Redemption and Ruin

Chapter Eleven

Regret sank in almost immediately after the agreement left her lips. Trusting him could very well get her friends killed. He was no longer restrained. He could easily make her his prisoner and deny her request.

He could do anything he wanted to her. He was stronger than her, physically. He could overpower her eventually, no matter how hard she fought. He'd already proven that once today when he overpowered her while cuffed in binders. She had to trust him. She had to trust his word and his memories.

The boy he had been cared for the girl she'd been. She was his weakness and he wanted to protect her, even as outside forces begged him to destroy her. That's what his memories showed.

But Rey wasn't sure. She didn't know if she could trust the devil that was Kylo Ren. The monster.

His hand dropped from her cheek and she resisted the urge to step back from his dark-eyed gaze.

"You want to warn the Resistance," he said softly. "I assume you know the proper frequency to raise them. Come with me."

"Come where?"

"I do not keep communication equipment in my private quarters. I know of a little used console. You will remain at my side. Do not speak to anyone or try to run. If you do, I will be forced to give the location of the base on D'Qar to the First Order."

Rey stared at him. "You would betray your own mother to keep me in line?" she tested.

"The General is resourceful."

"She would be taken captive, if not killed, by your men. On your order."

He cocked his head to look at her. "She chose this life. She knows the risks."

"She is still your mother! I've seen inside your head, Ben! You still care about her."

His eyes narrowed and she felt a surge of anger through the bond. "What you saw was the past. If I have to choose between saving the mother who abandoned me and you… I will choose you, Rey. I will choose you every time."

"If you truly cared for me the way you say, you would let me go. Let me be with my friends," she tried, her voice even while her mind twisted, trying to understand the man before her.

He shook his head simply at the suggestion. "I can't."

Pain shot through the bond, hitting them both. A sensation almost like nails clawing her scalp, as if talons were squeezing into her brain.

Rey doubled over, crying out. A gloved hand grabbed one of her hands, clutching it. He was beside her, his free hand gripping the side of his head in pain as well. He was crippled by it, too, but not as badly. Not if he could still reach out to comfort her. He was used to the pain, she realized with horror.

This was a routine for him.

The idea sickened her, even as she struggled to breathe and not scream.

"Bring me the girl, Kylo Ren," an insidious voice echoed in his head. Or was it her own? She couldn't tell where he began and where she ended anymore.

The claw increased for a brief moment then the pain subsided as quickly as it came.

Rey stayed in a kneeling position on the cool duracrete floor, panting from exertion. His hand flexed around hers, reassuring and warm. They didn't need to speak.

This was Snoke, she knew. The other voice in his head. The one he called Master now.

"Yes, I understand, Master Snoke," he said quietly, speaking to the air.

She felt the urge to run. To flee. Damn the Resistance, she had to get away from here. Away from the pain. Before it returned—before he returned.

A hand squeezed her own, calling her back. "Rey," his voice was soft, if not weary.

"I can't do this. I can't stay here."

"I'll protect you."

"You? You can't even protect yourself!"

She watched him close his eyes for a long moment. He looked old. Tired. Sad.

"Why you sad, Ben?" she asked, perching up on a tall rock beside the older apprentice. He was hunched over, his tall form slumped almost down to her size.

He regarded her carefully, almost warily. "Bad dreams, Kira," he said in that same soft, tired voice.

"Of what?"

"You wouldn't understand."

She wrapped her short arms around him as best she could. "Don't be sad, Ben. I'll protect you."

The older man, the Ben who was Kylo Ren, looked over at her, still crouched on the floor with her. He still held her hand and neither one made any move to break the connection. "Trust me," he said weakly.

"Come with me."

He shook his head. "I can't. You know it. That's just a taste of his power. There's nowhere in the galaxy I can go where he can't find me."

Those words echoed something he'd said to her earlier. About tracking her down.

It was in that moment she realized he was just as much a prisoner as she was. Perhaps even more so. He'd lost all hope. All Light. He'd surrendered to the darkness and to his fate. He'd sworn off his past and sworn an allegiance to the malevolent figure that was Supreme Leader Snoke. He was a slave to his Master. The same as she'd relied on Plutt for portions, Ren relied on Snoke to not live in agony.

"Let me help you…" she offered.

"You should run. While you still can."

"I can't run. We both know that."

His lightsaber run through her chest, his hand on the hilt, and her blood on his hands. Tears in his eyes as he begged forgiveness. A sick mockery of what happened to Han.

That was their fate if she tried to run. He would be forced to kill her.

"You could kill him," the voice she recognized from his mind whispered to her, inside her head. "It would be so easy. He probably wouldn't even resist you, scavenger."

He squeezed her hand. "Rey…"

"Did you…?"

"I heard him."

"I can't… I won't…" she said, shaking her head. She wasn't a killer. She wouldn't kill him. Not like this. Not at the behest of his master.

"Ben!"

"Careful!" he called, reaching out a hand to grab her arm just as she slipped on the slick rock in her bare feet. She let out a scream, but found herself level with the rock. He wasn't griping her with his hands, but he was right there.

She hovered a moment before he caught her with his real hands.

"You would be safe from me. I couldn't hurt you."

"You still want to kill me."

"No, I won't do it. I won't kill you," Rey said, shaking her head.

"You should. I've hurt so many people."

She stared at him, at the man she wanted badly to believe was a monster despite the evidence to the contrary. She should hate him. She should kill him.

But she didn't see Kylo Ren beside her. She didn't see Ren holding her hand. She only saw a sad, sacred Ben. A grown-up version of the boy. A prisoner of the First Order. A prisoner of Snoke himself.

Snoke was the true enemy. Ren was merely a pawn. Helpless to save himself, but desperate to save her from his fate.

"That night... When you woke me and hid me. Why did you do that? What were you trying to save me from?"

"Snoke," he said softly, weary. "Snoke wanted the Jedi gone. Eradicated. He made me help. He threatened you. He knew I cared about you."

She didn't speak, letting him tell their story. Their past.

"I was afraid he'd make me kill you. So I hid you. I wanted you safe. I didn't think about what to do after. What to do next. I just knew you had to be safe. That once the killing started... you would be safe. That you would survive."

"Ben! Ben!" she screamed, stumbling through the dead. The blood. The night chill cut right through her nightclothes. Pain, so much pain. She felt it. It had woken her up from sleep, woken her up in the small hiding place she once found with him.

She had to find him.

"Ben!" she screamed in anguish, tears in her eyes. "Come back! Ben!"

Don't leave me.

She jumped a bit at the memory. It was her own memory. Her own fears. That he might be dead. That he might have left her.

"Rey?" He squeezed her hand, staring at her worriedly.

"I'm fine. Just... just tell me what happened."

"Only a handful survived. No Force-sensitives except you, myself, and Skywalker. A few helpers were badly wounded. The students were slaughtered, many in their beds. A few tried to fight back, but they were overwhelmed."

"How many people did you kill?"

"You don't want to know the answer," he said quickly, unwilling to meet her eyes. He wanted his mask back. She could feel it.

"I do. Tell me."

His dark eyes, full of pain and sadness, looked at her. "Seven. I killed seven students. Over fifty died that night."

She felt a wave of relief. While he had killed, he wasn't the sole killer. He wasn't completely gone. There was still hope. And the part of her that was that little girl wanted to save him.

"If you only killed seven... who killed the rest?"

"Snoke's forces. Stormtroopers mostly. But I was blamed for it. Snoke used me to find the location of the temple. He made me give it to him."

"How?"

He hung his head. She felt the fear from him through the bond. "He hurt you, Rey. He made me hurt you."

"Show me."

He closed his eyes and she felt him in her mind. "You won't like it," his voice said in her head, the voice so similar to the boy he'd been.

"I have to know," she pressed.

"Are you sure?"

She grabbed his other hand, still siting awkwardly on the floor with him. "Yes. I have to know. Please… help me remember."

He looked at her, more lost boy than man, and let her into his head. There was no need to raise her hand to enter his mind. There was a well-worn path between their minds. Using her hand was a superfluous gesture with him.

Kira, bright, shinning and full of Light, waited for him. She smiled warmly, running up to him. He felt his lips turn into a smile in response, bending down toward her. She threw her arms around him, hugging him.

"Ben!"

He breathed in the warmth and Light from her. The sheer joy she felt when he was around. He'd tried to distance himself from her, but it hurt.

Not as much as the pain in his mind. He let out a choked yell, startling the girl. He let go of her, taking a step back. Snoke had never before made his presence known around her. He usually stayed far away from the girl.

"Ben!" she called, her voice was full of concern and worry. Fear.

He motioned for her to stay back, unable to speak as the pain hit again, stronger this time. Urging him to kill, maim, hurt, destroy the Light before him.

"No!" he let out, choking on the words as the air seemed to suffocate him. As he flailed around in his own mind, fighting for control.

Then he saw his hand whip out, saw it, not feeling it, and heard Kira scream. He watched her hit a tree with a sickening crack and something inside him broke.

"No!" he screamed, breaking free. Anger hummed through his veins and he lunged for her. He scooped up the small girl, cradling her unconscious form. "No, Kira…" he breathed, stroking her hair, willing her to breathe. To live.

The voice in his head was pleased. The voice in his head wanted the girl dead. He wanted her gone. She was Light. She was weakness. He belonged to the voice. The voice controlled him.

Rey pulled him back, pulled them both back, away from the pain and misery. She felt the pain from him, the anguish fresh from the old memory.

She squeezed his hand this time. "I'm right here. I won't leave you… Ben," she whispered.

She felt the rush of anger and uncertainty at the old name.

"Don't…"

"It's still your name."

"No…" He pulled his hand from hers as he stood up. "There's no Ben. Not anymore."

Rey felt the sadness then. He missed those days. When he'd still been Ben. When she had been there to take away the pain and darkness from his mind.

"What do I call you then?" she asked softly, still on the floor.

"Ren. Kylo Ren."

An unspoken 'Master' hung between them. A longing.

Her, on her knees, staring up at him, waiting instructions from the impassive mask.

His hands on her wrists, pinning her to a soft surface as his lips attacked her, hungry for more. To take. To claim. "Mine," he growled into her ear.

Dark eyes watching her as she stripped off a black tunic. Her hands trembling, not in fear, but desire.

Her name on his lips, like a prayer. "Rey…"

An inhuman screech of pain. "Rey!"

Her body crumpled at his feet, bloody and motionless. Her eyes open and unseeing. He let out a wordless, pained scream before falling to his knees beside her. He scooped her up and into his arms.

"Rey… Rey… Wake up. You have to… Rey!"

Tears, hot and fat, rolled down his cheeks as he rocked her limp body, warmth leaving it. He continued to speak, begging her to come back. To wake up.

"Rey!"

Ren was being torn in two. Not by the Light and the Dark. No, it was because part of him, the part that belonged to her, died. He felt it blacken and die. And the loss of her… it was part of him. He no longer felt her in his mind. She was gone, dead, leaving an empty hole where she'd once been.

His ray of Light, gone.

"Rey!"

She looked at him, fear flooding her. Snoke.

Author's Notes:

Well, that's certainly not how I thought this chapter was going to play out… but I like it. Yes, believe it or not, he's still holding back more about the night at the Academy. But Rey will remember that herself eventually.

The last piece was mostly dreams… and then one really bad nightmare. That little piece is brought to you by the events of my morning. (I'm home sick, mind you.) Basically, waiting to call out at a certain time, so I'm up and I hear my mom screaming, "She's hit!" and I go running downstairs thinking it's a person or a pet that's hit and it turns out some asshole speeding through our narrow residential street (going at least 40 in a 25) hit and killed our pet duck and didn't even slow down. He kept right on going.

Now, you're thinking, pet duck? What?

Lemme explain. I live by the water. Ducks are common here. Last year, a mama duck wandered into our backyard and laid eggs. They hatched in our backyard and we took care of them for several weeks. My dad built them an inground pool when they got too big for their water dish. (The pool was a very large plastic storage tub that he buried in mulch and filled with water.) We bought extra cracked corn and duck food and feed them several times a day. Mama duck was named "Baby" and one day she was ready to make the trip to the water. So we escorted them back down the road and watched them jump in the real water. And then we continued to come to the water twice a day for several weeks to feed the ducks. Baby knew her name and appeared when called for food. This continued until one day they didn't come when called. The numbers did dwindle (went from eight to six then maybe to four I believe, I would have to look at pictures and count) once they went into the wild.

So today, Baby came back looking to lay eggs. My dad was talking to her in the yard earlier, trying to convince her not to use the backyard this year (we have dogs) and she was hanging in the front yard with her mate.

Then a speeding asshole in a truck hit and killed her. She died instantly, thankfully, but her mate screamed his head off and kept nudging her, trying to get her to wake up. There is no sadder sound in the world than a duck quacking for his mate, screaming for them. Which led me right into Reylo hell, imagining Kylo losing Rey, seeing her dead beside him—alive one instant and dead the next—and screaming at her, screaming in pain.

So now that we're all crying, I'm going back to bed. Should have a new chapter up on Thursday.

Marina Mihawk – I went to reply to your review and you have PM turned off, so here's my response! Thank you so much! I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of the story.