Twelve

Enjolras

I haven't seen Eponine in a little over two weeks. She hasn't been to the meetings for Les Amis, but Gavroche has been telling me that she's been with him. At least I know she has shelter. I do wish she'd continue to come though. I don't know why, but I do feel drawn to her. There is another meeting tonight, so maybe she'll show. The day passes slowly, but these days that's normal for me. I am too focused on bringing change to our country to enjoy my studies. I am antsy and as a result head to the cafe early. Of course, I'm the only one there, so I sit in the secret empty room upstairs flipping through my writings. Slowly, everyone begins to file in. My lips involuntarily twitch into a smile when I see little Gavroche bound up the stairs. Sure enough, Eponine slinks in behind him, holding her tattered skirt up so she doesn't trip and her head hung low. I can tell she isn't doing well. I watch as she moves around the room, avoiding people's eyes and skirting around the outside of the room. Finally, she finds an empty chair next to Grantaire and sits, but they don't say anything to each other. Grantaire has always been good about sensing when someone doesn't want to talk about their problems but just needs company. Marius walks over to them with a smile on his face, placing a hand on Eponine's shoulder. I thought for sure her demeanor would change but it doesn't. Her sad eyes remain sad, and she manages a smile, but I can see right through it. She is hurting. Deeply. I begin the meeting but keep a close eye on her. Once everyone begins talking amongst themselves when the meeting dies down, I see her sitting by herself in the corner since Grantaire has left in search of something else to drink. I slowly walk over to her and slip into the empty seat.

"Eponine," I smile.

"Enjolras," she returns. I can hear the sadness in her voice.

"We haven't seen you in while. We've missed you," I say.

"I've had to take care of some things."

"I do hope one of those things is yourself. You need to be taking care of yourself."

She snorts, "Now you're beginning to sound like Joly!"

"I'm serious, Eponine. How've you been?"

"I've been fine, Enjolras," she says under her breath.

I lean closer to her, just to make sure no one overhears, "You and I both know that isn't true."

Her eyes dart up to mine, and she gives me a curious look as if she herself is confused. I see Combeferre beckoning me from across the room.

"You know where I am. Don't be a stranger," I say before standing and leaving.

When I reach the other table and sit, I glance in her direction only to find her gone.


Eponine

Tears sting my eyes as I flee the cafe. Enjolras was right. I haven't been fine. My heart still longs to be with Azelma again, but I know that will never happen. Sometimes before the sun goes down, I read the Bible the Priest gave me, but it is still so hard to believe. It's hard because it hurts so much. And while I do feel comforted from reading the Holy Word, I am still confused as to why these things must happen. I haven't been back to the church because I don't feel that I am presentable enough to go there. Maybe I am wrong, but I have already experienced enough ridicule in my life. I don't want to face anymore. Maybe one day I'll be able to go there again, whether it be because my circumstances change or my mindset changes. Until then, I'll just cling to the Bible i was given and hope that this gaping hole in my chest will heal. By the time I make it back to the elephant, it is dark. I crawl up the leg and find my pallet. Curling into a ball and clutching the Bible to my chest, I pray that my pain will end soon.

Author's Note: I am so sorry it has been so long. I am adjusting to college life and have hardly any time to write. But I finally was able to get a little bit written. I hope this tides you over until I am able to post again! I hope it will happen more frequently once I get into the swing of things. Thank you so much for sticking with me.

~loislane16