Hey everyone

sorry for the late update, my daughter has special needs and the last fortnight has been

challenging to say the least.

Anyway here's the next chapter, hope you like it,

please keep your wonderful reviews coming x


APOV

I stared at the clock for like the hundredth time, 7:30 am. I've been awake all night trying to figure out my feelings, and as I stare at the clock I feel no closer to an answer than I did last night. What the hell am I going to do? Nathan had called several times last night, but I couldn't answer, what do I say? He had said from the moment he saw Christian, that he was here for more than Madzie and I didn't believe him. I mean never in my wildest dreams did I think Christian would come out and say he loved me. I mean as far as I knew, I was the furthest from what he needed. And now? Crap! What do I do?

Nathan has always been there for me and he's amazing with Madzie, he makes me feel safe and wanted. And Christian? He's Christian, he's Madzie's father, he's my first, he's exhilarating and you never know what to expect. But he's also the cause of so much pain and heartache in my life, what if I let him in and that happens again? I don't think I could live through that again. What if I let him in and realise its Nathan I want? Crap what do I do? I sigh and roll out of bed, Madzie will be up soon, I need to start getting breakfast ready, Sunday is pancake's as it's normally the only morning we don't have to rush around, but we had made arrangements with Grace yesterday, we we're going to take Madzie and Ava to the zoo in central park. Crap! Why did I agree to that? Because I was naïve and didn't see how Christian felt about me, my subconscious jabs. I head out of my room and notice Madzie's door open, I don't remember hearing her get up last night, though I was crying most of the night so that could be the reason. I go to close the door, so I don't wake her with the coffee machine and there curled around Madzie on a Frozen duvet cover was Christian. What is he doing here? I thought he left last night. His top has ridden up slightly showing off his perfectly toned stomach, my stomach flutters at the sight of him, then twists as I remember the choice I must make. They both look so peaceful, I sigh and gently close the door just as the doorbell rings. Who the hell is calling at this time of morning? I open the front door only half aware I'm in pyjama shorts and cami.

"Nathan?" I say shocked as I see him standing there.

"Hey beautiful." He smiles his eyes roaming up and down my body.

"What are you doing here? I thought you didn't get back until tomorrow?" I ask as I let him in.

"My meetings finished early, so I got an earlier flight," he smiles as he wraps his arm around my waist and kisses me on the lips. "I tried to call the last night, but you never answered." He says looking at me, "Are you ok?" he suddenly says, crap how bad do I look? I haven't looked in a mirror yet.

"err yeah, I'm fine," I smile as I head for the kitchen, "I didn't sleep well last night." That's an understatement. He wraps his arms around me from behind, making my back flush with his chest and my stomach twists. Why does it feel so right, yet so wrong at the same time?

"I missed you." He breathes as he kissed my neck.

"Morning."

Oh my god, I'm going to be sick. I felt Nathan's body tense as he heard it and his head snap up to see Christian standing at the breakfast bar, hair still ruffled from sleep.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Nathan said venomously, and I see him glance to me taking in my pyjamas again as Madzie comes running into the kitchen giggling, I step out of Nathan's embrace, my stomach in complete knots.

"Mommy daddy was sleeping in my bed." She giggled at me, "Nathan." She beams as she sees him and hugs his legs.

"Hey Munchkin." Nathan smiles at her. I can feel Christian watching me, I glance at him and then at Nathan. I can't breathe.

"I'm going to get dressed." I mumble as I walk as fast as I can to the bedroom, closing it as my heart starts racing and I was finding it hard to breathe. I find myself sliding down the wall near the door to the floor, bringing my knees to my chest. Shit I can't breathe. I haven't had a panic attack in years. I rest my head on my knees and close my eyes. Just breathe damn it! you just have get through today and then you can panic all you like later, now breathe.

To say breakfast was awkward was an understatement, and Madzie inviting Nathan to the Zoo just made it worse. I could feel Christian constantly looking at me as Nathan talked to me and kept touching my arm or thigh. I couldn't eat my stomach felt like it was on a roller coaster that never ends. Whenever I made eye contact with him he'd give me his breath-taking smile making my stomach do a triple flip before plunging off a cliff.

Christian's family was surprised to see Nathan when we arrived at the Zoo, I'm guessing they got the wrong idea when Christian didn't come home last night and got Taylor to drop off clothes this morning as they keep looking from Christian to me.

Madzie is attached to Christian as we walk around, she is loving all the attention she's getting from everyone and getting to spend time with Ava. I couldn't help but smile when Christian sat her on his shoulders making her squeal with delight. Nathan's been at myside with my hand firmly in his, the whole time, his thumb gently stroking circles on back of my hand in his comforting way.

"You know I'm here when you're ready to talk about whatever is bothering you." Nathan whispers into my ear before kissing me on the temple.

"I know, thank you." I smile at him, "But this I have to figure out on my own." I sigh as I watch Madzie still sitting on Christians shoulders laugh at something Mia had said to her as she points at the monkeys. Christian beams when he hears her

"So, we we're thinking we could stop for lunch now, before we head to the penguin feeding" Grace smiled as she pushed Ava's empty stroller while Carrick carried her in his arms.

"sounds like a plan to me." Mia smiled tickling Ava as she came up to them, Christian nods in agreement making Madzie laugh as she grabs hold of his hair.

"Sounds good to me." I quickly smile as Grace catches me watching Christian and Madzie.

As Carrick walks past Ava puts her hands out to me.

"Hey cutie." I smile at her as I scoop up into my arms. Ava gives me a cute little smile, "she looks so much like Elliot." I smile

"Poor kid." Christian chimes smiling at Ava making me laugh. his eyes sparkle, and his smile widens at the sound, as he starts walking next to me, and I realise it's the first time I've laughed since the talk. I suddenly feel Nathan's arm on my lower back and I quickly look back to Ava.

"Ava what does a monkey say?" I smile at her trying to avoid both guys who were watching me.

"oo aa." Ava says bouncing on my hip.

"I didn't know she knew that." Christian laughs as he lifts Madzie off his shoulders as we enter the café.

"Yeah Kate got her to do it last time I saw her." I smile at Ava, "Ava what's a lion say?"

"RAAR!" Ava roars as she wrinkles her little nose and holds her hands up like claws making everyone laugh.

I somehow ended up sitting in between Nathan and Christian. God shoot me now! Nathan sat close and kept his hand on my thigh as everyone chatted happily, Madzie the star of the show. Christian kept leaning his leg against mine, even if I moved it he'd simple find it again. I kept avoiding his glances and focused on Madzie. You're here for Madzie, you can panic later I kept chanting in my head but that all went out the window when I felt Christian's hand touch my thigh and the all too familiar tingle run through my body. I nearly jumped out of my chair at his touch making everyone look at me and Nathan frown.

"Err, sorry." I say blushing, "I'll be back in a minute." I gushed as I rushed away before my panic rises.

"Mommy!"

I turn just as Madzie comes barrelling up to me. I scoop her up and she hugs me tightly while I breathe her in trying to calm my nerves. I can feel everyone watching but I don't look, I just carry her away to the bathroom.

"Are you ok mommy?" Madzie asks as I sit her on the counter next to the sink.

"I'm fine princess." I smile but she strokes my face wiping a tear I hadn't realised had escaped frowning. Crap! I sigh trying to get my body back under control. I smile and kiss her head, "Are you having fun?" I smile at her trying to change the subject. She nods but still watches me cautiously as I freshen up in the mirror. "what's your favourite animal we have seen so far?" I smile at her.

"the snow leopard." Madzie smiles, "It was so pretty."

"oh, I loved that too, but I can't wait to see the penguins." I smile at her knowing I have successfully changed the subject

"Oh, me too, daddy says we are going to see them have their lunch." Madzie beams excitedly.

"Yeah we are." I smile. "why don't we got get a dessert." I smile at her as I give myself another quick glance in the mirror before we head out.

"Yay!" Madzie squeals happily, making me laugh, I will get through this, for her.