[Act III Scene Five]
The Royal Demacian Botanical Gardens—many characters:
Freljord: Ashe, Berit, Tryndamere
Demacia: Gangplank/Jarvan, Garen, Lux, Shyvana, Vayne, Guards
Neutral: Andrei, Gotfrid, Jinx, Taric, Vi
[Gangplank/Jarvan and Tryndamere are duelling]
Tryndamere: "I was going to axe you if you minded my choice of weapon. Get it: Axe you. Hardy har har!"
Gangplank/Jarvan: "I could have speared you the effort, I really couldn't care less. Get it: Speared you. Aaarrhh!"
Ashe: "Ancestors! They are both acting like boys. Do they really think they are funny?"
Vayne: "Unfortunately, yes."
Garen: "You have the advantage of reach, my liege. Wait until he is recovering his swing, then hit him with a low lunge."
Berit: "Foul! Only the seconds are allowed to give advice."
Vi: "Garen, you have been a bad boy. Go stand in the corner, with your hands over your eyes."
Garen: "Yes, ma'am."
Vi: "And no peeking through your fingers."
Jinx: "Hey Fat Hands, you should get a job teaching kindergarten."
Vi: "Says the ADHD juvenile delinquent."
Jinx: "ADHD. Stands for Attack Damage Happy marksman, Durr."
Vi: "Nope. Stands for Arbiter Doesn't Have time to listen to Dumbass remarks."
Shyvana: "Be quiet, you two. Acronyms Don't Help Duellists."
Jinx: "Hahaha, be quiet."
Gotfrid: "This is going to be painful."
Andrei: "The way Tryndamere is laying a beatdown on Jarvan?"
Gotfrid: "No, listening to the spectators."
Berit: "He did it! Tryndamere chopped Jarvan's spear in half. Good work, Your Majesty."
Tryndamere: "Look, it's so cute. Do you like your new javelin, Jarvan?"
[Gangplank/Jarvan throws the half-spear at Tryndamere, drawing first blood, then follows up using the other half as a club]
Gangplank/Jarvan: "Love it. There's nothing like a nice piece of hickory."
Tryndamere: "Do you really think you can do any lasting damage with that little piece of wood?"
Gangplank/Jarvan: "I don't need to."
[Gangplank/Jarvan smashes his club against Tryndamere's knuckles, then drops the club, grabs the axe, and wrestles it away]
Shyvana: "That's the way to do it! Now punish him with the axe."
[Gangplank/Jarvan breaks the haft of the axe over his knee and tosses it aside]
Gangplank/Jarvan: "Ahaaarrh! Round One to Demacia."
Vayne: "What a show-off."
Lux: "What a man."
Andrei: "What a bloody idiot."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "My sword, if you please."
Tryndamere: "My sword is twice as big."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "Size isn't everything."
Tryndamere: "Traditional lame excuse of every small man who feels intimidated by a real man…"
Ashe: "Here we go again…"
Tryndamere: "…and the traditional lie of every woman who has to make do with a small man while she secretly longs for a real man."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "Skill beats size any day, both in combat and in the bedroom. This sword is plenty big enough to take down a loudmouth braggart like you."
Tryndamere: "When skill is equally matched, size always determines the outcome. You've already lost."
Ashe: "Don't get overconfident, honey. Jarvan has hunted dragons; he knows how to defeat bigger, stronger opponents."
Tryndamere: "He used his charm to tame himself a little dragonette, but his sweet words will have no effect on me."
Shyvana: "You'll pay for that comment, barbarian. Dragonette, indeed. In dragon form I am bigger than either of you."
Vayne: "You tell him, girl."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "En garde, King. Let's see if you can back up words with deed."
Tryndamere: "Do you think you can follow my blade? Lay on, Jarvan."
Garen: "Arbiter, can I come back and watch now? I promise I'll be good."
Vi: "On one condition: you stand with the neutrals and not with the Demacians."
Garen: "But I am Demacian!"
Vi: "Or don't, I don't care. You are free to stay there in your corner."
Garen: "Fine, fine."
Jinx: "I know how you feel, big guy—I think it's fun to interfere where I am not wanted. Wanna join our team?"
Taric: "This is not a team fight, young lady."
Jinx: "Not until we start fighting, no. Hahaha."
Andrei: "Bugger, that would be just what we need now, a team fight. Shit."
Gotfrid: "Don't encourage her, Andrei. She doesn't even think once about blowing things up."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "Hey ugly! Why is a manly man like yourself having such a hard time getting past my guard?"
Tryndamere: "I don't need to get past your guard, I am going to go through your guard instead."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "You can't even get by Fiora's guard."
Tryndamere: "Even if that were true, she's a better fighter than you are, so who cares?"
Vayne: "Enough trash talking, Your Highness. You can taunt the barbarian all you like after you defeat him."
Ashe: "Don't waste all your strength, honey. You can see he is just trying to wear you down."
Tryndamere: "Won't work. I can go all night."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "Hah! Second blood."
Tryndamere: "You call that blood? Barely even a scratch."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "Give it up, King. You're never going to hit me."
Tryndamere: "When I do, you won't be able to feel it, you'll be dead."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "Hah! I'd call that third blood, only I doubt you can count that high."
Tryndamere: "Now you've made me mad, insulting my math skills. I'll have you know that I can count to a hundred no problem."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "The size of your army, right?"
Tryndamere: "Don't you dare insult the size of my army."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "Yeah, because if size is all that matters—which it is, according to your limited mental process—the Demacian army has that of the Freljord beat every day of the week. We've got the largest army in Valoran. What do you say to that?"
Tryndamere: "Well, I…"
Shyvana: "Well done, my Prince. You've beaten him using his own logic."
Tryndamere: "Beaten, never. All you've done is made me mad. And I fight better when I am mad."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "We'll see about that. Mad King Tryndamere—has a nice ring to it, I like it."
Tryndamere: "Don't make me kill you, little prince."
Gangplank/Jarvan: "Do your worst, loudmouth. I'll show you more pain. I bet you are a screamer."
Tryndamere: "What? Diiiiieee!"
Gotfrid: "Looks like they are finally fighting for real."
Jinx: "About time. I was getting bored."
Berit: "Fury of the North. Can any man of the South stand before it?"
[Gangplank/Jarvan is fighting desperately. He scores several hits. Tryndamere doesn't feel any pain, and eventually he lands a solid hit to the chest, breaking Gangplank/Jarvan's ribs and knocking him to the ground]
Ashe: "The Freljord wins! Honour is satisfied."
Tryndamere: "Rrrrrr! I won't be satisfied until I am bathing in his blood. Die, Jarvan!"
[Tryndamere raises his sword for the killing blow]
Lux: "Nooo! Don't do it! Please, mercy."
Ashe: "Honey, you've won. You are the big man now. Spare his life."
Tryndamere: "I've had enough of you telling me what to do, woman!"
[Ashe raises her bow, an arrow already on the string. Vayne sees this, levels her crossbow, and fires. Ashe's arrow hits Tryndamere in the right arm. Vayne's bolt hits Ashe in the chest. Ashe falls]
Berit: "My Lady!"
Tryndamere: "Did my wife just shoot me in the arm? Did Ashe deliberately fire at ME?"
Vayne: "Not necessarily. My shot may have broken her aim."
Tryndamere: "You think she was aiming at Jarvan?"
Vayne: "I couldn't take that chance."
Vi: "King Tryndamere, you have won the duel. Is your honour satisfied?"
Tryndamere: "I think she shot at me."
Garen: "Is that how you flirt in the Freljord?"
Tryndamere: " … "
Berit: "Yes. Yes it is."
Tryndamere: "She doesn't love me any more."
Berit: "Yes, she does."
Tryndamere: "I don't believe you. I hate civilization, and I hate diplomacy! I'm leaving."
[Exit Tryndamere]
Shyvana: "Summon the Royal Healer immediately. Take the Prince inside."
Taric: "I'm a healer too. Let me help Ashe. Mercy, this bolt bit deep! My Lady, it's Taric. Don't try to speak, save your strength. Berit, please help me with her breastplate."
Gotfrid: "Andrei, you go with Jarvan, I'll stay here with Ashe."
Andrei: "Right away."
[Exit Andrei with Guards carrying Gangplank/Jarvan]
Lux: "Can I go with Jarvan?"
Shyvana: "Absolutely not. You stay here with Garen."
Vayne: "I'm going to take a look around for Noxian spies."
Gotfrid: "If Queen Ashe dies, all is lost. Valoran will be plunged into war."
Jinx: "Who needs peace, anyway?"
