A/N: Augh this chapter is just word-vomit about an adorable prompt and holy crap I love the idea of this but I have zero idea what I'm doing so yeah word vomit.

Lisp and I have been mulling (well, more like caps-lock squealing) over the idea of Soul and Black*Star raising kids. You know, the perils of nighttime screaming and diapers and all that jazz. Then, BAM, Sharkarella gives me the prompt "children/kids." It is fate.

So, this chapter is for Lisp! It also will probably have a part two sometime later on.


Children

He couldn't breathe.

He could barely open his eyes, for fuck's sake.

A decidedly uncool whimper slipped past Soul's clenched teeth. God, it was just rank. The air was thick with a stinging stench that burned his nose and eyes.

Cool guys did not have to change diapers. But where was Soul? Changing a fucking diaper. Figures.

Soul looked down to the writhing bundle of stinky filth on the table below him. The kid was cute. He was still wrinkly and pink and screaming (and also smelly), too young to really fit the "cute baby" archetype, but he had little wisps of ash blonde hair that were silky soft and sparkling green eyes that looked a little too smart for belonging to a baby. He was definitely Maka's kid. Soul was secretly relieved that the kid had not inherited his (luckily recessive) white hair or red eyes; they weren't exactly good for fitting in, and Soul had tolerated enough crap for it for the both of them.

But the problem now was not genetics.

Oh, no. Not something as simple and easy as genetics and pondering why babies were cute.

No. Soul had to change a motherfucking diaper. And he had no idea what to do. If cool guys, manly men, cried, Soul would be bawling his eyes out.

"Shit," he mumbled, and held his little bundle of hellspawn still. Where was the diaper bag? What did he do once he had the diaper bag? Where the hell was Maka? Why was being a dad so fucking difficult? His eyes shone in panic. Their kid was only a few weeks old, so Soul had not yet been exposed to diaper changing. He groaned. Why hadn't he asked Maka to teach him? It's not like he thought he'd be diaper-duty-free or anything...

And then suddenly, an idea came to Soul.

"Stay, still, you hear me?" mumbled Soul, his bottom lip gingerly held between his teeth. Amazingly, his child complied, laying still. "I just need a minute..."

Cell phone in hand, Soul paced beside the table. A quick speed-dial later and it was ringing. "Come on, dammit, pick up."

"Your god speaking! Calling to hear my wonderful voice? I don't blame you, the great Black*Star is the bes-"

"Black*Star! Oh, thank god." Soul breathed a sigh of relief, even though his friend was swinging full force with his eccentricity today. "I need your help, dude."

There was a moment of silence on the other end. "You... What? My help? You want my– I mean, of course you need my help, puny mortal! What can I do for you, dude? For, as you know, I can do anything!" It took all of Soul's willpower to not hang up on the egotistical meister.

He clenched his teeth and spoke. "How do you change a diaper?"

There was silence on the other end of the phone line for a good fifteen seconds before Black*Star responded.

"I'll be right over, dude."


A/N: There will eventually be a part two to this... I think. I've been rather busy with assignments lately, sorry everyone!