathon.

He won 1st place over and over again.

Bella had her pussy waxed.

God loved me.

This time I was sure of it.

After Jerkathon 2010 was officially over, I went up to Alice's apartment as I knew she had gotten back a little while ago, but she just shut the door in my face saying that she needed a nap before tonight. Probably due to the amount of alcohol she drank last night. She drunk dialed me at least 10 times letting me know that Jazzhands was the one for her and that she couldn't be happier.

And then she started telling me about his dick and where he put said dick, I vomited and stopped answering her calls.

I pulled on a clean pair of blue jeans, and a white and blue Hollister t-shirt, smelling it to make sure it was clean, then doused myself in cologne. After picking up some beer and Jag I made my way over to Bella's. Alice said she would meet me over there later, so apparently I was walking into the eye of the storm on my own.

If I didn't love Bella so damn much, I would never put myself through this torture, but I did, love her that is, so I guess that meant I would do anything for her.

Including seeing her two best friends that felt the need to let me know that my balls would be cut off at any time if I fucked things up with their girl. Their girl, that was a fucking joke. She was my girl and I was getting close to putting a stop to that shit.

I sucked it up and knocked on the door hoping that fuck nut one or two wouldn't answer, and I was pleasantly surprised when Bella stood in front of me. Thank fucking Gosh!

"Hey there," Bella wrapped her hand around my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. And what a kiss it was.

I didn't care that it hadn't even been 24 hours since I last had her, I was hard, and ready once again. Bella was wearing a v-neck short-sleeved white t-shirt that showed just a sliver of her skin on her stomach and a pair of loose fitting jeans. Bare foot, and showing off her pink toe nails. She remembered me!

"Hey baby." I kissed her again as she grabbed one of the bags from my hands and brought it to the kitchen. I wanted to go in for a feelsky, but figured she might be a little sore and didn't want to make a jackass move so early in the night. Knowing me, it wasn't going too be long before I did, but I could at least enjoy the little time I had before I put my foot in my mouth.

I followed along, shutting the door behind me. Emmett was sitting on the kitchen counter, beer in hand, and wearing Superman boxers. Just the boxers.

"Do you seriously not own any fucking clothing?" I asked, sounding more irate than I actually was, but getting flustered that he was constantly showing more skin than he had to, especially around my girl.

Emmett was shaking with laughter and I was fearful for Bella's bare feet as Emmett's beer bottle looked as if it was going to fall out of his hands the way he was holding it.

"I own clothes. Lots of them actually, but when you are around kids all fucking week, wearing a shirt and tie, a guy just wants to relax, you know what I mean?" I did know what he meant, as I wore a suit and tie everyday for work. I nodded in agreement feeling kinda bad that I was going off on his ass, but then I remembered exactly what he did for work.

"Aren't you the athletics director or something?"

"Yes he is, and he wears wind pants and t-shirts every day to school, so don't give him that shit about having to dress up daily, Emmy!" Bella hit him in the stomach, making beer fly everywhere, including her white t-shirt that was now transparent in all the right places giving me a front row view of the pink bra she had on underneath. It matches the toes! She coordinated.

I think I liked Emmett more and more by the minute.

"Ok fine, I like my boxers, and before you started coming around, I had no reason not to walk around my own house wearing just them." Alice walked in and rolled her eyes at Emmett before grabbing a beer from the fridge. "See, Alice doesn't seem to mind the man meat, do ya shorty?"

"No, not really. Edward walks around the same way at home." I looked at Alice, giving her the stink eye before catching the look on Bella's face. Did she like the idea?

"Yeah Allie, my own place, where no one else is. And even if Bella was there, I bet she wouldn't much mind it now, would you baby?" I asked Bella, as she blushed from head to…toe. God she was hot.

"You're right, so strip down to your boxers and make yourself comfortable. You can even take them off if you really want to, I won't mind." Bella licked her lips and I was hard, again. She was serious.

"I think I'll keep the junk covered."

"For now." She teased as she opened the fridge and bent down with her ass out in the air, putting my beer away.

For the love of all things sparkly, did she really have to bend like that?

Bella had the perfect ass. She really did. It was firm and soft at the same time. Each cheek fit right in the palm of my hand like it was meant to be there. Hell, I knew it was.

Ungh! This girl was going to be the death of me!

"What's crackalackin?" Jasper grabbed my shoulder as he walked in and went for the fridge.

He was wearing boxers…and socks.

I guess it was an improvement.

But, the button was missing over his crotch. I just prayed that he didn't get excited or anything. I was going to make sure that I sat on the other side of the room so that when he sat, I didn't see his little friend pop out and make his entrance. This could be a really long night in the worst possible way.

"Are you poor? If you need some money I could loan some out to you. Hell, I'll give it to you!" Jasper looked at me like I had a fake pair of tits on my chest as he handed me a beer. Well, actually I took it from his hands, but who's asking?

"What the fuck are you talking about, bro?" He scratched his balls then went in the fridge for another beer. I made sure to wipe down my bottle on my pants before opening it.

"You just scratched your balls, don't touch anything in there!" Bella slapped his hand away like a kid going in the cookie jar for the hundredth time.

"Sorry!" Jasper held his hands out in front of him as Bella turned the water on and squirted soap into his palms. He was just like a little kid that needed his mommy to make sure he was clean. "Really, what the fuck are you talking about though?"

"Well, every time I see you, you have nothing but your man panties on, and I'm starting to wonder if you need a hand out or something. Come on, I'll take both you and Emmett over to the Good Will right now." I started for the door as I heard Bella and Rose break out laughing at my little outburst.

"Belly, you gotta keep this one. He's too fucking funny!" Rose messed up my hair as she went for a beer, bending over so her ass was up in the air.

Do not look at Bella's roommate; do not look at Bella's roommate.

Now, I'm not complaining, because Rose is a super model and all, but she wasn't dressed much better than fuck nut one or two. She had on a pair of those lacey boy shorts, black I might add, and a red tank top with no bra. Really, these people were just way too comfortable around here, and I worried about poor Spunky having to witness all the flesh. I didn't want him to get turned on in front of Bella for looking at her roommate's ass or something. Rose's ass, just so we are all on the same page.

Bella went to work in the kitchen, looked like she was making pizza's, homemade, yum, and there were some chips and dip out on the counter. One by one, she shoed each one of them out, telling them to go into the living room, but not me, so I took that as an open invitation to stand behind her as she sprinkled cheese on the pizza and wrap my arms around her waist trying to get as close to her kitty as I could without looking like a total pervert.

"Mmm, you smell good, baby." I nibbled on her ear as Spunky decided to befriend her ass, rubbing his length along her cheek, as my hands pulled up the hem of her shirt and rested on her flat stomach.

"And you're horny," She giggled as she wiped off her hands and turned around to kiss my lips, a few pieces of hair fell loose from the bun she had it in. I tucked them behind her ear as she leaned her head into my touch.

"Maybe, just a little. Can you blame me? I get this picture sent to me, of the…hottest fucking thing I've ever seen, and you what, expect me not to get a boner?" To prove my point, I rubbed my cock over her jean-clad pussy as she squirmed against me.

She blushed a deep red as her chest heaved, taking deep breaths. She was just as turned on as I was, but holding back because apparently she had self-control I wasn't aware of.

"No, I can't say I blame you, but you do know that nothing is gonna happen tonight, right? Clitzy's sore and…" I cut her off as she tried to continue speaking like she didn't just tell me that she named her kitty.

Oh. My. God.

"Clitzy?" I didn't think her cheeks could get any redder, but they did. "Please tell me you named your pussy? That is so fucking hot, baby." She leaned her head on my chest, giggling to herself in what I would assume to be embarrassment. "There's nothing to embarrassed about, Spunky would very much like to see Clitzy."

Hell, if she was gonna be embarrassed about it, then so was I. We were a pair.

A very fucked up pair, but a pair indeed.

"Wow. We are so fucked up, aren't we?" See? Told ya. Bella looked up at me, grinning from ear to ear. "And Clitzy would very much like to see Spunky, when she's feeling better. She's a little under the weather, and the ho of a mother she has won't let her come out to play tonight."

I pouted out my bottom lip as I kissed the side of her neck. "But Spunky's daddy wants to see Clitzy. How about he has a talk with her mom?"

We were both laughing to ourselves with where this conversation was going how fucked up we really were.

"I don't think it's gonna…"

"For the love of God, stop with the dirty talk! We can hear it all the way in the living room, and Emmett is about to gag." Rose cut Bella off as she walked in to the kitchen, grabbed 4 beers, rolled her eyes at the two of us and walked back out. "Oh, and tell daddy to take Spunky into the bathroom and show him how to behave!"

Bella leaned her head on my chest as we laughed together in embarrassment and all around hilarity of the situation.

The pizza's were cooking, the rest of the food was out and Bella was finally free to relax a little. I grabbed two more beers and popped hers open as I looked down and seen the wetness across her shirt from earlier.

Apparently I got a little distracted in finding out that she named her kitty and wanting to see it.

"Emmett must have gotten you when he dropped his beer." Bella looked down and we both stared at her very erect nipples poking out of her shirt.

"I guess I should go change then. I'll be right back." Bella started to go for her room when I grabbed her hand.

"You know, I haven't seen your bedroom yet, now sounds like a good time." We'd been dating for several weeks and I had yet to see her bedroom. Something was wrong with that situation. I may not have been able to play with Clitzy tonight, but I could at least lather her up with lotion or something.

"Um… I don't think that's such a good idea with my brother bears and all. Why don't you go keep them company, I'll just be a few minutes, promise." She walked away before I could pout like the horny teenager I was feeling like.

I was starting to wonder why she didn't want me to see her bedroom but figured it wasn't a big enough deal to ask her about it. Not right now anyways. We had a long night of drinking ahead of us, and I knew I just wanted to chill a little. Jasper and Emmett could potentially be good friends if they just let up a little and maybe if I tried a little more too.

I found an open recliner and took a seat. Jasper and Alice were on the loveseat and Emmett and Rose were on the couch.

An old re-run of Darkwing Duck was on, and Emmett and Jasper had their eyes glued on it like it was the best thing ever.

It was a pretty classic cartoon if you ask me.

"Where's BB?" Jasper asked, as he scratched his balls… yet again.

I was starting to wonder if these guys had any manners at all. I'd like to see him try that shit in front of our parents. That would be the best first impression ever.

"She went to go change since someone got beer all over her shirt." Emmett looked up at the mention of himself and rolled out his middle finger like a fishing reel.

"Whatever man. It'll probably work in your favor if I know my Bizzy like I think I do." I looked at Emmett hoping that he would elaborate a little, but he didn't.

Bella came back in wearing a white spaghetti strapped tank top and black shorts. Now I was sure that she shopped in the toddler section because those shorts were too short for an adult. Not that I was complaining or anything, but she was sinfully dressed and I think she was doing it on purpose.

I looked around the room and notice that Emmett and Jasper were in their boxers, and socks for Jasper, and Bella and Rose were practically in their underwear. Alice was wearing a pair of yoga pants and a long sleeved shirt and I felt a little more comfortable that she was still wearing clothes.

Then Jasper spoke and I wanted to shoot him.

"Allie, you should really make yourself more comfortable." He kissed the side of her neck as Bella came and sat in my lap, I wrapped my arms around her as she nuzzled into my side, trying to hide my distaste to the affection that was currently taking place in front of me.

Alice waved at herself as she stood and put her fingers in her pants. "It is kind of hot in here. I think your heater is broken or something. Bella, you got something I can wear?"

"Sure!" Bella and Rose jumped up as the three girls went back to her room.

Was I in the Twilight zone or something? It was late September, and yeah, it was getting colder out, but their apartment was like a freaking sauna, and because of that, I was going to have to see my sister in her unders which was making Spunky shrink by the second.

Sweat was pooling on my forehead and I noticed that it really was hot in here.

"Do you guys have a problem with your heater or something?" I asked, as I fanned myself with a magazine.

It just so happened to be the one that had Rose's face on the cover and I threw it back on the coffee table like it had jizz on it or something. Probably did knowing these guys.

Emmett looked at Jasper as they laughed with one another about an inside joke.

"Naw man, but we like to walk around in our boxers as you already know, and so we gotta keep it warm. Rose and Bella don't know this, but I broke the heater over two years ago and it is a toasty 80 degrees in here year round." Jasper leaned forward to hit fists with Emmett making my head fall back against he cushion.

They were doing this shit on purpose so they could see a little flesh! Smart fuckers!

"So, you're telling me you do this so you can see the girls in their panties?" Both guys nodded at me with shit eating grins on their faces as they each took a chug of their beers. "You guys are perverts!"

Was I really saying that? 10 minutes ago I was trying not to have tainted thoughts about seeing Rose in her unders, and then Bella came out and I wanted to hump her leg, so…maybe I should be thanking these guys. That is, if I didn't have to see my sister in the same light.

They would be ogling my sister in the same way they do Bella and Rose. Bella. They were looking at my girl!

Perverts!

"I can see the wheels turning in your head, E. Before you get all emo and shit on us, you know we have no feelings for Bella, but she has a nice rack and we all know it." The third beer I had finished in less than a half hour was starting to kick in a little and I nodded in agreement. She really did have a nice set on her. "And Rose does too." Well, that I couldn't agree more with, so I nodded again. "And well, Alice is your sister, but seriously, she is a fine piece of ass."

And that's when Jasper took things too far.

"J, seriously bro, that's my sister, and you need to stop right there. I think you guys are perverts, but I guess so am I. You keep your hands to yourselves and so will I and we'll call it good. And no ogling my sister!" I pointed at Jasper. "In front of me at least. I'd like to keep that pizza in my stomach for a little while at least."

"Same goes for you then. Remember that Bella is like our sister; with a nice rack that is, so no ogling in front of us. Kapeesh?"

The three of us nodded in agreement as the girls came back out and Alice was in a pink tank top and a pair of shorts that were longer on her than Bella and Rose. Never in my life had I been so excited that my sister was so short. Bella's clothes were long on her, and I could only laugh to myself seeing that she was covered more than the rest of the girls.

The pizza finished cooking and we ate quickly across the counter top in the kitchen, then grabbed more boo's and went into the living room.

Bella and I cuddled in the recliner, my hand on her ass at all times.

Hey, if I couldn't get to Clitzy, then I was at least going to have some part of her to myself all night.

Emmett got out Rock Band, he was on the drums, Jasper was on one guitar, I was on another and Rose took the microphone. We kicked some major ass if you ask me. The girls took turns on vocals and I have to say that I had more fun than I thought I would.

But by the time we were done, I was sweating profusely and was ready to call the guys out on their little heat thing and tell them to turn it down.

"E, take off your shirt. I can tell you're hot, so take it off." Bella was drunk. She had been for at least the last hour.

The beer was flowing like water and between her, Rose and Alice, they'd been taking shots since the moment we got here.

I was buzzed pretty well and figured it was time, and I took my shirt off, not thinking anything of it, but jumped as I heard clapping and whistling.

I looked up to see Bella with her hands in the air as if she wanted to catch my shirt, and Rose and even Alice were whistling and yelling for me to take it off.

There is just something majorly wrong about your sister yelling something like that out to you.

But the whistling coming from Jasper and Emmett weirded me out even more.

I do have to say that I felt better with the shirt gone. I relaxed back into the recliner with my cold beer.

Bella smelled my shirt, then ran it into her bedroom with it saying she hid it and I couldn't have it back.

It was going to be an awkward cab ride home in the morning if she didn't give it back.

"Welcome to the dark side." Emmett held out his fist for me to bump, which I did rolling my eyes at how ridiculous it was. "You work out, don't you?"

Oh my God, he was checking out my body. I know I should've expected this from his crazy ass, but it still gave me the heebie jeebies.

If it was Rose asking that question, I would have felt happy, but Emmett just made me feel icky. Then he winked at me, and I felt all exposed and on display.

"Yup." I made a quick reply hoping he would stop staring at my nipples with his glassy eyes and we could move onto something else.

"We should work out together sometime. Jasper and I go to this place down the street a few times a week if you want to come." Emmett went from ogling my chest to Rose's and I instantly felt better. At least he was looking at a real pair of tits now.

I think they were real at least.

"Yeah sure, just give me a call." I got up to get another beer hoping when I returned that the boob ogling would be over.

I was bent over the fridge grabbing a few beers when I felt someone slap my ass. Hard.

Please let that be Bella, please let that be Bella….

I looked back and sure enough it was Bella. Thank freaking God!

As I stood, her arms wrapped around my waist from behind and one hand slowly started to go in the front of my pants grabbing Spunky.

"Whoa!" I spun around, almost hitting Bella in the face with two bottles of beer. I set them on the counter, and then started to remove her hand from my junk, but my body had other ideas because it felt really fucking good. "Baby, you're gonna get him all excited if you keep doing that." My hips thrust into her to prove my point as her tiny fingers ran over the head spreading the precum that was forming.

"That's kinda the point, E." Her hand gripped my shaft, my eyes rolled back in pleasure as she gave me a hand job in her kitchen. She was hammered and her speech was starting to slur, but there was no way I was going to tell her to stop, not now, not when I was so damn close.

"We're in the kitchen, B." She looked around at her surroundings, and after a few seconds, realization set in and her mouth formed into an 'oh' and she slowly took her hand out of my pants. Damn it! Me and my big mouth!

"Go to the bathroom, I'll be in there in just a few minutes so we can finish this thing." She stared at the bulge in my pants as she licked her bottom lip.

I casually made my way to the bathroom, shut the door and pulled myself onto the counter waiting…. and waiting…. and waiting.

20 minutes later, and I was about to head out when there was a tiny knock on the door, then Bella entered.

"Where have you been?" I asked as I pulled her to me, then sat her up onto the counter, covering the exposed skin on her chest with kisses.

"Well, we were playing cards, and you didn't come out, so I came looking for you, and that's when I remembered that I was supposed to join you." Oh God. She forgot that she was going to finish me. "Sorry, I hope I didn't keep you waiting long." She batted her eyes at me and I couldn't be mad.

"No, not at all, now take off your shirt and we'll call it even." I didn't waste any time getting to the goods, knowing that her roommates were just on the other side of the wall and could barge in at anytime. Bella's tank top was on the floor in seconds, I watched as her breasts bounced as she moved. I took one pert nipple into my mouth while I massaged her other breast.

She was moaning, loud, and I hoped that she locked the door just in case.

"That feels fantastic." She moaned as her hands went in my hair, pulling me to where she wanted my tongue. Then she started pushing my head down, and I kissed her rib cage, around her belly button, but she kept pushing until my head was as the waist ban of her shorts. Can't blame a girl for knowing what she wants.

"Tell me what you want, and you can have it." I looked up at her with hooded eyes; her lips parted in pure pleasure as she looked back at me.

"I want your tongue on my clit. Now." Again, I wasted no time to get her shorts off, and the flimsy fabric she called panties and spread her legs wide as I knelt before her.

I unzipped my jeans and gave my throbbing cock a couple good strokes before I began, knowing that I needed some kind of friction to keep my sanity.

As I looked at Clitzy, I swear to God that a choir sang out, lights went on and birds were singing. There in front of me was a bald kitty. My kitty. My Clitzy.

I ran my fingers up and down her wet slit, mesmerized by the feeling of how soft it was.

"Goddamn Bella, you are absolutely perfect!" I moaned as I plunged two fingers into her dripping wet core and sucked her clit into my mouth.

She moaned again, over and over, getting louder as I found new spots with my fingers and tongue. She tasted amazing and I felt I couldn't get enough of her even if I tried.

Bella moaned out my name, and I think the apartment next to us could've heard that one, so my other hands went up to clamp over her mouth. I felt my fingers being sucked into her mouth. Her hot, wet mouth, her tongue circling up and down them like they were her own personal sausages.

"Oh God." I tried to suppress the moan, but it was without luck as my cock twitched against my boxers and I knew I was going to cum soon.

Bella's moans got deeper and raspier and within seconds her walls contracted as she came on my fingers. I pulled them out and licked up her arousal praying I didn't put any to waste.

She hopped down from the counter in all her naked glory and pulled my jeans and boxers down in one shot. I stood, placing my hands in her hair, well one of my hands at least because as much as I liked the smell of her pussy, she probably didn't need it in her hair, and watched as she opened her mouth wide taking my cock in it, hitting the back of her throat on the first try.

My girl was such a champ.

She didn't seem to have any kind of a gag reflex and I think I loved her even more for that.

She was like a blowjob queen. BJQ!

It didn't take long before I shot my load down her throat as I had been so damn turned on since the moment I got here tonight. As soon as she was done, she pulled my pants back up and I reached for her clothes and helped her get dressed.

I wrapped my arm around her, holding her naked chest to mine as I grabbed her left breast and gave it one last kiss. As I held it, I looked at the right one and said my good byes.

"Bye sweetie, we had fun, I hope I see you both real soon." I kissed the right one, then the left one as Bella shook with laughter and put her shirt back on.

I was sad to see the twins go, but realized we'd been in the bathroom for a long time and needed to make a re-entrance.

Grabbing Bella's hand, we walked back out into the kitchen grabbing more drinks then made our way into the living room.

"About damn time you two got here!" Alice squeaked. "I was going to send a search party pretty soon!"

"Edward had a problem…with his zipper!" I hit my hand to my head as Bella spoke. Rose and Alice fell back onto their guys laughing hysterically, while Emmett winked at me, and Jasper rolled his eyes.

Yeah, I was having a problem with my zipper; I couldn't get it down fast enough.

"Anyways, enough of those shenanigans. It's time for a game." Jasper left the room and came back with 6 shot glasses and a liter of Gray Goose. He told us all to take a seat around the coffee table, which we did, a filled shot glass in front of each of us.

"What are we playing, cowboy?" There Alice goes with the cowboy shit again. I did not need to know what happened behind closed doors with those two.

"It's called 'I Never'. Someone will say something they've never done, and if someone else has done it, then they take a shot." Jasper explained.

"Oh, and it has to be something to do with body parts or sex, or body parts and sex!" Rose shouted, her face lighting up in excitement.

I looked at Bella who had a huge smile on her face. I'd played this back in high school, but as 16 year olds, there weren't too many notches in my belt that could get me in trouble. It was a different story now though.

"Ok, Darlin', you go first." Jasper motioned to Alice, then kissed her cheek.

She put her finger to her mouth in thought for a few moments before speaking. "I've never…had sex on the roof of a building."

We were all eying one another up to see who was going to take a shot. Rose and Emmett got beat red and each took their shot.

Emmett looked up with a huge shit-eating grin across his face.

"What? We got bored one night, totally spiced up our sex life." He looked over at Rose who was obviously thinking of something in particular before kissing his arm, Bella made gagging noises in the background.

"Whatever, anyways. My turn." Jasper was deep in thought as Rose and Emmett refilled their glasses. "I've never…been skinny dipping…and gotten caught!" He looked solely at Bella as he spoke and sure enough, the glass rose to her lips and she chugged it back.

Bella skinny dipping. Bella naked in the water.

Bella getting caught skinny dipping, naked in the water.

"Care to explain?" I asked, as I wrapped my arm around her waist and held her to me.

"Um no." She was all giggles as she spoke, clearly embarrassed.

"If you don't, then I will BB." Jasper and Bella had a stare down, and after a few minutes Bella budged.

"Fine. Jasper, Emmett and I went skinny-dipping when we were in high school. We were having fun, we were drunk, and when they started to get out, I figured it was to get my clothes so I wasn't naked for long because I thought they were true friends. And then they left. With my clothes."

I looked over at Emmett and Jasper who were roaring with laughter. I gave her a head nod to continue, as I had to find out the rest of the story now.

"We were close to town, so I ran my naked ass into the woods nearby until I got to a neighborhood, luckily someone had their laundry out still on the clothes line and I was just about to pull down a dress when a light flashed on me and I was told to back away from the clothes. It was the cops, someone had called in a naked girl streaking around town."

I was trying to stifle back a laugh, but my body wasn't having it and I shook us both with how funny this shit was. Alice was cackling, Rose was lying on the floor, Emmett and Jasper were beat red.

"You two called her in, didn't you?" Alice asked, pointing her red fingernail at them.

They both nodded in agreement before Emmett spoke.

"The best part about it though, was that it wasn't just any police officer, it was Charlie!" Bella looked absolutely mortified as the rest of us laughed our asses off.

"He made me ride home in the back of the cruiser with nothing but his jacket on, demanding answers, but I was kinda drunk at the time to, so I couldn't really tell him much. Well other than the fact that he now knew I shaved and had grown a pair of tits as I got older. He figured that shit out on his own."

"Boobie Bandit." I mumbled to myself before looking over at Bella. "That's how you got the name, right?" Slowly, Bella nodded her head in agreement as Alice's laughs got louder and the rest of the guys were rolling on the floor. "It's ok, baby. Your secrets safe with me." I whispered in her ear before nibbling on it, causing her to moan in reaction.

Thankfully, everyone was pretty shit faced so Bella's moans didn't cause the nasty looks they usually did, and I started to think that maybe I just needed to get Emmett and Jasper shit faced more often and then they'd start letting up a little.

I could get an MVP card at the liquor store. They'd love me.

"Edward, your turn!" Rose yelled as Emmett grabbed her ribs and tickled her, causing her shirt to ride up, making me look away. She was hot.

"Ok, um…I've…never had sex with two girls at once." I didn't think that anyone would drink to that and I swear that Bella let out a sigh of relief, but then Jasper lifted his glass, and Alice's mouth about dropped to the floor.

"What?" He asked as he slammed the shot and put the empty glass back on the table.

"Really Jazzy?" Bella asked as she leaned into my chest. "Who?"

"Maria and…Angela." I had never seen Jasper's face redder than in that moment.

"You dawg!" Emmett yelled as he reached out to high five his brother.

Alice still had a look of shock on her face as Jasper tried to calm her down.

"It was like 5 years ago baby, I was drunk, so were they, it just sort of happened." His voice was kind of whiney when he was drunk and I tried not to laugh at the fact that Alice was giving him the look that basically indicated that there was going to be no hanky panky for a long time.

I saw that look many times in my life from multiple women, so it wasn't anything new to me. I actually was kind of proud of my baby sister.

"Ok, now that we got that out in the open, Bizzy, it's your turn." Emmett poured himself a shot and gulped it back, must have been thirsty or something.

"Um…I've never…" She started giggling uncontrollably as she looked at her pink toenails like they were the most interesting things ever. "I've never had it up the ass."

I had just taken a drink of my beer, bad timing, and spit it out at this little realization. Alice fell over she was laughing so hard, Jasper looked like he breathed a sigh of relief, and Rose took a shot.

Her cheeks were like ripe red tomatoes.

And then Emmett raised his glass to his lips and looked around the room as all of our eyes were on his face. No fucking way! The winking thing was weird, but I didn't take him to be a kinky mother fucker!

"Just kidding, wanted to see if you fuckers would actually go for it!" Emmett's entire body shook with laughter as he set the shot back down.

"Well, I'm not!" Rose poured herself another shot and took that one as well, then she started giving details of the dirty ditty, but Emmett clamped his hand over her mouth. Thank God.

"Emmett, you're turn." Bella mumbled as I ran a hand through her hair, her moans getting louder and louder.

"Ok, I've Never…gotten head in the bathroom with my friends in the other room." Everyone threw something at Emmett as he spoke, there was popcorn, chips and bottle caps throw in the air.

"No way, man, I don't believe that for one second." Jasper called his brother out. I wanted to do it, but seeing that I had just gotten head in the bathroom, I didn't think it was to wise.

"Yeah Emmy, we were just in there like an hour ago…" Emmett clamped his hand over Rose's mouth again as he chuckled with laughter.

"I know, I just wanted to see Bizzy's reaction and Eddie's to. We all know what you two were up to in there." Then he winked at me. Again!

Bella nuzzled her head into my side and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders holding her to me. I couldn't tell if she was laughing or if she was just that embarrassed, but figured I would be the good boyfriend and shield her from all the grotesque remarks her friends were making.

"Whatever. You fuckers aren't much better." I held up my shot glass as everyone else lifted their own. "Cheers!" I shot mine back as everyone else followed. It didn't even faze me that everyone took a shot on that one.

Bella pointed to Rose as it was her turn.

"I've never had a…one night stand!" Rose seemed proud of herself as Jasper refilled shot glasses. Emmett, Jasper, Bella, myself and Alice all picked ours up at the same time.

I looked at Alice who just rolled her beady eyes at me.

"Really?" There were things in this life I didn't need to know about my baby sister.

This was one of them.

"Oh pull your panties out of your ass Eddie." Bella choked on her shot, I slapped her on the back hoping she wasn't going to die. "Everyone's done it, well except for Rose apparently."

Rose was giggling to herself as she watched the glasses be refilled.

Bella got really quiet after that. It was late, the last time I checked, close to 2am and I figured she was tired. After a few more rounds where I found out way too much about my new friends, Emmett suggested we have a camp out in the living room and brought out sleeping bags and pillows. Before I could even kiss her goodnight, Bella was asleep in the fetal position beside me.

"Goodnight Has!" Emmett yelled out.

"Goodnight little John!" Jasper lazily replied.

"Would you two shut the fuck up!" That one was Rosalie.

"Amen, sister!" And that was me.

My eyelids shut and I was asleep within seconds, one arm wrapped under Bella's pillow, the other hand clamped over Clitzy under Bella's shorts.

Best kind of sleep over if you ask me.

A/N: It was a long one, I know, but if I did split it up then someone would have bitched. Just kidding, I love you all and you know it.

Came home from spending too long of a day with my nagging co-worker. Does it really take 30 good blows to properly get all the flem and snot out of your nose? And the people in the next building can hear you when you clear your throat for the millionth time today, seriously! So, I came home and wrote some smut. That always makes me feel better.

Anyone got a REALLY annoying co-worker? I'd love to hear about it!

You know what to do, push the button, send me a review and make me smile.

Reviews are like having Spunky rub against your ass while you sleep, Edward's hand firmly clamped over Clitzy. Really, they're that good!