Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version
Chapter 12: Total Recollection
"Oh, by the way, I found this ugly purple handbag on the floor earlier. I guessed it pretty match you… here, take it." Henri said, pushing the bag into Elyne's face.
"Why- Henri, thanks." Elyne gushed. "Hey! Wait a damn minute. What do you mean by saying that this ugly bag matched me? Are you implying that I'm ugly?" She scowled. "Take that, you pansy!" Elyne shouted, slapping the handbag at his head. "You asshole."
"O-U-C-H!" Henri cried, and ran towards the lift. He frantically pressed at the call button while Elyne limped her way towards him. The lift soon arrived at the second floor as it came to a halt. "Hurry up… hurry up!" He muttered, as he looked over his shoulder to see an angry Elyne catching up with him.
(Ding!)
The buzzer to the lift rang, indicating that the lift had arrived at the second floor, but the doors to the lift never opened. "FUCK!" He exclaimed, as he continued to punch at the call button but to no avail. Seeing that the bitch was getting nearer and nearer, Henri immediately made his exit via the stairway, next to the lift, to escape from the hell bitch.
(Later…)
Henri dashed out from the stairway of the first floor, followed by a limping Elyne still crazily swinging at her handbag and trying to hit him with it, when he suddenly bumped into something.
(Burping sound.)
"OUCH! DAMMIT!" Henri cried, rubbing at his head.
(Burping sound.)
The two of them stared at the figure before them and screamed. It was Ronald McDonald.
"Hello, boys and girls… sorry for my constant burps, you see, I've just had 274 cheeseburgers, twenty-five gallons of soda, and 162 packets of fries all at one go…" The colorful clown said.
Both Henri and Elyne jawdrop.
"… oh, and by the way, you guys hungry? Want some cheeseburgers?" He asked, as he dug out some sloppy maggot-infested-meat patty burgers from inside his baggy yellow pants.
Henri puked, while Elyne gave a blood-chilling scream and she fainted on the spot.
"Elyne!" Henri shouted, as he watched Elyne collapsed onto the floor in a bundle.
(Burping sound.)
The clown burped again.
Henri immediately took out his metal pipe and started bashing at the freaky clown.
"Ouch… ouch! Stop it!" The colorful clown cried in pain. "Not my face… don't hit my face, you sick fuck!"
Despite Ronald McDonald's constant pleas, Henri continued to attack him and bashed at his face with all his might until the clown had suffered from a severe concussion and he collapsed onto the ground. Henri spat at the fast food mascot with oversized gaudy red shoes and gave his butt a kick before he walked over to Elyne.
"Hey, wake up…" He called, nudging at her ass with his shoes. "Hey, bitch! Get your crappy fat ass up already!" Henri shouted, losing his patience.
"Wha-?" Elyne groaned, as she slowly gained her consciousness. "Henri, what happene-" She suddenly stopped, and turned her head over to see a motionless clown slumped on the concrete floor some distance away. "Is that freak dead yet?"
"I don't know… anyway, let's just get the fuck outta here already…" He replied, grabbing her by the hand and pulled her over and into a nearby room.
(Inside the locker room…)
Henri saw the familiar hole on the wall at the back of the locker room.
"WOO-HOO! A HOLE!" Henri screamed for joy. "Finally, we can get the fuck out of this abnormal world…"
"What hole? What? Henri, what the hell are you talking about?" Elyne asked. "And why are you staring at the wall like an idiot?"
"The hole, Elyne… it's this bloody hole I've been telling you. We can finally get out of this fucking place through this hole." Henri shouted, pointing at the wall excitedly..
"Huh? Are you okay? I don't see an-" Elyne said.
"Shut up, bitch and let's going already! The hole waits for no men!" He interrupted.
"B-but… but…" Elyne stammered. "What the fuck is this self-delusional jackass blabbering? There's no fucking hole here!" She thought. "H-henri… wait!"
But Henri continued to pull at her hands and he kept moving forward towards the hole on the wall. Elyne struggled hard to break free of his grip. "Henri… I-I, I… I… there's no-" She said.
"Now, now… Elyne, there's no need to be afraid… just move along already…"
"B-but… Henri…"
And so, Henri happily pulled her along as he climbed inside the hole and was zapped back, through the filthy tunnel, to his apartment.
Henri woke up on his bed, wet and smelly.
"Elyne…" He moaned, as he turned to his side. But, there was nobody. "Elyne? Elyne? Where the fuck are you, bitch?" He shouted, as he looked around the deserted room.
Silence.
Henri swiftly got out of his bed and after a quick change of pants, he exited the bedroom.
"Elyne? Hello?" He shouted across the quiet hallway. "This is not some game of playing hide-and-seek… okay? Come out now, bitch! Its not funny!" Henri continued to shout. As he slowly walked into the living room, Henri saw a yellow envelope and a piece of paper under his door, and he went over to pick them up.
"I've found three weird things that seemed to be able to ward off those fucking Teletubbies and other freaky characters in the abnormal world: the Holy Torch Light, Arrow of Obesity, and the Anti-Teletubbies Insane Medallion. This is like sooooo cool! And the best thing is… they are free. Meh, I'm beginning to gain some hope already… oh, and before I forgot, go look for the door on the other side. Then, just keep going down, like there's no tomorrow… yes, down and down, to the deepest part of him. No, not the anal part, you psychopath… it's the stairs, you dumb dumb… so that you could go look for the ultimate truth.
Joey Schrubber."
"What the fuck?" Henri said to himself. "Wait, if the Arrow of Obesity could ward those freaks away…"
Just then, something fell out from the yellow envelope. It was a toy key. Henri bent over to pick the flimsy-looking childish toy key. "Eh? There's something in the yellow envelope…"
"Mommy-dearest… do you know that you snore? Anyway, take this! Its inside my toy train. And please wake up already, dammit. Oh, and since you are at it, go make me some breakfast… I'm hungry."
"?" Henri thought.
Nonetheless, Henri quickly got the Arrow of Obesity from the Storage Box and headed back to the Storage Room and through the hole on the wall.
Ronald McDonald slowly woke up from the attack. His head hurt badly. It was as though he had had a hangover or something. "Dammit! Wait till I lay my hands on those two fucking morons… ooh, they are SO gonna pay for this for hitting at my face!" The clown spat in anger, as he got himself up from the ground and started to walk around the place, wondering where the hell those two idiots had disappeared to, when he accidentally found a hospital key on the floor, right next to him.
"Hmmm… this must have belonged to that fucking couple who'd attacked me earlier…" He thought, as he picked up the key.
Just then, the clown discovered a new opening revealed at the back of the now empty lift shaft, and he walked over for a closer look. "A door?" He said to himself, as he tried to open it but it was futile. The door remained stubbornly locked. "Hmmm… maybe I could use this key to open it…" He thought, looking at the key he had picked up earlier.
And so, the bright-colored clown managed to unlock the door with the key and he entered it.
Henri fell out of the hole and landed onto the hard floor. "Ouch!" He cried, rubbing at his aching ass.
"Henri!" Elyne shouted.
"Huh?" Henri mumbled, as he got himself up from the floor. "Elyne? Where the fuck have you been?"
"Here, of course." She replied.
"WHAT? You've been here the whole time? Hell, why didn't you follow me through the hole?" He asked.
"What hole? I didn't see any hole, you idiot… and why did you slam my head against the wall just now?
"What?" Henri asked.
"Stop feigning innocence, you perverted pig… you kept pulling me to that wall just now and before I knew it, my head had banged the wall and I blacked out." She scowled, giving him an angry glare.
"Oh, stop whining, bitch… look, I think I might know a way to save you…" He told her.
"Y-you do? Tell me, dammit!" She asked. "You know I can't stay here by myself. I'll jolly well be contaminated with nose shit and all… I know it…" She babbled.
"Elyne, shut up and listen to me…" Henri said. "Do you know someone named Joey?"
"Joey? Ah, that bastard!" She fumed.
"So, you do know him-" Henri asked. "Wait… why did you call him a bastard?"
"Oh nevermind that. Talking about him always made my blood boil. Anyway, Joey's the guy who lived in your apartment before you… I think he's a paparazzi or something… but he'd disappeared about six months before you moved in… but even towards the end, he started to act really psycho…" She said.
"Yeah… he was being harassed by some disgusting bunch of freakos, a Teletubby and some guy called Wolter Salivaman." Henri said. "In fact, this Joey guy gave me a note asking me to go down… down into the deepest part of him…"
"Deepest part of him? Ewwww… that is just so GAY!" Elyne groaned, as she started to conceive the many disgusting anal-rimming thoughts between Joey and Henri. Elyne shuddered.
"Whatever… anyway, let's just do that. There must be something ultimate down there…" Henri said.
"Oh gross… do we have to?" Elyne groaned.
"Shut up and stop complaining, bitch! You are beginning to get on my nerves already. Its just some stairs…" Henri said.
"Stairs?" Elyne said in her mind. "Oh…" She mumbled, obviously embarrassed at her sickening and twisted thoughts earlier.
Henri then proceeded to some of the nearby lockers and he started searching through them.
"Henri… what are we doing in here, anyway? Aren't we supposed to get going already?" She asked. "And what the hell are you doing, ransacking those lockers?"
"To get you some proper panties to put on, you psycho-bitch…" Henri replied, in disgust. "Why can't you just put on some decent underwear or something? Its gross to see you walking around without your panties." He said, referring to the over-exposed horrid black bush around her pubic. "Ewwww…."
"These are cute, okay?" Elyne said, pointing to the hairy mess between her legs. "Besides, all of my undies in my apartment were stolen."
"They were what?" He shouted, looking up from one of the lockers he was searching. "Damn, someone had managed to lay their hands on her panties faster than me…" He thought, at the back of his mind.
"Yeah, and I think this had got something to do with that Joey Schrubber…" She said. "That fucking thief!"
Henri sweatdrop.
He soon gave up searching for more panties in the lockers, as there were none anyway, and the two of them left the locker room.
"Hey! Where'd that retard Ronald McDonald go?" Henri asked, as he stepped out of the locker room.
The two of them looked around for any signs of that freaky clown.
"Look!" Elyne suddenly shouted.
"GAH!" Henri screamed, and jumped.
Elyne sweatdrop.
"Next time, don't you fucking shout behind me, you retard. You almost made me crap in my pants." He cried. "Now, what the fuck is it?" He continued.
"The lift door is opened, and it looked like there's another door inside the empty shaft." Elyne said, pointing inside the lift entrance on the first floor.
The two of them just stared at the opening.
"Ooh… Ahh…" They drooled, simultaneously.
Henri and Elyne quickly made their way through the entrance. However, just as they were frantically running down the stairs, they saw something below that made them froze in their steps.
(Burping sound.)
At the foot of the stairs was Ronald McDonald.
"AHHHHHHH!" They screamed.
Ronald McDonald turned his head to see the two imbeciles screaming at the top of their lungs. "So there you are, you son-of-a-bitch!" He shouted, in anger as he began charging at them. "I'm gonna kill you for hitting my face!"
"GAH! Elyne, you go and keep him busy while I hide behind you…" Henri whined, as he pushed Elyne forward.
Elyne sweatdrop.
Nonetheless, Elyne gave a good fight by hitting and slamming her ugly purple handbag at the face of the clown.
"Not my face, dammit! Not my face!" Ronald McDonald screamed. "AHHHHHHH!"
"Wahahahahahahaha!" Elyne laughed in an evil way as she continued to strike at the clown's face. She continued the attack on his face until the clown fell to the floor, dead from the vicious abuse. Henri shuddered, as he stared in shock at what Elyne had done. Henri took a peep at the body. The clown's face had been beaten till beyond recognition. "OH MY GOD!" His inner voice screamed.
Elyne was wiping away the blood on her handbag on the dead clown's clothes, when she called out to Henri, "Henri, let's get going already…"
"O-okay…" Henri gulped, trailing after her in fear.
(Moments later, after the dynamic duo had ran down the zillions of steps down the spiral stairs…)
"Hey! We are back at the Subway!" Henri shouted.
"So?" Elyne asked.
"This is so cool! Its like some déjà vu or something…"
"Oh gross, let's just move along and stop being sentimental already… okay?" Elyne groaned, pushing him forward.
"Fine." Henri said.
Just as they had walked out into the open, a purple Teletubby suddenly jumped in front of them from out of nowhere. Henri screamed. To make matters worse, another Teletubby popped out from behind him. And then another one. And another one. The clone Teletubbies began to surround them and they were all giggling like a bunch of girlies.
Henri immediately pulled Elyne along as they made their break for their lives. The duo ran like crazy as they zoomed past the many purple freaks, towards the concourse.
(Moments later…)
"Henri, can we stop for a while? My leg hurts…" Elyne pleaded.
"NOOO! We can't stop now… the gay fuckers are gonna catch up with us and who knows what they might do to my sexy and hot butt when they've managed to grab a piece of my ass…" Henri screamed, in fear. "… we've gotta hurry up and get the fuck out of this place!"
"Henri, I'm sorry to hurt your feelings… but your butt doesn't look THAT sexy… besides, the Teletubbies aren't catching up anyway…" She said.
Henri looked at the far end of the place. Surprising enough, the Teletubbies indeed did not catch up with them. "Strange… hmmm… must be some glitches in the scene integration… the creatures always failed to be integrated into the next scene..." he thought. Henri heaved out a sigh of relief. "Alright, let's just mov- OH NO! ELYNE, YOU ARE SHEDDING PUBIC HAIR!" He shouted, pointing to the huge clumps of curly hairs on the floor.
Elyne sweatdrop.
"Those are not mine, you idiot!" She said.
"You sure of that?" Henri asked. "How'd you explain all these clumps of disgusting pubic hair all over the floor? You ARE not wearing any panties, you know..."
"These are brown pubic hair, Henri… mine is black. Remember?" She asked.
Flashback…
(Back at the hospital…)
"Huh? Wha-?" Elyne yawned, as she turned over, exposing the disgusting chunk of black moss between her opened legs.
"GAH!" Henri gasped in shock, and he puked his guts out. "SHAVE, BITCH! SHAVE!"
End of Flashback…
"Oh, right…" Henri said, breaking out from his thoughts. "… but, if its not yours, then who the fuck does all these enormous mass of pubic hair belonged to?"
"There's only one way to find out…" Elyne said, as she pulled Henri along, following the sickening trail of pubic hair.
(Follow... follow... follow...)
Soon, the two of them arrived at the ticketing office.
"Look Elyne, the trail stopped here…" He said, looking at the large chunks of brown pubic hair mounting up at the turnstiles.
Suddenly, something stirred in the shadows. From behind the huge clump of messy brown pubic hair, Henri and Elyne saw the shape of a human being slowly crawling along the floor like a cockroach, towards them.
"What are you doing hiding behind me, Henri?" Elyne suddenly asked, rolling her eyes over.
"Who? Me? Uh, nothing… ha-ha…" He said. "Um, Elyne… why don't you go over and make friend with that... um... thing?"
Elyne sweatdrop.
Suddenly, the person before them stopped crawling.
"Eh?" Elyne hushed.
"I'm scared…" Henri groaned, burying his head on her shoulder.
"Shut up, you wussy… you are scared of everything…" Elyne spat.
Henri looked hurt.
Just then, the person on the floor started gurgling and broke into a series of uncontrollable spasms. Henri and Elyne stopped their bickering and looked at the strange happening before them. Then, in the midst of all the spasms and gurglings, the person on the floor suddenly looked up.
Henri and Elyne screamed.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Silent Hill, McDonald or the Teletubbies.
A/N: New chapter! New chapter! Thank you for your support on my previous chapters. Please read and review.
