Ch. 12: Remembering to Breathe

Doctors can tell you all kinds of things. Like a laundry list of injuries inflicted on his senior field agent, his friend, for example. But no matter how much anyone attempts to prepare you, nothing can prepare you for what you actually see.

As Gibbs walked into his agent's room, that's exactly what he thought. He stopped cold not two steps in the room and felt the air leave his lungs like a punch to the stomach as his gut clenched. Three words came to mind.

Tony. Looked. Bad.

Really bad.

In fact, worse than bad. Worse than Gibbs had ever seen him before.

The first thing he noticed was the bandage on the side of Tony's face that was covering the cut on his cheekbone. Aside from the split lip and various little cuts and bruises on Tony's face, that was the most damage done.

Then it got worse.

As Gibbs' eyes went down Tony's body, each injury got worse and worse. From the cast on his left arm, sling on his right, and what little was left seen on his arms that showed the many bruises, cuts, slices, and bandages to the tube down his throat that made the bandage that covered the slice on his throat more noticeable, it seemed Tony was completely buried behind bandages and bruises.

And that was just what Gibbs could see above the sheets and hospital gown.

Under the sheets, Gibbs knew there was still the brace keeping his knee from getting worse than sprained, a bandage covering the worst of the cuts and bruises on his chest and a bandage covering the stitches in Tony's stomach from the 8 inch stab wound.

Taking a shaky breath, Gibbs slowly took the steps that would take him to Tony's bedside. Staring down at his agent, Gibbs suddenly felt an overwhelming need to touch the younger man. A need that Gibbs wasn't accustomed to. It both surprised and scared him.

Scanning the man, Gibbs tried to find a spot that wasn't covered in bandages, bruises or cuts. He ended up gently holding the younger man's right hand in his left.

Looking around, Gibbs found a chair and pulled it up with his right hand as he sunk into it. Sighing, Gibbs looked over at the younger man.

"God, Tony." He breathed. It was hard to see Tony look so…broken.

That was the only word Gibbs could think of.

Suddenly, Gibbs became aware of how absolutely impossible it was to breathe. He couldn't take any air in and none was coming out. Any air that did seep through was shaky and staggered. He could feel the way his entire chest ached like he was the one in the hospital bed with the bruises on his chest making it hard to breathe with a different kind of pain.

This pain wasn't physical and no blow by some bastard with a gun could have ever inflicted this. It was the pain of thinking your senior agent, the man who always had your six, who had become so much more than a coworker, but a friend and family, was dead for nearly a week. It was the pain of finally seeing for yourself the man was still breathing, if only by the tube down his throat, but knowing that until he opened his eyes, looked at you and said the words himself, he wouldn't be fine. And until that moment, Gibbs knew he wouldn't be able to breathe.

Gibbs clenched his eyes shut against the onslaught of emotions those thoughts brought with it. The emotions that he hadn't felt for a long time and never thought he'd feel again. The fear, the pain, the confusion. And he wasn't feeling any of this for himself, but for the man lying in the hospital bed, half-dead.

"God, I need coffee." Gibbs muttered to himself as he stood up, gently setting the hand he'd been clutching back onto the bed, and strode out of the room.

#####################################################

Staring straight ahead of him, Gibbs sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He'd been sitting in the same place on the bench outside Bethesda's ICU entrance for about 20 minutes. After having chugged down the first coffee he'd bought in ten seconds flat, he was now slowly sipping on the second one.

He just couldn't walk in there right now. He knew the team was taking turns sitting with Tony and giving him their love, despite him not being conscious to reciprocate it, and he didn't want to disturb that. He didn't have the heart to tell everyone to go home and go to bed just yet and it doesn't help that everyone time he looks at any one of them, especially Abby's tear-streaked face and red rimmed eyes, he feels the need to start breaking down and crying himself.

But he couldn't. Not yet, anyway. Maybe not ever. Marines don't cry, and despite him not really being a Marine anymore (even though he was in the Reserves) he still knew that he needed to be strong for his team right now. They had all lost their rock and without Tony, they were all lost.

Even Gibbs.

With Tony safely in Bethesda getting medical treatment and his position looking better by the minute, they were all able to breathe easier. That didn't mean they didn't still have a case to run and dirt bags to catch. Dirt bags that were planning on blowing up the White House.

Of course, with Tony alive, their plans were more than likely subdued. For now. Didn't mean any of them were out of the woods quite yet. Which meant that everyone needed to get back to the office.

No sleeping.

Everyone was exhausted from their endless search for Tony and desperately needed sleep. People could only live so long on coffee and CafPows! before something snapped and even Gibbs needed sleep. But that just wasn't an option now.

Sighing, Gibbs stood up and walked back into ICU, finishing off his coffee and dropping it in the trash as he went.

When he entered Tony's room, he wasn't prepared for what he saw. The sight made him smile a small, sad smile.

Everyone, including Palmer and Ducky, were fast asleep around Tony's bed. Abby had somehow managed to snuggle up on the hospital bed next to Tony and was currently trying to wrap herself as much as she could around the man. McGee was passed out in the chair on Tony's left, head back and arms hanging off the sides of the chair as he softly snored. Ziva was curled up in the chair Gibbs had been sitting in earlier on Tony's right, her head resting on her curled arms on the chair's arm rest. The couch in the corner of the room held a sleeping Ducky who was lying on his side with one arm hanging off the couch. And lastly, Palmer sat with his back against the foot of the bed, legs out, head back as he softly snored with his glasses askew on his face.

Grinning, Gibbs walked over to Tony's bed and kissed Abby softly on the head. She snuggled up against Tony a little more and sighed. They had all missed Tony so badly, that Gibbs wasn't really surprised that they were all here. He turned to Ziva and touched the top of her head gently, smiling when she mumbled something to herself and curled up even more in the small chair, her legs coming up as well.

Sighing, Gibbs moved to the chair in opposite corner from Ducky's couch and sat himself down in it, letting his head fall back and eyes close.

They all needed to sleep anyway, so what would it hurt if they got a few hours' sleep? They may still have a case, but the bombing currently postponed and everyone wiped out so completely, sleep was the most important thing right now.

That, and to assure themselves that thought they'd come close to losing Tony, he was still here with them now. That was all that mattered.

#####################################################

AN: Sorry for the wait guys. No excuse, just me being lazy. Hope ya'll liked this update!

Read and Review!

Love,

TonyDiNozzo42