CONTAINS BREAKING DAWN SPOILERS IN THE AUTHOR'S NOTE. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ BREAKING DAWN, SKIP TO THE STORY AND IGNORE THE AN.

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AN: Okay, lovies, so I didn't get the turnout I was hoping for with the last chapter. I waited a little while before updating, because I realize that Breaking Dawn was just released and all that. For those of you who have read BD, you'll probably agree when I say the story isn't so AU anymore...I think I was shocked just as much as anyone about Nessie! It kind of bummed me out, simply because of the whole plot line of this story. I promise it won't affect my story, however, and we'll just act like BD didn't happen (although, I'm one of the few who actually LOVED BD.) Please please PLEASE read and review! They keep me going!

Disclaimer: Stephenie still owns Twilight.

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Chapter Twelve: I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

I awoke to two black eyes staring at me with concern. I moaned as I tried rolling way from them, but two icy fingers pulled my face back to stare at the black eyes.

"Bella," Edward said forcedly.

"Edward," I said with the same emphasis. I scrunched my face at him, because I knew what he was going to say. Last night I had had horrible nightmares, and I was definitely sure my night mumblings reflected that.

"What's going on? All last night you had nightmares. Is something wrong?" His eyes were filled with worry, and I felt the worry was justified. Although last night I had convinced myself that things were going to be good, my dreams had told me otherwise.

I couldn't let him know anything was wrong. "Just typical fears about pregnancy and giving birth, Edward. So sue me," I spat.

Edward's features softened, his fingers no longer held my face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be accusing…" he trailed off.

I stared at him with a criticizing look for as long as I could manage, which wasn't very long. I was scared and angry, but I was taking it out on him. He had every right to be concerned, because my nightmares were anything but typical. In my dream, I fought constantly to keep Liz. No matter what I did, someone was always taking her from my arms, never letting me hold my baby. I had been running through the forest, trying to find her, and every time I got close someone new would come along and drag her farther away.

"No, you're fine," I said gently. I ran my hand along his face, and brushed my fingers across his lips. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh."

He kissed my forehead, sweeping strands of hair away from my face. "I'm just worried about you, that's all."

I smiled. "I know. Speaking of worry," I changed the subject, "you need to hunt. I'm worried about you. It's been so long." I skimmed my fingers below his eyes across the dark circles that grew darker with every passing day.

He pulled his head back away from my fingers. "I'm okay. I don't want to leave you alone."

I looked at him crossly. "You know, I'm more than capable of staying home by myself."

He laughed. "Bella…c'mon," he joked with a roll of his eyes. "You and I both know that—" but he paused, not finishing his sentence. He looked towards the door. "That's not necessary, Jasper. I'll stay with her."

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Jasper said the family is going hunting, but he was going to stay home. Which, like I just said, is unnecessary."

Suddenly, I saw this as an opportunity. I needed to talk to Jasper about last night. He had gone along with the hormone excuse, but only he and I knew it was more than that.

"I'd like to spend some time with Jasper, actually. If you don't mind…" I caressed the side of his face with my fingers, hoping I could distract him enough for him to agree.

He turned his head towards my hand and kissed my palm. He sighed, signaling to me that he had given in. "Alright, but we won't be gone long, I promise."

I simpered. "Don't worry about me. I've got Army Boy to protect me."

He snickered. "I'll have my phone too, just in case. Call me if you need anything. Understand?"

I set my face to convey a serious matter. "Aye, aye, Captain." I half-heartedly saluted with two of my fingers.

Edward smirked. "That's Jasper, not me." We laughed, but it was broken off by a kiss. Edward cupped my face while his frozen lips moved with mine. I had wrapped my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers in his hair. Too quickly, Edward broke off the kiss.

"We'll be back by night. I love you."

I kissed him lightly on the lips one last time. "I love you, too," I said with a smile. "Go have some fun!"

He smiled and was out the door, leaving me to myself. I hoisted myself out of bed, which was becoming more difficult with each day. Quietly, I dressed myself but I didn't pay any attention to my clothes. My thoughts were on my impending conversation with Jasper.

I walked downstairs, and Jasper was there, watching a documentary. He smiled softly when he saw me. "Morning," he said.

"Morning," I replied. I headed to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast, all while trying to keep my emotions in check. I was nervous—nervous about talking with Jasper, nervous about discussing what happened last night. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, and sat down on the couch at the opposite end from Jasper. I slowly ate, trying to focus my attention on the documentary.

Jasper let out a breath of air. "Okay, we need to talk," he finally said during a commercial. He clicked the TV on mute and turned his body to face me. I still focused my attention on the TV; the spoon I was using was hovering half way between the cereal bowl and my mouth.

I put the spoon back into the bowl and set it aside. I turned, mimicking Jasper's body language. "Alright," I finally managed to spit out.

He looked down at the couch, then back up at me. He looked almost as nervous as I was. He cleared his throat. "What really happened, Bella? Don't tell me it was pregnancy hormones, because I've gotten pretty good at separating pregnancy emotions from real emotions. Last night was definitely a real emotion."

I had to stop and think before I responded. I guess I hadn't really thought about how this pregnancy thing was affecting Jasper. I was constantly circling through emotions, but I must have forgot that Jasper was circling through them with me. Only, he handled it a lot better than I did.

I stood up as quick as I could and took the bowl over to the kitchen sink, trying to stall for some time. I washed out the bowl, and placed it on the counter to dry. After I was finished, I placed my hands on the cool marble countertop and exhaled. I looked up at Jasper; his eyes were watching my every move. "I don't know what happened," I breathed.

He stood up and walked to the opposite end of the counter top, directly across from me. I saw some kind of sadness in his eyes. "Bella…it hurt. It hurt so bad," he whimpered. "What made you feel that way? What were you thinking about before?"

I shook my head. "Nothing really. It just hit me…out of nowhere. One minute I was getting ready for bed, and the next, my whole world was falling apart."

"Have you ever felt like that before?"

I hesitated. "Yes…once. When…when Edward left."

Jasper studied the marble countertop, obviously noting the awkwardness of remembering that horrible time. I knew Jasper still felt bad about what had happened on my 18th birthday, but I had long since forgiven him.

I cleared my throat, trying to move the conversation forward. "I used to feel like my body was going to cave in on itself. There was this hole…this big hole in my center, and the longer I went without him—the more I missed him, the bigger the hole got. I used to think that if I wrapped my arms around myself, I could hold myself together." I paused. I had never fully shared this kind of information with anyone before, but it was surprisingly easy to talk to Jasper. "When Edward came back, that hole closed. I thought it was gone forever, because I knew that Edward was going to be with me for forever. But last night, it ripped back open again. I felt like everything I had ever wanted, ever loved…everything had just been taken away from me."

"But he's still here. We're not leaving, ever," he said firmly. "You're a part of this family now."

I shook my head. "I don't doubt that you guys won't leave me. I've never been more sure about my family." I started tracing the lines in the marble with my index finger. It was so hard to verbalize my new fears, but they needed to be said. "I…I'm not afraid I'll lose you. I'm afraid I'll lose her," I verbalized, resting my hand on my stomach. I looked Jasper in the eyes. "It was like my body was trying to tell me something, Jasper. It was telling me I was going to lose Liz." Tears had formed in my eyes, as I blinked furiously to try and keep them in place.

"That's not true, Bella. You're not going to lose her…I know you're scared, but we won't let anything happen."

I shook my head fiercely. The tears began running down my face. "You don't understand Jasper. I told myself I would never feel that way again, unless if I lost the things that mattered most in my life. Edward and Elizabeth matter the most, and I'm telling you, I'm going to lose Liz. I'm going to…I just know…" but at this time I began sobbing. I cradled my head in my hands as my body shook with sobs. No matter how much I told myself that things were going to be okay, my body—my heart—knew otherwise. My heart was trying to prepare itself for the biggest loss it has ever suffered.

As I wept, a cool hand rested on my back. I removed my head from my hands, just long enough to see Jasper standing behind me. I could feel waves of calm washing over me, and the tears slowly dissipated.

"Bella, can I explain something to you?" Jasper asked smoothly. My sobs had turned to silent tears running down my cheeks. I turned my whole body around and faced Jasper directly, and he began. "Bella, when you live as long as I do, you learn that…you learn that sometimes you lose. Sometimes you lose the most important things in your life, and you feel like there's nothing else out there…"

I opened my mouth to argue, but Jasper held up a finger, silencing me.

"Let me explain, Bella. Yes, you lose things—people—that are a part of your essential make up. However, during those times you also learn what you're willing to fight for. Over time, I realized I was willing to fight for human life. I was willing to give up the only life I had known, turn my back completely on that lifestyle, and adopt this new one. I learned that life was the most important thing to fight for, and believe me it's a struggle, everyday. I've also learned that I am willing to fight for you, and for Lizzie." He combed his fingers through his hair, hesitating for a moment. He had never really said much to me like this…he was so open now.

"Bella, I can honestly say that I had never fought so hard to keep one human alive. Every human is the same to me…they all smell the same, feel the same, behave the same. Until you. You're so much more different than I had ever realized, and now that Lizzie has been brought into our lives, I see that she's just as different as you are. I've only ever fought with myself to keep a human alive…but with you, I've definitely fought more than that," he said with a chuckle. "And I will continue to, until the day I no longer exist. I've learned the value of family, and you and Lizzie are my family. I would go to the ends of the Earth to fight to keep you and her here with us, and I know I speak for the entire family when I say this. I know you fear that you'll lose her, and I'm not saying no one will ever try to take her away. But what I am saying is you can be sure that every single one of us will do everything within our power to make sure that never happens. You can be sure that we will all fight to keep you and Lizzie here with us…where you belong."

My mouth hung open. I just…I couldn't believe what he was saying. I had always felt a wall between Jasper and I, especially since he struggled so much with the bloodlust. I guess I had always figured he just…put up with me. I never realized he loved me as family. I never realized he cared so much about the life and safety of my child. I just never realized.

"Jasper…"

"You don't have to say anything, Bella. And I know my words won't make your fears go away, but they shouldn't. You should remember these fears, so you're never caught off guard. I just want to ease those fears, some. You may fear losing her, but you wouldn't be the only one losing her—we all would. Since we all would lose her, we all would fight, hard, to bring her back. It's not just you or Edward in this, it's all of us."

I swallowed hard, not really knowing what to say. I felt guilty, because I had so underestimated our relationship. "Okay," I finally sputtered out.

A smile flashed on Jasper's face. "Okay," he repeated.

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The rest of the day was spent in peace. It was surprisingly easy with Jasper; I had worried, especially since he was the most uncomfortable with me, but I guess the months that I had been living here got him used to it.

Jasper and I were sitting on the couch, watching some reality show on TV. Neither of us was paying much attention, but we still sat there with our eyes focused on the screen. Suddenly, Jasper flew up and was at the front door in an instant. He growled loud as he tore the door open. I lifted myself up off of the couch as fast as I could and ran over to the door—there was nothing there.

"What's wro—" but before I could finish asking my question, a tall, dark man walked into the pathway leading up to the door. His hair was longer than I had remembered. Something about him was different; the lines on his face were harder. He stood about twenty feet away from the front door, staring only at me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jasper demanded.

Jacob's eyes widened, as he looked me up and down. His eyes rested on my midsection—on my pregnant belly.

"I said, what the hell are you doing here, dog?" Jasper yelled louder. He defensively positioned his body in front of mine, blocking Jacob's view of my stomach.

"Bella," is all he whispered. He took a step forward, but it was a step too close for Jasper. A deep growl came from within his chest, as he slowly lowered his body into a crouching position. I had seen this stance from the Cullen family before; they shifted their body this way, right before they were going to attack.

Before Jasper could lurch forward, a loud crash came from ahead of me. I saw a blur of pale skin on top of the russet skin, knocking Jacob down on the ground. I heard a scrambling of snarls and yelps as I stepped out from behind Jasper and ran forward.

"Stop it! STOP!" I yelled over the noise. In an instant, the movements stopped. Edward was on top of Jacob, pinning him down. He looked up at me, anger and pain in his eyes.

Jacob rolled his head to the side, to look up at me. "Both of you, up. Now," I demanded. I crossed my arms in front of me; they were acting like children!

Edward bolted up off of Jacob and positioned himself in front of me, staring me down. "Are you okay?"

"Fine. Move," I said, pushing Edward to the side. He obliged, and turned his body to face Jacob. Jacob stood up, dirt covering his body.

He tried to brush the dirt off, as I tapped my foot. When he finally looked up at me, his eyes rested on my stomach again. "Bella," Jacob repeated.

"You said that. What are you doing? What…I mean…why…gah!" I threw my arms up in the air, my emotions were so jumbled it was impossible for me to form the questions I wanted to ask.

"What are you doing here?" Edward asked. His face had softened, but his body was still tense. His fists were clenched at his side, as he stared Jacob down.

Jacob tore his eyes from my stomach to look at me in the eyes. His eyes flickered between Edward's and mine—he was obviously confused. "What happened to you, Bella?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "You first."

I was so angry with him! How could he honestly expect to just wander up here, after so many months of running, and expect to ask me the questions? He had so much to explain, and all he could do was ogle my stomach.

"She looks pregnant, because she is," Edward monotonously answered Jacob's thoughts.

Jacob's eyes widened from shock. I opened my mouth to demand an explanation for his absence, but before I could get the words out he was gone.

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Once again, read and review PLEASE! Also, Jacob POV for next chapter...and I must say, after BD I'm a Jacob fan!